The other way around

I am in the middle of math class. We are learning about the order of operation for the billionth time. I start to get very board because I already know this too well, I want to learn something new. I'm just doodling on a piece of paper a picture of me and my crush kissing. No one is paying attention to me because they are all so focused on this super boring lesson. All of a sudden, a huge guy, most likely a football team member, rips open the door and screams my name, "Will!" I start to tense up. I don't even know what I did. "You shouldn't be in here." My math teachers say. The guy throws him across the room onto his desk, splitting it in half. He then runs to my desk, again for no reason at all. He picks up the sketch I was drawing and starts to laugh. "Look, everyone, Will is a faggot!" Everyone starts to laugh and point fingers at me. I feel like I want to crawl up in a ball and just die. The guy picks me up and throws me toward a huge window. Right before I hit it, I wake up.
     I start to hyperventilate and frantically look around. everything looks normal to me. I start to slow my breathing until I start to breathe normally again. I throw my clothes on and head to the bathroom. I take a quick piss, then head downstairs, where I see my father's cooking breakfast for me. "Hey Will, good morning!" My one father, Gary, says to me as I slowly make my way down the stairs. I got some sausage and eggs for you." My other father, Kevin, says as he places the plate of food next to a glass of orange juice. I sit down and start to eat my food.

    "Hey Will, did you hear about that fag couple down the street?" Gary asks me. "No. Do they have a kid? Would I have to go to school with a fag?" I think that it's totally OK for a man to love a woman the same way a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, but that isn't the popular opinion. I would conciser myself gay since I am attracted to women. I have just hidden it and started to hate on them to be able to stay in my parents house. My fathers think that it's weird that I man can love a woman. "Yes, they have a daughter named Lucy, so stay away from her at all costs! She might be a fag herself. They might have filled her with a fag gene." Gary tells me as he cooks some eggs for Kevin. "OK, I will try if I ever see or hear from her." I look up at the clock, 6:10 AM. I have thirty minutes before I have to get on the school bus to go to school.

    "Will, how do you not have a boyfriend yet? You are like a guy magnet! Any guy would be lucky to be with you!" Kevin tells me. "I just haven't found someone that I would want to date yet." To be honest, a lot of guys have asked me out, I just turn every one of them down. "I know one guy that would love to go out with you, his name is Dave and he is super adorable. Should we set up a date?" Shit! I don't want to date a fucking guy, I want to date I girl, I just haven't found gay girls yet. If I say no to this setup, they will be very disappointed and will be mad at me for literally forever. "Sure, when could I see him?" I really hope it isn't soon. "You can go tonight if you want to." Why do you do this to me? I still can't say no, I don't have a choice but to go on this fucking date. "Sure! Sounds like a lot of fun!" "YAY!" my fathers said in unison. I look back at the clock, 6:20. Shit! Have to get ready for school.

    "I have to get ready for school," I tell my fathers as I run upstairs. I grab a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt and head into the bathroom. I grab a towel and place it on the toilet. I strip off my clothes and turn on the water. I get the water to the right temperature, then get in. The water feels great rolling over my body. I shampoo my hair, then rinse it out. I hate shampooing my hair. It usually makes my scalp itch horribly. I then take the body wash and rub it all over my body. The soap on my wet, naked body starts to give me a boner. I let the soap stick to my body for a minute before rinsing it all off. I step out of the shower and dry myself off with my towel. Once I'm as dry as possible, I slip on the jeans and my shirt. I grab my comb and make my hair all neat. I walk out of the bathroom and pack my backpack with everything I need for school.

     I check the clock, 6:38 AM. "I'm leaving for school!" I scream as I get my shoes on and run out the door. I get to my curb right as my bus arrives. I step up onto the bus as try to find a seat. Most of them are taken, so I grab one in the middle. At the next stop, this girl gets onto the bus. I bet this is the new girl since I haven't seen her before. She seems to be trying to find a seat to sit in, so I wave my hands like a crazy man to get her over here. She ends up sitting right next to me. "Hi, my name is Lucy, what's your name?" She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Her eyes are just amazing, her lips are big and plump, and her hair is the perfect blonde. "My name is Will. You must be new here, correct?" She stares at me and tells me what I already know, "My mother and father just moved in about a week ago." She stares at me like she said something wrong. "Oh, cool! Don't worry, I'm not a homophobe like most people here. I think it's neat that some of us are different than others." She gives out a sigh of relief and gives me a hug. "I thought that the first person I met would have met would push me away if I said that, but I chose the right seat." I give her a nice smile, as a way if making her feel a little better about her first day. "Hey, what classes do you have?" She asks me. I go into my backpack and pull out my school schedule. I hand it to her and study her face. "We have 1st, 2nd, 4th, and 7th period together!" Oh, my god! I have most of the same classes that the hot her girl has, awesome! "Great! That means you will have Math, Science, Lunch, and HTML with me." The school bus finally arrives at the school. "Well, I'll see you in ten minutes," I say as I get off of the bus and walk into the school.

