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- Immagine this scenario in a videogame involving a trans-dimensional alien empire that has conquered alternate universes and dimensions being a major faction you can join and it has this Warhammer 40K reference/easter egg where two ranking military officer NPCs talk about it:
- Officer 1: “So have you played this table top board game? Its called ‘Warhammer Forty Thousand.’”
- Officer 2: “Wait, I know that- Actually yeah! Its some popular game franchise from another alternate Earth that’s recently assimilated into this vast trans-dimensional empire. And I tell you, the lore and story behind that franchise is mind boggling, intriguing, and even insane at times!”
- Officer 1: “Insane? Intriguing? What about it? I thought its just a series of a fictional universe which sole purpose is to be a game franchise and sell inordinately expensive miniature plastic figurines?”
- Officer 2: “More than that, there’s a reason why its popular in that alternate Earth; its story. OK let me try to condense and explain it as best and brief as possible, okay? So it starts off when in a universe where life grows the first ultimate beings; a bunch of obese amphibian-like Frog People who evolved to become powerful beings with magical powers. And discovered some “Realm of Souls.’”
- Officer 1: “Magic!? Ugh if that universe we real we’d have to cull any magics and enslave any magical beings. You know magic is ALWAYS a bad thing when left in the hands of those who don’t know any better!”
- Officer 2: “I’am not done yet! Ok so; those frog people decided to create life for reasons unknown, and then came a race of hoity-toity sycophant milksop Space Elves whose key evolution was constantly having sex; making them a dominant species in that universe. And there were these other humanoid beings called, uh ‘Neekrontires?’ can’t remember. So these neekroons are grumpy and perpetually mad because they evolved in a radiation-blasted planet which forced them to build underground cities that look more like depressing tombs.
- So after some years of these neekrons being subservient to their animosity like entitled and condescending middle-aged people who think they literally know everything better than younger people do. They became jealous of the Frog People’s incredible powers and the Space Elves’ girth, thus making them research ways to either be just as advanced as others OR build a superweapon that they can use to kill everyone else; because again, they acted like self entitled middle aged losers. The neekroons came across some weird sentient Celestial Gas Clouds that fed off of sun energy and radiation, and then the race of entitled middle aged losers gathered the gas clouds and built them giant robot bodies. The gas clouds became giant-gas-robots which the neekrons worshipped as gods, then the Gas-Bots suddenly turned the neekroons into Robot-Skeletons, ‘cause why not?
- The giant Gas-Robots; with their new found powerful abilities, also decided to eat souls now instead of radiation, ‘cause souls are more nutritious? And they decided to prey on the Frog-People who had the biggest and tastiest souls, then started a long drawn galaxy-wide war which also involved those frilly anime Space Elves. And while at it, the Frog-People nearly became extinct, but some survived and decided to make a new race of powerful warrior-like beings that had no souls, have crowd mentality, and knew only war and destructions; which lead to the ‘Kroks’, who’re big green skinned monsters that are hard to kill, and can amazingly weaponize anything. The frilly Space Elves also decided to create new technology involving bones and what-not, and turns out; the bones that those anime-elves created are super-effective against those giant-soul-eating gas canisters. In addition, those gas canisters started infighting for reasons, and all remaining of them; including their armies of Robot-Skeletons, retreated to whatever crevice in their galaxies.”
- Officer 1: “…Wow that’s a lot of exposition… I guess that’s it?”
- Officer 2: “Nope! Barely, that’s still just the beginning. Things got even worse as the ‘Realm of Souls’ that I mentioned, we filled to the brim with the souls of those people who died in that war, causing imbalances and other horrible things which led to evil Demon creatures appearing. Said demon creatures killed whatever’s left of the already old and dying out Frog People. It’s like some complete asswipes suddenly invaded an old folk’s home, demolished and or looted their belongings, raped the caretaking staff, and subjected all old and or defenseless people to summary executions. And then a completely and totally unrelated group came along and did the exact same thing.”
- Officer 1: “Ouch!”
- Officer 2: “And what happened to the Space Elves? Those frilly and fragile pointy eared milksops? They were like; ‘Fuck it.’ Literally. And so they did; constantly, for the reasons of repopulating the galaxy in hopes they won’t die out. And NOOOO, I doubt those massive orgies would’ve been neither ‘sexy’ nor ‘kinky’ as some might think, and I would say it would NOT be worth masturbating to.
- SOOOO, after pointy-eared-orgy after pointy-eared-orgy, humans in that fictional universe finally appeared in their own version of a planet Earth. And unlike in most ‘normal and regular’ planet Earths throughout the multiverse; the early humans gained intelligence AND magical powers early on. Unfortunately for those early humans; demon creatures were still a thing in that universe and started killing those people in horrible ways. It was then the early humans with the magical powers decided to put their heads together to help their species survive… Quite literally, by combining their souls, magic powers, knowledge and strengths through ritualistic suicide which gave birth to an oh-so-omnipresent-godlike-entity who’d be referred to as ‘The Emperor’.
- Officer 1: “… OKAY something tells me I might get confused pass this point if you keep this up any longer.”
- Officer 2: “Alrightalrightalright! To make an already long story slightly less longer; some child was born and all the souls of those mighty-magic-humans went into that baby boy. The boy grew up, his powers as a god activated and ascended to godhood. From then on that point of time he started observing humanity grow while ofcourse being like anyother stupid ‘god’ throughout multiverse, only helped out people by screaming in the sidelines.
