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  1. [7/30/2016 11:17:28 PM] McBeef: rp with samba :c
  2. [7/30/2016 11:17:32 PM] McBeef: he's gonna be sad if you don't
  3. [7/30/2016 11:19:25 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I be shite at it anyways so not much to lose in his part
  4. [7/30/2016 11:20:54 PM] McBeef: stop
  5. [7/30/2016 11:20:55 PM] McBeef: saying that
  6. [7/30/2016 11:20:59 PM] McBeef: STOP!
  7. [7/30/2016 11:21:31 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Hmm?
  8. [7/30/2016 11:21:55 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
  9. [7/30/2016 11:21:59 PM] McBeef: SERIOUSLY
  10. [7/30/2016 11:22:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: What? Saying the truth? I am shite at this stuff
  11. [7/30/2016 11:23:02 PM] McBeef: STOP
  12. [7/30/2016 11:23:16 PM] McBeef: IF YOU
  13. [7/30/2016 11:23:22 PM] McBeef: you know what
  14. [7/30/2016 11:23:35 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Am I not?
  15. [7/30/2016 11:24:15 PM] McBeef: I am legitimately very angry right now, and I don't want to say anything I shouldn't. BUT STOP
  16. [7/30/2016 11:24:36 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Am I not just an awkward person who just gets over scared about anything like this and ocerthinks it? Who isn't just wasting people's time when they could be doing stuff with others?
  17. [7/30/2016 11:24:40 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm sorry.
  18. [7/30/2016 11:25:02 PM] McBeef: STOP
  19. [7/30/2016 11:25:02 PM] McBeef: IT
  20. [7/30/2016 11:25:08 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
  21. [7/30/2016 11:25:09 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
  22. [7/30/2016 11:25:10 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
  23. [7/30/2016 11:25:24 PM] McBeef: FUCKING STOP IT
  24. [7/30/2016 11:26:23 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Why are you angry? Why should you care???!!
  25. [7/30/2016 11:27:32 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I've been nothing but an annoyance to you, making you more angry then anything over our interactions
  26. [7/30/2016 11:27:55 PM | Removed 11:28:05 PM] Josh Fredrickson: This message has been removed.
  27. [7/30/2016 11:29:40 PM] McBeef: I'm fucking done
  28. [7/30/2016 11:29:54 PM] McBeef: let me know when you change your mind
  29. [7/30/2016 11:29:56 PM] McBeef: until then
  30. [7/30/2016 11:29:59 PM] McBeef: have fun
  31. [7/30/2016 11:30:52 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Well then goodbye. I'm sorry for doing this too you, especially when this has been a shit day for you. I'm sorry. But I'm not worth the anger. Bye friend. It's been fun
  32. [7/30/2016 11:31:28 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm sorry
  33. [7/30/2016 11:32:15 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I won't bother you. I won't annoy you anymore. Sorry
  34. [7/30/2016 11:34:25 PM] McBeef: If you ever feel like telling me something other than "I'm sorry"
  35. [7/30/2016 11:34:28 PM] McBeef: or "I'm shit"
  36. [7/30/2016 11:34:33 PM] McBeef: please, by all means
  37. [7/30/2016 11:34:36 PM] McBeef: I'll be here waiting
  38. [7/30/2016 11:34:42 PM] McBeef: otherwise, feel free to wallow in self pity
  39. [7/30/2016 11:34:55 PM] Josh Fredrickson: You know what
  40. [7/30/2016 11:38:11 PM] McBeef: there is only one actually bad or annoying thing you do
  41. [7/30/2016 11:38:14 PM] McBeef: only one
  42. [7/30/2016 11:38:15 PM] McBeef: ONE
  43. [7/30/2016 11:38:18 PM] McBeef: do you know what it is?
