untitled fuccboi manual

Ch. 1 Fucking off and Dying
	There are many problems in life, all with varying levels of consternation involved. Your worries are not justified, for there is one solution that applies to all of life’s problems and challenges. It is known as the fucking off and dying approach. The benefits of FOaD are immediate, you no longer have the problem you had before. It’s completely gone, you do not just put it off only to hate yourself more and more as the deadline for solving the problem approaches. It is as if it never existed for you.
	Some other asshole will be dealing with the problem after you FOaD, but you know how much that matters to you? Absolutely zero percent. Well, maybe 0.000000000001% if your consciousness happens to survive as a vague quantum afterimage and somewhere in the disarray of subatomic particles that bear an imprint of all that used to be you there is a fuzzy recollection of guilt for being an asshole and offing yourself before you solved the problem. There’s no hard evidence that actually happens so you’ll most likely care absolutely zero quanta about anything after you FOaD.
	Many people have offered and will probably double their efforts to offer alternative solutions if you even hint at your desire to follow the FOaD approach. It is best to avoid mentioning it at all because other people have been molded by things like “self-confidence,” “positive upbringing,” and just general lack of self-loathing which leads them to believe that you can actually have a meaningful, satisfying existence and that you should feel lucky to be alive and in good health despite the fact that nobody chooses to be the sperm that inseminates the egg. If they do catch wind of your new outlook on life, just tell them that while their carpe diem bullshit may work for them, and that’s great, you’re not them and you don’t want to try to be them because fuck that. You’re always going to have that nagging thought that your life is what other people wanted and not you because you never really wanted anything. Maybe they have similar thoughts too, or maybe they really are as happy as they seem. You don’t know and you don’t fucking care because none of it matter with the FOaD approach.