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- [7/30/2016 11:17:28 PM] McBeef: rp with samba :c
- [7/30/2016 11:17:32 PM] McBeef: he's gonna be sad if you don't
- [7/30/2016 11:19:25 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I be shite at it anyways so not much to lose in his part
- [7/30/2016 11:20:54 PM] McBeef: stop
- [7/30/2016 11:20:55 PM] McBeef: saying that
- [7/30/2016 11:20:59 PM] McBeef: STOP!
- [7/30/2016 11:21:31 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Hmm?
- [7/30/2016 11:21:55 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
- [7/30/2016 11:21:59 PM] McBeef: SERIOUSLY
- [7/30/2016 11:22:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: What? Saying the truth? I am shite at this stuff
- [7/30/2016 11:23:02 PM] McBeef: STOP
- [7/30/2016 11:23:16 PM] McBeef: IF YOU
- [7/30/2016 11:23:22 PM] McBeef: you know what
- [7/30/2016 11:23:35 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Am I not?
- [7/30/2016 11:24:15 PM] McBeef: I am legitimately very angry right now, and I don't want to say anything I shouldn't. BUT STOP
- [7/30/2016 11:24:36 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Am I not just an awkward person who just gets over scared about anything like this and ocerthinks it? Who isn't just wasting people's time when they could be doing stuff with others?
- [7/30/2016 11:24:40 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm sorry.
- [7/30/2016 11:25:02 PM] McBeef: STOP
- [7/30/2016 11:25:02 PM] McBeef: IT
- [7/30/2016 11:25:08 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
- [7/30/2016 11:25:09 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
- [7/30/2016 11:25:10 PM] McBeef: STOP IT
- [7/30/2016 11:25:24 PM] McBeef: FUCKING STOP IT
- [7/30/2016 11:26:23 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Why are you angry? Why should you care???!!
- [7/30/2016 11:27:32 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I've been nothing but an annoyance to you, making you more angry then anything over our interactions
- [7/30/2016 11:27:55 PM | Removed 11:28:05 PM] Josh Fredrickson: This message has been removed.
- [7/30/2016 11:29:40 PM] McBeef: I'm fucking done
- [7/30/2016 11:29:54 PM] McBeef: let me know when you change your mind
- [7/30/2016 11:29:56 PM] McBeef: until then
- [7/30/2016 11:29:59 PM] McBeef: have fun
- [7/30/2016 11:30:52 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Well then goodbye. I'm sorry for doing this too you, especially when this has been a shit day for you. I'm sorry. But I'm not worth the anger. Bye friend. It's been fun
- [7/30/2016 11:31:28 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm sorry
- [7/30/2016 11:32:15 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I won't bother you. I won't annoy you anymore. Sorry
- [7/30/2016 11:34:25 PM] McBeef: If you ever feel like telling me something other than "I'm sorry"
- [7/30/2016 11:34:28 PM] McBeef: or "I'm shit"
- [7/30/2016 11:34:33 PM] McBeef: please, by all means
- [7/30/2016 11:34:36 PM] McBeef: I'll be here waiting
- [7/30/2016 11:34:42 PM] McBeef: otherwise, feel free to wallow in self pity
- [7/30/2016 11:34:55 PM] Josh Fredrickson: You know what
- [7/30/2016 11:38:11 PM] McBeef: there is only one actually bad or annoying thing you do
- [7/30/2016 11:38:14 PM] McBeef: only one
- [7/30/2016 11:38:15 PM] McBeef: ONE
- [7/30/2016 11:38:18 PM] McBeef: do you know what it is?
- [7/30/2016 11:38:34 PM] Josh Fredrickson: No never mind. I want to say fuck off. I want to say what the hell you care. But I don't want to say it cause it's not true. So I won't say either. You're right. It's nothing than pathetic self pity bullshit of a child. And I won't blame you for trying to help. So I guess, this is really goodby Natalie. I don't want to, but it would be no different to just not say sorry or in shit but I'll always feel that. My apologies for the the anger Natalie
- [7/30/2016 11:38:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: DONT YOU THINK I FUCKING KNOW
- [7/30/2016 11:38:49 PM] McBeef: its
- [7/30/2016 11:38:52 PM] McBeef: saying that you're shit
- [7/30/2016 11:38:56 PM] Josh Fredrickson: What do you want, me to just fake it?????
- [7/30/2016 11:39:02 PM] McBeef: that's how
- [7/30/2016 11:39:05 PM] McBeef: the world works, my friend
- [7/30/2016 11:39:18 PM] Josh Fredrickson: To just say "oh I'm so ok I'm not shit"
- [7/30/2016 11:39:22 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Fuck it then
- [7/30/2016 11:40:22 PM] Josh Fredrickson: This world has only taught me that I am. A burden on my parents. A burden on friends. And a burden on you.
- [7/30/2016 11:40:48 PM] Josh Fredrickson: So fuck it
- [7/30/2016 11:40:51 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'll leave
- [7/30/2016 11:41:14 PM] McBeef: if that's what you want to do, then I can't stop it. All you have to do is think like "Huh."