  44. [7/30/2016 11:38:34 PM] Josh Fredrickson: No never mind. I want to say fuck off. I want to say what the hell you care. But I don't want to say it cause it's not true. So I won't say either. You're right. It's nothing than pathetic self pity bullshit of a child. And I won't blame you for trying to help. So I guess, this is really goodby Natalie. I don't want to, but it would be no different to just not say sorry or in shit but I'll always feel that. My apologies for the the anger Natalie
  45. [7/30/2016 11:38:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: DONT YOU THINK I FUCKING KNOW
  46. [7/30/2016 11:38:49 PM] McBeef: its
  47. [7/30/2016 11:38:52 PM] McBeef: saying that you're shit
  48. [7/30/2016 11:38:56 PM] Josh Fredrickson: What do you want, me to just fake it?????
  49. [7/30/2016 11:39:02 PM] McBeef: that's how
  50. [7/30/2016 11:39:05 PM] McBeef: the world works, my friend
  51. [7/30/2016 11:39:18 PM] Josh Fredrickson: To just say "oh I'm so ok I'm not shit"
  52. [7/30/2016 11:39:22 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Fuck it then
  53. [7/30/2016 11:40:22 PM] Josh Fredrickson: This world has only taught me that I am. A burden on my parents. A burden on friends. And a burden on you.
  54. [7/30/2016 11:40:48 PM] Josh Fredrickson: So fuck it
  55. [7/30/2016 11:40:51 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'll leave
  56. [7/30/2016 11:41:14 PM] McBeef: if that's what you want to do, then I can't stop it. All you have to do is think like "Huh."
  57. [7/30/2016 11:41:27 PM] McBeef: "Do I think all these people who like me have shit opinions?"
  58. [7/30/2016 11:41:37 PM] McBeef: "Why do they like, spend time with me?"
  59. [7/30/2016 11:41:46 PM] McBeef: and instead of typing "I'm shit."
  60. [7/30/2016 11:41:47 PM] McBeef: just like
  61. [7/30/2016 11:41:50 PM] McBeef: delete it
  62. [7/30/2016 11:42:24 PM] McBeef: and if you actually
  63. [7/30/2016 11:42:27 PM] McBeef: think you need help
  64. [7/30/2016 11:42:37 PM] McBeef: be like "Hey, I'm worried that I'm annoying you, am I?"
  65. [7/30/2016 11:43:21 PM] Josh Fredrickson: You say it like its so fucking simple. And no, I have no FUCKING CLUE why you, or cherrie, or my friends or S'imba or ANY FUCKING ONE wants to spend time around me cause I cause problems. I do awkward things. I say stupid shit. I let people down. I fail, and I hear lies that say oh it's fine
  66. [7/30/2016 11:43:39 PM] McBeef: why
  67. [7/30/2016 11:43:44 PM] McBeef: do you think they are lies
  68. [7/30/2016 11:43:48 PM] McBeef: do we seem like liars?
  69. [7/30/2016 11:44:09 PM] Josh Fredrickson: The long time wait on ffxiv. The times I just led you on. The times I pissed you off in games. The time I just bitched like a child and left the palace.
  70. [7/30/2016 11:44:20 PM] McBeef: Yeah, and none of that bothers me
  71. [7/30/2016 11:44:29 PM] Josh Fredrickson: The times I annoyingly like a fucking lost puppy tried to talk to you
  72. [7/30/2016 11:44:49 PM] McBeef: Don't really remember you doing that, but it doesn't bother me either.
  73. [7/30/2016 11:45:22 PM] McBeef: like, do you think we're getting paid secretly to spend time with you or something lol
  74. [7/30/2016 11:45:37 PM] McBeef: We spend time with you because we like you and you're our friend
  75. [7/30/2016 11:45:49 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I think you're just entertaining me cause
  76. [7/30/2016 11:45:54 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Cause I don't fucking knew
  77. [7/30/2016 11:45:59 PM] McBeef: lol
  78. [7/30/2016 11:46:01 PM] McBeef: think about it
  79. [7/30/2016 11:46:08 PM] McBeef: think long and hard
  80. [7/30/2016 11:46:22 PM] McBeef: at possible other reasons besides, "We enjoy it."
