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aetheros' shit

By: a guest on Sep 11th, 2011  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.81 KB  |  hits: 311  |  expires: Never
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  1. 9:30 PM - Aetheros: i have a story
  2. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: SHUT UP
  3. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: I HAVE A STORY
  4. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: ABOUT MY SHIT
  5. 9:31 PM - Gwushbolt: Looked like an ass-infused donkey
  6. 9:31 PM - [doc]: is it greentext
  7. 9:31 PM - [doc]: if so im not reading it
  8. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: yes
  9. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: THEN NO
  10. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: alright
  11. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: so
  12. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: me and my girlfriend were on the tail end of a roadtrip that lasted two weeks
  13. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: so we decided
  14. 9:31 PM - Aetheros: hey, lets stay in a four star hotel
  15. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: its the last night
  16. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: itll be nice
  17. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: okay, so we do
  18. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: and we get our room
  19. 9:32 PM - Vintage Swagger: a
  20. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: and its really nice and blah
  21. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: bla
  22. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: and so we get room service
  23. 9:32 PM - Vintage Swagger: a
  24. 9:32 PM - Aetheros: very nice food and shit
  25. 9:32 PM - Vintage Swagger a
  26. 9:32 PM - Gwushbolt spaghetti falls out of pocket
  27. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: i got a nice burger she got some.... fish or something
  28. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: either way very nice.
  29. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: and then half way through our nice meal on the balcony
  30. 9:33 PM - Vintage Swagger girlfriend is a bear
  31. 9:33 PM - [doc]: and then an old man raped your girlfriends
  32. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: my lower belly
  33. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: it calls out to me
  34. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: and it said
  35. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: YOU ARE GOING TO SHIT
  36. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: HARD
  37. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: RIGHT NOW
  38. 9:33 PM - [doc]: oh god
  39. 9:33 PM - Vintage Swagger: a
  40. 9:33 PM - Gwushbolt: I lol'd
  41. 9:33 PM - [doc]: did you
  42. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: so im like, sweetie, i need to go to the bathroom
  43. 9:33 PM - Aetheros: now
  44. 9:33 PM - [doc]: shit on your girlfriend
  45. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: youll see
  46. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: so i get into the bathroom, bowels screaming
  47. 9:34 PM - Vintage Swagger: a
  48. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: and i look at the toilet
  49. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: and  you know the hole the water goes through?
  50. 9:34 PM - Vintage Swagger toilet is a bear
  51. 9:34 PM - [doc]: yes
  52. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: that thing was half the diameter that a normal toilet is
  53. 9:34 PM - [doc]: oh no
  54. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: like only a little asian girl shit could go through
  55. 9:34 PM - Aetheros: but i needed to shit
  56. 9:35 PM - Aetheros: so i took my seat
  57. 9:35 PM - [doc]: is your girlfriend asian
  58. 9:35 PM - Vintage Swagger: and then a bear
  59. 9:35 PM - [doc]: you could make her eat your shit
  60. 9:35 PM - [doc]: and then she could shit it out
  61. 9:35 PM - [doc]: and it wont clog
  62. 9:35 PM - Aetheros: she was full.
  63. 9:35 PM - Aetheros: anyways.
  64. 9:35 PM - [doc]: lol
  65. 9:35 PM - Aetheros: so i finally relax my asshole muscles
  66. 9:35 PM - Vintage Swagger: and then a bear
  67. 9:35 PM - Aetheros: and then the beast appears.
  68. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: oh the pain
  69. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: it hurt so much
  70. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: and it kept coming
  71. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: and coming
  72. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: it hit the BOTTOM OF THE BOWL before it was out of my ass
  73. 9:36 PM - Gwushbolt: oh dear
  74. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: when it finally detached, i could feel it was indeed a no wiper
  75. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: so i got up
  76. 9:36 PM - Aetheros: and looked at my work
  77. 9:36 PM - Vintage Swagger: http://www.wimp.com/avalanchejumping
  78. 9:37 PM - Aetheros: it spanned the whole bowl.
