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  1. Announcer: Shorah everyone, and welcome back to URU2U! Why a robot could be trying to take over the cavern, and some security footage that certainly raises an eyebrow. Stay tuned.
  2. (plays intro)
  3. Announcer: First off, there’s a (insert event here) coming up, so don’t forget to bring your (insert thing here). Also, we’ve got a weather system moving through Eder Kemo right now, and the Yeesha weather station says it’ll hit the cleft overnight. Better pack your raincoat!
  4. In other news, you may remember when a guy was claiming to have seen a humanoid robot down here in the cavern. (clip from teaser) Well, in a development that, as you will see, is quite intriguing, he’s uploaded a video to D’niTube of this alleged “robot” and what it can do.
  5. **low - resolution/audio quality video with slightly shaky camera angle:
  6. Guy: Hello?
  7. Robot: Greetings, inferior lifeform.
  8. Guy: Who you callin’ inferior?!
  9. Robot: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand what you just said, dog.
  10. Guy: Umm... Ok, whatever bro. Can you like, make me fly?
  11. (performs jump command)
  12. Guy: Gah! No! What the ****! That’s not what I meant! STAY flying!
  13. (performs fly on command)
  14. Guy: (sigh) That’s better. (pause) Wait, where the heck am I, dude? What in god’s name IS that thing? Let me go, stop it!
  15. (fly off)
  16. Guy: Phew. See for yourselves, folks. This thing is like, freakin’ dangerous. You totally like, gotta stay away from here, man.**
  17. Announcer: And while this is all very convincing, experts say that this was most likely just a very elaborate hoax, using extremely realistic CGI technology.
  18. (insert real news here)
  19. Announcer: And now, a word from our sponsor.
  20. (insert ad here)
  21. Announcer: Moving on, we’ve got some breaking news from the cavern - our reporter will tell you more. Linda?
  22. Reporter: Thanks, Keith. Just a few moments ago, Tokotah square was bustling with the usual chatter of a saturday night in the cavern, until a Bahro scream echoed across the city, and the crowd run for their lives. For your viewing pleasure, here’s some security camera footage, thanks to our hardworking technicians.
  23. **Security camera footage:
  24. (Conversations:
  25. Track 1: So yeah, turns out I actually have two ears and one nose, not the other way around.
  26. Track 2: The dog will never walk again. On a lighter note, a child was killed in a subway accident.
  27. Track 3: I was in this prematurely air-conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles, and there were these bathing caps that you could buy that had these kind of Fourth-of-July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue, and I wasn't tempted to buy one, but I was reminded of the fact that I had been avoiding the beach.
  28. Track 4: I heard that if you, like, drive a motorcycle off a cliff while holding a purple whale, you die.
  29. Track 5: Boy, it sure is a good thing I arbitrarily put all my stuff in my backpack foreshadowing.)
  30. BAHRO SCREAM
  31. Person: Oh my god! The war’s here! We’re doomed! Runnnnnn!
  32. (crowd runs in the direction of the alley while shouting things like “dude!”, “man!”, and “seriously!”)
  33. (reach the cliff, go silent)
  34. People: Run!
  35. (turn toward the nexus, link away as fast as possible)**
  36. Reporter: As it turns out, they were eventually able to reach the surface. That’s what I call dedication. Here’s some footage of their somewhat unbelievable breach, courtesy of our very own Zandi!
  37. **video:
  38. Person: (pant, pant) We made it guys! We’re safe! (pant, pant) (turns around) Guys???**
  39. Reporter: Even stranger, from what we’ve heard, every single one of these people seem to remember visiting the cleft before returning to the city. Renowned scientist Dr. Neumann attributed this to the noxious gases found along the passage to D’ni.
  40. Dr. Neumann: Throughout the advancement of my career, I have observed a congruency associated with exposure to the pernicious effluvium established within the path to the cavern of D’ni and certain characteristics of neurological degeneration. Furthermore, I conclude that the latter is a result of the former.
  41. Reporter: Umm... thank you. I do indeed agree with all those things you just said!
  42. Announcer: Recently, (insert real news here)
  43. Announcer: And that’s all for this time, folks. Next time, Heek champion - interviewed! (Mike: Bug’s my lucky play), Flash mobs, and what some say could mean the end of the cavern itself. From us to you, it’s URU2U.
  44. (plays out thing)
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