<p style="margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em;color:rgb(212,212,213);">This critique is part of my series of Comedic Critiques. Witty Funny and Insightful. View them by clicking</p>

<p style="margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em;color:rgb(212,212,213);">[http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Alstinson/Critiques HERE]</p>

<p style="margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em;color:rgb(212,212,213);">You know, I TOO found a lost episode once. Oh, It sure left an impact on me! It was STUPID, NON FRIGHTENING and HYPER UNREALISTIC! Unfortunately, it wasn't JUST one. I found a whole slew of them here on the wiki, and unfortunately, they're not going away! </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I get why these aren't getting expunged. They're part of Creepypasta history. Similarly, they don't get rid of old Tom and Jerry episodes for the same reason. Albeit containing racism, it is ancient artistry, and destroying it isn't the answer either. That was the gist of Whoopi Goldberg's take. That aside, it won't change, COMMENTARY.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Opinion WILL be expressed because people have to reflect, reflect on the horrendous quality of a product if they don't agree, or are disgusted by it. And with Lost Episodes, that's an understatement! Pearl.avi!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Where [http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Squidward%27s_Suicide Squidward's Suicide] was stupid and badly written, this one is even MORE [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgzD3qMZIWs unacceptable]. BAD writing, TERRIBLE setup, and more CAPITALIZING to piss Michelle off. (refer to my Critique for The Croaking in the Wall)</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I know what you're saying, "Squidward's Suicide is the worst! It set the standard for Lost Episode cliches, and coined the God-Awful "Hyper Realistic" phrase." Well, I'll agree that one is atrocious, it's not hard for me to admit that about ANY Lost Episode! But at least Squidward's Suicide had moments of being plausible. The setup was honestly possible, and it had some decent writing BEFORE-</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">(Brick CRASHES through Window)</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Sorry Michelle! Read a Lost Episode sometime, see how you feel!  </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Michelle: Not on your life! You wailing psychopath!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Sorry guys, we better keep it down. It had decent writing before things got stupid. With Pearl.avi, they waste no time getting to the bad writing!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Assuming you could buy a ticket to Nickelodeon's Animation Studio, imagine bumping into a dazed and confused STEPHEN HILLEN-(Shifts eyes) stephen hillenburg! </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Plausibility Levels: %100 - %0</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Ho-ho! Don't lower your plausibility levels so low, so soon! It gets better! </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">After the character bumps into Stephen Hillenburg, knocking him over, he drops something. Hillenburg, in a state of nervousness and regret, leaves the scene seemingly without conscious understanding of what just happened. Seems like he really regrets handing SpongeBob over to Paul Tibbitt. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Really though, it's just a cheap way for the Main Character to uncover what he dropped, what caused him the distress. A video tape. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">A video tape?! My gosh! Whatever could be on that tape?!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I know, I know! I'm dragging it out. BUT, that is EXACTLY what they do in the story, too! They have this character take the tape home via airplane, while they imagine long and hard about what the contents might be. The tape is then converted to a DVD, WASTE OF FUCKING TIME, and the Narrator discovers a single file on the disk when it's inserted into the computer.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Now, here's where things get interesting. No, not the episode itself-Ooops! Spoilers. No, that the file on the DVD is called, "Pearl.avi". I'm no technological expert, or whatever you call it, but I'm pretty sure a file originally extracted from a VHS TAPE, wouldn't have a name! </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">The file is revealed to be a Lost Episode of the animated show, SpongeBob SquarePants. Funny, I thought [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOMN89dpKHc THIS] was the only Lost Episode. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I hate to admit it, but the writing goes from being hilariously bad Creepypasta writing, to fairly bad, almost decent Fanfiction writing. Which arguably is ALL Fanfiction. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">The Lost Episode's beginning is interesting, as it begins the story of SpongeBob investigating a mystery in the Krabs family. Okay, not too interesting, still it's nice that nothing is blurry, or hyper realistic. It's format simply appears as an unaired SpongeBob episode, and at those parts, it's not THAT bad. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">But, SIGH, that ONE positive thing, is thrown away for lame reveals and forced writing. Mr. Krabs reveals to SpongeBob that Pearl is adopted, and he can't break the news to her, as it'll break her precious little heart! What's he gonna do?! (sobs hoarsly)</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I know, lame reference. It's actually how Mr. Krabs explains it. He reasons it would be too much coming from her Dad, but not an unrelated Fry Cook. Hmmm... Plausibility Levels?</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">%0 - %-1</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Speaks for itself. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">If Mr. Krabs knew that coming from her Father, this news would be earth shattering, how in his head did he see it any better, coming from SpongeBob?! You know what that would do, if SpongeBob told her the truth? People would mistake her for a Planetarium! </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Wait... What do I mean, by that? I... don't know. But he can't tell her, Mr. Krabs! It would give her the worst impact from the news!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Upon discovering the news, Pearl rushes to her father in a fury of confrontation. In a powerful, yet painful climax, he reveals-</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Okay, okay! Stop right there! C'mon! Who's still taking me seriously?! Huh?! Who is reading THIS, and not laughing out loud?! I don't even have to write any comedy in this review, THIS IS HILARIOUS!</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">I mean, this is what I mean when I say, no matter how well planned out the story is, a Lost Episode is doomed to fail. It takes a world that we already know is light hearted fiction, and presents such with serious mystery and horror. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPvjnGUvbOs Nuff Said.]</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">The hyper realistic touch comes when Mr. Krabs explains that he found Pearl, when he discovered the remains of her mother. She was a carcass being devoured by vultures. In the midst was Pearl.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">The Main Character is so heart broken, he is driven to tears. I'm sure we can all take that [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL__XjZyThs description] seriously. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Pearl herself is driven to suicide, by jumping off a cliff. SpongeBob tries talking her out of it, but she questions how he would feel, to discover he never knew his actual parents. Pearl then falls and breaks her neck, hyper realistically I'm guessing. </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">SpongeBob cries humuorously and questions Neptune's motives for killing her off at such a young age. The part they leave out is when SpongeBob becomes an Ath-Sea-ist.  </p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">In an ending that will further roll your eyes, The main character discovers someone robbed him of his Lost Episode, so he can't upload proof of his claim. Don't worry! We'll take your word for it.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Apparently he was able to give us a screenshot, a screenshot that in no way, was featured on an [http://uploadsociety.com/video_v92712 episode], before.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">It was stupid. A perfect example of a Lost Episode. While the portion that captures the creativity of SpongeBob is decent, I still use that term lightly. MOST EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE. The story is laughable, the mystery is bland and unfocused, the wrapup in both the Lost Episode and outside of it is just thrown together! A PERFECT Lost Episode, a TERRIBLE read. 2/10</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">Let's check our Plausibility Levels.</p>