- But unfortunately for mankind in that universe, magical beings teleported in. Those magical beings ended up attracting demonic creatures into the human worlds causing chaos and demons appearing in the worlds. Fortunately mankind survived on by performing witch hunts and brutally murdering those wreck less magical beings. And to make things even worse; ‘Warpstorms’ kept happening across space making interplanetary travel impossible, thus isolating human worlds from one another, which is bad for Earth as it depended on other colonies for resources.
- Thus famine occurred across Earth and everyone degraded into warring factions who fought one another for territory and power. But the oh-so-mighty god-emperor finally decided to show up since screaming in the sidelines NEVER WORKS FOR ANY GOD. So after battles and war here and there Earth was reunited under his oh-so-holy leadership.”
- Officer 1: “And what happened to the rest of that fictional universe?”
- Officer 2: “Okay if you must know, fine. While the god-emperor was protecting Earth. Those pointy Space Elves fucked up again… Literally; maybe they were afraid they’d die out again or they were extremely horny while ingesting powerful narcotics through their anuses. And at that point in time; according to the lore sources of that game franchise, was when those Space Elves managed to pffft…” *giggles*
- Officer 1: “What? What happened???”
- Officer 2: “Like I said, the lore and story behind this game series is ‘fascinating’ at best, and I’d bet you’d love to hear and laugh at this.”
- Officer 1: “Really? Why?”
- Officer 2: “Well you see at that point, the Space Elves managed to murder-fuck a god; A GOD, into existence. THEY HELPED GIVE BIRTH TO A GOD BY BEING RABBITS.”
- Officer 1: “…What?”
- Officer 2: “YEEEP! Just goes to show that magics and over glorified beings calling themselves gods are one of the worst things that can happen throughout the multiverse. So yes, after the 696969th orgy; it has for some reason given birth to some goddess of lust and happiness. Which pretty much is the final coffin to hit the nail into the hammer for any sense that ‘Realm of Souls’ once had. That realm and space became a Technicolor place of jumbled thoughts and elven sexual fluids, and that goddess of lust and happiness also agitated other ‘Chaos Gods’ into full force, as they have not done anything significant in their entire lives. This then started a mass production of Demon Prostitutes and Punchmeat Monsters AND in addition this also caused more violent space storms which also created a massive warp-hole for demons and those gods to poke their genetelia in. Oh, and a lot of Space Elves died by having way too much drug fueled orgies.
- Though funny enough that giant warp-hole that those demons would use to transport into reality, also blew away those space storms and made space travel possible again. Thus the emeperor and his new sons would be destined to lead a mighty crusade to unite the lost human worlds under one banner.
- But ofcourse those Gods just had to ruin everything by scattering the emperor’s infant children across space, which forced that emperor to find all those lil’ kiddies which he successfully did and everyone was happy-happy-joy-joy.
- But for some reason, one of his sons threw a fit and started a rebellion; which I will not go into detail as of now, and said rebellion ‘killed’ the emperor-god making him bound into a glorified gold-plated toilet oh and some giant alien bugs showed and got killed. And there also some weird fish-like people who have big guns but hated fighting in close-quarters combat and cry about it.
- And somewhere in between those Space Elves are still alive and kicking, but mostly split into two groups; one which is the regular ol’ anime Space Elves who want to become great again only this time not in giant drug-fueled orgies.
- And second type of Space Elves are the ‘Dark’ Space Elves; who look more like skinny-drug-dealing-drug-addicted-psychopaths, who’d happily murder children and wear the victim’s flesh as costumes and unsubtly rape young prepubescent teenagers every sixty-nine days.
- And that there is the back story of that game’s universe and mythos. As for the rest, you have to find it yourself as I’am NOT going to summarize EVERYTHING in one sitting.”
- Officer 1: “…Wow that is quite a lore there… Though now that sort of begs the question… What if… That universe is REAL???”
- Officer 2: “…What?”
- Officer 1: “You know!? What if that universe turns out to be real? Judging by the grim-dark sounding theme of that franchise, it’d one of the most challenging universe we’d ever encounter! It would take entire armadas to take down a few in that universe!”
- Officer 2: “That universe is not real. Its fictional.”
- Officer 1: “But out there in the multiverse, anything is possible. And I’d dread to see that sight of what those ‘Chaos God’ worshippers look like-“
- Officer 2: “ITS NOT REAL! Even by the multiverse’s standard that fictional universe is too far-fetched to ever exist. I mean come on! A universe that has a billion humans who scream out loud; ‘FOR THE MIGHT EVER LIVING LEADER!!!!!!!!’, while wearing impractically large power armor that is adorned with too many skulls? Meanwhile in said universe, there’re talking fishes that idolize communism, green skinned savages that reproduce through releasing spores from their bodies? Elves who created a god by having too much sex, AND the people of Earth keep the body of their overglorified king glued into a golden toilet?
- That universe WOULD NEVER exist, even by the multiverse’s standards that is just outright far-fetched. So don’t over think about it.”
- Officer 1: “But-”
- Officer 2: “I SAID, DON’T. OVERTHINK. ABOUT. IT. Now come on I think breaktime’s almost over soon.”
- Officer 1: “Oh well then, mind if I borrow a copy of that tabletop board game then?”
- Officer 2: “Yeah after our shift though.”
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