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- Sep 16 23:50:36 <Teksura> honestly, sometimes I think we should design out soak and buff system like D&D
- Sep 16 23:50:53 <Teksura> we have your armor bonus to soak, which is what it is.
- Sep 16 23:51:08 <Teksura> then we have a magical bonus, which is accomplished by potions or spells.
- Sep 16 23:51:18 <Teksura> but you can't stack more than one of the same type of bonus
- Sep 16 23:51:40 <Teksura> so, casting a spell to give soak and drinking a potion ONLY gives you whichever would grant the higher bonus
- Sep 16 23:51:56 <Teksura> then we make a skill bonus, where you have a bonus from skills
- Sep 16 23:52:04 <Teksura> and an enchantment bonus, gained from armors
- Sep 16 23:52:18 <Xirvi> That definitely levels the playing field a lot better
- Sep 16 23:52:25 <Teksura> the problem being that while this is super-easy to do in pen-and-paper
- Sep 16 23:52:36 <Xirvi> Tanks should really be the only characters capable of having insane soaks
- Sep 16 23:52:41 <Teksura> it's a little obnoxious to explain
- Sep 16 23:52:47 <Xirvi> Well, tanks and Advocates. I like Advocates just the way they are, but fix the goddamn blessings/healing aura
- Sep 16 23:52:54 <Xirvi> yeah
- Sep 16 23:53:11 <Xirvi> Honestly, though, it's a tried and true method
- Sep 16 23:53:22 <Xirvi> KOTOR used the d20 system and I loved it
- Sep 16 23:53:27 <Teksura> yeah, Bob wouldn't do anything to prevent Advocates from fucking up the blessings of other advocates
- Sep 16 23:53:42 <Teksura> even though there is no logical reason why it needs to
- Sep 16 23:54:26 <Teksura> the whole thing was designed *specifically* to make it good to have 2 advocates, 1 specializing in offense and 1 in defense
- Sep 16 23:54:41 <Teksura> spas not to make them redundant
- Sep 16 23:54:45 <Teksura> *so as
- Sep 16 23:55:06 <Teksura> but nope. bob makes them remove the blessings from other advocates because why the fuck not
- Sep 16 23:55:21 <Windrunner> Whats obnoxious about a D&D style soak system?
- Sep 16 23:55:22 <Xirvi> Aside from the fact that not having 1 more CP kinda fucked up my plans for grinding anything else
- Sep 16 23:55:32 <Xirvi> Sumi Lanezi is, imo, my best designed character
- Sep 16 23:55:42 <Xirvi> And remember, I sacrificed some CP for flavour purposes
- Sep 16 23:55:50 <Teksura> really the only obnoxious thing is it's a verbal nightmare to explain to someone not already familiar with it
- Sep 16 23:56:10 <Xirvi> I haven't played D&D or any d20 system game in about seven years
- Sep 16 23:56:19 <Xirvi> Not in a tabletop setting anyways
- Sep 16 23:56:37 >TekBot_V2< !join #clothed
- Sep 16 23:56:38 * TekBot_v2 (TekBot_V2@nw-D8951FD5.tukw.qwest.net) has joined #Clothed
- Sep 16 23:57:01 <Teksura> !roll stats
- Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled up a new character! Base stats are:
- Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 1st stat: (1 dropped) 4 3 1 - Total: 8
- Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 2nd stat: (1 dropped) 5 4 2 - Total: 11
- Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 3rd stat: (3 dropped) 6 5 3 - Total: 14
- Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 4th stat: (1 dropped) 3 2 2 - Total: 7
- Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 5th stat: (1 dropped) 2 2 6 - Total: 10
- Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 6th stat: (1 dropped) 2 4 2 - Total: 8
- Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Average Stat: 9.666667
- Sep 16 23:57:13 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 16 23:57:23 <Xirvi> That is a cool feature
- Sep 16 23:58:50 <Teksura> Xirvi, you are in a village and some heroes just rode into town. according to your stats you are weak, dumb, and ugly. Obviously you are a simply peasant of marginally average nature. your one claim to fail is you're a pretty good juggler. WHAT DO YOU DO?
- Sep 16 23:59:08 <Teksura> *claim to fame
- Sep 16 23:59:10 <Xirvi> Press the Explosive Murder button
- Sep 17 00:00:04 <Teksura> You press the button marked Explosive murder. you're not sure where this thing came from or why nobody has tried pressing it before. You guess you sort of figured that nobody wanted to murder anyone. Well, balls to it. Lets see what happens.
- Sep 17 00:00:12 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 00:00:13 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
- Sep 17 00:00:15 <Xirvi> :C
- Sep 17 00:00:55 <Teksura> As the heroes i mentioned before ride past you, they explode in a violent fury of hatred and hellfire. you are caught in the blast and knocked to the ground. Take some damage
- Sep 17 00:01:01 <Teksura> !roll 1d10
- Sep 17 00:01:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d10! They rolled: 10 - Total 10
- Sep 17 00:01:12 <Teksura> you are very badly hurt.
- Sep 17 00:01:24 <Teksura> people are screaming now. what do you do?
- Sep 17 00:01:52 <Xirvi> Umm, I exploded but I'm not dead?
- Sep 17 00:01:58 <Teksura> no, someone else exploded.
- Sep 17 00:01:59 <Xirvi> Shit, I think I'll do some screaming too, that's scream-worthy stuff
- Sep 17 00:02:00 <Xirvi> Oh
- Sep 17 00:02:05 <Xirvi> Oh yeah
- Sep 17 00:02:07 <Xirvi> (sorry 3 AM)
- Sep 17 00:02:13 <Teksura> becauseyou rolled so badly on your roll to explode that you missed
- Sep 17 00:02:34 <Xirvi> Do they have any belongings left or are they just giblets and a smear?
- Sep 17 00:02:44 <Teksura> you check your pockets
- Sep 17 00:04:34 <Teksura> inside them you find a set of 2 JUGGLING BALLS, 1 of which is missing and you're not sure where it went to. you also find a FLASK OF QUESTIONABLE CONTENT. You're not entirely sure what's in there but it's possibly good to drink. you also find a HAIRPIN OF ABSOLUTELY NO IMPORTANCE WHATSOEVER and a few PIECES OF CANDY CORN
- Sep 17 00:05:04 <Teksura> you have 2 of the set of 3 JUGGLING BALLS
- Sep 17 00:06:14 <Xirvi> I... I'll drink the contents of the flask, this is a good time for boozing
- Sep 17 00:06:23 <Xirvi> Seeing as a dude just exploded
- Sep 17 00:06:28 <Xirvi> And I'm hurt
- Sep 17 00:06:30 <Teksura> It smells kind of funny, but down the hatch!
- Sep 17 00:06:33 <Teksura> uhhh
- Sep 17 00:06:35 <Teksura> ohhhh
- Sep 17 00:06:51 <Teksura> that may notch hash been a goodish idear
- Sep 17 00:06:59 <Teksura> you black out
- Sep 17 00:07:35 <Xirvi> oh shish
- Sep 17 00:07:53 <Teksura> when you awaken, you find yourself entirely naked, laying facedown on someones roof. a sure sign that whatever happened last night, it must have been a great time.
- Sep 17 00:08:06 <Xirvi> AWESOME
- Sep 17 00:08:08 <Xirvi> Am I still badly hurt?
- Sep 17 00:08:28 <Teksura> you're mildly sunburnt, but feel fine otherwise
- Sep 17 00:08:34 <Xirvi> Oh, that's normal
- Sep 17 00:08:39 <Xirvi> Is this a sturdy roof?
- Sep 17 00:09:36 <Teksura> you look around the roof for a bit. yeah. looks pretty sturdy. hey, your 2 JUGGLING BALLS are over there in the rain gutter. You pick them up and ass them to your INVENTORY because this is not the place to leave them.