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">%-1 - %-100 Computers don't lie.</p>


So we all know SpongeBob, right? The little yellow sponge who's always laughing, smiling, annoying his neighbor, and just all-around being a goofy character with a starfish by the name of Patrick who is his best friend.

Well now that we have the introduction all settled I'd like to let you all know that I have, or rather ''had'', a very rare copy of a SpongeBob episode written by none other than Steven Hillenburg. While roaming Nickelodeon studios in June 2008, let me tell you, that the tickets to get in were NOT easy to get. Anyway, I ran into Mr. Hillenburg in one of the main areas of the studio. No literally. I ''ran'' into him. See, I kind of snuck into a high security area and well, I ended up alerting guards and you get the gist. After bumping into him, I apologized. Mr. Hillenburg looked as though he was in a daze. I waved my hand in front of him but he continued onward past me. This made me a little uneasy. Once he walked away I spotted something on the ground where I had bumped into Hillenburg.

It was a video tape. It didn't have anything of discernible title nor of anything remotely close to what the video was about. No sticker, nothing on the inside of the film protector, anything. I picked it up and ran very quickly out of the lot. About a week later after my initial journey by plane back to Chicago, I remembered that I still had the tape.

Seeing as I had a VHS to DVD burner that I got for Christmas last year I decided to get a blank DVD-R disc and put it into the DVD side of the burner and the video inside of the VHS side. After about 30 minutes or so, it popped out the disc and video. I think that's what they're supposed to do when a disc is done burning. Anyway, I popped the DVD into my computer, autoplay popped up of course because I had modified my computer to do so, I decided to look in the folder for it. There was a movie file that went by the name of “Pearl.avi”. Pearl? I then double clicked the movie file as Windows Media Center popped up. "''Are you ready kids?''" "''Aye aye captain!''", it was a SpongeBob episode! I thought to myself "Ooh! I haven't seen this show in so long!" SpongeBob was one of my favorite shows as a 10 year old and hearing the nasally laughter of the sponge would make my ears absolutely sing with joy - well, metaphorically of course. So as the title of the episode came up I noticed something odd. There was no title to the episode. It just skipped right into the episode.

