MG roulette (oni & khepri)

I was hanging out with my friend Keith in the park, we had stocked up on Jack Daniels and coke planning to drink the night away, but for now we were just talking about the recent happenings in the city. The conversation then took a weird tone. “So have heard about the roulette thing.” he came out with suddenly.

“Roulette thing?” I asked, pretty sure I had never heard of it.

“The Monster roulette thing, I just got the email myself.” he said bring out his tablet and bringing up his e-mail.

“What it a virus ad or something?” I said confused. It sounded like something like that.

“Nah nothing like that, your meant to just click a link and you get a woman for a date.” he said with a chuckle. “The only thing is that the women you receive are a little... exotic. Check your E-mail, It might be there.”

I did as he said on my phone and surprisingly enough it was there but unfortunately for him I wasn't impressed. “So its one of those chain mail spam things then.” This sounded as fake as hell and a survey once said that 80% of all E-mail is spam. “Don't tell me you bought in to this bullshit.”

“Its actually real man.” Keith said with a bit of annoyance “You remember my cousin Jeff right?”

“The one with the bike? Yeah I- that guy still owes me £30!” 2 months ago Jeff had `borrowed` money from me to pay his rent. Far as I knew he was now stable with his new job.

Keith gave a sigh. “Why do you think he isn't around to give you that money?.” He said. “He got the same E-mail a month after he borrowed that money, he clicked the link and now his new girlfriend wont let him leave his house to hang out, hell he's almost been fired form is job for absence.”

I still wasn't buying it. “What's to stop him from leaving his house? Last thing I heard about he could get a girl to look him in the eye for 10 seconds.” I joked with a raised eyebrow.

Keith's eyes narrowed and he said sternly “Hey, its the same for us remember? As for not leaving the house, he told me that she `didn't like him leafing the nest`.” I stared at him in confusion as he paused to finish a can of coke. “Besides, I thought it was stupid as well until I... saw her.”

“She ugly or what?”

“Quite the opposite actually, she had nice face and a decent, slender body but the thing is it that she had...” he look a little nervous. “Clawed feet, like bird's talons or something and instead of arms she had black wings.”

A awkward silence filled the air as I stared at my friend for a good minute. “I thought I told you those pills weren't good for you man. Because now I know your screwing with me.”

“OI! I know what I freaking saw okay! I was in his house yesterday, I talked to Jeff about the E-mail, then talked to her about why he wasn't around lately. I swear that she is real!”

“Hey calm down people are starting to stare!” Despite his conviction I still didn't believe him, but who would instantly believe a guy that said bird people exist and one of them is in a relationship with his family?

Keith was still annoyed but managed to level his tone. “Look, Jeff hasn't told anyone about the... I think she said she was a harpy... so this is why I needed you here, I was going to use the link today in order to one, prove I'm not insane and two, hopefully get a girl.”

“You just said that the woman he's with was not human, why do you want this for yourself? And for that matter how do you not know she's pulling some weird juju on him?” All of this was giving me a headache.

“I've known my cousin for years and I've never seen him so happy.” Keith said with depression in his tone. “This does seem like a easy way out ticked that's to good to be true, but after I saw Jeff and got the E-mail myself there was no way I was passing this up. But that's why you're here, seeing as you have the email too I could show you and you could warn people if something f'ed up happens or you could get one yourself, you've been down on your luck as much as I have.”

“So he has thought this though.” I thought to myself “something's telling me I'm going to regret this.” “Fine, this is still stupid but I'll bite, what do I do?” I said with a sigh “Just know if this f's up my E-mail address I'm punching you in the face, then I'm punching Jeff for starting this crap.”

Keith then got a gleam of excitement in his eye's as he seemed to ignore my comment  “According to Jeff you just click the email then the button that shows up afterwards.” he said as he clicked the email to bring up the email.

I decided to bring up the email myself to get to the link on my own phone. After watching what I thought was a masked fool in a cape prance about for a few minuets we each had the button on our screens.

Keith's excitement was getting the better of him and started nudging me. “So are you ready? Are you?”

“Calm the hell down and just push the damn button!” I was angry that a afternoon that was meant to be drinking and talking about meaningless crap had turned into this. It was bad enough that I was entertaining this madness, his eagerness was not helping.

So he click the button and there was silence. “...well?” I said, irritated.

“I don't know, all its done is come up with this.” he turned the tablet to me so I could see the result.

*RED ONI*

“The hell's a Oni?” he asked me, legitimately confused.

“Its Japanese folklore, a demon or monster that is known for a variety of things, from tricking humans to protecting houses.”

“That's a little weird. So when do you think she'll show up?”

“Hey! You two!” as if to answer him a gruff but feminine voice shouted to us and we both turned to a 7 foot tall woman with wine red skin and silver hair with horns sprouting from her forehead, dressed in a tiger pattern bikini set. She also had a giant gourd strapped to her back. The eyes of Keith, myself and several others in the park where all glued to her somewhat muscular yet beautiful form.