  79. 9:37 PM - [doc]: oh lord
  80. 9:37 PM - Aetheros: now, being a smart individual, i knew not to try to flush it like that
  81. 9:37 PM - Aetheros: so with wadded toilet paper, i repossitioned it to go down the hole
  82. 9:37 PM - Aetheros: and then flushed.
  83. 9:37 PM - Aetheros: and this is where shit goes down.
  84. 9:37 PM - Gwushbolt: I can see where this is heading
  85. 9:37 PM - Gwushbolt: >where shit goes down
  86. 9:37 PM - Gwushbolt: oh god my sides
  87. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: it got halfway through the hole
  88. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: when it just all went to hell
  89. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: entire hole clogged
  90. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: and this toilet had the most retarded design ever
  91. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: the water would not stop flowing until the blockage was cleared.
  92. 9:38 PM - Aetheros: and did you know they dont supply plungers in 4 stars?
  93. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: i instantly knew my doom was near
  94. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: as the horrid water began to rise
  95. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: my childish insticts told me to just close the lid, it would be okay
  96. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: so i did
  97. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: it didnt help.
  98. 9:39 PM - Aetheros: water came spewing over the sides of the toilet
  99. 9:40 PM - [doc]: oh lord
  100. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: i tried desperately to make it stop
  101. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: but there was nothing i could do
  102. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: torrents of shitwater just came crashing out minute by minute
  103. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: at this point
  104. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: i knew there was no hiding it
  105. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: so i opened the bathroom door
  106. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: "sweetie
  107. 9:40 PM - Aetheros: I uhhh... overflowed the toilet"
  108. 9:41 PM - Aetheros: i didnt beleive me
  109. 9:41 PM - Aetheros: until she saw it
  110. 9:41 PM - Aetheros: by this point, there was an inch of water in the bathroom
  111. 9:41 PM - Gwushbolt: oh dear god
  112. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: so i waded through the shitwater and tore the top off of the toilet
  113. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: and psyically ripped up the mechanism that is supposed to stop the flow
  114. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: and it worked
  115. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: but now i was faced with an inch and a half of shitwater in a four star hotel bathroom
  116. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: every
  117. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: fucking
  118. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: towel
  119. 9:42 PM - Aetheros: was used
  120. 9:43 PM - Aetheros: i just threw them in the bathtub for the poor maid to find
  121. 9:43 PM - [doc]: ahahahah
  122. 9:43 PM - Aetheros: the toilet was never unclogged
  123. 9:43 PM - Aetheros: and you know what killed me the most?
  124. 9:43 PM - [doc]: your girlfriend ate it
  125. 9:43 PM - Scout Pilgrim (1): http://images.4chan.org/v/src/1315782887885.jpg
  126. 9:43 PM - Aetheros: as we were leaving the hotel to get back on the road
  127. 9:44 PM - Aetheros: we opened the door to leave, just as the maid was walking up to clean our room
  128. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: Oh god
  129. 9:44 PM - Aetheros: i couldnt make eye contact
  130. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: Aetheros
  131. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: can I just say
  132. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: I love you
  133. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: And that was probably one of the best stories I've ever read
  134. 9:44 PM - [doc]: aetheros
  135. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: eer
  136. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: ever
  137. 9:44 PM - Gwushbolt: AND I READ WAR AND PEACE
  138. 9:44 PM - [doc]: you're a spess muhreen now
  139. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: epilogue:
  140. 9:45 PM - Gwushbolt: Who invited him?
  141. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: the maid walked into the bathroom
  142. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: and upon the closed toilet seat there is a piece of paper
  143. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: folded nicely
  144. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: she timidly walks over to it and picks it up
  145. 9:45 PM - Aetheros: inside there is just one phrase in bad, hastely writted handwriting
  146. 9:46 PM - Darwen (1): What did I miss
  147. 9:46 PM - Aetheros: "I am SO sorry."
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