- alias randomslap {
- set %moo $rand(1,34)
- if (%moo == 1) describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a large bonecrusher mallet
- if (%moo == 2) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a alarm clock
- if (%moo == 3) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a small Banana
- if (%moo == 4) describe $chan slaps $$1 with his very own hand
- if (%moo == 5) describe $chan throws a keyboard at $$1
- if (%moo == 6) describe $chan sends hordes of lemmings over $$1
- if (%moo == 7) describe $chan slaps $$1 around with 9nuclear 6waste
- if (%moo == 8) describe $chan discovers $$1 $+ 's picture at uglypeople.com
- if (%moo == 9) describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a 500lb C++ manual
- if (%moo == 10) describe $chan sneezes in $$1 $+ 's face
- if (%moo == 11) describe $chan burns $$1 $+ 's house down
- if (%moo == 12) describe $chan 6slaps $$1 with a 4R12A9I8N4B6O13W6 trout
- if (%moo == 13) describe $chan makes $$1 fuck an old granny.
- if (%moo == 14) describe $chan straps a bomb onto $$1 and drops him off a plane
- if (%moo == 15) describe $chan hits $$1 with an iron bar
- if (%moo == 16) describe $chan kills $$1
- if (%moo == 17) describe $chan pushes $$1 off a cliff
- if (%moo == 18) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a big ass paddle
- if (%moo == 19) describe $chan blows the crap out of $$1
- if (%moo == 20) describe $chan shoves a big turd in $$1 $+ 's mouth and screams "EAT IT!"
- if (%moo == 21) describe $chan rapes $$1
- if (%moo == 22) describe $chan glues $$1 $+ 's face to the wall
- if (%moo == 23) describe $chan lets $$1 meet with his biggest fear, the yellow duck.
- if (%moo == 24) describe $chan kicks $$1 with his yellow duck
- if (%moo == 25) describe $chan throws his yellow duck at $$1
- if (%moo == 26) describe $chan moos at $$1 in several hues.
- if (%moo == 27) describe $chan gives $$1 a cookie
- if (%moo == 28) describe $chan shakes hands with $$1
- if (%moo == 29) describe $chan smashes $$1 into a hospital with his Bonecrusher Mallet
- if (%moo == 30) describe $chan ends $$1 $+ 's life with a Bonecrusher Mallet
- if (%moo == 31) describe $chan handcuffs $$1 with some nice fury handcuffs! (you`re my bitch now)
- if (%moo == 32) describe $chan gets the hand of God and blows $$1 into the oblivion. Long Live CA!
- if (%moo == 33) describe $chan gets the Miffin red case and sprays Nopol all over $$1 $+ !!
- if (%moo == 34) describe $chan hires a club of gays to abuse $$1 to death.
- }