“Which one of you is Keith?” she said, strangely enough, she was staring at the bottles of JD on the bench.

“That would be me.” Keith spoke up.

Her head turned to Keith and looked him over a few time's. She hummed to herself and said “I've only got one question, how to you like your alcohol?”

While I was wondering why such a question my friend had spoken up again “I drink just about anything, but few things are better then whiskey!” He said as he opened a bottle of JD and handed it to her, “have some.”

“First I've heard of this `whiskey`” the Oni mused as she sniffed the bottle and took a sip only for her eyes to widen and she seemingly downed half the thing in one gulp. “This stuff is wonder full! And to think I wasn't sold on that magic guy's plan.” she gave gave Keith a toothy grin “You...I like.”

She then capped the bottle and but in the back, I was wondering what she was doing before she grabbed Keith and pulled him in to a deep kiss. Completely ignoring me and the now small crowd of park-goers that had gathered wanting to see this strange woman.

When they broke the kiss she picked up the bag of alcohol... and the stunned Keith, slinging both over her shoulders, turned her back to me “Get ready, we're going on a little alcohol tasting tour. Its gonna be great!” she then walked off with my friend giving a whoop of pure happiness from his position. Most of the gathered crowed had followed them while the rest dispersed.

The last thing I head from him was “Push the button man! I can't thing of anything better then this!” and just like that he disappeared from view.

So there I was, dumbstruck on a park bench on a late Saturday afternoon, having just seen my friend talk to and be taken away from me by a Oni for a pub crawl of all things that was already happy from half a bottle JD. I couldn't even drink to sooth my headache, she had taken all the whiskey and left the coke.

I looked to my phone and it was still on thee page with the button. Even now I was questioning what I had just saw . Could it really be that easy? To get a woman at the click of a web page?

“You know what?” I said out loud “Screw it!” and clicked the button.

*KHEPRI X8*

“What?” I thought to myself. “I don't get this.” My knowledge of myths and folklore was probably smaller then I thought it was as I had no idea what a Khepri was. Even so, the was the matter of the X8 after the name, was it a weird name thing? Did it mean I'd get eight of them? I had honestly no idea.

Deciding not to dwell on it any more I took it the coke bag and went home, downing a couple of cans on the way, the hour walk was calming and I had put the afternoon's crazy behind me when I had got do the door of my flat. “I need sleep, if I sleep the crazy will go away and you wont have to deal with it” I thought to myself as I unlocked opened the door.

Now I try my best to keep my swearing to a minimum but at the sight before my I could only scream one thing.

“-The Fuck!?”

My flat was simple, bungalow style with 2 bed rooms with one used for storage since I lived alone. It had been the same for 4 years going on 5 and I had no desire to change that. So when I looked inside everything was different I had a minor freak-out.

Looking around what should have been a dull grey open living room was now painted bright blue and decorated with fine art. The floor seemed to be covered in a expensive looking carpet, furniture looked brand new and the door to each room was now made out of high quality oak. Even the balcony windows looked improved.

“what the hell? Who did this? I swear if its one of those blasted makeover shows I'll-” My thought's where broken when I noticed a woman's head leaning in from the  from my open bedroom and staring at me. From what I can see she had long black hair and some weird gold ornament on her head.

“Um...who are you?”

“He's here!” she suddenly shouted at to top her voice.

The whole house come alive as women seemed to come out of everything. In the other rooms, behind the sofa and under the table, everywhere seem to have at least one woman and the one in my bedroom showed herself in full.

Each one had a different hair style or colour and they all had tanned skin and wore golden Beetle...things to cover the chests and black shorts along with the head ornament thing on there heads. They where all beautiful to look at, appealing bodies and smooth looking...claws?

It was at that point I noticed the `extra parts`. Instead of standard human arms and legs they had golden-brown scaly limbs a shell that like the beetle they wore. “Wait.”  I thought to myself “not just any beetle, scarab beetles.” It made sense now. The khepri is a Egyptian thing or at least has some connection to it. And these are the X8 truly did mean I'd get 8 women.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realise that the women had surrounded me and by were looking me over was only snapped out of it when one kept tugging at my jacket.

“What are you doing?” I asked trying to get her to stop and also start a conversation.

“We wanted to get started right away.” The one tugging my jacket, with short brown hair said. “But these strange robes are a like the blue sage's, how does one remove them?” she continued to pull and prod at my jacket as some of the others joined in.

Since I didn't know any blue sage or how his clothing could be similar to mine I asked the other question on my mind. “What did you do to my house?” I said as I started to push them away from me and back away towards the door.

The black haired stood in front of me and was the one to speak this time. “When we got here we asked the blue sage to help us renovate the place.” she said as she gestured around her. “Our new king will not be living in some dreary dump of a house. I, Nenet made sure it was fit for you” she finished with a smile.

“King?” I said out loud as I was legitimately confused. “Look lady, I don't know what you heard about me but I am no king.”