- [7/30/2016 11:41:27 PM] McBeef: "Do I think all these people who like me have shit opinions?"
- [7/30/2016 11:41:37 PM] McBeef: "Why do they like, spend time with me?"
- [7/30/2016 11:41:46 PM] McBeef: and instead of typing "I'm shit."
- [7/30/2016 11:41:47 PM] McBeef: just like
- [7/30/2016 11:41:50 PM] McBeef: delete it
- [7/30/2016 11:42:24 PM] McBeef: and if you actually
- [7/30/2016 11:42:27 PM] McBeef: think you need help
- [7/30/2016 11:42:37 PM] McBeef: be like "Hey, I'm worried that I'm annoying you, am I?"
- [7/30/2016 11:43:21 PM] Josh Fredrickson: You say it like its so fucking simple. And no, I have no FUCKING CLUE why you, or cherrie, or my friends or S'imba or ANY FUCKING ONE wants to spend time around me cause I cause problems. I do awkward things. I say stupid shit. I let people down. I fail, and I hear lies that say oh it's fine
- [7/30/2016 11:43:39 PM] McBeef: why
- [7/30/2016 11:43:44 PM] McBeef: do you think they are lies
- [7/30/2016 11:43:48 PM] McBeef: do we seem like liars?
- [7/30/2016 11:44:09 PM] Josh Fredrickson: The long time wait on ffxiv. The times I just led you on. The times I pissed you off in games. The time I just bitched like a child and left the palace.
- [7/30/2016 11:44:20 PM] McBeef: Yeah, and none of that bothers me
- [7/30/2016 11:44:29 PM] Josh Fredrickson: The times I annoyingly like a fucking lost puppy tried to talk to you
- [7/30/2016 11:44:49 PM] McBeef: Don't really remember you doing that, but it doesn't bother me either.
- [7/30/2016 11:45:22 PM] McBeef: like, do you think we're getting paid secretly to spend time with you or something lol
- [7/30/2016 11:45:37 PM] McBeef: We spend time with you because we like you and you're our friend
- [7/30/2016 11:45:49 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I think you're just entertaining me cause
- [7/30/2016 11:45:54 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Cause I don't fucking knew
- [7/30/2016 11:45:59 PM] McBeef: lol
- [7/30/2016 11:46:01 PM] McBeef: think about it
- [7/30/2016 11:46:08 PM] McBeef: think long and hard
- [7/30/2016 11:46:22 PM] McBeef: at possible other reasons besides, "We enjoy it."
- [7/30/2016 11:46:25 PM] McBeef: or "We want to."
- [7/30/2016 11:46:31 PM] McBeef: if you can think of one let me know
- [7/30/2016 11:46:41 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I failed you in DH. I failed you in games we play. I failed you in trying to be your friend
- [7/30/2016 11:46:51 PM] McBeef: In your opinion
- [7/30/2016 11:46:52 PM] McBeef: not mine
- [7/30/2016 11:46:56 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And I just don't funding know
- [7/30/2016 11:47:04 PM] McBeef: Well.
- [7/30/2016 11:47:10 PM] McBeef: Think about it.
- [7/30/2016 11:47:36 PM] McBeef: Try to think of a reason you can believe, one that would explain why I would still be talking to you.
- [7/30/2016 11:47:42 PM | Edited 11:47:45 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And now I'm just being an annoying fucking twat over FUCKING NOTHINF DOES THAT SOJND LIKE A PERSON WHO IS OK
- [7/30/2016 11:47:50 PM] McBeef: Why I would do this if you're really the annoying failure that you seem to think you are.
- [7/30/2016 11:48:09 PM] Josh Fredrickson: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!!??!!?
- [7/30/2016 11:48:19 PM] McBeef: Ask yourself that
- [7/30/2016 11:48:20 PM] Josh Fredrickson: That's the question I've had for months now
- [7/30/2016 11:48:24 PM] McBeef: Mmm
- [7/30/2016 11:48:29 PM] McBeef: and what answer have you come up with?
- [7/30/2016 11:49:42 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I don't fucking know
- [7/30/2016 11:49:46 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And I never will
- [7/30/2016 11:49:47 PM] McBeef: Guess
- [7/30/2016 11:49:52 PM] McBeef: I mean
- [7/30/2016 11:49:55 PM] McBeef: I can tell you
- [7/30/2016 11:50:01 PM] McBeef: but I feel like you won't believe me
- [7/30/2016 11:51:19 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Besides I'll just end up pushing you away sooner or later, actually show you how much of a shit I am. Could you believe that people used to think I was a nice guy? Someone to actually care about? Well someone tell the broken piece of shit that is me.
- [7/30/2016 11:51:53 PM] McBeef: Don't wanna guess?
- [7/30/2016 11:51:56 PM] McBeef: Do you want me to tell you?