    I walk very slowly to my locker. I think about her all the way. I think I finally found the perfect girl! She has a great sense of humor, looks hot as hell, and is in almost all of my classes, SCORE! Well, if she is gay of course, but you will never know until you ask. I finally make it to my locker. Everyone just walking around, talking to each other on their way to class. I unlock my locker and place all my stuff except my math textbook and a notebook. I look up at the clock 7:10 AM. Class starts in five minutes. I walk to the other side for the school where the classroom is. I make it there at 7:14 and take my seat. Lucy makes it there just as the bell rang. Since there was a seat empty next to me, she took it and settled down there.

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                                  					Skip to lunch

     I arrive in the lunchroom, looking around for Lucy. I walk to every table in the huge cafeteria, but still can't find her. I start to feel disappointment fill me. I now look around to find a seat to sit down at. I end up just sitting at an empty table, hoping that she will make it. I take out my PB&J sandwich and start to eat. After about a minute of eating, she shows up. "Hey, sorry for leaving you here for a while, my teacher needed to talk to me." I breathe a sigh of relief, so happy to see her. "OK, the teachers here seem to keep me back a lot for some reason." "I'll keep a note of that," she replies as she pulls out a brown bag. She takes out some apple slices and a ham sandwich. "Is that all you have?" I ask her. "Ya, we don't have much food at home yet, with moving in and stuff" I take a bite of my sandwich as she talks on. Goddamn, she is so hot. I wish I could take her into the bathroom and kiss her, but everyone would make fun of me for being gay. I wouldn't know how I would live with myself. I look up at the clock, 11:55. "I have to get to class," I say as I grab all of my garbage. "Wait!" She screams. She pulls a notebook out of her backpack and starts to write something on it. She rips off the paper and hands it to me. It's her cell number. "Text me later, OK?" I look down at the paper and put it in my pocket. "Ya, I'll see you in the retarded HTML class," I say as I run out of the room.

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                              						After school

    Since we live so close to the school, I and Lucy just decide to walk home from school. Most of the time, we were quiet. But when we were really close to her house, we started to talk more. "How are your parents?" She asks randomly. "Well, my fathers are really homophobic, so they really wouldn't like your parents." She stares at me like I did something wrong. "Well, that sucks," She replies. "Well, they also wanted me to stay away from you because of your parents, but I'm not like them. I'm not a fucking homophobe like they are. You should be able to love whoever you want." She gives me a big hug. "I'm glad there are people like you on this earth. I had to move out here because I was bullied at my old school. It didn't even have anything to do with me, it was my parents. I'm glad my parents are together and you are OK with that." I start to tear up. It's so sad that a girl has to go through all of that just because of who my parents are. "I also need to tell you something Will, since I learned you aren't a homophobe, I like men." I'm so fucking happy!!!!! She then leans in and gives me a kiss. I immediately kiss back. Her lips feel amazing on mine. She pulls away from me. I don't want her too. I want her to keep kissing me forever. "Well shit! You were amazing as fuck!" she says. "Ya, that was great," I say in the most awkward way possible. "I'll text you tonight," she says as she walks into her house. I then run to my place, still high off of the adrenaline of the kiss.

    I finally make it home after walking home with Lucy. I hope my parents didn't see her when I was near home. I see them watching the news, watching a homophobe talk about how marriage should only be between the same sex, not the opposite sexes. "How was school dear?" Greg asks me. "It was good," I answer. "Did you see Lucy at school today?" Kevin asks me. I start to tense up. I know I need to lie to them. "No, and I hope I never run into her." I can see a smile on both of their faces. "Well, I have to go up to my room and do my homework."

