The following excerpts from the Elder Scrolls are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a casuel would take anything written here as fact.
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Original post by Anonymous:
>be me
>be last month, in imperial city, at a bar
>pound back three bottles of cyrodiilic brandy
>snort a fat line of moon sugar
>feelsgoodman.png
>see an imperial grill at other end of the bar
>8/10 qt3.14, nice rack, tight ass
>usually a bit of a secunda, but wasted enough to masser the fuck up
>head over and tip my colovian fur helm
>"gosh, anon, i like your hat"
>fuckyes.jpg
>"m'lady, if you entertain the sight of this hat, i might only think you would lust after my /other/ hat"
>she sheds a single tear at my astounding poise and wit
>take her upstairs to my room
>we banged ok
>get woken up the next morning
>six imperial legionnaires in my room, one looks like a general or something
>grill nowhere to be seen
>"you're coming with us," says the general
>super fucking confused, and have a raging hangover
>"why, what'd i do?"
>"you raped my daughter"
>ofck
>fucking feminist bitch probably regretted it the morning after
>no idea what to say, so i just kind of stare at him
might post more if you s'witlords are interested
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Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
seems like this might be good, OP, continue
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Posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
>tip my colovian fur helm
holy shit op is a fargoth
>you raped my daughter
top fucking kek, might watch this thread
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Quoting previous post, posted by DibellaSparkles!nkxIlgfza:
>thinking rape is funny
>3E426+1
i mean i guess it's par for the course for a fucking daedra
and you sound like scum, op
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Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
MOAR OP PLZ!!11!1eleven!!!
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The next several posts are a back-and-forth exchange of low-quality snark and bait between namefargoths M0lagBallin and DibellaSparkles.
His pathetic attempts at alpha-ness and her desperate attention-whoring are both painfully obvious.
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Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
for fuck's sake you two should get a room and let op finish
also dibella tits or gtfo, you know the rules
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Posted by Anonymous:
[[The attached picture is a crudely-shopped reaction image of Orvas Dren laughing, with a glass of liquor in hand]]
k, i'll post the rest
>imperial general clubs me over the head
>wake up in a prison carriage next to a fucking catboy
>also some dunmer thug with one eye
>still hungover and feeling the need for some moon sugar
>don't even have my colovian fur helm
>feelsbadman.jpg
>look at the thug and ask him where the fuck we are
>"in a carriage, heading for morrowind."
>"why in oblivion are we going to morrowind"
>"fuck if i know, mer, i just beat up some kid for his sweetroll"
>awkward silence the rest of the way until we board a ship
>i'm exhausted so i pass the fuck out
>have some weird ass hallucination dream with a fucking cliff racer in it
>some bitch is saying i'm chosen
>wake up since sweetroll-thug is shaking me
>"wake up, you were dreaming. what's your name?"
>tell him my fucking name, since why try at this point
>this s'witlord starts laughing
>"what kind of name is 'Nerrvurrin'?"
>a little pissed, ask him what his name is
>"Ice Jiub."