  81. [7/30/2016 11:46:25 PM] McBeef: or "We want to."
  82. [7/30/2016 11:46:31 PM] McBeef: if you can think of one let me know
  83. [7/30/2016 11:46:41 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I failed you in DH. I failed you in games we play. I failed you in trying to be your friend
  84. [7/30/2016 11:46:51 PM] McBeef: In your opinion
  85. [7/30/2016 11:46:52 PM] McBeef: not mine
  86. [7/30/2016 11:46:56 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And I just don't funding know
  87. [7/30/2016 11:47:04 PM] McBeef: Well.
  88. [7/30/2016 11:47:10 PM] McBeef: Think about it.
  89. [7/30/2016 11:47:36 PM] McBeef: Try to think of a reason you can believe, one that would explain why I would still be talking to you.
  90. [7/30/2016 11:47:42 PM | Edited 11:47:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And now I'm just being an annoying fucking twat over FUCKING NOTHINF DOES THAT SOJND LIKE A PERSON WHO IS OK
  91. [7/30/2016 11:47:50 PM] McBeef: Why I would do this if you're really the annoying failure that you seem to think you are.
  92. [7/30/2016 11:48:09 PM] Josh Fredrickson: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!!??!!?
  93. [7/30/2016 11:48:19 PM] McBeef: Ask yourself that
  94. [7/30/2016 11:48:20 PM] Josh Fredrickson: That's the question I've had for months now
  95. [7/30/2016 11:48:24 PM] McBeef: Mmm
  96. [7/30/2016 11:48:29 PM] McBeef: and what answer have you come up with?
  97. [7/30/2016 11:49:42 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I don't fucking know
  98. [7/30/2016 11:49:46 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And I never will
  99. [7/30/2016 11:49:47 PM] McBeef: Guess
  100. [7/30/2016 11:49:52 PM] McBeef: I mean
  101. [7/30/2016 11:49:55 PM] McBeef: I can tell you
  102. [7/30/2016 11:50:01 PM] McBeef: but I feel like you won't believe me
  103. [7/30/2016 11:51:19 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Besides I'll just end up pushing you away sooner or later, actually show you how much of a shit I am. Could you believe that people used to think I was a nice guy? Someone to actually care about? Well someone tell the broken piece of shit that is me.
  104. [7/30/2016 11:51:53 PM] McBeef: Don't wanna guess?
  105. [7/30/2016 11:51:56 PM] McBeef: Do you want me to tell you?
  106. [7/30/2016 11:54:55 PM | Edited 11:55:01 PM] Josh Fredrickson: No cause I hate myself. I hate everything about Joshua fucking James Fredrickson. Every choice I've made, every time I just want to stay home and cry like a bitch rather than go out with friends. I hate every word I say. I hate every time I just put off life, how I just fucking sit here and wallow besides all the evidence around me I'm wrong. And I fucking hate the taint in my brain that makes me feel like I'm at the bottom of the shit pool. I JUST FUCKING HATE. I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you now. Goodnight Natalie. I'm sorry for being a shit. Just forget about the asshole that you used to know
  107. [7/30/2016 11:55:57 PM] McBeef: Oh
  108. [7/30/2016 11:56:01 PM] McBeef: that's a dissapointment
  109. [7/30/2016 11:56:12 PM] McBeef: because I love Joshua Frederickson
  110. [7/30/2016 11:56:21 PM] McBeef: Not like, whatever person you thought you were before
  111. [7/30/2016 11:56:26 PM] McBeef: but the person I met
  112. [7/30/2016 11:56:27 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And why the hell would you
  113. [7/30/2016 11:56:33 PM] McBeef: Do you want to know?
