OFFICIAL BIOGRAPHY OF EACH GOAT IN DIVEGRASS FC :

(from Defense to Attack)

1) AverageAnti

 Known Aliases : Ol'Guy, Ol'Geezer, Ol' Perv, Perkele, Suomi.
 Position : Main Any, CAM, ST

 Bio:		After listening to Dear Leader's advice on how to defend properly
		on a cross, Anti became known as the toughest wall in Finland to break.
		This is, of course, if this fucking faggot is not stoned out of his mind
		and starts backpassing to the GK while lagging and scoring own goals, much
		to the pleasure of the whole team.
		Known for his old age (motherfucker is 68 years old), for his computer skills
		and fear of IP grabbers, he is one of the founding members of DiveGrass FC.
		Also responsible for all the movies you have had the pleasure to enjoy as well as
		the expression "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!" meaning an outside foot shot outside the box.

2) Vague

 Known Aliases: Br, HueHueHue, LagBoy McThroughBall, ShariaLawUK, Mohammed
 Position: Main CDM, CAM, LAM, RAM

 Bio:		A prolific passer with over 90% sideways pass accuracy, Vague has cemented
		his spot as the main CDM in DiveGrass FC. A fan of sending our strikers and CAMs
		on endurance runs which often finish in the feet of opposing defenders, he has
		nevertheless maintained that "lobbed through balls are useful, shut the fuck up
		you fucking faggot you know nothing about football".
		When playing on the wing however, he is responsible for most assists due to his crossing ability,
		unparalleled by other LMs who, as one may put it mildly : "always take that fucking extra step"
		and never manage to do something good. He secured his spot in DiveGrass FC after scoring
		2 FK's on his first match for us in the 85' and 90' when we were losing 1-0.


3)  Ambusherx

  Known Aliases : TfwNoGf, UMadDan?, Wizard, It's too late to apologize, JK but SRS
  Position: Main RAM, Any

  Bio: 		Hailing from Denmark, Ambusher is without a doubt the biggest troll of the club.
		Accustomed to trying to juggle into an in-air elastico and failing miserably
		when we just conceded a goal, Aleks never runs out of ideas to bring some flavor in a match.
		Arch-nemesis of Dear Leader, who always takes things too seriously, Aleks is a partisan of
		"having fun" and "it doesn't matter if we lose, what matters is to have fun with friends, srs". Fuck that
		faggot, I should've kicked him several years ago. He also has the trait of bringing
		the club to divisions never heard of before with much ease when playing as Any. Finally, he
		can't handle the banter.

4) IrishCodWarrior7

   Known Aliases: "Fuck, sorry about that", Ginger McSoulless, PhilK, Jaguar
   Position: Main LAM

   Bio: 	A chav from Ireland, Phil found his way into the club through unknown means, as you're usually
		required to be a top player in h2h or UT and Phil is somewhere around div 13 in both modes.
		Accustomed to being yelled at by Dear Leader (because he wants him to improve and loves him dearly),
		he improved a lot from his starting days as a waste-machine and became a prolific scorer as a LAM.
		Always there for that rebound and for that long-cross which God knows how found a header in the box,
		Phil stole the show on several occasions by scoring improbable and game-changing goals, as can
		be seen in some of our videos. He also is a weeaboo anime fag which could at one point be the reason
		for his departure from the club.

5) B

   Known AliaseS: Berbatov, Dat Shiggy Guy, Bulgaria Boy, Vaikza
   Position: All-arounder

   Bio: 	Founding member of FC Shiggy who sadly became inactive, Berba has been taken under the wing of
		DiveGrass FC, thus breaking the healthy rivalry between sp clubs.
		Self-proclaimed "a mix of Zinedine Zidane and Ronaldo with the goalscoring skills of
		CR7", none of these have actually been at least once displayed in a match. One of our latest
		additions, he has integrated himself well in the club and will hopefully one day score or assist
		in a game.


6) MGFlexican

   Known Aliases: Extra-Step, Token Nigger, The Ladies Man, Too Much, El Cazador
   Position: Main ST/LAM

   Bio:		Founder of DiveGrass FC and known for his fake shot, which, I suspect, is the only skill
		he knows, Flex has surprisingly proved himself to be a reliable striker. He is also
		the source for the expressions "to extra step it", "to flex it" and "too much", referring
		to his uncanny ability to do something good, then do something unnecessary just to showcase a
		potential skill only to lose the ball and frustrate everyone. "To flex it" is to control the
		ball in such a way that the first touch goes directly to the opponent. Our only person of colour,
		he is more often than not the victim of the racist diatribes of Jeskaa. Lastly, he is known for
		his ability to detail with precision the type of shit he just shat in the bathroom while being
		in the middle of a match, what he wants to eat (KFC or BK) and how he likes huge asses.

7) Jeskaa

   Known Aliases: Dear Leader, Aryan White, The Visionary Mastermind, The Alps, Racist Commander
   Position:	Main CAM, Complete player.

   Bio:		A belligerent and competitive faggot, Jeskaa is the kind of guy who will personnally message you to
		insult you after a game, whether you won or lost. As team leader of DiveGrass, he will undoubtedly
		trash talk every minor mistake whilst successfully rainbow flicking over defenders with ease to showcase his skills
		(a feature loved by Anti in particular).
		A fan of Kraken Releasing, skilling & losing the ball when a pass would've sufficed (also known as a "Classic Dan"),
		insulting jews and finally being jobless, this level 70 no-lifer will let you play for DiveGrass
		if you stroke his ego long enough.

8) Fidel

   Known Aliases: The Kid, Junior, AFK-boy, Infidel, Offside-man
   Position:	Main ST

   Bio:		At first when you play with a 14 yo kid who goes AFK in the middle of the most important action of the game,
		you'd think you're entitled to shit in his mouth. However, Fidel has proven to be a clinical finisher when he
		actually has the controller in his hands and is not browsing 4chan. One of the rare
		players to have been kicked from Divegrass FC for "not being arsed to come on skype", he has been accepted again
		in our ranks after he willingly lost against Jeskaa at Monopoly. The love-hate relationship between the two stems
		from their 1v1 matches (where crosses are rumored to be galore), the number of times where he saved our
		asses and finally scoring right after I yelled "FIDEL WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK YOU CAN SCORE FROM THERE??".
		The legend also has it that he was born off-side.


9) DowntownJens
   Known Aliases: None, yes, none, he's that vanilla.
   Position: Main LAM, LB when he misbehaves

		Hailing from Sweden, this muslim (because what else is there in Sweden?) is one of the more discrete players in the club.
		A victim of bullying from Dear Tyrant, he slowly but surely stepped his game up and has more than once scored and assisted,
		to the marvel of the many unbelievers.
		Lucky enough to have that immortalised on film by Anti, there is now few reasons to doubt Jens, even if his fake rabonas
		often translate into a counter for the opponent. Lastly, he is known for attempting stuff only grown adults should do in a match,
		as seen in the video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKQKICRFX28





Thanks for all these matches guys, hope there will be many more. The times of fun and rage we've had together were really awesome and
I'm proud of you all.


Some videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ca_1bYc034
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX-WN9ES7bM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYeZOt3uQ8g