The Bird of Time

"And here we have-"

"SHUT UP. JESUS! I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU NEVER TALKED TO ME! I THOUGHT MY OWN SELF WAS BAD! AT LEAST HE HAD AN INKLING OF SELF-AWARENESS AND WANTED TO MAKE PEOPLE'S LIVES BETTER! EVEN IF HE DID GO THROUGH WITH IT IN THE MOST ANNOYINGLY USELESS WAY POSSIBLE!"

Doc scratch seemed to hunch his shoulders. Karkat would feel bad about that, except the mere idea threatened to send him into paroxysms of laughter. The huge white-headed asshole was the indirect cause of the maiming or death of practically all of his friends. "I am simply trying to be a good host, and help you to find a partner who will mesh well with-"

"JEGUS SHUT YOUR FACE, YOU WORTHLESS PUPPET! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET ME HERE?! AND THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION!" Karkat had to admit, it was nice to meet someone who seemed to be put off by his shouting enough to shut his face. "YOU'RE SO FUCKING OVERBLOWN THAT IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME LAUGH. LA DE DA HERE'S THE MAID OF BREATH HE'S SO INTO DUDES IT'S A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING. THIS HERE IS THE GAL OF TIME, SHE'S FLUFFY AS FUCK. HO HO HO, LOOK AT ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO GOT TURNED INTO INSANE SEX-CRAVING MONSTERS. THIS IS SICK AS FUCK, YOU KNOW THAT? I-"

"karkat" Karkat turned his head. The sound had been soft, sweet, lyrical, but familiar. One of the doors had opened in the hallway. Dave stood in a doorway. The face was the same, rather sweet, though the lips were a bit softer, the cheeks a bit rounder, the hair a little silkier. Dave wore a pair of glasses, hiding those red eyes. Dave was also a harpy. Arms ended in dark, feathered wings. His legs became black-feathered, taloned legs, wickedly curved, but strangely elegant.

"DAVE?" Karkat asked, staring slightly. The blonde was wearing a tight black tube top, showing off his midriff, and a tight black skirt. "UH. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU FINALLY GAVE IN AND LET KANAYA AND ROSE DRESS YOU."

"dove actually" Dave- Dove- lifted his skirt. Karkat swallowed. Her skirt.

"Ah yes. The Bird of Time. A rare class, quite passive. Not quite as passive as the Muse, but an always-female class. Of course, Dave would find the title extremely strange-"

"SHUT UP, AND HER NAME'S DOVE, JACKASS. DAVE TOLD ME ABOUT THE WHOLE DAVESPRITE THING. I GUESS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOUR SPRITE ENDED UP ASCENDING?"

"caw caw stud." The black harpy winked lightly. "yeah apparently paradox space is almost as fond of pranks as this puppety jackass. get going, big cal."

"I don't need to deal with this, you know. I am trying to be a perfect host-"

"JESUS, SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GO, OKAY? I'VE GOT A TEARFUL REUNION WITH A SEX-CRAZED BIRD VERSION OF MY FRIEND, YOU FREAKY PUPPET FUCKER."

Doc Scratch was quiet for a second. "Oh, to heck with both of you." With a flash of green light, he was gone.

Dove smiled sweetly, and lifted a wing, inviting Karkat into the room. A small room, it was rather messy. Drifts of paper covered the ground, with art covering them. It was surprisingly not shitty. Most of them would have turned even the most shameless pervert an appropriately bloody hue. "UH. THIS IS A LOT MORE ADVANCED THAN THE SHITTY DICKS YOU USED TO DRAW." Karkat rubbed his head uncomfortably. There was a large, soft bed. Dave hopped across the room, wings fluttering. "I'M HONESTLY KIND OF SURPRISED HOW GOOD THEY LOOK, THOUGH, CONSIDERING YOU'RE DRAWING WITH WINGS."

"it wasn't easy. i kind of got tired of half-assing it, though. you know? you can only avoid trying for so long." Dove took a seat on the bed, elegant black legs crossing beneath him, his wings settling down. "so yeah. i combined with my sprite. the main dave bit the dust which sucked. and i went god tier." Dove snorted. "paradox space has a mean sense of humor. turning me into a crow, and a girl. the stuff that was infecting our session made me a sexier bird than usual, though. caw caw. anyway i guess my becoming the bird of time was sort of like a warning that our whole deal was doomed. like a canary showing that our timeline was poisoned. things went bad kind of fast."