>mfw
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Posted by SwagDaddySheo!97dsbnagna:
>ice-jiub
fucking 10/10
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Quoting previous post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
sure is summer in this thread
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Also quoting SwagDaddySheo's post, posted by NocturnalGoddess!sbabzzgjsf:
seriously, you're the cancer that is killing these scrolls
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Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
MOAR OP PLZ MY EYES ARE LITERALLY BLEEDING HERE
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Posted by Anonymous:
[[The attached picture is an image of a Senche-Tiger with its snout covered in white powder, captioned "KHAJIIT FUCKING LOVES THE SUGAR"]]
>anyway, end up in this backwater town called Seyda Neen
>have to explain to like six different retards that i'm actually a dunmer and do in fact have a penis
>some seventy year old pedophile even wants to know my birthsign
>tell him it's the serpent just to make him shut up
>these s'witlords release me for some fucking reason and tell me to deliver a package
>actually meet some fargoth named Fargoth, who acts exactly like a stereotypical fargoth
>i can't even make this shit up
>hop on the silt strider to get to civilization as quickly as possible
>end up in a city called Balmora, where the package recipient lives
>show up at his place
>mfw it's a shirtless, balding skooma-addict
>mfw there's moon sugar
>i knock this guy out then snort three fat lines
>wait for him to wake up, dump the package on him
>he's pretty pissed but gives me a bunch of gold and says i'm a blade
>"what the fuck is a blade"
>he explains that i'm now the emperor's secret agent
>don't bother to tell him i was thrown in jail for rape
i was honestly too high for the next couple of weeks to remember much beyond talking to a bunch of boring people and stabbing a few fetchers in a dwemer ruin
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Posted by Anonymous:
[[The attached picture is an image of a very stoned-looking dunmer male]]
>wake up in a monastery
>7/10 qt priest grill is telling me i'm some kind of chosen one
>lol whatever, k
>ask her if she wants to see my chosen one
>she's totally into it
>we banged ok
>didn't even need a colovian fur helm this time
>think to myself that all morrowind grills must be sloots
>i skip town before she wakes up and head to vivec city to find more moon sugar and bitches
>get really really trashed
>end up staggering into some palace with this catboy thief
>some twink is floating around inside
>looks surprised that we got past the lock
>catboy passes out
>i take his skooma and offer some to the floating ladyboytwinkthing
>it declines me
>think to myself that this is too fucking surreal
>might be a dream
>don't wake up
>oshit, lucid dreaming tho
>i imagine some more moon sugar into existence and snort it
>ask the twinkgirlboi if it wants to have sex because, hey, why not?
>it declines me again
>it tells me to gtfo before it throws me out
>masser the fuck up because this is my dream you s'witlord
>imagine the twink to death
>it's dead
>decide to loot the place, only find some gauntlet and a bunch of weird papers
>papers talk about some 'dagoth ur' fargoth
>papers talk about how vivec plans to kill him
>mfw i just imagined some god-twink to death
>remember it's just a fucked up dream
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Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
OP PLS I NEED MOAR NOW PL-
sfa;kgq3ghasgajSGADGHASGGAGAG
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Quoting the above post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
rofl he's blind
STAY #REKT MOTHFARGOTH
also,
>the floating ladyboytwinkthing
i fucked his ass once, it was 3/10
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Quoting the above post, posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
pics plz
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The next several posts form an image dump of frames from a Molag Bal/Vivec sex tape.
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Posted by Anonymous:
i fapped, but anyway
>read the documents and stuff, imagine that the twink was just jealous of this dagoth ur thing
>probably a hot trap
>head to red mountain and walk downstairs into this dwemer complex
>some dude in a gold mask is hanging out with some creepy old ash guys
>there's a weird heart-thing in a giant fake person
>one of these ash dudes has a shortsword, the other has a hammer
>they all give me the rapeface
>nope.jpg
>imagine them all to death too
>snort some fat lines of the moon sugar
>pretty fucking high at this point
>decide that it's a good idea to use the heart as a bongo and the sword and hammer as drumsticks
>bang around on it for a while
>suddenly it explodes
>whatthefuck.png
>giant fake person falls into the lava below
>realize that my hands are charred to the bone for some reason
>whatever, imagine that they're fine
>they're fine
>wandered around morrowind for a while until i found a scroll
>took me a while to figure out the jargon
>saw you s'witlords shitposting
>decided to post as well
so yeah, that's it.
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Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
8/10 story OP. you seem like a pretty cool dude.
should come hang out with me in Akavir and bang qt3.14 snake grills.
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Quoting the above post, posted by Anonymous:
cool, I'll imagine i'm there, just give me a sec.
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Subsequent image posts in the thread are of Sanguine, in the form of a Dremora, and a Dunmer male. They all involve obscene amounts of drugs and sexay-fein Tsaesci women. One is captioned, "u mirin n'wah?"