It showed the three things I knew and loved about SpongeBob, the three main houses. The pineapple, the Easter Island head, and the rock with an antenna on it. I smiled with nostalgia as I heard SpongeBob's laughter echoing through the computer speakers. SpongeBob was watching a TV show on his little diver helmet TV. About 5 seconds after the scene transitioned into SpongeBob's house, and Pearl, Mr. Krabs' daughter, bursts through SpongeBob's door, breaking the door down as she does so. She is seen sobbing hysterically in a comedic manner, you know, mini waterfalls coming out of her eyes. SpongeBob begins to walk over and ask Pearl, "What's wrong?"

Pearl replies, "Oh SpongeBob! It's terrible! Daddy won't talk to me! He hasn't said a single word to me all day! He just sits in his bedroom looking down at the floor sighing."

SpongeBob replies back to her in a bit of a heroic way, "Mr. Krabs? That seems weird… Don't worry Pearl! I'll go talk to him!"

"You will, SpongeBob?" Pearl replies with a looking of happiness on her face. SpongeBob then nods. Pearl is seen hugging SpongeBob and saying, "Thanks SpongeBob! You're the coralest!"

The screen transitions with bubbles coming up to SpongeBob nearing the giant anchor that Mr. Krabs and Pearl live in saying, "Cool, huh? Ch-Cha!" and you hear a Jazz trumpet chorus playing a chord as SpongeBob is seen doing a comedically cool stance and look. He then knocks on Mr. Krabs' door. We then see Mr. Krabs' claw quickly grab SpongeBob and pull him into his home. "SpongeBob me boy. Ah'm glad yer here. I have ter tell yer somethin'."

"What is it, Mr. Krabs?" Spongebob asks.

"It's… It's about Pearl. You see she' - She's…"

SpongeBob, confused by Mr. Krabs' stammering asks, "She's what, Mr. Krabs?" A grim look comes upon Mr. Krabs' face, "She's… adopted, me boy…" SpongeBob gasps, "Adopted?!". A claw grabs SpongeBob's lips as they're seen being comedically stretched forward. "Shh! She might be out there listenin'! Now me boyo… I want you to tell her she is adopted… I… I can't do it." Tears begin to well up in Mr. Krabs' eyes, "I just can't…" SpongeBob looks shocked at this, "B-but Mr. Krabs! I can't do that! It would break her fragile heart!" "SpongeBob! That's an order!" Mr. Krabs says with sadness and frustration in his eyes. "Y-yes sir!", said SpongeBob whilst he saluted and began to run out panting.

I, at this point, was starting to get a bit uneasy. This wasn't the SpongeBob SquarePants I knew back in the day. This was something else… something more adult. Now even though I liked more adult stuff, this episode just made me really uneasy. Telling someone they're adopted is not an easy task. Trust me. Horrid results when it's told to you by means of someone whose parents told you to tell that person. The last time I had to do that, I had to coax someone out of committing suicide. Anyway, back to the episode. The screen transitions again back to SpongeBob's house where Pearl is seen sniffling as SpongeBob pops his head into the busted doorway. Pearl looks up and immediately is overjoyed to see SpongeBob.

"SpongeBob!” she calls out with an excited tone, "Did you find out why Daddy won't talk to me?" SpongeBob says timidly as he clears his throat, "Y… Yes… I-I did." Pearl says in a concerned tone, "What's wrong SpongeBob?". We then hear SpongeBob's thoughts, "What do I do? Should I tell her? Or should I lie to Mr. Krabs? No… lying wouldn't do a thing. Mr. Krabs would probably dock my pay to half a penny a day if I did that." This made me do a small chuckle as I knew Mr. Krabs as a cheapskate. My chuckle fell silent as I heard SpongeBob just outright say, "Pearl, I don't know how to tell you this but… you're… adopted…"

Pearl's eyes opened wide and both SpongeBob and I cringed. I then heard a laugh coming from the computer's speakers. It was Pearl's laugh. "That's a good one SpongeBob! But really, why won't Daddy talk to me?" "Pearl, it's the truth. Mr. Krabs had me come over here to tell you." "What? No… you're lying!", Pearl then slaps SpongeBob very realistically and storms out of the house. We then see Pearl walking up to the front door with tears in her eyes furious as she pushes open the door forcibly.

