The Fox of Pirate's Bay (I know it's Cove, so shut up)

Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcgvLiNYCcA (Beast of Pirate's Bay-Voltaire)

Gather weary guardsmen
I have a tale to tell
It might just save your lives, but only if you listen well
'cause there before the break room
And down the ol' hallway
There's a sign that says
"Beware the Fox of Pirate Bay"

Some say he's stolen from a rival company
He's made with a new found metal tougher than a tree
His teeth are deadly razors
His claws they are like knives
And if you think he's scary, just wait till you see his red eyes

Oh don't you run and don't you check and certainly don't you scream
'Cause if you do alert him, you'll be crushed hard by a beam
He'll cut you up, he'll eat your lobe. You better stay away
Heed the sign that says "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay"

Some say he's a robot that came straight from hell
To eat the brains of children if they don't behave well
Some say 'twas an accident, as for me I've got a hunch
'Cause they used to let in children there
But he ate them all for lunch

Oh don't you run and don't you check and certainly don't you scream
'Cause if you do alert him, you'll be crushed hard by a beam
He'll cut you up, he'll eat your lobe. You better stay away
Heed the sign that says "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay"

Radical Beamz, you've heard of him, he came to Pirate's Bay
It seems his fluffy tiger girl had nearly got away
He reached into the curtain to grab that tiger mom
There was a crunch, and a scream
Now that shitty OC can't play his Pokemon

Oh don't you run and don't you check and certainly don't you scream
'Cause if you do alert him, you'll be crushed hard by a beam
He'll cut you up, he'll eat your lobe. You better stay away
Heed the sign that says "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay"

Freddy the Fazbear. What a horrible surprise
With the bright imposing glow coming from his eyes
He saw the fox and now ya gotta be a goddamn schmuck
To be scared of Freddy now, because he's a blind ol' furry fuck

Oh don't you run and don't you check and certainly don't you scream
'Cause if you do alert him, you'll be crushed hard by a beam
He'll cut you up, he'll eat your lobe. You better stay away
Heed the sign that says "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay"

Now the restaurant is empty and there's only you and me
And, if you care, I'd like to share how this tale came to be
So come a little closer if you really want to know
This very sad and woeful tale happened so long ago
Well I was a janitor when I went to Pirate's bay
And there I saw a robot in such disarray
With exposed wires in his open chest and broken legs out wide
This mighty fox was in such pain I had began to cry
I pulled and I tugged, but he would not give way
I tried to drag him away from the lonely Pirate's Bay
All I could do to help him was to keep people away
So I wrote a sign... it said: "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay."

WHAT DID IT SAY?
Don't you run and don't you check and certainly don't you scream
'Cause if you do alert him, you'll be crushed hard by a beam
He'll cut you up, he'll eat your lobe. You better stay away
Heed the sign that says "Beware"
Hell, I should know, I put it there!
Heed the sign that says "Beware the Fox of Pirate's Bay"