Top Gear

701
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:34,790
Now, George Clooney.
He directed it as well, didn't he?

702
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:39,230
George directed it, he stars in it,
he produced it and he co-wrote it.

703
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:42,950
I've been wondering, looking at
what you're doing at the moment,

704
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,950
is how on earth
you are fitting it in,

705
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,830
because you're also working on W1A.

706
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,150
Yes, W1A is a spin-off of
a show I did called Twenty Twelve.

707
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,510
Which was fabulous. Thank you
very much. I properly loved that.

708
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,030
It was a mockumentary about
trying to organise the Olympics.

709
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,270
Obviously, my character made such a
success of organising the Olympics,

710
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,190
I'm the go-to man
to sort out corporate issues.

711
00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,990
So what better place than
to go into the BBC?

712
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,750
When I heard that
this was happening,

713
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,190
and I can see all the location signs
around the BBC buildings

714
00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,350
where you are filming it,
I was thinking,

715
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,670
how do you make fiction
about BBC management

716
00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:20,160
funnier than what actually happens?

717
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,310
Broadcasting House, the new big
building on Regent Street,

718
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,870
Portland Place,
you're not allowed in there

719
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,870
even if you're BBC staff unless
you've been on a half-hour

720
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:34,470
health and safety course on
how to operate the building.

721
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,910
I started the course.

722
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,630
A lady with an eight-page document
arrived to talk me through it.

723
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,790
Page one was a picture of
a fire alarm, red fire alarm box.

724
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,590
It said, "This is a fire alarm."

725
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:50,590
Page two, a graphic of a green sign
with a man running like this

726
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,390
with the word "exit".
"That's an emergency exit."

727
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,430
At that point, I was taken off
to do some filming.

728
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,790
I still haven't...
You haven't completed the course?

729
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,910
I still haven't. I still have to be
escorted around Broadcasting House

730
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,310
in case I'm confused
by a light fitting!

731
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,830
Or something of that nature.
It is stupid.

732
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,350
I'm longing to see something
that satirises it,

733
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:13,550
but again, how are you doing it?
You must be the world's busiest man.

734
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,470
Presumably you drove very quickly
around the lap,

735
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,190
so you could get home more quickly?

736
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,430
No, I'm not a speed merchant.

737
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,870
At the beginning,
when The Stig took me around,

738
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,470
I was really terrified,
being in the passenger seat,

739
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,710
and I thought,
"I'll never be able to do this."

740
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,390
By the end,
as your guys will tell you,

741
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,750
I refused to get out, I wanted
to go again and again.

742
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,670
Who here would like to see the lap?

743
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,590
AUDIENCE: Yes!

744
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:38,520
Play the tape, let's have a look.

745
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,830
The car, fresh after its long rest.

746
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:45,160
Come on, son!

747
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,750
Look at the lines, streaming down.

748
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,830
That is wet, really is pouring down,
and that's odd for England(!)

749
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:57,430
If you're watching abroad,
it's never normally like that here.

750
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,470
Where's the white line? Oh, there.

751
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:00,910
LAUGHTER

752
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,230
You may laugh, but it is
quite tricky to see the line

753
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,590
when the track is soaking wet.

754
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,080
It's really steamy.

755
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:11,280
Hmm?

756
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:18,310
You need to get that sort of thing
sorted out before you set off.

757
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,550
Even though the lines are invisible
from behind the wheel,

758
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,470
you've done a pretty good job.
That's not bad.

759
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,920
Woohoo! Perfectly judged.

760
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,800
Must remember to get some milk.

761
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,830
Worse than Kimi Raikkonen
for not paying attention,

762
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,000
but no worries through there at all.

763
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,910
Tyres, speedy, moving them
about nicely.

764
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,790
Oh, that is quick!

765
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,030
On the wrong side of the road there,
but never mind.

766
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,230
It's nicely done,
and you haven't gone off
on the second to last corner.

767
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,670
Gambon, a bit of understeer.
That car grips well.

768
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,390
And there we are. Across the line!

769
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,880
APPLAUSE

770
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,600
Now, ha-ha!

771
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,510
Just realised that's the first ever
wet lap we've had in that car.

772
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,230
Nobody else has driven around
in the rain.

773
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,990
Bearing that in mind,
where do you think you've come?

774
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:24,830
Well, I suspect...between
Ron Howard and Steven Tyler,

775
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,350
bearing in mind it's wet.

776
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,870
Somewhere between 1.50 and 1.51
is what you think you've done.

777
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:32,440
Well, you did it in...

778
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:44,550
1.50.1.

779
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:49,110
Which means you're the first guest
ever to guess correctly...