She sees her father and, holding back tears, "Daddy, please tell me that it's not true. Please tell me SpongeBob is lying.” Mr. Krabs begins to tear up and in a shaky voice tells Pearl, "Yes, 'tis true. When you were a baby and while I was out scroungin' around with me metal detector near the outskirts of Bikini Bottom lookin' fer loose change, I stumbled upon you and yer Mother. Or what were left 'o her after the scallops got to her."

[[Image:Capture.jpg|thumb|A picture of Mr. Krabs finding pearl]]

It then transitions to a flashback sequence which to this day makes me cringe. It showed Pearl's mother's eyes gouged out with one hanging, her tongue out and somewhat chewed off, her fins only bone, her ribcage skin ripped off revealing decaying muscle, and her throat had a hole in it showing the larynx, windpipe, and esophagus. I turned away at this point still listening. “I found yer mother layin' there, morbidly decayed, when I heard a cryin' comin' from nearby. The cryin' was you. It looked like you had just come outta yer Mother. I scooped ye up, took ye home, and cleaned ye up. I kept ye around fer a good 16 years. I felt it were better to tell ye now when yer old enough ta understand.”

I started crying at this precise point. This became too adult. Too real for the happy little show I used to know and love. I wanted to click the X in the top right corner but I just couldn't turn away. Pearl ran out crying. Not the comedic tears either, these looked realistic. Almost human.

"SpongeBob, me boy! Go after 'er! These tiny legs won't catch up to 'er! Please, boyo!" SpongeBob nodded and began to run after Pearl calling her name. Pearl began to run faster and SpongeBob began to struggle keeping up with her. Pearl stopped at the top of a high coral cliff, turned around, and told SpongeBob, "Stop!" She put a fin out, "Do you know what it's like to not know your mother? To be with some creepy crustacean all your life thinking he's your dad even though you two look completely different? I mean… how can a crab have a sperm whale for a child?" Pearl's voice was getting very shaky, she was ready to start sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't think you do. To be lied to all your life, to not know your true family. I don't want to be lied to anymore!"

Pearl then began to proceed to fall backwards into the seemingly endless chasm. SpongeBob yelled out, "''Wait, Pearl!''", and ran down the cliff slope where he had just ran after Pearl. He ran as fast as he could but couldn't get down to the bottom before he heard a loud, disgusting crack. I even cringed at the sound. It sound like a bone snapping in two. As SpongeBob approaches Pearl, she is seen face up with her head violently pushed to the side. Her neck had snapped right in two. Her eyes were a gray-blue now and were about as soulless as any person who had succumbed to death.

SpongeBob walked up to her silently, his shoes no longer making that funny squeaking sound. He dropped to his knees realistically next to her corpse and began to sob humanly and uncontrollably. He hugged the corpse, looked up to the sky, and began saying, "Why, Neptune? Why? She was too young! Why?!" This caused me to sob right along with the sponge. The episode then cut to black and was finished. I couldn't believe it! Why would Hillenburg make such a demented and depressing episode?! I went to bed after this. The next day after coming home from work, I planned to extract the episode onto my hard drive and put it on YouTube in about 2 parts. It was a 15 minute episode of course.

When I got home, I saw everything was a mess. Papers were everywhere, my TV was gone, my computer and its accompanying tower, mouse and any USBs I had in it were gone, and my VHS to DVD burner was gone. "Oh shit… I've been robbed. Where's the video? Where is it?", I said as I began to look for the video that contained the episode. I couldn't find it. That was the only VHS tape I had in my possession and I guess the robbers figured it'd be worth money. I kinda figured as well too. So, suffice to say, I'm unable to provide a video of the source. I apologize and hope you'll all heed my warning of picking up any strange tape in a famous studio lot after bumping into a famous cartoon writer. I don't think anyone will seeing as suicidemouse.avi was up on YouTube. Once again, let this story be a warning to picking up strange tapes. You never know what you're going to end up watching.
[[Category:"Lost Episodes"]]