    When I make it up to my room. I start to study for my history test. I have to learn so many fucking names and dates. I can remember faces easily, but the names with the faces, that is a whole other story. I sit in my room, head hidden in my textbook, remembering names I will never need to remember another day after my test. After about two hours of studying, I decided to text Lucy. "I really enjoyed our walk home from school today." "Ya, and that kiss. We should walk to and from school more often." I giggle in my brain. "If my parent's ever found out that I was attracted to women, they would literally kill me." She seems to take longer to respond to this text. "Well, that sucks! I hope that they don't learn this about you until you get older. I want you to make it through high school and go on to be successful." Wow! I didn't know she cared that much. "I'll try as hard as I can to keep this secret. Please don't tell anybody, ok?" I sit on my bed, waiting for a reply, hoping she doesn't betray me and tell everyone this lethal secret. "Ya, I don't want you to feel bad. You are the only person I know and care about, and I don't want you gone." No one has ever cared this much about me, and I don't want that to change.

    After studying for another two hours, I decide to go to bed. I'm pretty fucking tired and need some sleep. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth. For some reason, my toothpaste seems really minty. I rinse out my mouth and head downstairs. "K and G, I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning." I don't hear an answer, so I assume that they are in the middle of sex. I head back up to my room and close my door. I silence my phone and plug it into charge. I then take off my clothes, shirt then pants, and slide into bed. While I lay in bed. All I can think about is Lucy and how cute she is. I just imagined me growing up with her, adopting children and moving to the countryside. I pass out after lying in bed for an hour.

    When I wake up the next morning, I see that my phone has gone missing. I get out of bed, still naked, looking frantically through my room for my phone. I check my drawers, no phone. I check my bed, no phone. I then put on a pair of pants and run to the bathroom. I start to open all of the cabinets, no phone in sight. I then just walk calmly back to my room, get clothes back on and head back to the bathroom. I decide to take a shower before I look for my phone again. I take my sweet time, calming down as warm water flows down my body. Once I get out of the shower, I dry myself, put new clothes on, comb my hair, then head downstairs.

    Once I make it to the kitchen, I see my fathers just standing there, with frowns on their faces. “Hey Will, sit down.” I slowly take a seat, hoping they don't have my phone. Once I sit down, Kevin reaches into his pocket, grabs my phone, and places it on the table. I start to tense up, knowing what they are going to say. But I don't know how they feel. I don't understand how they can hate someone because they love a different sex. It has baffled me for as long as I have been living. Gary picks up the phone and throws it on the ground, smashing it into a million pieces. “The fuck did you do that for?” I scream. “Because you are a filthy fucking faggot!” Gary screams as he storms out of the room. “Where is he going?” I ask Kevin as his face becomes even redder than before. “To get your new binder.” Gary comes back into the room with a binder. The cover angers me. It says, “Will is a filthy fag.” Tears start to fall from my eyes. “I can't believe someone would do something this to your child!” I scream. “We took all of your binders, so you have to use this one. Oh, and we'll check to see if you still have this, just in case you are tempted to throw it away.” Kevin says to me in the snarkiest way possible. “Why would you do this to your child?” They take no time to answer. “It's simple, you're a fag, which means you are now dead to us. Now, go get ready for school.” I run upstairs with my folder and put it into my backpack. I hope to hide it as much as I can since I don't have any hidden binders anywhere. I grab my backpack, packed up and ready, and head outside, waiting for the bus.

    Once the bus comes, I take a seat near the back. “I really hope that no one see my folder at school.” I keep thinking to myself, waiting for Lucy to get on the bus. It didn't take long, but Lucy finally got on the bus. But when she got onto the bus, my heart sank. She is wearing a shirt that says “Will likes Women.” Everyone immediately looks at me. I feel like shit as she takes a seat right beside me. “Why would you wear something like this?” I ask her. “Well, I lied to you. I like women. I think that all the fags in the world should die. I don't like the fact that my parents are gay. It really angers me, but I have to live with it.” NO! WHY LUCY! “Why would you lie to me? Why would you want to do this?” Tears start to roll down my cheeks. Pain is filling my body. “I wanted to see you fall. I want you to break down, and feel the pain you deserve.” The pain inside me grows the longer she talks to me. I just want to crawl up into a ball and die.