780
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,840
Wait, wait, wait!

781
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:58,510
You just put Steven Tyler...
I'll cross it out, wrong.

782
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,920
A very professional show.
There, look, correct!

783
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,350
To be brutally honest with you,
The Stig did say

784
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,870
that you have a natural talent

785
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,790
and if it had been dry you would
have been very close to the top.

786
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,030
Well, that's an accolade then. It is.

787
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:16,790
I'll go away happy, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you so much, Hugh Bonneville!

788
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:18,110
Thank you.

789
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:19,800
CHEERING

790
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,950
Right, tonight the boys and girls
who produce Top Gear

791
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,110
are on a mission to prove that
the hot hatchbacks of our era

792
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,950
were rubbish. Yeah.
Things are not going well for me,

793
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,270
cos I've slightly damaged
the engine... Ruined.

794
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,350
LAUGHTER

795
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,590
Slightly damaged. Whatever... Damaged
the engine in my Nova and it's

796
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,390
on the back of a tow truck.
But despite this we had been told

797
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,150
to report to somewhere
we couldn't pronounce...

798
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:47,560
in Wales.

799
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:55,240
Having crossed the Severn Estuary
we soon arrived at the location.

800
00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:01,150
HE STRUGGLES TO PRONOUNCE:
Trefniadaeth Seilwaith Amddiffyn

801
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,910
Man Hyfforddi Caerwent.

802
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:08,390
And here on this huge, abandoned
army base crisscrossed

803
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,430
with more than 30 miles
of deserted roads,

804
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,870
we received the details
of our challenge.

805
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,550
Oh, hello. Why is it an envelope
and not a text this time?

806
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,310
That's a good point.
We're in Wales - no signal.

807
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,150
Ahh! Yeah!
We're back to the old ways.

808
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,710
Come on then, what is it?

809
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,430
"Because the drivers of '80s
hatchbacks were irresponsible

810
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,950
"and stupid they were often chased
by the 50."

811
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:36,110
Er, James, it means the 5-0,
as in Hawaii 5-0, it's the police.

812
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,070
Yeah, whatever.
Well, anyway. The 50!

813
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,550
Anyway...
"You will now go head-to-head with

814
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,710
"the Top Gear Police Department.
Each of you will take it in turns

815
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,550
"to drive your own car
while the other two will use

816
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,270
"a selection of police vehicles
to try and stop you."

817
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,630
That sounds quite good.
It does sound good.

818
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,910
Tell you what, Hammond,
you go first.

819
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,550
Erm, good, yes.

820
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,320
I might need a minute.

821
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,150
While Hammond mended his car,

822
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:05,630
James and I broke out
the TGPD pursuit vehicles

823
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,040
and slipped into
our police uniforms.

824
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,390
OK, Hammond, are you ready?

825
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:20,190
Yes, I am. This is going to be good.
In 3, 2, 1...

826
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,030
start the clock.

827
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:23,800
ENGINE FAILS TO START

828
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,630
STARTS CREAKILY

829
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,590
We are off.

830
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:34,190
CREAKS AND GRINDS

831
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,790
Yep, it's just warming up.
SIREN WAILS

832
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:38,430
Here we go...

833
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,630
Ha-ha!

834
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,110
Excuse me, sir, my moustache
would like a word with you,

835
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,110
if you'd like to step out of the
vehicle. You're nicked, sunshine.

836
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,390
What did I do? How long?
Eight seconds.

837
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,030
Do you know, another fault...

838
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,470
Did it? Very similar. Did it?

839
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,110
It manifested itself similarly to
the last one that one I repaired.

840
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:02,190
Tell that to the judge...
Yes...sunshine. Right.

841
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,070
Jeremy then put on the yobbo outfit

842
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,990
and lined up his velvet Golf
on the start line.

843
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,350
3, 2, 1...begin...

844
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,030
COPS AND ROBBERS MUSIC

845
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,550
SIRENS WAIL

846
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,920
And there we are, eight seconds.
I've already beaten Hammond.

847
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,440
He's getting away, constable!

848
00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:31,360
Yes. Live with this...!

849
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,310
You see, what we're learning
straight away is that

850
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:41,840
a modern police Astra is no match
for a 1980s hot hatchback.

851
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,040
TYRES SQUEAL

852
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:51,110
And it wasn't just the Astras
that were causing problems.

853
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,590
Recent figures say that in London

854
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,550
12 police cars
are crashed every day.

855
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:01,230
And the reason is, it's because
they are driving in high-energy

856
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,640
difficult situations while under
the influence of the moustache.

