As meek as a lamb....?

As meek as a lamb....?

by Haht

-Good morning, I'm Doctor Wiseacre. Make yourself comfortable. So, tell me, please, what makes such a nice and handsome man upset? - a psychologist greeted me kindly as I was sittin down on a nice cozy sofa in front ov 'im.
-Ohh, mornin Doc. I'm Haht. Well, it's a pretty long and crazy love story... - I explained.
-I guess that we have some time... - 'e peeked in to 'is notebook - ...oh, not too much, an hour, as you paid for. So, try keeping it brief...
-I'll make it. So, as I said, me name is Haht and I'm a 'igh Priest. I live in Rachel in a lovely 'ouse wif me 12 beloved daughtas. It was...
-A priest with 12 daughters?! - 'e wondered.
-Ohh, yes... dat's a different story, I was married long time ago, before I became a priest, but we ain't 'ave time to explain dat...
-One extra hour is only 1000 zeny. - he suggested greedily.
-Ohh, not really, I got only 20 zeny left... maybe next time...So, as I was sayin, it was  a lovely winta day, I was takin a walk in Gonryun when I noticed me daughta sittin wif two strangers. Of course, as a good fatha, I 'ad to check 'o was it. When I approached, me daughta, Eah, introduced me to 'er new friend, Ela and … - I sighed - ...'er mum, ovca, a young promisin wizzard. Ohhh, Docta, you should ov seen 'er! Beautiful eyes like stars, long 'air soft like silk and dat gorgeous smile! Me 'eart stopped for a second... Naturally, dey asked me to join dem. Well, dey were quite surprised when dey found dat a priest was a father ov deir new mate, so...
-As I am! - 'e cut in – it's only 1000 zeny for an extra hour, a special offer today! – 'e persuaded greedily.
-No, no, no... sorry Doc, I ain't got no dough! Well... Where was I? Ahh, yes! So, we were sittin there, talkin 'bout the latest mob 'untin, when Ela suggested I could ov be 'er new daddy!
-What? Just like that? - Doctor was surprised.
-Well, yeah... Ela is a quite direct and … uhmm, bafflin, let's say. Obviously, we were pretty shocked, but I looked at ovca and she was all blushin! Ela played our matchmaka den! It was pretty late, so she suggested dat I could ov support dem on de next 'untin. I agreed. And so it all was, we were spendin lots ov time togeder since den, she told me, dat 'er name meaned a lamb... and I don't even know when I fell in love wif dat sweet lamb! I ain't could eat, pray, fink nor nofin! I was finkin 'bout 'er all de time!
-You were in love! You should be happy!
-I was! But she made a fool ov me... It was de Valentine's Day when I decided to tell 'er 'bout me feelinz. I went to Moscovia Dungeon to get a beautiful witherless rose for 'er. I risked me life for 'er! Later, same day, I met 'er in Gonryun, I gave 'er de rose and told 'er me feelinz. I fink, she was embarrassed. She said she liked me much as well... so I proposed! But she ain't aggreed. I felt like somebody stabbed me 'eart wif a knife! I did tried to explain 'er 'ow much I loved 'er, but she ain't listened. I was so upset, I went to Morroc, to Assasin's Club to grab a drink... After a few, I called 'er... Ahhh, don't gimme dat look, Doc! I was drunk as heck and I called 'er... It ain't was a good idea. I called 'er names. Me Gods, I was so drunk... Later, Ela, 'er daughta, came in sayin dat mum was cryin beacause ov me. And I was dere crying because ov her! Ela 'elped me to leave de Club. I told 'er not to worry and assured I still loved me Sweet Lamb. On me way 'ome, I met de Archbishop and 'e said dat 'e needs me to go wif 'im for a pilgrimage to Sograt Desert. Well, I 'ad me duties as a Priest and I ain't could say no to me fellow mate. And 'onestly, I needed some time to fink it all over. I went to church to get sober and pray. I called me Sweet Lamb to tell 'er, dat I was goin far away for a year... She promised to wait for me. We set off early in de mornin.
-I see. - said Doc looking at 'is watch. - Please, carry on. What was after?
