Contradictions

	My whole life, I've been living with voices. Two voices that are exactly the same continued to contradict each other, sometimes spouting out both things that made sense and didn't  as part of my everyday life. When I was a child, this always bothered and annoyed me, but I suppose that being bombarded with interruptions for years can become but mere background noise.

	"You aren't going to pass the finals, just give up," the voice said to me as I sat on the chair, preparing myself to study in my well-lit room. "It isn't going to work."

	"No! Don't give up," the same voice would say. "You're going to pass this. I believe in you."

	It had become comforting for a while. Every time the voice said something negative to bring me down, to discourage me, the same voice would always contradict it and say that I can do the things I can do. In a way, I got motivation in my everyday life; from despair to hope, I always bounced back.

	There were times that the things that the negative voice said came true, even if the positive voice had been encouraging me to be positive. I got disheartened, for a while, and then moved on. There were times that the positive voice was the one that's right this time, which provided me relief and joy as a side-reward for believing in myself. These voices may be annoying to the majority, but I've seen them in an optimistic way.

	But lately, things had changed…after I accidentally got myself in a cinch at my workplace, the negative voice had increased its volume. It's louder now, and more frequent. Normally, I wouldn't mind. The positive voice would always contradict it.

	I, however, felt worse about what the negative voice keeps saying. It disturbed me.

	"I'm sorry, but I think your performance has been…underwhelming, to say the least," my boss said. "You're bringing this company down."

	 The negative voice kept talking over my boss. "He's going to fire you, isn't he? It's all your fault for being half-assed at your job. You're completely worthless."

	"It's not true, he's not going to fire you," the meek positive voice said.

	I asked my boss what this meant. What a stupid question, of course - I was going to be fired.

	And of course, I was right.

	"You're such a dumbass. He's going to send people to kill you, you know. Just wait for it. You're the reason the company's going down. You can't even do things right," the negative voice said once again, and for the first time since I heard it, it laughed.

	"Don't listen to him," the positive voice said. Its voice was becoming quieter.

	Everyday, the negative voice kept talking to me, no matter what I did or where I went. "Your mother doesn't love you," it said. "If only you were aborted."

	The positive voice only slightly protested.

	It came to the point I couldn't do anything without hearing the voices. I couldn't answer the job interviewers properly. I couldn't talk to my parents anymore with the voices talking over them. All social communications were closed and out of the question, as only the voices kept talking to me.

	Eventually, all I could hear were the voices. The constant argument between pessimism and optimism. Imagine one person who kept shouting near your ears while he also kept whispering near it. That was how it felt. I kept suffering as I heard these voices in my head…and I couldn't take it anymore.

	I finally decided to kill myself.

	I bought the necessary materials and equipment, and prepared to hang myself. I stepped up to the stool and held the tied noose.

	"Do it. No one will miss you."

	"Please don't…"

	I didn't want to go to Hell. If I went to Hell, I would surely hear these voices again. So I prayed - prayed that this time, I'll go to Heaven and be happy there.

	Once I put the noose around my neck, I heard the voice one last time before I jumped.

	"There is no Heaven or Hell. Once you die, it will only be you and me."

	And there was no voice to contradict it this time.