857
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:11,550
Got a moustache, got a moustache,
got a moustache.

858
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,160
TYRES SQUEAL

859
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,560
Oh, he's lost it!

860
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,360
Totally distracted
by his face decoration.

861
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:29,430
MUSIC: "Miami Vice Theme"
by Jan Hammer

862
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,910
With the Astras
unable to close the gap...

863
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,400
Come on!

864
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:36,160
..the chase went on...

865
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,270
..and on...

866
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,960
and on...

867
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,230
MUSIC CONTINUES

868
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:52,510
The next morning, the weather
had become extremely Welsh.

869
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,840
But still, the Golf was uncaught.

870
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,830
This isn't working, sir.

871
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,270
No, I agree, I think
we're going to have to break out

872
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,960
the Top Gear Police Department
magnetron of justice.

873
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,160
If anything could stop
the miscreant, it was this.

874
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:14,400
A giant crane with a seven-kilowatt
magnet suspended from its arm.

875
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:20,920
A machine that could render
any vehicle immobile in moments.

876
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,160
Right, let's go get him.

877
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,720
Soon, the trap was set.

878
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,830
Mmm, what's this...?

879
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,190
Arming magnet.

880
00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,800
MAGNET FIZZING

881
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:51,520
Here he comes...

882
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:55,120
RICHARD CHUCKLES

883
00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:06,430
Blithering idiots. Do they not
realise you can't use a magnet

884
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,160
to pick up velvet?

885
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,990
There was only one thing for it -

886
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,960
unleash the TGPD
remote-controlled car of death.

887
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,960
Target vehicle identified
and located.

888
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:23,440
Where the hell are they?

889
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:29,070
How can this be a police chase when
they aren't chasing me any more?

890
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,790
Target acquired...

891
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,960
BEEPING

892
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:39,550
Sir, you might want to
put your fingers in your ears.

893
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,710
I don't know where those two are
or what they're plotting

894
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,990
but it won't work.

895
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,310
BEEPING

896
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:50,310
This car is simply...

897
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,400
invincib...

898
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,110
Bigger than I was expecting,
constable.

899
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:08,680
Yes, sir, it was, sir.

900
00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:18,030
So, it turns out that velvet
is impervious to magnets,

901
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,760
but it IS pervious to dynamite.

902
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,950
Nevertheless, I felt confident
that James would not be able

903
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:31,150
to beat my evasion time
of 14 hours and 22 minutes.

904
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,710
In...3, 2, 1...

905
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,320
start the clock.

906
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:39,550
SIRENS WAIL

907
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,990
However, as he set off it
became clear he'd come up

908
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,640
with an unusual plan...

909
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:47,880
What is he doing?

910
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,390
Now, the thing is, viewers, whenever
you watch Police Camera Action

911
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,190
or see a real police chase, the
person trying to get away is always

912
00:52:57,240 --> 00:52:59,790
going ludicrously fast,
but, actually, what's the point?

913
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,670
You'd just panic
and have an accident

914
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:04,510
and that's the end of that,

915
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,830
but if you just do normal speed,

916
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,000
they still can't get you
out of the car, can they?

917
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,110
Keen to prove him wrong,

918
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,510
I initiated the TGPD
anti-terrorism move.

919
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,120
Here we go.

920
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,640
Pushing, pushing.

921
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,640
Got him.

922
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,400
He's just driven off!

923
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:39,710
'As the hours crawled by,
we tried many things.'

924
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,680
Stop him, Constable!

925
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:43,750
How's that going to help?

926
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,270
I've fallen off the bonnet!

927
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,990
What are you going to do
if the doors are locked?

928
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:49,880
You can't pull a man
out of a car.

929
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,560
This is an arrest.

930
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:02,830
'Happily, though, after many hours of
tedious pursuit...'

931
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:06,190
Weaving, weaving...

932
00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:11,950
'..James finally made a mistake.'
Oh, crikey, this is a dead end.

933
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:16,030
Yes, his sense of direction
has let him down. A-ha!

934
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:17,910
In we go, yes.

935
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:20,150
LOUD BANG
Bollocks!

936
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,560
We've got him! We finally have him.

937
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,360
We don't have him,
he's closed my door.

938
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,910
He's done it again.

939
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:36,190
And now look.
I've damaged a police car.

940
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:40,910
'This meant I was now delayed
with police paperwork.'

941
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:46,110
"I were in pursuit of a pleb...

942
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,750
"IC1, male.

943
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:56,320
"He did crash into me at speed."

944
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,760
I'm going to get that bastard!