- Sep 17 00:09:49 <Xirvi> I ass them to my inventory? Well, I guess I have to if I'm naked
- Sep 17 00:09:52 <Xirvi> And want to store them
- Sep 17 00:10:10 <Teksura> good. one does not question the mysteries of the inventory
- Sep 17 00:10:15 <Xirvi> So with two juggling balls in my ass
- Sep 17 00:10:20 <Xirvi> I guess I'll try to climb down
- Sep 17 00:10:25 <Teksura> also that was a typo, you ADD them to your inventory
- Sep 17 00:10:37 <Teksura> lol
- Sep 17 00:10:43 <Xirvi> Considering the context I could not have asked for a better typo
- Sep 17 00:10:50 <Teksura> indeed
- Sep 17 00:11:06 <Windrunner> where does one have an inventory in the nude.... don't ask
- Sep 17 00:11:48 <Teksura> you climb down and find yourself standing in front of a wench. you probably should have looked around to find a safe place to get down first. she screams at your nakedness and runs
- Sep 17 00:12:00 <Xirvi> At least she screamed rather than laughed
- Sep 17 00:12:11 <Xirvi> I mean, that's an improvement
- Sep 17 00:12:15 <Xirvi> Can I chase her?
- Sep 17 00:12:34 <Teksura> you run after the wench through town, naked
- Sep 17 00:12:45 <Xirvi> Dong flopping around
- Sep 17 00:12:48 <Xirvi> I mean what
- Sep 17 00:13:16 <Teksura> a rather burly guard clotheslines you wrestling style.
- Sep 17 00:13:26 <Xirvi> Wrestling style and I'm naked? OH MY~
- Sep 17 00:13:33 <Xirvi> I lock lips with him immediately
- Sep 17 00:13:40 <Xirvi> Or try to
- Sep 17 00:13:45 <Xirvi> I try to lock lips with him
- Sep 17 00:13:50 <Xirvi> Dammit Xirvi, you're not in an ERP
- Sep 17 00:13:57 <Xirvi> This is reality
- Sep 17 00:14:16 <Teksura> you attempt to make smooches with the guard, but it's pretty hard to do from the ground while he is currently kicking you in your chest
- Sep 17 00:14:22 <Teksura> !roll 1d4
- Sep 17 00:14:23 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d4! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
- Sep 17 00:14:26 <Teksura> take 2 damage
- Sep 17 00:14:29 <Xirvi> Ouch
- Sep 17 00:14:54 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 00:14:55 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 16 - Total 16
- Sep 17 00:14:56 <Xirvi> "I yield, I yield, just give me some trousers, man"
- Sep 17 00:16:04 <Teksura> He stops kicking you and gives you an awkward glare. finally, he throws a SPARE PAIR OF PANTS at you.
- Sep 17 00:16:07 <Xirvi> You know, I like that until now I haven't questioned why I was chosen to be a mediocre carnie who ended up naked on a roof
- Sep 17 00:16:15 <Xirvi> I shall done SPARE PAIR OF PANTS
- Sep 17 00:16:16 <Xirvi> don
- Sep 17 00:16:28 <Teksura> amazingly, they fit perfectly
- Sep 17 00:16:33 <Xirvi> Also I suppose I'll un-ass those balls and put them in my pockets, if I have pockets
- Sep 17 00:17:01 <Xirvi> Poor guard
- Sep 17 00:17:09 <Teksura> you spend a minute playing with your balls in front of the guard. he doesn't seem half as amused about this as you currently are.
- Sep 17 00:17:46 * Xirvi has changed the topic to: http://tinyurl.com/nd77hsd | <Teksura>: never insult my maths | <Teksura>: we just need to get you sized for the shackles. | <Teksura>: my favorite story is grenades | <Teksura>: we need a divorce skill | <Teksura>: you spend a minute playing with your balls in front of the guard
- Sep 17 00:18:12 <Xirvi> "Right, what's in this town, mate"
- Sep 17 00:18:32 <Xirvi> "in other words, where can I find a drink, preferably a place that does not require a shirt"
- Sep 17 00:19:15 <Xirvi> (I mean, I might as well try to salvage this adventure by finding some adventurers to adventure with)
- Sep 17 00:19:37 <Teksura> "Why, you're in the town of drunken blackouts! nobody really knows why, but every time someone gets way more smashed than any human should ever be able to survive, they always end up here. always. no matter where they were in the world when they got drunk. it's a real mystery."
- Sep 17 00:19:58 <Teksura> "as a result we have more taverns per person than any other town in the world"
- Sep 17 00:20:14 <Xirvi> "What horrible crimes did you commit in the king's service to get posted in a town of drunken blackouts, sir?"
- Sep 17 00:20:22 <Teksura> "Pick any building and there is a decent chance that they serve drinks there."
- Sep 17 00:21:13 <Teksura> "Oh, Me? No, I lost a drinking contest against a dwarf and wound up here with permanently pink hair"
- Sep 17 00:21:33 <Xirvi> "oh, my sympathies, though the pink is quite fetching"
- Sep 17 00:21:37 <Teksura> "got a job as town guard! means i get to legally beat the snot out of people. it's great!"
- Sep 17 00:22:04 <Xirvi> "can you recommend a tailor in town? my nipples are hard as diamonds in this weather"
- Sep 17 00:22:57 <Xirvi> "you know, I don't want to show off my amazingly sculpted pecs to all the lovely ladies yet"
- Sep 17 00:23:44 <Teksura> "head down this street till you see a tavern called THE CROOKED CABER, turn left. Go on till you see a tavern called THE CAPTIVE CREEPER, turn right. go onward until you see a tavern called THE UNNAMED BAR, it'll be between that and another tavern called THE BETTER BAR.
- Sep 17 00:24:09 <Xirvi> "Quite right sire, ta" I'll say my goodbyes and follow his directions
- Sep 17 00:24:47 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -2
- Sep 17 00:24:49 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 14 :: -2 (modifier) - Total 12
- Sep 17 00:25:01 <Teksura> you are now standing inside THE TAILORS.
- Sep 17 00:25:07 <Xirvi> Ooo
- Sep 17 00:25:21 <Teksura> inside you see
- Sep 17 00:26:27 <Teksura> a SMALL DESK which has a SMALL BELL on top. a SEWING MACHINE, a TAPPED BARREL OF LIQUOR, and a POSTER
- Sep 17 00:26:46 <Xirvi> I'll take a gander at the poster
- Sep 17 00:27:28 <Teksura> it's some sort of recruiting poster for something called the DRUNKEN IDIOTS BRIGADE. You're not sure what they actually do though.
- Sep 17 00:27:44 <Xirvi> hmm, something to remember
- Sep 17 00:27:46 <Xirvi> I'll ring the bell
- Sep 17 00:27:50 <Xirvi> Repeatedly
- Sep 17 00:28:02 <Teksura> it dings several times
- Sep 17 00:28:05 <Xirvi> Until someone shows up or until my hand tires of it
- Sep 17 00:28:09 <Xirvi> dingdingdingdingdingding
- Sep 17 00:28:18 <Teksura> it continues to ding
- Sep 17 00:28:24 <Teksura> your hand is getting tired
- Sep 17 00:28:40 <Teksura> you find that kind of expressive
- Sep 17 00:28:53 <Teksura> it normally takes a lot more to tire out that hand
- Sep 17 00:29:08 * Xirvi snickers
- Sep 17 00:29:10 <Teksura> *impressive
- Sep 17 00:29:11 <Xirvi> Right, uhh
- Sep 17 00:29:13 <Xirvi> I guess I'll stop
- Sep 17 00:29:22 <Xirvi> Does the desk have a drawer?
- Sep 17 00:29:34 <Teksura> you begin rummaging through the things!
- Sep 17 00:30:00 <Xirvi> Things. THINGS!!!
- Sep 17 00:30:03 <Xirvi> They're mine, ALL MINE
- Sep 17 00:30:12 <Xirvi> I'll take ALL THE THINGS or as many can fit in my pockets
- Sep 17 00:30:21 <Teksura> you find some CLOTH, some THREAD, a PATTERN, a MEASURING TAPE, an APPLE, and..... and..... AND........
