LITTLE RED RIDING CLOUD

 

xxLittle Red Riding Cloud

 

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Cloud Strife. His mother had a sick sense of humor, and so she made her son wear a girly red cloak wherever he went. She thought it was pretty damn funny. Cloud would later grow up and pay a psychiatrist millions of Gil for therapy. But that’s another story.

 

Anyway, Cloud’s mother asked him to take a basket of cookies to his poor, sick grandmother. Cloud agreed (not that he had a choice in the matter anyway), and went on his merry little way, clad in his cute red cloak; lugging a huge basket of cookies with him.

 

Unfortunately for him, the evil Sephy-wolf was on the prowl. The Sephy-wolf liked young, cute little boys better than anything. What exactly he liked to do to those little boys is left up to your imagination. Sephy-wolf happened to be walking on the same path Little Red Riding Cloud was. What a coincidence.

 

Cloud had been walking for a long time. He had eaten most of the cookies on the way, rationalizing that a sick old lady wouldn’t have much of an appetite anyway. Suddenly, a tall man in black leather with furry wolf ears and a tail jumped out in front of him.

 

“Well, well what do we have here?” Sephy-wolf asked and leered at the innocent, cute Little Red Riding Cloud.

 

“Go away. I’m on my way to visit my Grandma.” Cloud muttered and started walking faster, in hopes of getting away from the weirdo.

 

“Your Grandma, eh?” Sephy-wolf asked as he walked along side Little Red Riding Cloud.

 

Little Red Riding Cloud glared and replied, “She’s bedridden and I’m bringing her cookies. You can’t have any. Fuck off.”

 

Little did Little Red Riding Cloud know, but nothing turned the Sephy-wolf on more than cute little cross-dressing boys who said the word “fuck”. The Sephy-wolf had a brainstorm. If he pretended to be Little Red Riding Cloud’s Grandma….

 

Giggling like a hyena on crack, he leapt from the road and took of running towards grandma’s house. How he knew where her house was is a mystery.

 

“Good. The freak is gone.” Said Little Red Riding Cloud as he popped another cookie in his mouth.

 

Little Red Riding Cloud finally reached Grandma’s house, and had long since ditched the basket. He had eaten all the cookies anyway. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. He opened the door to her little house, and was surprised to find that it was pitch black.

 

“Just because she’s nearly blind doesn’t mean she can’t leave a damned light on.” Little Red Riding Cloud huffed and crept towards her room.

 

The Sephy-wolf had long since ran Grandma through with his Masamune, and was laying in her bed waiting for Little Red Riding Cloud. He indulged in a quick round of villainous laughter once he heard the door open and could hear Little Red Riding Cloud’s voice scream out obscenities everytime he tripped over something in the dark.

 

“Hey, Grandma. I came to visit you.” Little Red Riding Cloud announced as he walked into Grandma’s bedroom.

 

“Oh… how nice of you…” The Sephy-wolf replied in his best imitation of an old lady’s voice.

 

“What the hell is wrong with your voice? You sound like a man.” Little Red Riding Cloud asked and walked closer to the bed.

 

“Oh ho ho. I’ve got a sore throat. That’s all.” The Sephy-wolf replied, mentally applauding his quick thinking. He was such a genius.

 

“Since when do you have dog ears?” Little Red Riding Cloud asked and peered at Grandma.

 

“They’re WOLF ears, you moron. And the better to hear you with, or something.” The Sephy-wolf snapped. Dog ears, indeed.

 

“And what’s with your eyes? They’re glowing Mako green.” Little Red Riding Cloud continued, blissfully unaware of the danger he was in.

 

“The better to see you with, my snookums.” The Sephy-wolf grinned and grabbed Little Red Riding Cloud’s hand.

 

“Hey, you have teeth now! Finally shelled out the money for dentures, eh?” Little Red Riding Cloud stated. At that moment, the Sephy-wolf pulled off the covers and grabbed Little Red Riding Cloud’s other wrist.

 

“THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH!” The Sephy-wolf cackled and pinned Little Red Riding Cloud to the bed.

 

“That doesn’t really make sense…” Little Red Riding Cloud started.

 

“You shut up!” The Sephy-wolf snarled and began relieving Little Red Riding Cloud of his clothing.

 

“Hey! You’re not Grandma! And what are you doing?!” Little Red Riding Cloud yelled and began to struggle.

 

“Idiot. You just now figured it out?” The Sephy-wolf leered and unbuckled Little Red Riding Cloud’s belt.

 

Since it finally dawned on Little Red Riding Cloud that he was about to be molested by a perverted wolf, he began screaming his head off.

 

As it happened, a hunter named Zack was walking by. He heard Little Red Riding Cloud’s screams of distress, and being a chivalrous sort of guy, thought he better go see what was going on. Actually, he was hoping he could sneak up to the window and get an eyeful. Whatever.

 

Anyway, when Zack the Hunter looked through the glass and saw Little Red Riding Cloud, he instantly fell in love. He burst through the window in a heroic manner and chopped up the Sephy-wolf with that huge ass Buster Sword.

 

“Curse you! My mommy will make clones of me so I’ll be back!” The Sephy-wolf cried just before he was cut into teeny, tiny pieces.

 

“Thank you for saving me.” Little Red Riding Cloud said and started to put his pants on.

 

“Wait.. wait… wait. Don’t I get a reward for saving you?” Zack replied and leered at Little Red Riding Cloud.

 

“Uh… I guess so. I have some Gil left…” Little Red Riding Cloud started.

 

“I don’t want money.” Zack grinned and hid Little Red Riding Cloud’s shirt under the bed.

 

“Oh well. I guess I’ll have to pay with my body.” Little Red Riding Cloud sighed.

 

Zack sweatdropped, “You’re very forward, aren’t you?”

 

“Are you complaining?” Little Red Riding Cloud asked.

 

“Hell no!” Zack replied and pounced on Little Red Riding Cloud.

 

Needless to say, Little Red Riding Cloud and Zack were busy for the next several hours.

 

The… end?