Karkat stared. He knew Dave. The guy did detached well. Dove wasn't doing detached very well. She was trying, but her body language was tense, nervous. She was sneaking peeks at him nearly constantly. She looked like she was terrified of... What? "DOVE, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE A GRUB LOOKS AN ABUSIVE LUSUS?"

Dove froze. Then she laughed. Her voice was so sweet. Dave had a decent voice, but there was something innately lyrical to the way that Dove spoke. "jesus karkat that is such an alien thing to say. well, uh. it's..." The harpy took a deep breath. "i was worried you wouldn't like me. like, i know this is kind of a thing for me. the whole 'feeling inferior to my own selves' thing. and i'm a crow, and a g... a girl. i thought, well. you might not like me if i was like this."

"YEAH, GOD, IF I WERE A HOMOSEXUAL, OR HOMOSEXUALITY WERE A THING FOR MY SPECIES, THEN THIS MIGHT BE WEIRD. AND YOU BEING PART AVIAN WOULD BE WEIRD, IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY A MAMMAL AND THUS BIOLOGICALLY BIZARRE. YOU DUMBASS."

Dove looked down, her glasses slipping down her elegant nose just a bit. Red eyes glittered, and she looked nervous. "i know it's bonkers but uh this is kind of a big deal. you know? we're not... really real, if you know what i mean. the others don't seem to notice it, but i can feel that we're doomed. this brothel keeps us safe, but it's like- shit, i really want to get this image across without using the word 'birdcage'."

Karkat flopped down next to her, patting the harpy on the back. He'd thought Dave had been bad. Clearly he was a pillar of sanity among Daves across the multiverse. That was a terrifying thought. "LOOK, I AM NOT CONFIRMING OR DENYING THAT I HAVE EVER HAD ANY KIND OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH A DAVE. BUT YOU'RE A PRETTY COOL CHICK-"

The two of them stared at one another for a while, neither making a move. Dove cracked first, laughing softly, her lyrical voice sweet, tinkling like a bell. Karkat flushed, trying not to stare at the way her chest moved as she laughed and lay across the bed. She was flat-chested, but there was just enough softness there to do something to Karkat's libido. "YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT HAVING TROUBLE WITH THOSE PRONOUNS. SO, UH. YEAH. YOU'RE CUTE LIKE THIS. ALSO, YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE BEEN MADE TOTALLY HORRIBLE BY BECOMING A MONSTER. THOUGH IT'S DEEPLY DISQUIETING TO SEE YOU ALL NERVOUS AND EARNEST. "

Dove snickered. "well, it's kind of hard not to be. this stupid bird thing leaves me kind of... dumb. i can't hide my emotions worth a shit for some reason. i've had to stay away from rose because she goes full psycho analysis on me. and it just feels like... nobody here is real, but you are. you smell solid. like just leaning against you makes me feel a little less doomed." The harpy lay sideways across Karkat's lap. Her upper body rested on his lap, her wings folded at her sides. She was astoundingly light, her body warm to the touch. Karkat flushed. He wasn't very good at this. He reached down, and gently rubbed the blonde hair out of her eyes, tugging off her glasses. She rolled onto her back, her warm head resting directly on his groin, and made eye contact. "so, like. you said that  you won't confirm or deny getting down with daves. do you think you want to fuck me?" Her voice was so straightforward, her red eyes glittering. It had been hard to realize she was female only a few minutes ago. Now, it was getting hard to shut that awareness off. Her lips looked so soft.

Karkat wasn't quite aware of how she came to be sitting on his lap. From the look on Dove's face, she wasn't certain either. Her expression was full of nervous tension. He leaned forward, and gently pressed his lips into hers. She stiffened, her back going straight, and then she relaxed. She melted into the kiss, her tongue twirling around his, and sucking gently on it. She was so soft, and warm. I mean, Dave had been awfully soft and warm too. But Dove practically melted against his body, her hips slowly shaking back and forth. She broke the kiss after a few seconds. Her saliva was as sweet as honey, and a long trail of it hung between their lips, as she smiled.  "you're not in a relationship with dave, are you? i don't want to be a homewrecker."

"JESUS, DOVE, HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN MY FIDELITY GLANDS, ALRIGHT? I'M NOT CHEATING ON ANYONE." He slid his arms around her, gently. She was so light, he was a little worried about hurting her. "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET... BROKEN OR SOMETHING, ARE YOU? YOU FEEL WAY TOO FRAGILE." Dove gave him a smirk.

"you think i can't take what you can dish out? like you're some buff stud, karkat. come on." Dove leaned close, smirk turning into a warm, intimate smile, her breath warm as it ran over his chest. She snuggled her face into his chest, and began pivoting her hips back and forth. "i am literally built to fuck, karkat. you can go as hard as you like, and i will be totally fine."

