Sir Cheese, Knight of Grammar

	Cheese frowned up at the desert sky. The sun was only just beginning to rise over the lonely western outpost of pony Equestrian Civilization, the morning after he'd brought some good cheer to the folks of the town below. The towns of the Badlands needed a good cheer occasionally, and he was taking the opportunity to get off the radar for a while. His reputation in Equestria had grown, ironically thanks in part to his nomadic ways having spread tales of his prowess far and wide, and he needed some time apart from that. He had needed to prove to himself that it was Cheese Sandwich who could party like no other, and that ponies weren't simply caught up in the legend of his being there. He needed to prove to himself that he deserved them. Plus, most other places ponies looked at you funny for wearing a poncho, he thought with a grin.
	But it was his isolation now that had been causing him such confusion. The dark spot moving in front of the morning sun was getting bigger, and assuming the shape of a pegasus with wings, heading right for him no less. Cheese removed his sombrero and scratched his head, wondering who it could possibly be that would know that he was in the Badlands as the shape grew larger and more distinct. And then it hit him. Or she did, rather.
	"Derpy Hooves, Royal Courier, at your service!" chirped the pegasus mare happily, once she had untangled herself from Cheese's various appendages and accordion straps. "Bearing a letter for a Mr. Cheese Sandwich!”
	“That's me all right!” said Cheese. He didn't often get mail- actually, he never got mail, but he loved getting it anyway.
	The mare dug in her saddlebags and emerged with a frown. "Um, hehe, just a second..." She stuck her head in the other bag and rooted around for a bit. Cheese took the time to wonder what a mailmare would be doing with bubbles for a cutie mark. The mare turned around and looked sheepishly at Cheese, blushing hotly. "Um. I, uh, I think I might have dropped it somewhere," she said, elongating the "might." "It'll be just a second, I'm sure it's here somewhere..." She started looking in the first bag again, and before Cheese could think about telling her she'd already looked there, he spotted the envelope on the ground where she'd crashed into him.
	Derpy looked up, her eyes watering and lip quivering. "I am so, SOO sorry mister, it's my first job as Royal Courier and I- I just don't know..." Cheese snapped his hooves suddenly and grinned.
	"Ah, there it is! Thank you so much, Madam Hooves!" He reached over to Derpy's face and pulled the envelope out of her ear. Derpy's mouth dropped open and her left eye drifted out of alignment.
	"How did you...? Ah, ahem! Yeah, that's where I always put important letters!" said Derpy. Cheese nodded in approval.
	"Smart! That's the last place anybody would look! Now, let's see..." Cheese started tearing open the envelope. "We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, I wonder who it's from..." He pulled out the paper inside to reveal a very fancy piece of paper, with light gold leaf on the side. He unfolded it, cleared his throat, and began to read aloud. He unconsciously affected a fancy voice as he did so:

	"Dear Mr. Sandwich,
	It is I, Princess Twilight Sparkle from Ponyville. You may have remembered me from Rainbow Dash's birthday party, at which you made friends with many of my other friends. However, the favor I have to ask of you today is not one related to partying, but one of the public service at large. As you probably noticed, I have wings, and as a Princess of the Equestrian state it is in my authority to appoint Knights to serve the Common Good of Equestria. I have been looking for a suitable Knight to serve my cause for some time now, and it has just now occurred to me to ask you,-”
	(In crayon, there was written a small note: "because Pinkie reminded me! Hi Cheese! It's
Pinkie!" Cheese smiled.)
	 “-you, who I know is an able and virtuous stallion of great renown. Please, join me in helping
prevent the spread of word crimes in Equestria!
	If you accept, you shall become my Knight, and will be free to roam as you please. However, your mission shall be to find and correct any grammar, spelling, semantics or syntax errors you may encounter during your travels. In exchange, you shall receive the title of a Knight of Equestria, a copy of Stud & Wicker's Guide to Style, and a big red pen.
							Yours in Friendship and Literacy,
									Princess Twilight Sparkle."

	Cheese looked down at the letter and raised an eyebrow. He didn't think much about all the additional rights and responsibilities, but to let an opportunity for new things slip away was unlike him. He looked up at the mailmare, who had been sitting patiently, apparently looking in two different directions at once in the meantime, completely at peace.
	Cheese asked, "Does it come with a sword? Knights usually have swords, right? Swords are
really cool."
	Derpy started, and sat at attention. "Um, I think so. You want me to tell her yes, but only
if you get a sword?"
	Cheese thought about it for only a second. "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that!"
	"Right on!" Derpy saluted smartly and took off in a cloud of dust. Cheese sat down to wait, and about twenty minutes later, a very bedraggled looking mailmare appeared in the sky once again. Cheese blew a tube attached to his saddlebags, and an inflatable mattress popped out. He quickly maneuvered it to underneath the incoming pegasus. After a much more comfortable but much bouncier landing, Derpy rolled off the mattress and addressed him.
	"Hello again, Mr. 'wich!" she said brightly, and pulled a package out of her bags and
tipped her hat. "Have fun being a Knight!" And she wooshed off again.
	Cheese thoughtfully unpacked the box, which contained, as promised: a shiny certificate that decreed Cheese Sandwich a Knight of the Realm (which Cheese thought about eating, but decided against and just stowed it); a tiny white hoofbook labeled "Stud & Wicker's 8th Edition," which Cheese stowed in his hair for safekeeping; and a very impressive red quill, along with a jar of bright ink. Cheese swallowed, picked it up, and stuck it behind his ear. It felt... right.
	There was also a little scratchily written note in there that claimed that the only thing Twilight had on hand at the moment was a letter opener, but that she'd try and get a sword out as soon as she could find one. He ate that instead of the knightly certificate. The sword wasn't a big deal anyway.
	With his new equipment in hoof and his title securely stowed in not-his-stomach, Cheese ventured backwards, to the city he had just been in. He knew just where to start, and with the sun almost entirely into the sky, he didn't have much time before it was too late.

	That morning, the proprietor of Groceries & Fine Cowpony Bandanas awoke to a splitting headache. That party last night... he smiled to himself despite the throbbing in his head, remembering the pretty mares he had found himself dancing with. That Cheese Sandwich fellow had made him feel like a colt again, he thought. It's a shame he couldn't have stayed in town for longer... funny fellow. But then again, those drifters usually are. He stretched, brushed his teeth, and made his way downstairs to his shop, humming a tune he'd heard at the party as he went and swaying. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, though, he stopped suddenly, and his face got even white than the pale gray it was usually as he looked into the room.
	In big, red marker, somebody had crossed out the "less" of "10 items or less" on his express lane sign. It now read "10 items or fewer."

	Cheese turned his back on the town as the sun was near its zenith. He had brought cheer to the town the night before, and in the morning he had brought the righteous light of proper grammar. Yeah, he thought to himself, he could get used to this.