-De journey was long and tryin. De Archbishop told me, dat we needed to find de Nemesis, a powerful Holy Staff dat could of help us to fight wif De Evil. We travelled across de desert, sun was blazin, we ran out of water and got lost... Me pal was exhausted, I sat 'im down by ruins ov some wall and tried to revive 'im. But den, all ov de sudden, I 'eard ov some noise. As I turned around, dere was Incarnation of Morroc lookin at me ready to atack at any second!
-Ohhh my! - Doc was shocked.
-I took ov me rod. Blessed myself and slowly approached it... It screamed appallingly and rushed towards me. Wif just one move, it threw me in to de air, I hit de ground and ain't could to move. Den I saw it movin towards de Archbishop. I stood up, I staggered on me feet, swayin a little... I prayed to Gods for deir blessin, raised me rod and pointed on de beast... I rushed towards it, screamin de names of Gods, I hit it wif all me power! - I stopped dere, as I realised I was standin on da sofa, pretendin to fight. - Oh, sorry Doc...
-Well, I guess, you got quite excited... Sit down and carry on, please. - 'e asked and blinked 'is eye.
-I defeated it! I took de Nemesis and fainted... I dreamt 'bout de fight and my beloved Lamb... I woke up much later in a bed. I got up and went outside. Dere was a Taekwon Boy meditatin. I asked 'im what happened and 'e said, 'e saw me fightin wif de Monsta, 'e saw me faintin, so 'e rushed to 'elp togeder wif his pal. Dey brought us 'ome and aided. Both agreed, dey never saw anyone defeatin de Monster on deir own. So I became deir hero. Dey even made me a Fun Club! Dey wanted me to be deir master...
-Your followers? - Doc asked concerned.
-Yeah... kinda... As we recovered, we set back to Prontera. I left me pal and de Nemesis and decided to go to Gonryun to buy some sake. Me young learners 'appened to 'ave deir meetin dere. So I stayed wif dem, tellin me story when.... me Sweet Lamb came wif me daughta. Me 'eart stopped as I saw 'er, but treid to be ql. We 'ad some sake and vodka together...
-Seems like, you drink too much... - 'e noted.
-Uhmmm, no,it's just from time to time... ohh, come on! Uhh, nevermind. We all got drunk, me followers started bein jellous 'bout 'er, Emyr called 'er unworfy ov me company... She got mad, very mad... called us all bigots and went away. Ela found out, dat she went to Ice Dungeon alone. I ain't got time to fink, I went to rescue 'er!
-What a romantic sacrifice! - Doc was fascinated.
-But I failed... I came too late, she was surrounded by Ice Titans... I ain't could 'elp, they defeated me, as I was layin down dying, she kneeled next to me... and whispered 'I love you'...
-But here you are! All alive! - Doc was surpriced.
-Yes... Ela resurected us... we lost our memories den... she told us, dat we were 'er parents! What a chicky girl! So, we fell in love again, ain't rememberin anyfin... After dat, we went to Comodo for a vacation... We were so happy! So in love! You should ov seen us den! We were de 'apiest people in de world! But slowly our memories returned... She said, she hated me for leavin 'er alone... She broke my heart once again... And again everyfin was ruined... What do you fink, Doc? Is dere any chance for us? Will we eva be 'appy togeder? After all dat... I even tried wif Truth Serum to find out if she still loves me... - I cried like a baby...
-Poor you... This is a very complicated and complex problem... And I am affraid that we won't solve it with just one session. Book another apointment, lets say in a week and we will try to sort it out, my dear, dear Haht. By the way, how may I join Haht's Funclub? - 'e asked. I've seen de shine in 'is eyes...
-What de heck? - I was shocked.
-Ohh, your time is gone, my dear Haht. See you in a week? Don't want to hear you saying no!
-Yeah... c u Doc. - I went out ov 'is office, what a strange Doc! I guess, dis is me luck, I attract strange guys... I took ov me pocket da photo ov me beloved, sweet Lamb and me we took in Comodo... I smiled, sighed and kissed 'er. I really 'ope, dat dis stubborn and not so meek at all woman will love me some day...

- THE END -