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Spike’s Date 2: Electric Boogaloo

 

In the dark of the night, at the edge of Ponyville, Applejack sat on a chair in her living room, reading a book. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door and Applejack’. She walked over and opened it. Standing outside in the dark night was her good friend Rainbow Dash, illuminated in a circle of light from her porch. She seemed anxious, yet still put out a friendly aura. This contradiction confused and concerned Applejack, and she worried for her friend. Things had been strange in Ponyville lately. Ponies had died. The blue pegasus put on her usual happy smile. “Well hey there Rainbow Dash!” greeted Applejack, with an air of apprehension.

 

“Uhh… hey…” said Rainbow Dash nervously, looking from Applejack off into the night. Applejack looked but couldn’t figure out what Rainbow Dash was looking at. “What’s the matter?” She asked. Rainbow Dash smiled slyly, “Why are you all wet?”

 

Applejack realized that she hadn’t completely dried off her hair from the bath she had just taken. “Sorry,” She blushed, “Let me get a towel.” Rainbow Dash smiled, “Oh no. You look a lot better like that.”

 

Applejack gave an angry sigh and glared at Rainbow Dash, “Look Rainbow Dash!” I know what we did that night on Fluttershy’s bed but that was mistake!” Rainbow Dash walked closer, “It sure didn’t feel like a mistake.” Applejack felt like bitch slapping her right there. She knew that the rest of her friends would not approve of their relationship, and she wasn’t interested in Rainbow Dash’s continued advances at her. It seemed as if Rainbow was trying to chip away at her heterosexuality, to slowly but surely get her in bed. “The only reason we did that was because I though the cocaine that Pinkie Pie gave me was sugar!” Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes. “Now are you gonna help me with these flapjacks or not?” Applejack asked walking into the kitchen, where stacks and stacks of pancakes were arranged on plates, with syrup and powdered sugar arranged near them. Rainbow Dash followed smiled and to herself.

 

Applejack picked up a towel from the bathroom, and a few minutes later she had dried herself off and was back in the kitchen with Rainbow Dash. She had her hair in her usual ponytail and was wearing her favorite hat. The two ponies sat at the kitchen table with a big pile of pancakes in the center. The night brought an awkward silence to the situation, which was compounded by its absurdity.

 

“Damn gurl,” said Rainbow Dash eyeing the pancakes hungrily, “What’s with all the pancakes?” Applejack got two plates and set them on the table, “Well this is usually how much I make my family but I forgot that they’re gone today.” It seemed like something that one wouldn’t forget, but here they were. Just the two of them, and the piles of pancakes.

 

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow and smiled, “Your family’s gone?” Applejack glared, “Forget it you horny pony. They’re going to get back tomorrow morning. Now are you going to help me eat these things or what?” “Fine,” Rainbow Dash sighed grabbing a fork.

 

“Hey,” She said in the middle of a bite, “Where is everyone else? Did you only invite me?” She said giving a smug smile. Applejack just glared, “No you hoe, and no one else came. Rarity is busy with something and so is Twilight. I think Fluttershy is horribly depressed about her dead bunny, and I tried to invite Spike but I think he’s dead.”

 

“Fluttershy’s bunny died?” Rainbow asked with a concerned look. “Yeah, he hung himself or something. I don’t like the sound of it.”

 

        “And Spike too?” Rainbow asked. “Yeah I knocked on the door of the library earlier today and he didn’t answer, so I assume he died.” Rainbow Dash returned to her food. “Oh, okay…”

 

Rainbow dash took another bite of pancakes, “And of course Pinkie Pie is…” She didn’t finish the sentence, but the looks in both of their eyes told the tale. Rainbow Dash noticed Applejack looking to the floor. She had forgotten how hard Pinkie Pies death had been on her. In fact she was the one who find her body after she overdosed on cocaine. In fact at the funeral before they put Pinkie Pies body into the ground, Applejack had sworn to find who sold her the junk she overdosed on.

 

There was another silence and Rainbow Dash looked for a way to break the tension. She didn’t really care about her secret quest for vengeance; she just wanted to get lucky with AJ. “Hey Applejack, got any whip cream?” Applejack gave her a strange look, “Whip cream? What for?” Rainbow Dash pointed to her pancakes. “Duh, for these.” Applejack squinted at Rainbow Dash inquisitively, and keeping her eyes on her, walked to the kitchen.

 

Applejack got her the can of whip cream and Rainbow Dash covered the pancake with it. There was probably more cream on the plate than pancake when she was done. Before Applejack could ask Rainbow Dash what she was doing, she grabbed the pancake and crammed it into her face. She stuffed the whole thing in her mouth and in the process got most of the whip cream all over her face. “Om, nom… nom, nom.” Rainbow said in a strange, vaguely Russian voice.

 

“Oh no!” She said, pretending to be dramatic, “I have all this whipped cream all over my face! Maybe I should lick it off.” She said, wiping her mouth slowly with her tongue. Applejack could only watch, unable to say a thing.

 

*Are you turned on by this? If you say yes, you have issues.

 

Even after a few minutes of sexy whip cream licking there was still a large amount of the stuff on her face that she was unable to reach. “Oh dear,” she said quietly, “There’s still so much to lick…” Then she turned to Applejack, “Do want to help me?”

 

Applejack blushed and looked away for a moment. “You… are really weird.” She mumbled. There was silence. Rainbow Dash watched as Applejack tried to resist her offer. After a bit Applejack got that dirty though out of her head and glared at Rainbow Dash, “Suddenly I’ve lost my appetite. Let’s go do something else!” She ran out of the room. Rainbow Dash wiped the rest of the cream of her face with AJ’s towel and smiled. She knew Applejack was gonna crack sometime.