945
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:10,110
While Jeremy had been
finessing his statement, I decided

946
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:16,750
it was time to skewer May
with the TGPD prongs of doom.

947
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,760
SIREN BLARES

948
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:27,270
It's a heavy, high-mobility
engineer excavator,

949
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:29,920
built by JCB for the military.

950
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:38,350
It weighs 13.5 tonnes, but it's got
a 6.7 litre straight-six turbo-diesel

951
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,680
and it can do 63mph.

952
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,150
James May, you've had it!

953
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:47,160
Wherever you are.

954
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:55,040
'James had vanished. But we had
just the thing to find him again.'

955
00:55:56,920 --> 00:56:03,560
The time has come, I think,
to deploy the Top Gear Police
Department drone of intrusiveness.

956
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:13,270
'With its military-spec nose-mounted
reconnaissance camera, it would
track down May in a heartbeat.'

957
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:14,880
Here we go.

958
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,680
The drone of intrusiveness
has crashed.

959
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:29,280
'Eventually I got the drone airborne
and begun the hunt for OJ May.'

960
00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:40,270
Wait a minute.

961
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,080
You sneaky little...

962
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:48,030
James was hiding
in an abandoned garage bay,

963
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:50,750
but if he thought he was safe there,

964
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:53,120
he had another think coming.

965
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,470
Welcome, everyone,
to the Top Gear Police Department

966
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:02,800
eaty thing of devastation.

967
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,190
This was designed primarily
for mine clearance, but in the TGPD,

968
00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:14,040
we use it in
a rather different way.

969
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,350
There is Constable Hammond.

970
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:24,840
The enemy, behind that wall,
no idea what is coming.

971
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,470
Engaging flails!

972
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:34,360
Flails engaged!

973
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:40,840
I'm not sure he should be
operating that thing.

974
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,080
DRILLING

975
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:53,080
Yes, look at that!

976
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,230
He's not where...

977
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,880
What he isn't, sir, is there.

978
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:24,470
Situation update:
in three minutes' time,

979
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:29,320
I will have beaten Jeremy's record
on the run at a reasonable speed.

980
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:33,600
But the TGPD toy box
wasn't empty yet.

981
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,840
Whoa! Ha-ha-ha!

982
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,710
Hello, it looks like
Constable Hammond

983
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,350
has got the hang of tank driving.

984
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,480
The first thing you need to know is,
I have an erection!

985
00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:00,470
Coming at you, James May!

986
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:04,950
Oh, no, the Top Gear Police
Department tank of righteousness
is right on my tail.

987
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,950
What am I going to do?

988
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,160
I know.

989
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:15,270
Easy.

990
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:16,840
Right!

991
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:21,640
Oh, hang on a minute.

992
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,190
He's stopped, he's given up!

993
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:27,760
LOUD EXPLOSION

994
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:50,480
And on that bombshell...
back to the studio.

995
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,760
APPLAUSE

996
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:04,350
It's interesting, an important
question was raised in that film.

997
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:08,590
Because if you have a moustache,
how do you concentrate

998
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,110
on doing anything other than
having a moustache?

999
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:14,790
I know, I felt like I was the
life-support machine for a moustache.

1000
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:18,590
If you're a bomb disposal man,
and you have to defuse a bomb,

1001
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,190
you are thinking,
"I have a moustache."

1002
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:26,470
How did Nigel Mansell win a Formula
One world championship? I know!

1003
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,470
You don't have a moustache, sir,

1004
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:31,270
but let me show you
what it's like to have one.

1005
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:35,870
It's like that. What do you do
for a living? Transport manager.

1006
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,750
You couldn't be a transport manager
if I was doing that to you.

1007
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:40,400
LAUGHTER

1008
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,750
Anyway, we must get on
because I have received a text -

1009
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:51,230
the results of
the car evasion challenge.

1010
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:55,430
Jeremy Clarkson, 14 hours
22 minutes. Richard Hammock...

1011
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,190
Autocorrect again?

1012
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,830
Yes. Eight seconds. Thank you.

1013
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,590
James May, 14 hours, 21 minutes.

1014
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:06,070
Oh, blast! There you are.

1015
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,870
Hang on, so the Fiesta
won the supermarket sweep,

1016
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:10,950
the Golf won the police chase

1017
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,070
and the Nova won the hill climb.

1018
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:16,790
That means that each of the cars
is a winner. Precisely.

1019
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,710
Which means that the older
hot hatchback

1020
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,870
is better than the modern one.

1021
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:26,630
Which means we were right, and on
that bombshell, it's time to end.

1022
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:29,430
Thank you very much for watching.
Good night!

1023
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,120
APPLAUSE