- Sep 17 00:30:28 <Xirvi> Oh dear
- Sep 17 00:30:33 <Teksura> your EMPTY FLASK
- Sep 17 00:30:37 <Xirvi> DUN DUN DUNNN
- Sep 17 00:30:50 <Teksura> your FLASK still stinks though
- Sep 17 00:30:54 <Xirvi> oh
- Sep 17 00:31:03 <Xirvi> Well, I guess I'll take ye flask and everything else
- Sep 17 00:31:16 <Xirvi> What is the pattern for, pray tell?
- Sep 17 00:31:34 <Teksura> you examine the PATTERN. it appears to be for a shirt
- Sep 17 00:31:38 <Xirvi> Excellent
- Sep 17 00:32:14 <Xirvi> I'll sit at the SEWING MACHINE, crack my knuckles and have a go at this sewing thing with the cloth and thread and tape, following the pattern as closely as my hungover mind can muster
- Sep 17 00:32:33 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 00:32:34 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
- Sep 17 00:32:47 <Teksura> you craft 1 SURPRISINGLY DECENT SHIRT
- Sep 17 00:32:52 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 00:32:57 <Xirvi> I shall don the SURPRISINGLY DECENT SHIRT
- Sep 17 00:33:04 <Xirvi> Is there a mirror around here, by chance?
- Sep 17 00:33:27 <Teksura> you gain +1 to your APPEARANCE
- Sep 17 00:33:45 <Xirvi> yeaaah
- Sep 17 00:34:04 <Teksura> you look in the mirror. you look MARGINALLY BETTER than you thought you did.
- Sep 17 00:34:10 <Xirvi> But still shit, right?
- Sep 17 00:34:16 <Teksura> yes
- Sep 17 00:34:19 <Xirvi> good
- Sep 17 00:34:33 <Xirvi> I suppose I'll eat the apple since I'm not about to drink on an empty stomach
- Sep 17 00:35:12 <Xirvi> In fact that's probably how I ended up on that roof
- Sep 17 00:35:26 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 00:35:27 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 19 on the d20!
- Sep 17 00:35:37 <Teksura> it is JUICY and MOIST.
- Sep 17 00:35:43 <Xirvi> ooh moist
- Sep 17 00:35:58 <Teksura> which may sound like the same thing, but it's really so crisp and good, it requires both words
- Sep 17 00:36:10 <Teksura> this is perhaps the best apple you have ever had
- Sep 17 00:36:19 <Xirvi> Excellent, well, I suppose I'll take my leave of this place then and head to THE BETTER BAR
- Sep 17 00:36:38 <Teksura> you enter THE BETTER BAR. wow. this place is a shithole.
- Sep 17 00:36:44 <Xirvi> Perfect
- Sep 17 00:36:53 <Teksura> as you look around, you see
- Sep 17 00:38:05 <Teksura> a few TABLES, at which you see AN ASSORTMENT OF RANDOM DRUNKS, a few ESTEEMED DIPLOMATS at the BAR, a PRETTY TAVERN WENCH, and a LITERALLY SHITHOLE in the corner, which likely passes for the bathroom around here.
- Sep 17 00:38:27 <Xirvi> I'll go sit at the bar
- Sep 17 00:38:41 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 00:38:43 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled the d20! It fell off the table and went behind the desk. Good job, you just lost a perfectly good d20.
- Sep 17 00:38:56 * Xirvi cheers
- Sep 17 00:39:05 <Teksura> you sit at the bar and the stool breaks under your weight. you go crashing to the ground
- Sep 17 00:39:14 <Xirvi> Good god, I've really let myself go
- Sep 17 00:39:30 <Xirvi> I'll uhh, just stand at the bar, looking for the bartender
- Sep 17 00:39:34 <Teksura> this stool was made of cardboard. who makes stools out of cardboard?
- Sep 17 00:40:16 <Teksura> you stand at the bar and are eventually greeted by the PRETTY TAVERN WENCH.
- Sep 17 00:40:53 <Xirvi> "oi, wench, yeh know about the droonken ideeots breegade?"
- Sep 17 00:42:08 <Teksura> "Yeah, they're a well respected band of soldiers known for being sent on MISSIONS OF A SUICIDAL NATURE.
- Sep 17 00:43:00 <Xirvi> "I cannae afford a dreenk yeh see, but I figure if I can joinem, I can come bahck an' enjoy yer bev'rages - where might I find them?"
- Sep 17 00:44:04 <Teksura> "Head outside and turn left. go down past the WINKING SKEEVER and it'll be across from THE WET WILLY.
- Sep 17 00:44:48 <Xirvi> "Much obliged, madam" I shall bow and flourish like a proper gentleman and take my leave, following her directions
- Sep 17 00:44:58 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -2
- Sep 17 00:44:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 8 :: -2 (modifier) - Total 6
- Sep 17 00:46:21 <Teksura> Sadly, you do not have any points in your FOLLOW SIMPLE DIRECTIONS skill, and so you get lost and spend 2 hours finding the place.
- Sep 17 00:46:27 <Xirvi> oh :c
- Sep 17 00:46:33 <Xirvi> But I did find it, right?
- Sep 17 00:46:36 <Teksura> yes
- Sep 17 00:46:41 <Xirvi> Just like real life then
- Sep 17 00:46:49 <Xirvi> I'll go in
- Sep 17 00:48:07 <Teksura> you enter the DRUNKEN IDIOTS BRIGADE and find every single wall is lines with a KEG of some sort. Everyone here seems PASSED THE FUCK OUT from what must have been A REALLY AWESOME PARTY this morning.
- Sep 17 00:48:23 <Xirvi> *Everyone*?
- Sep 17 00:48:33 <Teksura> except you
- Sep 17 00:48:43 <Xirvi> oh, well
- Sep 17 00:48:54 <Xirvi> Do these brigadiers have uniforms?
- Sep 17 00:49:33 <Teksura> from what you can tell, their UNIFORMS consist of WHATEVER THEY HAPPENED TO BE WEARING AT THE TIME.
- Sep 17 00:49:39 <Xirvi> Excellent, excellent
- Sep 17 00:50:35 <Xirvi> Time to join them - I will pick a random keg and drink straight from the bung
- Sep 17 00:51:00 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 00:51:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 on the d20!
- Sep 17 00:51:06 <Xirvi> oh fuck
- Sep 17 00:51:41 <Teksura> you drink your fill of wash some rhealy sting stuff ahn pass tha fuck out
- Sep 17 00:51:48 <Xirvi> hey why can't Windrunner be one of these drunken idiots, why am I alone in this adventure
- Sep 17 00:51:50 <Xirvi> halp
- Sep 17 00:53:13 <Teksura> You wake up the next morning in a CAMP surrounded by SEVERAL DRUNKEN IDIOTS who all appear to be ARMED with IMPROVISED WEAPONS.
- Sep 17 00:53:26 <Xirvi> ooh do I have a weapon
- Sep 17 00:54:16 <Teksura> you check your INVENTORY and find that while you were out of it, someone equipped a STICK OF POINTYNESS into your WEAPON SLOT.
- Sep 17 00:54:22 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 00:54:48 <Xirvi> I'll speak with one of the drunken idiots: "oi m8, what's the plan, what's going on"
- Sep 17 00:55:28 <Teksura> "WOAH! How do you talk with numbers like that? HEY GUYS! CHECK THIS DUDE OUT! HE CAN SPEAK WITH NUMBERS!"
- Sep 17 00:55:59 <Xirvi> I'm just going to punch this dude
- Sep 17 00:56:09 <Xirvi> For being a smartass
- Sep 17 00:56:20 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -1
- Sep 17 00:56:21 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 16 :: -1 (modifier) - Total 15
- Sep 17 00:56:30 <Teksura> You knock him the fuck out.
- Sep 17 00:56:55 <Teksura> Another drunken idiot looks really impressed.
