Suicide Letter

So, in the past when I have felt suicidal, I have ended up chatting with people and they have talked me out of it. Friends, yes.

 

I am going to share with you guys just what I am all about.

 

I am 32 years of age. From the ages of about 6 till I was 12, I was repeatedly raped. None of my family have -ever- told me they love me. My own MOTHER used to beat me black and blue. I can even recall a time she stabbed me in the belly with a fork. It left holes that bled.

 

I understand this is a pretty freaky thing to do, writing it here, but I need people to understand what I have gone through during my life.

 

At age nine, I had an IQ test. I scored 148, but you know what I have spent my life doing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A life of severe depression and suicide attempts. I have never held down a job for more than a few weeks. -Everything- I have ever done has been just totally screwed up. I once put a rope round a tree and jumped. It broke. Another time I took a box full of pills. They ended up just making me sick. I am worthless. Always have been. Things have seemed to have gone well at times, but absolutely everything always comes back and kicks me in the teeth.

 

WELL I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

 

This time, no friends will know. I wont be found. I have 30 valium tablets and £40 worth of heroin in a needle. I am going to do both. Quick and painless. How I have not done this before now is totally beyond me. I suppose I thought things would get better, but they have just not. Completely the opposite, in fact.

 

It is not likeanybody will miss me anyway. My only 'friends' just use me for money. (I suffer with bipolar and get quite a lot of money from the Government because of it.) Most of it gets stolen from me. I got beat up earlier cos I refused to give some away.

 

This has been building up for about a month or two now. It has been one thing after another and a certain thing happened today which I will not go into, but it was the final straw.

 

Feel free to mock/laugh whatever. Even post this all over the internet if you like. I am sure the real sickos out there will get off on it.

 

To those -very- few people who actually DID give a crap about me, I promise that, if when I reach the other side, I am somehow 'aware' of it. I will look down on you always and protect you from harm.

 

That is me done. Maybe now people know my pain, they might begin to look at their own lives a little differently.

 

Good riddance to me is all I can say.