The room was filled with soft giggles as the now named Nenet's smile darkened a little. “Don't worry, when where done you will be.” she clapped her hands and with a whistle “let us begin the ceremony!”

“What the hell?” I shouted as arms more or less clamped down on me. Two of the girls now held me tight, stopping my escape before I even thought about it. I tried to struggle only to feel their unreal strength. “Let me go!” I continued to resist as they started to drag me towards my bedroom. The other Khepri following.

Before I knew it I was on my (apparently new as it was larger then before) bed topless with my limbs held down as Nenet got on the bed  and straddled my waist. “Relax and enjoy you new life my king.” Giving me a loving smile she lowered her head and started to kiss me.

“Okay, this might not me so bad at the moment.” I thought. “The only downside I see to this is getting used to the new stuff in the house.”

“Lady Nenet, it is ready.” one of the ones not holding me down spoke. We broke the kiss and I bent my head to the side as Nenet sat back up to see that 2 of the other khepri had large dark spheres half as big as the where with another Khepri rolling in a 3'rd ball.

“Brilliant Isis! We shall use one right away!” Nenet happily replied as one with short brown hair (I assumed this was Isis) rolled her orb of darkness forward and left it by the bed to our side.

“What are those things?” I stuttered out. I was not liking the look of those things.

“Concentrated demonic energy, collected from home.” Nenet replied simply as she place her hand one the ball and seemed to scoop some of the inky black stuff out of it. “To complete the ceremony, we will be using this. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt at all.”

Pain or not I didn't want to to have anything to do with something with the word `demonic` in it. I struggled with all my might only to be reminded that with the strength of those women I was going nowhere.

“I don't need it, you can use somebody else, don't put that stuff in me! I don't want to be a king!” I was almost whimpering in panic at this point.

Nenet merely shook her head with her loving smile still attached. “That we cannot do, we swore ourselves to the one who would receive us though the blue sage's game and the fates have chosen you.” She pored some of the energy into her over hand. “So please my king, accept our servitude.” hands coated in the black energy she gripped the sides of my face and kissed me again.

For hours after that everything became a blur. Great was the only feeling I had to describe my experience, that and passionate. The only thing I could clearly remember was tacking more of the black energy into myself as the night went on.

I woke up in a dull haze as the sun attacked my face. “Ugh... what time is it?” I said out loud.

“I believe it's noon, my king.”
I snapped out of my haze to look around me. I was in a room I didn't recognise and I was surrounded by 7 of the 8 women I just had a wild night with, Isis being the one that was by the door awake. Everything at that moment felt pleasant as I slowly got out of the bed trying not to wake some of the still sleeping girls.

“How are you feeling?” Isis asked

“Good, better than good actually. Everything just feels right in the world, I feel so at peace it's a little scary.” I gave a small chuckle as I walked past her into the hallway. It was a understatement, I felt like I could jump off a cliff and be completely fine. “Must have been that energy”

“Great to hear my king, I had heard that a reaction to it can sometimes be unpleasant.” she said with a smile.There was that word again,`king`. It started to really get to me that they where call me that.

“What am I to you exactly?” I turned and asked her.

“You are our king, we listen to no one but you, follow no one but you and all we ask in return is that you give us the same love we give you.” she said with conviction.

“But I have no kingdom or money, how can you say that I'm a king.”

Isis gave a giggle at that. “This place is your kingdom and money is irrelevant, we are here to serve our king, no more, no less.”

“She speaks for all of us.” Nenet said as she made herself known. I look at the two of them, feeling the adoration made me warm and when combined with last nights actions, giddy. Maybe it was that demon stuff, I didn't know, but I wanted to be with them more.

“Well then, I think its time I got the others to tell me all their nam-” I was cut off my the ringing of my land phone giving a ring. “Hold on for a sec.” I went over and answered the phone and put it on speaker. “hello?”

“She is amazing!” Keith's voice shouted down the phone, spooking the two Khepri. “Man you would not believe the night I had!” So he had just as much of a great time as I did. “You've got to try some of Nariko's home-brew Sake! Thank got for my high tolerance That stuff's strong enough to put down a gorilla, don't ask how I know that.” I was pretty sure I didn't want to know but the mental image of a drunk gorilla had me sniggering, much to the girls confusion. “Anyway I'm having a small drink up at the park this evening with my new girlfriend and the guys, you in?”

I look at the girls, they all where now awake and where talking amongst themselves, probably about last night or the workings of my phone. I thought to my self  that if it wasn't for Keith I would not have done any of this. “Sure thing man, the girls should see the friends of their new king.”

All the Khepris looked excited and happy at my declaration of acceptance. It was a wondrous sight I wanted to keep seeing.

“King? What to mean king? And girls? What did you do?” Keith said in confusion.

“I pushed the button.” I said while trying to restrain my laughter. “I'll explain later but two things I want to tell you”

“what?”

“First, thank you. Secondly, Tell Jeff that he still owes me that £30”