- Sep 17 00:57:01 <Xirvi> And now I stand over his unconscious body, pound my chest with my fist and let out a guttural war cry
- Sep 17 00:57:16 <Xirvi> Or, I suppose, try to anyways, it's not something I've done until this point
- Sep 17 00:57:20 <Teksura> "You can talk with numbers AND you kicked Mickey's ass? We need to make you our new commander!"
- Sep 17 00:57:28 <Xirvi> oh. shit
- Sep 17 00:58:14 <Xirvi> Well
- Sep 17 00:58:38 <Xirvi> "Good men, as I have just come to, might I inquire as to our present whereabouts and mission?"
- Sep 17 00:59:52 <Teksura> He shows you a map. It has a crude drawing of the camp, and a large castle. It says "You are here. Bad guys are there. Kill they ass."
- Sep 17 01:00:26 <Xirvi> "Right, men, we shall move out, gather your weapons and make preparations for battle"
- Sep 17 01:00:43 <Teksura> everyone begins making preparations for battle.
- Sep 17 01:00:51 <Xirvi> I assume much drinking occurs first
- Sep 17 01:00:53 <Teksura> there are now 4 KEGS OF VARIOUS CONTENTS set up
- Sep 17 01:01:24 <Xirvi> hmm
- Sep 17 01:01:29 <Xirvi> I will sample all four
- Sep 17 01:01:41 <Teksura> you sample the BOOZE. It's ok you guess.
- Sep 17 01:01:59 <Xirvi> "ok I guess" is good enough for booze in America, so good enough for me
- Sep 17 01:02:10 <Xirvi> I shall drink as much as I can muster
- Sep 17 01:02:11 <Teksura> you sample the BAD BOOZE. it's got some kick to it.
- Sep 17 01:02:30 <Xirvi> oh, I thought you meant all the booze
- Sep 17 01:02:31 <Xirvi> sorry >_>
- Sep 17 01:02:33 <Teksura> you sample the REALLY BAD BOOZE, it's got a lot more kick to it and you think you might be blind in one eye now
- Sep 17 01:03:10 <Teksura> you sample the POSSIBLY OGRE PISS, and spit it out.
- Sep 17 01:03:32 <Xirvi> Blind in one eye? Capital! "COMRADES, DO ANY OF YOUSH HAVE AN EYEPATCH FOR YOUR COMMANDER"
- Sep 17 01:03:42 <Xirvi> I'd best don an eyepatch before embarking on this endeavour
- Sep 17 01:03:58 <Teksura> someone presents you with a +1 EYEPATCH OF COMMAND
- Sep 17 01:04:03 <Xirvi> Eyepatch, trousers of dodgy quality, surprisingly decent shirt, I am a consummately dressed commander
- Sep 17 01:04:04 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 01:04:17 <Xirvi> I shall don the eyepatch
- Sep 17 01:04:23 <Xirvi> And then ask if the men are ready
- Sep 17 01:04:31 <Teksura> you gain +1 to your COMMAND skill while wearing this, +1 to your BADASS APPEARANCE skill
- Sep 17 01:04:57 <Teksura> the men report that they are pretty drunk right now
- Sep 17 01:05:01 <Xirvi> Perfect
- Sep 17 01:05:10 <Xirvi> Let's proceed to the castle we are meant to attack
- Sep 17 01:06:23 <Teksura> you head towards the CASTLE OF CERTAIN DEATH and find it surrounded by a CROCODILE FILLED MOAT. The DRAWBRIDGE is up
- Sep 17 01:06:35 <Xirvi> hmm
- Sep 17 01:06:54 <Xirvi> I'll inquire to the men if we have a goat
- Sep 17 01:07:08 <Teksura> 1 man produces SALLY from his inventory
- Sep 17 01:07:55 <Xirvi> "Men, you must trust my judgement on this one: we shall place the goat next to the moat and build a bridge using our well-built bodies. It is important, however, that we dress in naught more than our underclothes"
- Sep 17 01:08:51 <Xirvi> "Failing that, perhaps we can find a way to lower the drawbridge, I suppose"
- Sep 17 01:09:11 <Teksura> your men begin to strip to their underclothes
- Sep 17 01:09:15 <Xirvi> Right then
- Sep 17 01:09:43 <Teksura> "Do we hold onto the goat while making the bridge?"
- Sep 17 01:09:49 <Xirvi> The man who owns SALLY shall be the first to mount the goat
- Sep 17 01:10:11 <Xirvi> "Aye, the first man shall, the next man shall grasp that man wherever he pleases, and then the next man shall grasp that man, and so on, until we have a bridge across"
- Sep 17 01:10:17 <Xirvi> *hic*
- Sep 17 01:10:23 <Teksura> He attempts to grab the goat, and is promptly HEADBUTTED over the CASTLE WALL
- Sep 17 01:10:33 * Xirvi blinks
- Sep 17 01:10:34 <Xirvi> "GENIUS"
- Sep 17 01:10:40 <Xirvi> "AFTER ME LADS"
- Sep 17 01:10:43 <Xirvi> I will also grab the goat
- Sep 17 01:10:55 <Teksura> you are also HEADUTTED over the CASTLE WALL
- Sep 17 01:10:58 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 01:10:58 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 01:10:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
- Sep 17 01:11:07 <Teksura> you land on THE PREVIOUS GUY
- Sep 17 01:11:20 <Teksura> you land on THE PREVIOUS GUY
- Sep 17 01:11:23 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 01:11:24 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
- Sep 17 01:11:32 <Teksura> and then another guy lands on you
- Sep 17 01:11:37 <Xirvi> I will thank the previous guy profusely and promise him a promotion to my aide-de-camp
- Sep 17 01:11:39 <Xirvi> Ow
- Sep 17 01:11:57 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 01:11:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
- Sep 17 01:12:04 <Xirvi> Hat trick!
- Sep 17 01:12:05 <Teksura> and then another guy lands on him
- Sep 17 01:12:34 <Xirvi> I suppose I should move but is the weight of ANOTHER GUY and ANOTHER GUY preventing me from doing so?
- Sep 17 01:13:01 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -1
- Sep 17 01:13:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 10 :: -1 (modifier) - Total 9
- Sep 17 01:13:32 <Teksura> You squeeze your way out as a PILE OF BODIES comes flying your way
- Sep 17 01:13:45 <Xirvi> O_O
- Sep 17 01:13:54 <Teksura> *whoom*
- Sep 17 01:14:04 <Teksura> the rest of the troop made it over the wall you guess
- Sep 17 01:14:10 <Xirvi> Good good
- Sep 17 01:14:14 <Xirvi> Where did we end up?
- Sep 17 01:14:16 <Teksura> why can't they learn to take turns
- Sep 17 01:14:31 <Xirvi> Someone really should've brought the goat, I had a use for it but alas
- Sep 17 01:15:25 <Xirvi> I don't know how that would've worked, but so it goes
- Sep 17 01:16:37 <Teksura> you examine your surroundings. you appear to be in the COURTYARD OF PRETTY NICE THINGS. As you begin to ooh around you see a GOLDFISH IN A BOWL, A BOWL OF GOLDFISH CRACKERS, A NOBLE STEED, a FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE, and.... and.... OH MY GOD.
- Sep 17 01:16:44 <Teksura> your MISSING JUGGLING BALL!
- Sep 17 01:16:49 <Xirvi> O_O
- Sep 17 01:16:57 <Xirvi> MY JUGGLING BALL!
- Sep 17 01:16:59 <Xirvi> I MUST HAVE IT
- Sep 17 01:17:14 <Teksura> You have no idea how that thing got here, but you pick it up and add it to the rest.