  114. [7/30/2016 11:58:08 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm just the fuck who gets drunk, bothers you and then just annoys you with stupid shit like this.
  115. [7/30/2016 11:58:16 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Sure. Tell me. Why the fuck do you care
  116. [7/30/2016 11:58:24 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Why the fuck should you care
  117. [7/30/2016 11:59:16 PM] McBeef: Because you're smart, funny and charming. Because you have a creative mind I respect and want to keep creating with (hence trying to drag you onto FFXIV). Most of all though, because I feel (wrongly or rightly) that you're like me in a certain specific respect that even Cherrie isn't.
  118. [7/30/2016 11:59:52 PM] McBeef: You've decided that you and the world is shit, that everything is hollow and pointless, that not living is probably less painful than living.
  119. [7/30/2016 11:59:54 PM] McBeef: Yet.
  120. [7/30/2016 11:59:58 PM] McBeef: You're still here.
  121. [12:00:12 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Cause I'm a fucking weak price of shit
  122. [12:00:17 AM] McBeef: Nah.
  123. [12:00:22 AM] McBeef: That's what I thought, once upon a time.
  124. [12:00:31 AM] McBeef: But I've come to find it's something else.
  125. [12:01:03 AM] McBeef: It means, contrary to what you believe.
  126. [12:01:19 AM] McBeef: You actually enjoy life, and you're a very optimistic and hopeful person.
  127. [12:01:42 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Fuck that. The only reason I'm still fucking alive is because dying hurts people more than living
  128. [12:02:33 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And the only reason I even get out of fucking bed before 5 pm is because someone just has to nag the hell out of me to even give enough of a damn to try at something
  129. [12:03:06 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I just sit in a chair and play games, or lay in bed in sleep, in hopes that I just waste away cause fuck everything else
  130. [12:03:33 AM] Josh Fredrickson: FUCK
  131. [12:03:55 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Just forget about me Natalie. Just.... Please
  132. [12:04:23 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I made a deal, and I'll keep it
  133. [12:04:37 AM] McBeef: Tell me
  134. [12:04:42 AM] McBeef: One good thing about yourself.
  135. [12:04:48 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I can't think of one
  136. [12:05:16 AM] McBeef: Your writing.
  137. [12:05:20 AM] McBeef: That was a freebee
  138. [12:05:22 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm lazy, self deprecating, hateful, angry, a drunk, fat, a shit
  139. [12:05:25 AM] McBeef: think of another one
  140. [12:05:57 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Right now, I have a person who is trying to help and FUCKING STILL I SEE NOTHING
  141. [12:06:03 AM] Josh Fredrickson: So stop trying
  142. [12:07:03 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Besides, I already likely hurt S'imba because Im a selfish bitch.
  143. [12:08:18 AM] Josh Fredrickson: That in itself is irredeemable
  144. [12:08:28 AM | Edited 12:08:40 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Not only that, but the pain and anger I've caused you
  145. [12:09:14 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And I should be a ducking pariah, nor someone worth worrying over
  146. [12:09:19 AM] McBeef: just... go to sleep Josh, and try to think of any reason I might do this other than the fact care about you and enjoy your company.
  147. [12:09:28 AM] McBeef: If you can think of one other than that
  148. [12:09:31 AM] McBeef: I'd be interested to hear it
  149. [12:10:54 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Just... If S'imba is upset, please reaffirm its not his fault. We both know whose fault it is
  150. [12:11:06 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And fine
  151. [12:12:21 AM] McBeef: lol its his interernets fault
  152. [12:12:27 AM] McBeef: im adding you back to the group
  153. [12:12:58 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Why? What benefit do any of those people get?
  154. [12:13:44 AM] McBeef: the same benefit I get
  155. [12:19:58 AM] McBeef: Anyway Josh, just think on that. Think about why it might be that we might spend time with you.
  156. [12:20:09 AM] McBeef: And have a nice day at work.
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