    Once we finally make it to school, I get off the bus as fast as I can and ran into the school. I wish I could just go home and cry, but I have to be at fucking school with the world's most homophobic people. As I walk to my locker, everyone is looking at me. I guess that Lucy somehow got ahead of me and showed everyone her shirt. Once I get to my locker, I open it and take out my binder. It turns out that people have lighting fast reading skills since people start yelling at me. “Get a guy!” someone screams. “Die you fag!” Someone else screams. Once I got my binder and was ready to get to class, a group of huge students comes up to me. “So, heard you were a faggot,” he says. He then pushes me to the ground. He takes my binder and laughs at it. “I don't like faggots in this school.” He starts to punch me in the head. The pain is very satisfying after the day I've had so far. He slams my head into my locker. I can feel the blood flow from my head. It is getting everywhere. The man keeps beating my head against the locker. He kept going until the first bell rang. No one came to help me as classes started. I  was just lying on the ground, blood spewing from my head.

    I decided besides just lying on the floor, I should get up and go to the bathroom. I slowly limp to the bathroom, hoping nobody see's me. I start to feel really light headed. I walk really weird most of the way like I'm really drunk. Once I finally make it to the bathroom, I grab a paper towel and place it on the wound. I start to add pressure, which adds a lot of pain I already feel in my head. Once I take off the towel, there is no more blood flowing from my head. I walk into one of the stalls and lock the door. I immediately start to cry. I can't believe I trusted that cunt! I have created pools of tears as I sit and start to think about suicide. I honestly think that I want to live, but going to this school and living with my fucking parents is something I know I don't want to do. Once I made a plan, I leave the bathroom and head to class. As I walk to the classroom, I have a big smile on my face. I feel really satisfied and happy with my plan.

    When I walk into the classroom, everyone looks at me. “Will, your late, sit down in your seat.” The teacher tells me. Everyone watches my every move as I walk to my seat. Once I sit down, I place my binder on my table. Everyone gives out a little giggle except one person, Lucy. She just gives me a big, evil smile. I just smile back, knowing what will happen soon. She seems really confused, which is what I hoped for. She just looked back at the teacher, trying to forget about me.

    The rest of the day was fill with pain and suffering. I was psychically bullied by so many other people. From a uppercut to head, some guy who cut off most of my hair, to throwing my head against even more lockers. There was also a lot of emotional bullying. I was mostly called faggot by everyone today. For some reason, people also called me a gay sheep. I don't know why, but it caught on quick. By the end of the day I wasn't called faggot, I was called gay sheep. Lunch was the worst for me. To start, a guy picked up my lunch and threw it away. Then, a lot of people were just laughing at me and calling me a faggot and gay sheep. I felt horrible. When school was over I just ran home, hoping that I could do what I wanted to do since this morning.

    When I get home, I open the door and call out for my father's, “Hey, I'm home!” No one answers, I bet they aren't home. This is perfect! I go to the kitchen and grab some of Kevin's prescription painkillers and a large butcher's knife. I go upstairs and lock the bathroom door. I open the cupboard and grabbed a shit ton of tiny cups and fill them with water. Then, I start to pour a lot of painkillers out on the floor. I pick up four and put them in my mouth, then take on of the cups of water and swallow the pills. I take them four at a time until the whole bottle is gone. I just lay on the floor, crying at the realization of my life. “I hope that no one else goes through the pain I went through.” I take the knife and slide it slowly slide it across my wrist. The blood starts to flow out of my wrist. The pain is so intense, I start to chirp as the blood hits the rug. I then start to split my right wrist but put a lot more pressure on the knife. The pain is starting to become too much, but I fight through it. I think of the time when my parent's were nice to me. When I was a kid, they took me to the park every day. They always wanted to play with me. Now, they want me to die in a fucking hole. After just laying on the floor, arms bleeding out, I just decide to end it all. I put the knife to my chest, counting down from ten. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0. I push the knife into my chest. I feel pain for a quick second, then I see nothing but black. I died right there, on that rug in the bathroom. I died as a depressed gay man who had nothing to lose, I didn't grow up to be something great. I didn't marry and adopt a child. I will never have a child that will grow up in front of my eyes. This is all because of the bullying, the hatred, and pain I would go through as a gay person in a country that hates that kind of people. If people weren't as hateful, I would've lived through my high school years and have a normal, happy life.