- Sep 17 01:17:18 <Xirvi> good good
- Sep 17 01:17:20 <Xirvi> Right
- Sep 17 01:17:31 <Xirvi> >combine goldfish crackers with goldfish in bowl
- Sep 17 01:17:37 <Xirvi> I mean
- Sep 17 01:17:46 <Xirvi> I'll pour a few goldfish into the goldfish bowl
- Sep 17 01:17:47 <Teksura> You gain +1 to your IMPRESSIVENESS when using the JUGGLING BALLS, bringing your total bonus to +3
- Sep 17 01:17:56 <Xirvi> I mean
- Sep 17 01:17:59 <Xirvi> The goldfish crackers
- Sep 17 01:18:07 <Xirvi> Into the goldfish fish bowl
- Sep 17 01:18:09 <Xirvi> yes
- Sep 17 01:18:20 <Teksura> \ouadd crackers to the GOLDFISH BOWL. the GOLDFISH doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts to feed him.
- Sep 17 01:18:32 <Xirvi> Oh
- Sep 17 01:18:50 <Xirvi> I'll take the bowl of goldfish (the fish, not the crackers) and offer it to the FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE
- Sep 17 01:19:26 <Teksura> *gulp* he eats the BOWL WITH A FISH AND FISH CRACKERS
- Sep 17 01:19:37 <Xirvi> Even the bowl?
- Sep 17 01:19:45 <Teksura> yes
- Sep 17 01:19:49 <Xirvi> Good man
- Sep 17 01:19:51 <Teksura> you have tamed the FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE
- Sep 17 01:20:14 <Xirvi> I'll mount the frog of unreasonable size
- Sep 17 01:20:20 <Xirvi> This courtyard, I assume, has an exit
- Sep 17 01:20:34 <Teksura> RIDE 'EM, FROG BOY!
- Sep 17 01:20:56 * Windrunner was afk
- Sep 17 01:20:56 <Xirvi> I shall point my pointy stick toward the exit and say "MEN, LET US VANQUISH THE ENEMY FROM THIS CASTLE"
- Sep 17 01:21:01 <Teksura> you see an ENTRANCE to the MAIN CASTLE over there
- Sep 17 01:21:09 <Xirvi> God help you when you read the backlog
- Sep 17 01:21:10 <Xirvi> Ah
- Sep 17 01:21:11 <Xirvi> TO THE ENTRANCE!
- Sep 17 01:21:19 <Teksura> everyone looks at you as you point to the gates leading out
- Sep 17 01:21:41 <Xirvi> I'll point a little more wildly at the entrance
- Sep 17 01:21:47 <Teksura> an awkward moment passes
- Sep 17 01:21:56 <Teksura> and you turn to the ENTERANCE
- Sep 17 01:22:35 <Xirvi> "YES! YES! WE SHALL ENTER THE CASTLE AND LEAVE NONE ALIVE" (clearly I had to be really drunk to have this much bravado)
- Sep 17 01:22:51 <Teksura> they cheer wildly and together you storm into the ENTRANCE HALL OF ANNOYING SPLINTERS
- Sep 17 01:23:35 <Teksura> all of your men gain +1 REALLY ANNOYING SPLINTER in their feet as they walk across the floor
- Sep 17 01:23:45 <Xirvi> That we're all half-naked doesn't help much either
- Sep 17 01:23:47 <Teksura> as you are riding on your FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE, you are safe
- Sep 17 01:23:54 * Xirvi nods
- Sep 17 01:24:22 <Xirvi> Right, what's in this entrance hall other than splinters?
- Sep 17 01:24:25 <Teksura> several of your men are now hopping around on one foot trying to remove their splinters
- Sep 17 01:24:41 <Xirvi> "Help your comrades, lads! Use your mouth if you have to!"
- Sep 17 01:25:30 <Teksura> in here is a CHAIR OF MILD DISCOMFORT, a BANNER OF KINDA NICE YOU SUPPOSE, and a CAN OF WHUPASS
- Sep 17 01:25:55 <Xirvi> I will loot the banner and the can of whoop-ass, but I will take care not to open it
- Sep 17 01:26:07 <Xirvi> Is there a way into the rest of the castle?
- Sep 17 01:26:55 <Teksura> there are STAIRS OF SLIGHTLY THE WRONG SIZE SO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE AN AWKWARD TIME CLIMBING THEM WITHOUT TRIPPING leading up, and a PRETTY DARK HALLWAY over that way
- Sep 17 01:27:01 <Xirvi> bmm
- Sep 17 01:27:02 <Xirvi> hmm
- Sep 17 01:27:19 <Xirvi> Well, the frog and I should get up the stairs fine
- Sep 17 01:27:29 <Xirvi> "FOLLOW ME MEN," I say before proceeding up the stairs
- Sep 17 01:27:39 <Teksura> !roll 1d8
- Sep 17 01:27:40 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d8! They rolled: 1 - Total 1
- Sep 17 01:27:57 <Teksura> 1 of your men trips on the stairs and tumbles back down them
- Sep 17 01:28:16 <Teksura> he is now covered in REALLY ANNOYING SPLINTERS
- Sep 17 01:28:24 <Xirvi> We'll just leave him, he clearly wasn't meant to continue on this expedition
- Sep 17 01:28:47 <Teksura> 'it's obviously too late for the poor bastard, you leave him to whatever horrid fate awaits him
- Sep 17 01:28:58 <Xirvi> Aye, a proper memorial can happen later
- Sep 17 01:30:02 <Xirvi> So what is up these... stairs
- Sep 17 01:30:19 <Teksura> at the top of the stairs, you find yourself face to face with an ERRATIC SMOKE MACHINE. This is really surprising to you because you didn't think they had been invented yet in this campaign setting.
- Sep 17 01:30:29 <Teksura> It attacks you with a PUFF OF SMOKE for...
- Sep 17 01:30:32 <Teksura> !roll 1d4
- Sep 17 01:30:33 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d4! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
- Sep 17 01:30:38 <Teksura> 2 points of damage
- Sep 17 01:30:43 <Xirvi> "Pah! Foul magick sorcery!"
- Sep 17 01:31:03 <Xirvi> I will attempt to destroy it by charging headlong at it on the frog
- Sep 17 01:31:40 <Teksura> bah, who needs a STICK OF POINTYNESS when you have a FROG?
- Sep 17 01:31:46 <Xirvi> Exactly
- Sep 17 01:31:51 <Xirvi> IN FROG WE TRUST
- Sep 17 01:32:07 <Teksura> you charge the machine and the frog basically lands on it, crushing the foul device and sending SMOKE everywhere
- Sep 17 01:32:29 <Teksura> you gain 10 XP
- Sep 17 01:32:31 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 01:32:40 <Teksura> as a result of the smoke, you CAN'T SEE SHIT
- Sep 17 01:32:45 <Xirvi> I hope there is more than just an erratic smoke machine at the top of the stairs
- Sep 17 01:32:46 <Xirvi> oh
- Sep 17 01:33:11 <Xirvi> "Men, search around for an exit on this level"
- Sep 17 01:33:20 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 01:33:21 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 15 - Total 15
- Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found a window!"
- Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "II found a door"
- Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found something with boobies!"
- Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found Peaterson!"
- Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found a SHOE!"
- Sep 17 01:35:16 <Xirvi> I should add that I did *not* disrobe unlike my comrades
- Sep 17 01:35:17 <Xirvi> Oh, uh
- Sep 17 01:36:02 <Xirvi> "Man, you may keep the shoe." "Help Peaterson up, sir" "Man, you may keep the boobies" "THE REST OF YOU, THROUGH THE DOOR"
- Sep 17 01:37:17 <Teksura> you head through the door and find yourself face to face with a HORRIFYING UNSPEAKABLE ABOMINATION
- Sep 17 01:37:32 <Xirvi> O_O
- Sep 17 01:38:10 <Xirvi> I... tell me more about this abomination
- Sep 17 01:38:14 <Xirvi> Is it docile?
- Sep 17 01:38:35 <Teksura> I SAID it was unspeakable.
- Sep 17 01:38:42 <Xirvi> Pffff
- Sep 17 01:39:00 <Xirvi> Well
- Sep 17 01:39:20 <Xirvi> I will, again, charge recklessly and headlong at the abomination in an attempt to slay it, jousting style, with my pointy stick whilst riding the frog
- Sep 17 01:39:45 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 01:39:46 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 20 on the d20!