- [7/30/2016 11:54:55 PM | Edited 11:55:01 PM] Josh Fredrickson: No cause I hate myself. I hate everything about Joshua fucking James Fredrickson. Every choice I've made, every time I just want to stay home and cry like a bitch rather than go out with friends. I hate every word I say. I hate every time I just put off life, how I just fucking sit here and wallow besides all the evidence around me I'm wrong. And I fucking hate the taint in my brain that makes me feel like I'm at the bottom of the shit pool. I JUST FUCKING HATE. I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you now. Goodnight Natalie. I'm sorry for being a shit. Just forget about the asshole that you used to know
- [7/30/2016 11:55:57 PM] McBeef: Oh
- [7/30/2016 11:56:01 PM] McBeef: that's a dissapointment
- [7/30/2016 11:56:12 PM] McBeef: because I love Joshua Frederickson
- [7/30/2016 11:56:21 PM] McBeef: Not like, whatever person you thought you were before
- [7/30/2016 11:56:26 PM] McBeef: but the person I met
- [7/30/2016 11:56:27 PM] Josh Fredrickson: And why the hell would you
- [7/30/2016 11:56:33 PM] McBeef: Do you want to know?
- [7/30/2016 11:58:08 PM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm just the fuck who gets drunk, bothers you and then just annoys you with stupid shit like this.
- [7/30/2016 11:58:16 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Sure. Tell me. Why the fuck do you care
- [7/30/2016 11:58:24 PM] Josh Fredrickson: Why the fuck should you care
- [7/30/2016 11:59:16 PM] McBeef: Because you're smart, funny and charming. Because you have a creative mind I respect and want to keep creating with (hence trying to drag you onto FFXIV). Most of all though, because I feel (wrongly or rightly) that you're like me in a certain specific respect that even Cherrie isn't.
- [7/30/2016 11:59:52 PM] McBeef: You've decided that you and the world is shit, that everything is hollow and pointless, that not living is probably less painful than living.
- [7/30/2016 11:59:54 PM] McBeef: Yet.
- [7/30/2016 11:59:58 PM] McBeef: You're still here.
- [12:00:12 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Cause I'm a fucking weak price of shit
- [12:00:17 AM] McBeef: Nah.
- [12:00:22 AM] McBeef: That's what I thought, once upon a time.
- [12:00:31 AM] McBeef: But I've come to find it's something else.
- [12:01:03 AM] McBeef: It means, contrary to what you believe.
- [12:01:19 AM] McBeef: You actually enjoy life, and you're a very optimistic and hopeful person.
- [12:01:42 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Fuck that. The only reason I'm still fucking alive is because dying hurts people more than living
- [12:02:33 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And the only reason I even get out of fucking bed before 5 pm is because someone just has to nag the hell out of me to even give enough of a damn to try at something
- [12:03:06 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I just sit in a chair and play games, or lay in bed in sleep, in hopes that I just waste away cause fuck everything else
- [12:03:33 AM] Josh Fredrickson: FUCK
- [12:03:55 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Just forget about me Natalie. Just.... Please
- [12:04:23 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I made a deal, and I'll keep it
- [12:04:37 AM] McBeef: Tell me
- [12:04:42 AM] McBeef: One good thing about yourself.
- [12:04:48 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I can't think of one
- [12:05:16 AM] McBeef: Your writing.
- [12:05:20 AM] McBeef: That was a freebee
- [12:05:22 AM] Josh Fredrickson: I'm lazy, self deprecating, hateful, angry, a drunk, fat, a shit
- [12:05:25 AM] McBeef: think of another one
- [12:05:57 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Right now, I have a person who is trying to help and FUCKING STILL I SEE NOTHING
- [12:06:03 AM] Josh Fredrickson: So stop trying
- [12:07:03 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Besides, I already likely hurt S'imba because Im a selfish bitch.
- [12:08:18 AM] Josh Fredrickson: That in itself is irredeemable
- [12:08:28 AM | Edited 12:08:40 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Not only that, but the pain and anger I've caused you
- [12:09:14 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And I should be a ducking pariah, nor someone worth worrying over
- [12:09:19 AM] McBeef: just... go to sleep Josh, and try to think of any reason I might do this other than the fact care about you and enjoy your company.
- [12:09:28 AM] McBeef: If you can think of one other than that
- [12:09:31 AM] McBeef: I'd be interested to hear it
- [12:10:54 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Just... If S'imba is upset, please reaffirm its not his fault. We both know whose fault it is
- [12:11:06 AM] Josh Fredrickson: And fine
- [12:12:21 AM] McBeef: lol its his interernets fault
- [12:12:27 AM] McBeef: im adding you back to the group
- [12:12:58 AM] Josh Fredrickson: Why? What benefit do any of those people get?
- [12:13:44 AM] McBeef: the same benefit I get
- [12:19:58 AM] McBeef: Anyway Josh, just think on that. Think about why it might be that we might spend time with you.
- [12:20:09 AM] McBeef: And have a nice day at work.
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