"WOW, I TAKE IT BACK, YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE DAVE." Dove's face flushed, and Karkat took the opportunity to cop a quick feel. Her chest was flat, but there was softness there. His fingers slipped underneath the tight black tube top, teasing over her chest. Her voice came out in a sweet, singing moan, as she arched her back, her hips grinding down into his. He kept his fingers moving. Her nipples were soft, and each the size of eraser nubs. He grinned, as he yanked her top up. Her bare chest was exposed, and she moved her wings upwards, trying to hide them. The troll easily swept them aside. Dove let out a soft little noise of pleasure.

"it's kind of weird, i mean, whatever the change did... everyone's kind of feminine." She said, her voice quavering, as he leaned forward. She was trying to distract herself from what he was doing. He wasn't about to let her. He bite, with absolute care, at one of her nipples. He was rewarded with a squawk, as Dove's shoulders went stiff. His tongue swirled across the soft skin. She tasted good. "it's really hard... to find anyone who's masculine..." she murmured softly. "i guess i just had to make do with you- ah!" She squawked again as Karkat gave her other nipple a gentle bite. He unzipped his pants with his other hand.

"YOU KNOW, I MIGHT ALMOST SUSPECT THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO USE SOME KIND OF HUMAN TRASH-TALK. OBVIOUSLY AS AN ALIEN RACE MY ATTITUDES TOWARDS GENDER AND THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT FROM YOURS. SO YOU TELLING ME TO MAN UP IS PRETTY FUCKED UP."

Dove pouted. "so i'm not going to taunt you into plowing me silly?" she asked, her expression disappointed.

"OH, NO, YOU ARE. I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A HARD TIME." Karkat's arms wrapped tightly around Dove, and he lifted her up, before pumping her down, hard. She let out a high, keening cry of pleasure, her back arching as the tip of his shaft buried deep inside of her. Her slender legs wrapped around his waist, hooking together. She was intensely warm inside, moisture dripping down his bulge. She looked down at him, her tongue hanging out of her mouth, drooling a bit. Seeing Dove with her expression so lewd, her red eyes shining, it was hard not to enjoy himself. She flexed her back, and he felt the muscles inside of her tighten around him. His breath came out in a rush.

One of his hands went to the back of Dove's head. Fingers tangled in golden hair. The other hand grabbed her around the torso. Karkat lifted her light, delicate frame, and then brought her back down, hard. True to her word, she didn't break, though she did bend slightly, her mouth hanging open, eyes glazed. "ah fuck!" she screamed. Karkat thought that was slightly overblown, but he kept moving her. His arms wrapped tightly around her, she scrabbled to move with him, bouncing on his lap. The feeling of her warm womanhood clenching and tightening around his bulge was intense, the warmth and friction growing harder and harder to bear.

Not that Karkat was bothering to hold back. He let go inside of her. Dove's pussy clenched unbearably around his erection, and the two of them clung to one another for a long time. He could feel the way she rhythmically tightened around him, until he was milked dry. Thick red genetic material dripped out of her, down her thighs, as she wrapped her wings around his shoulders, nuzzling him affectionately. "DoVE, IT'S WEIRD TO SEE YOU BEING SO PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE. YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP THAT. YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME A FREAKOUT."

Dove opened her eyes, and kissed his nose gently, giving it a soft little bite. He let out a squawk of surprise at the action, and then glowered at her as she smiled affectionately. "no i like seeing you get all shouty and outraged. also, just so you know, doc scratch puts cameras in the walls. i think he makes a profit by selling the footage of this stuff... somewhere."

"WHAT?! AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO WARN ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE THE WHOLE TENDER EMBRACE?! STRIDER, YOU JACKASS, WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING?!" Karkat asked. He wanted to get up, search for the cameras, and smash them. Then possibly give the unbearable bird on his lap a swat on the ass for misleading him.

"i thought that it was kind of hot, really. it's fun showing off my body. and besides, everyone gets to see what a stud you are. caw caw." Karkat tried to wither Dove with a cold look, but she just kept giving him that goofy little earnest smile, her red eyes warm as she nested on top of him, wiggling occasionally, sending a shudder through the troll. He would get up and do all of that later. He didn't really want to disturb her while she was so comfortable. "you going to come back and visit me often, karkat?" Dove asked, her head tilted in a distinctly birdlike manner, giving him an innocent smile.

"MAYBE." Karkat couldn't keep looking in her eyes. He might start to smile if he did.