- Sep 17 01:40:36 <Teksura> turns out it's really fucking hard to joust on a frog, whatever that thing was, it's certainly dead now. crits solve everything
- Sep 17 01:40:48 <Xirvi> Exactly as I planned
- Sep 17 01:41:08 <Xirvi> I'll urge the rest of the men to come through the door
- Sep 17 01:41:24 <Xirvi> I mean, I'm kinda just running this show at the moment :c
- Sep 17 01:41:25 <Teksura> one of your men comes into the room dragging a LARGE STATUE OF A NAKED WOMAN
- Sep 17 01:41:56 <Xirvi> I will nod approvingly, "loot for us to take with us once we have conquered this castle - good man"
- Sep 17 01:41:58 <Teksura> another looks really disappointed with his shoe
- Sep 17 01:42:15 <Teksura> and a third is carrying Peaterson
- Sep 17 01:42:18 <Xirvi> "Cheer up lad, at least one of your feet is safe from the splinters"
- Sep 17 01:42:21 <Xirvi> "Is he dead?"
- Sep 17 01:42:23 <Teksura> no
- Sep 17 01:42:34 <Xirvi> Just... had too much to drink?
- Sep 17 01:42:38 <Teksura> no
- Sep 17 01:42:42 <Xirvi> Oh
- Sep 17 01:42:48 <Teksura> he's just being carried
- Sep 17 01:42:48 <Xirvi> Well, what happened to Peaterson? 0____0
- Sep 17 01:42:50 <Xirvi> oh
- Sep 17 01:42:59 <Xirvi> "What, why can't Peaterson stand on his own feet"
- Sep 17 01:43:22 <Teksura> "SIR! YOU ORDERED ME TO HELP PETERSON UP AND THIS IS AS FAR UP AS I CAN LIFT HIM. SIR!"
- Sep 17 01:43:44 <Xirvi> this guy gets The Stare
- Sep 17 01:43:59 <Teksura> he adds +1 stare to his inventory
- Sep 17 01:44:02 <Xirvi> "Fine, you may leave Peaterson be"
- Sep 17 01:44:05 <Xirvi> You son of a bitch
- Sep 17 01:44:17 <Teksura> he puts down Peaterson
- Sep 17 01:44:17 <Xirvi> "May I have my stare back?"
- Sep 17 01:44:30 <Teksura> your stare is returned to you
- Sep 17 01:44:35 <Xirvi> "It could be a stare way to heaven, you know"
- Sep 17 01:44:59 <Xirvi> So, what is this room we're in that contains the ex-abomination
- Sep 17 01:45:43 <Teksura> this room is CURIOUSLY EMPTY aside from a SHELF with 5 POTIONS OF UNKNOWN EFFECT
- Sep 17 01:45:57 <Xirvi> hmmmmm
- Sep 17 01:46:00 <Xirvi> How many men do we have with us?
- Sep 17 01:46:14 <Teksura> 7.
- Sep 17 01:46:25 <Teksura> Peaterson suddenly appears next to the shelf.
- Sep 17 01:46:30 <Xirvi> hmm
- Sep 17 01:46:40 <Teksura> so, 8 now
- Sep 17 01:46:47 <Teksura> including 2 Peatersons.
- Sep 17 01:46:52 <Xirvi> "Peaterson, sire, do these potions look identical to you?"
- Sep 17 01:46:59 <Xirvi> "The one next to the shelf, not the other one"
- Sep 17 01:47:38 <Teksura> the one next to the shelf says "you asked me that a while ago and the other me told you then that they all looked the same"
- Sep 17 01:48:10 <Xirvi> "... did I?"
- Sep 17 01:48:25 <Teksura> "you said that, too"
- Sep 17 01:48:55 <Xirvi> "Did I advise you to drink one to test the effects?"
- Sep 17 01:49:02 <Teksura> "Yes."
- Sep 17 01:49:13 <Xirvi> "And what were the effects?"
- Sep 17 01:49:18 <Teksura> "I don't know"
- Sep 17 01:49:29 * Xirvi stonefaces
- Sep 17 01:49:36 <Xirvi> Right, I'll dismount the frog and quaff one of the potions
- Sep 17 01:49:46 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
- Sep 17 01:49:47 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 19 - Total 19
- Sep 17 01:50:59 <Teksura> You drink the POTION OF FABULOUS HAIR. suddenly, your hair bursts out from your scalp and grows into a flowing, golden mane
- Sep 17 01:51:08 <Xirvi> :D
- Sep 17 01:51:13 <Teksura> your charisma score doubles as your men ooo and ahhh
- Sep 17 01:51:21 <Xirvi> I'll strike a pose
- Sep 17 01:51:29 <Teksura> you look FANTASTIC
- Sep 17 01:51:38 <Xirvi> Right, Bob (the previous guy, the one I landed on, let's call him Bob)
- Sep 17 01:51:47 <Xirvi> "Bob, you drink one as well"
- Sep 17 01:51:56 <Teksura> Bob drinks a potion
- Sep 17 01:51:57 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 01:51:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 10 on the d20!
- Sep 17 01:52:39 <Teksura> he gulps down the potion of REMEMBERING SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT FROM LAST WEEK.
- Sep 17 01:52:59 <Xirvi> I apologize to Bob that he did not receive fabulous hair
- Sep 17 01:53:16 <Teksura> and is now a little distraught that he forgot to relay a message someone asked him to give
- Sep 17 01:53:35 <Xirvi> "Well, after we've departed this castle, we shall relay the message, eh"
- Sep 17 01:53:43 <Teksura> the men cheer
- Sep 17 01:53:54 <Xirvi> He gets a slap on the shoulder for good measure
- Sep 17 01:53:57 <Xirvi> Right, back on the frog
- Sep 17 01:54:15 <Xirvi> "Peaterson next to the shelf, gather the other potions and keep them safe"
- Sep 17 01:54:53 <Xirvi> "... oh wait, you're half naked, aren't you? Umm... give them to me? I shall stash them, I suppose"
- Sep 17 01:55:12 <Teksura> he picks them up and attempts to add them to his inventory, but appears to no longer have access to it while there are 2 of him
- Sep 17 01:55:21 <Xirvi> Wait, what
- Sep 17 01:55:21 <Teksura> he hands you the potions
- Sep 17 01:55:46 <Xirvi> He cannot access his inventory while there are two of him? Why? Do his underpants not open?
- Sep 17 01:57:07 <Teksura> It appears to be a KNOWN BUG which was PREVIOUSLY UNADDRESSED because the circumstances which caused it were never supposed to be POSSIBLE without ADMIN.
- Sep 17 01:57:46 <Xirvi> What
- Sep 17 01:57:53 <Xirvi> The developers of this game are shit, get out of here
- Sep 17 01:58:05 <Xirvi> Well, is it obvious which one is Peaterson Prime?
- Sep 17 01:58:10 <Teksura> yes
- Sep 17 01:58:17 <Xirvi> Which one is it?
- Sep 17 01:58:21 <Teksura> that one
- Sep 17 01:58:26 <Xirvi> Oh. Where's the other one?
- Sep 17 01:58:31 <Teksura> over there
- Sep 17 01:58:35 <Xirvi> Oh
- Sep 17 01:58:38 <Xirvi> What's he been doing all this time?
- Sep 17 01:58:55 <Teksura> picking his nose
- Sep 17 01:59:14 <Xirvi> hmm
- Sep 17 01:59:19 <Xirvi> Bob, I must consult you
- Sep 17 01:59:30 <Xirvi> "Bob - do you suppose that both Peatersons are useful to our cause?"
- Sep 17 02:00:27 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:00:28 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 14 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:00:42 <Teksura> "What happens if we cause a pair of docks?"
- Sep 17 02:01:04 <Xirvi> "... a pair of docks?"
- Sep 17 02:01:20 <Teksura> "Like when time travel goes bad?"