 

The two ponies went into the living room looking for something to do. Even if her whip cream plan had failed Rainbow Dash had another. “Hey! Let’s play some cards!” she suggested. Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure? You know I’m the best card player in all of Ponyville.” Rainbow Dash nodded, “Let’s do it! You shuffle while I get some drinks!” She said running towards the kitchen.

 

“Just get me some water!” Applejack called after her. She was worried that Rainbow Dash would try to slip her some drugs or something. In the kitchen Rainbow Dash was opening a bottle she had brought with her, concealed under her wing, and pouring it into a glass. “Of course I’ll give you water.” She muttered to herself smiling.

 

When Rainbow Dash gave Applejack her drink she looked at it to make sure that it wasn’t spiked. It didn’t look like it so she took a drink; but when she did it tasted kind of funny. “Hey, this tastes really weird,” she said looking at the clear liquid. “Of course!” Rainbow Dash smiled, “Its really fancy water! Special from Cloudsdale!” She smiled. Applejack looked from her back to the drink, questioningly.

 

She took a sip of the water, and it didn’t taste funny to her. She drank it anyway, and after an hour Applejack was drunk and their game of go fish had somehow turned into a really intense game of strip poker. The flask that Rainbow ad brought had contained a special chemical that nullified the taste and odor of alcohol. It was invented for fanfiction.

 

“Come on Applejack.” Rainbow Dash teased. “No way partner!” Applejack said shaking her head blearily. Rainbow Dash laid the cards on the table. “I have a straight! I win! And you know what that means...” Rainbow Dash said petting Applejacks hat that was on that table next to her. “It just doesn’t seem fair playing strip poker with you Rainbow Dash.” Applejack frowned, “I mean you never even wear any clothes!” Rainbow Dash glared, “You’re the one who agreed to play!”

 

She slowly reached behind for her hat. “Wait!” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “Do it slowly.” She grinned. Applejack slowly reached back and grabbed the brim of her hat.    While quickly moving her head she took it off, laying it on the table next to her cards. If you were there and had some mental issues you’d be all like “Damn that’s hot.” Interestingly, that’s also what Rainbow Dash was thinking.

 

Now with her naked head, Applejack looked around for something else. They had played strip poker for the past half hour, and it had started to rain outside. Applejack had won twenty-two hands but since Rainbow Dash never wore clothes anyway it hadn’t mattered.

 

The game of strip poker had ended and the ponies were looking for something to do. Applejack was still drunk off her ass and had started to give herself a neck message. Rainbow Dash watched as her inebriated friend rubbed her neck slowly. “Damn that feels soooo good.” Applejack said slowly.

 

Rainbow Dash smiled, “That’s what she said!” She yelled laughing. There was a weird silence as Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a weird look. Slowly Applejack crept over to her and got right next to her face. “No Rainbow Dash…” She whispered, “That’s what I’m going to say in a few minutes.”

 

They smiled at each other. Rainbow felt good about herself, she had successfully got Applejack drunk and horny. So the two ponies had sweet pony yuri sex.

 

Wait… Did I say sex? No I meant to say Rainbow Dash pulled out a gun and shot Applejack in the gut.

 

Rainbow Dash stood over her bloody friend who was screaming in pain. “Sorry Jack. You got too close to the truth.” Applejack grabbed her chest where she had been shot, “What the hell are you talking about?!” She yelled, struggling against the burning pain that was exploding from her bullet wound. “You were too close to finding who sold Pinkie Pie the cocaine. Sadly that person hired me to rub you out.”

 

“We were friends! And you’d kill me just for some money?” Applejack screamed.

 

“Sorry, but my boss must remain unknown. And the only way to do that is to take you out of the picture.” Rainbow Dash apologized. She pulled out a pair of black sunglasses and put them on. She raised her gun right to Applejack’s temple and said in a monotone. “Deal with it.”

 

Applejack coughed up a bit of blood and glared at Rainbow Dash, “I already knew who sold Pinkie the junk!” She yelled. Rainbow Dash pulled the gun away, “You do?”

 

Applejack pounded the ground, “Of course! It was T-”

 

But before she could finish a bullet broke through a nearby window and ripped through Applejacks head. Rainbow Dash was splattered in her blood as her friend and target’s head exploded in blood. She quickly looked around for the shooter and realized it must have been a sniper. Who ever it was he would be long gone before Rainbow Dash could find them.

 

She looked at the bloody corpse of her ex-friend. She shrugged and put her gun away. Her job was just making sure she was dead, it didn’t matter who killed her. “I got 99 problems,” She said to herself, “But a bitch ain’t one.”

 

After turning on the gas stove and lighting a match she left through the front door. The smell of blood rang in her nostrils like church bells. Applejacks blood was splattered on her face, and as she walked through the apple orchard, the blood was disturbed by bit a single tear running down the fur on Rainbow’s cheek. Under the cover of the trees, the rain only made it through in small drops. Behind her, the farmhouse exploded into a pretty awesome fireball, and Rainbow took off into the dark rain. A piece of purple fabric fell to ground as she took off. Applejack was dead, and Rarity was next.

 

Then Mr. and Ms. Cake got hit by a bus. And I don’t care if you like her but Pinkie Pie is still dead.

 

 

 

*If you disappointed by the lack of pony on pony sex you should go to your nearest hole and die in said hole. You sick freak.