- Sep 17 02:01:38 <Xirvi> "I'm not sure I follow. What would be the ill consequence of a pair of docks?"
- Sep 17 02:01:55 <Teksura> "I guess you'd not know which one to park your boar at"
- Sep 17 02:01:58 <Teksura> *boat
- Sep 17 02:02:12 <Xirvi> "This is a fair point, but we have no boat, sir, need I remind you"
- Sep 17 02:02:36 <Teksura> "You have a frog, which is almost a boat"
- Sep 17 02:03:18 <Xirvi> "That is true, but I do not even know if I would be able to park my frog at the dock in question anyways. What if I had two frogs? That would be quite nice, actually"
- Sep 17 02:03:26 <Xirvi> Right, does this room lead any further into the castle?
- Sep 17 02:03:35 <Teksura> "we should give a potion to the frog then!"
- Sep 17 02:03:56 <Xirvi> "Uh, sure Bob, good thinking, feed the frog" I'll hand him a potion
- Sep 17 02:04:33 <Teksura> the frog drinks the POTION OF GROW TO UNREASONABLE SIZE IN THE PAST. Huh. Guess that explains how the frog got this big.
- Sep 17 02:05:20 <Xirvi> "Let us discuss quantum mechanics and time travel another day, men. We have a castle to purify"
- Sep 17 02:05:41 <Teksura> the men cheer
- Sep 17 02:05:57 <Xirvi> Any obvious exits barring the way we came in?
- Sep 17 02:06:20 <Teksura> there is a LADDER LEADING UP, and a WINDOW OF SHEER DROPPAGE
- Sep 17 02:06:58 <Xirvi> Oh. I suppose I will dismount the frog again and head up "Follow me, men, and Peaterson II, mind the frog for us while we're away"
- Sep 17 02:08:00 <Teksura> you climb the LADDER and find yourself emerging from a TRAP DOOR in the floor of the next room. you are surrounded by 5 HARPIES
- Sep 17 02:08:18 <Xirvi> Oh dear
- Sep 17 02:08:34 <Teksura> you are pushed through the door by the next man who climbs up to join you
- Sep 17 02:08:49 <Xirvi> I'll climb in, step aside and back and draw my weapon
- Sep 17 02:09:01 <Teksura> he readies his weapon, a ROCK THAT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE A DAGGER
- Sep 17 02:09:15 <Xirvi> "Stand aside, foul harpies, or die, for we aim to cleanse this castle"
- Sep 17 02:09:17 <Teksura> you draw your STICK OF POINTYNESS
- Sep 17 02:09:33 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:09:34 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 2 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:09:40 * Xirvi turns on Star Trek fight music
- Sep 17 02:09:42 <Teksura> they are not impressed
- Sep 17 02:09:54 <Teksura> you turn on the star trek fight music
- Sep 17 02:10:01 <Xirvi> Fine. Still just me and one redshirt here?
- Sep 17 02:10:08 <Xirvi> Or have the others joined us?
- Sep 17 02:10:09 <Teksura> this series had a pretty bitching soundtrack
- Sep 17 02:10:21 <Teksura> he is not wearing a shirt
- Sep 17 02:10:26 <Xirvi> oh yeah, or much of anything
- Sep 17 02:10:42 <Xirvi> Well, is it just me and rock-that-looks-like-dagger-man?
- Sep 17 02:10:43 <Teksura> the rest of the group makes its way up
- Sep 17 02:11:04 <Teksura> they draw weapons and a fight begins. what do you do?
- Sep 17 02:11:10 <Xirvi> Right
- Sep 17 02:11:19 <Xirvi> I'll go for the facehole of the nearest harpy
- Sep 17 02:11:27 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:11:28 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 9 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:11:29 <Xirvi> (with the pointy stick, not my lips this time)
- Sep 17 02:11:42 <Teksura> your stick breaks off in her nose
- Sep 17 02:11:57 <Xirvi> Oh :c
- Sep 17 02:12:01 <Teksura> the good news is, she falls to the ground screaming in agony
- Sep 17 02:12:08 <Xirvi> But surely the stick is still pointy, albeit shorter
- Sep 17 02:12:17 <Xirvi> I'll try to step on her neck
- Sep 17 02:12:25 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:12:26 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 2 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:12:50 <Teksura> you miss and step in some Harpy poop
- Sep 17 02:12:54 <Xirvi> Eugh
- Sep 17 02:13:21 <Xirvi> I'll give her a kick with my poo-caked foot
- Sep 17 02:13:28 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:13:29 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 16 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:13:37 <Teksura> she spends the next round throwing up
- Sep 17 02:13:47 <Xirvi> Good good, how are the other men faring?
- Sep 17 02:14:47 <Teksura> you look to your men flailing amount towards the harpies 1 harpy is already dead, and bob has a huge gash across his face.
- Sep 17 02:15:02 <Teksura> *wham*
- Sep 17 02:15:14 <Teksura> your man who was carrying the statue slams it on top of a harpy
- Sep 17 02:15:19 <Xirvi> Good man
- Sep 17 02:15:45 <Xirvi> I'll rush to Bob's defence and help him fight off a harpy
- Sep 17 02:15:56 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:15:57 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 4 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:16:12 <Xirvi> (I'll need to give him a medal for getting that statue up the ladder in the first place, goddamn)
- Sep 17 02:16:45 <Teksura> you lunge at the harpy with the stick, but the poop on your foot causes you to slip. the stick goes flying from your hand and out the ONLY WINDOW IN THIS ROOM
- Sep 17 02:16:54 <Xirvi> Oh no
- Sep 17 02:17:15 <Xirvi> I'll put up my fists and go for the one-two punch or something
- Sep 17 02:17:22 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:17:23 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:17:54 <Teksura> you punch at the Harpy from the ground and knock her in the shins really good. nothing is worse than a sharp blow to the shin
- Sep 17 02:18:00 <Teksura> *wham*
- Sep 17 02:18:09 <Teksura> that's another harpy dead to a statue
- Sep 17 02:18:34 <Xirvi> Two dead, two on the ground but not dead yet?
- Sep 17 02:18:41 <Xirvi> Or has the vomiting one gotten up?
- Sep 17 02:19:04 <Teksura> 1 vombiting and sick and seriously hurt. 3 dead. 1 engaged with you and bob
- Sep 17 02:19:20 <Xirvi> Oh nice
- Sep 17 02:19:23 <Xirvi> In that case
- Sep 17 02:19:36 <Xirvi> I'll try to get up
- Sep 17 02:19:41 <Teksura> you stand up
- Sep 17 02:19:56 <Xirvi> ... and then punch the harpy Bob and I are fighting
- Sep 17 02:20:02 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:20:03 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:20:15 <Teksura> you miss and punch Bob right in the left nut
- Sep 17 02:20:22 <Xirvi> "Oh bollocks, sorry mate"
- Sep 17 02:20:53 <Xirvi> I'm sure he'll be fine
- Sep 17 02:21:14 <Teksura> bob falls to the ground, cringing. He drops his weapon, the FORK OF 5 PRONGS
- Sep 17 02:21:20 <Xirvi> Oooo
- Sep 17 02:21:25 <Xirvi> I'll nab that fork
- Sep 17 02:21:36 <Teksura> this is a really nice fork
- Sep 17 02:21:47 <Xirvi> I'm just borrowing it
- Sep 17 02:21:55 <Xirvi> I'll try to slash the harpy I failed to punch
- Sep 17 02:21:55 <Teksura> *screech*
- Sep 17 02:22:00 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:22:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:22:08 <Teksura> you get it right in the neck
- Sep 17 02:22:18 <Xirvi> yeaaaaah boi
- Sep 17 02:22:26 <Teksura> it kind of gurgles a bit and goes limp
- Sep 17 02:22:32 <Xirvi> Now, what of the vomiting one?
- Sep 17 02:22:52 <Teksura> oh, everyone else beat that one into a pulp while you were helping bob
- Sep 17 02:22:56 <Xirvi> oh cool
- Sep 17 02:23:02 <Xirvi> [Final Fantasy victory music]
- Sep 17 02:23:11 <Teksura> you gain 20 XP
- Sep 17 02:23:15 <Xirvi> I'll give Bob his fork back
- Sep 17 02:23:18 <Xirvi> Reluctantly
- Sep 17 02:23:24 <Teksura> and you have GAINED A LEVEL
- Sep 17 02:23:29 <Xirvi> \o/
- Sep 17 02:23:59 <Teksura> you also gained a new PERK POINT which you may use to become SLIGHTLY LESS SHIT with a specific task
- Sep 17 02:24:15 <Xirvi> A specific task
- Sep 17 02:24:51 <Xirvi> Tough decision
- Sep 17 02:25:15 <Xirvi> I suppose I should get better at that whole hand-to-hand combat thing
- Sep 17 02:25:26 <Teksura> min-max0ng fucker
- Sep 17 02:25:28 <Xirvi> Seeing as my fist mainly connected with one of Bob's bobs
- Sep 17 02:25:33 <Xirvi> Hey, it's logical
- Sep 17 02:26:08 <Xirvi> I don't have a pointy stick anymore and I'd like to be better with my fists, just in case
- Sep 17 02:26:15 <Teksura> you take the logical route and improve your HAND TO HAND COMBAT SKILL in spite of the fact that nothing else in this game has been logical
- Sep 17 02:26:21 <Xirvi> lol
- Sep 17 02:26:29 <Xirvi> Is there anything in this room worth looting?
- Sep 17 02:26:35 <Teksura> you are now better at fighting hands in bombat
- Sep 17 02:26:41 <Xirvi> In bombat
- Sep 17 02:26:42 <Teksura> *combat
- Sep 17 02:26:54 <Xirvi> Gand yo gand bombat
- Sep 17 02:27:00 <Teksura> 'you're still shit, but slightly less so
- Sep 17 02:27:10 <Xirvi> Of course I'm still shit, this is me we're talking about
- Sep 17 02:27:22 <Xirvi> And what of the men? Are we all alive?
- Sep 17 02:27:49 <Teksura> in this room you see a BUNCH OF HARPY CORPSES, several STEAMING PILES OF SHIT, and a WINDOW WHICH IS ACTUALLY TOO SMALL FOR THE HARPIES TO FIT THROUGH
- Sep 17 02:27:58 <Teksura> and also BIRD FEEDER
- Sep 17 02:28:09 <Teksura> sorry
- Sep 17 02:28:09 <Xirvi> I'll examine the bird feeder
- Sep 17 02:28:27 <Teksura> a this is a BIRD FEEDER OF ENORMOUS SIZE, likely here to feed the harpies
- Sep 17 02:28:57 <Xirvi> huh, is there food still in it?
- Sep 17 02:29:13 <Teksura> there is a lot of BIRD SEED
- Sep 17 02:29:22 <Xirvi> Excellent
- Sep 17 02:29:25 <Xirvi> "Oi lads, anyone hungry?"
- Sep 17 02:30:15 <Teksura> some of them are
- Sep 17 02:30:27 <Xirvi> But they're all alive, yes?
- Sep 17 02:31:15 <Teksura> Ted isn't
- Sep 17 02:31:22 <Xirvi> Oh :<
- Sep 17 02:31:44 <Xirvi> I'll stop at Ted's corpse and say a brief prayer to Lord Crabulon, the half-giant crab/half-robot god
- Sep 17 02:32:00 <Teksura> !roll
- Sep 17 02:32:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 4 on the d20!
- Sep 17 02:32:21 <Xirvi> To guide his soul to the eternal afterlife where the humans are purg-- I mean where peace and warmth is in abundance
- Sep 17 02:33:21 <Teksura> We're sorry, but the deity you are attempting to pray to is unavailable at this time. Please try again later. If you require immediate divine intervention, please stay on the line and you will be connected with the next available representative.
- Sep 17 02:33:28 <Xirvi> "Son of a bitch"
- Sep 17 02:33:42 <Xirvi> Does Ted have any belongings?
- Sep 17 02:34:04 <Teksura> Ted is weaping a LOINCLOTH OF QUESTIONABLE STAINS AND ODER
- Sep 17 02:34:08 <Teksura> 8wearing
- Sep 17 02:34:11 <Xirvi> I... pass
- Sep 17 02:34:23 <Xirvi> Right, I'll advise anyone hungry to feast on the bird seed
- Sep 17 02:34:24 <Xirvi> Else
- Sep 17 02:34:27 <Xirvi> Exits
- Sep 17 02:34:28 <Teksura> and he currently has equipped a SWORD OF CARDBOARD.
- Sep 17 02:34:49 <Teksura> you wisely leave his undies where they are
- Sep 17 02:34:57 <Xirvi> Everything important in this land is made of cardboard
- Sep 17 02:35:03 <Xirvi> gee the DMs sure are about cost-cutting measures eh
- Sep 17 02:35:31 <Xirvi> Next they'll replace the chickens in the market with styrofoam copies
- Sep 17 02:35:56 <Teksura> fun as this is, i really need to sleep now
- Sep 17 02:36:04 <Xirvi> yeah, I need to go to the supermarket at 6
- Sep 17 02:36:08 <Xirvi> And then sleep
- Sep 17 02:36:18 <Xirvi> Well, that was an... entertaining adventure
- Sep 17 02:36:36 <Teksura> this was something all right
- Sep 17 02:36:37 <Xirvi> Good show, reminds me of olden days
- Sep 17 02:36:40 <Teksura> still not sure what it was
- Sep 17 02:36:46 <Xirvi> As in
- Sep 17 02:37:04 <Xirvi> Please, if you happen to have room in a proper tabletop game party
- Sep 17 02:37:23 <Xirvi> Invite me, senpai, I shan't be as cavalier/stupid about things as I was here, scout's honour
- Sep 17 02:37:58 <Teksura> Shadok and I are presently running an adventure each, but we're already overloaded with people and have 1 on a waiting list
- Sep 17 02:38:23 <Xirvi> Although frankly I enjoyed the odyssey of being nearly killed by an exploding man, waking up drunk on a roof, finding ye flask, my missing juggling ball and storming a castle by being headbutted into the courtyard and charging into the entrance on an oversized frog
- Sep 17 02:38:47 <Xirvi> And dealing with time paradoxes after beating an unspeakable abomination before fighting some harpies and slipping on harpy poo
- Sep 17 02:39:11 <Teksura> honestly, I'm ashamed i went through with the joke about adjusting your balls
- Sep 17 02:39:16 <Xirvi> Truly, my character was a modern day Ulysses
- Sep 17 02:39:21 <Xirvi> hahaha
- Sep 17 02:40:42 <Xirvi> Well, it's all good
- Sep 17 02:41:13 <Xirvi> rip in piss ted
- Sep 17 02:41:31 <Teksura> if you had gone through allk the potions though, the last was going to be a POTION OF ANTI-CLIMAX
- Sep 17 02:41:37 <Xirvi> oh dear
- Sep 17 02:41:54 <Xirvi> I had planned to save them in case I needed them in a pinch
- Sep 17 02:42:06 <Xirvi> I mean, it's not like I knew what they did
- Sep 17 02:42:29 <Teksura> well, 1 would send Peaterson back in time, except you never had him drink it
- Sep 17 02:42:57 <Xirvi> Since I never had him drink it, does that mean one disappears?
- Sep 17 02:43:18 <Teksura> no, but you do add +2 docks to your inventory
- Sep 17 02:43:31 <Xirvi> "YOU CHANGED THE FUTURE! YOU CREATED A TIME PARADOX!"
- Sep 17 02:43:35 <Xirvi> Oh good
- Sep 17 02:44:05 <Teksura> anyway, I'm going to sleep
- Sep 17 02:44:07 <Teksura> goodnight
- Sep 17 02:44:16 <Xirvi> Right, g'night
- Sep 17 05:03:24 * Xirvi has quit (Quit: конец)
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