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  2. Sep 16 23:50:36 <Teksura> honestly, sometimes I think we should design out soak and buff system like D&D
  3. Sep 16 23:50:53 <Teksura> we have your armor bonus to soak, which is what it is.
  4. Sep 16 23:51:08 <Teksura> then we have a magical bonus, which is accomplished by potions or spells.
  5. Sep 16 23:51:18 <Teksura> but you can't stack more than one of the same type of bonus
  6. Sep 16 23:51:40 <Teksura> so, casting a spell to give soak and drinking a potion ONLY gives you whichever would grant the higher bonus
  7. Sep 16 23:51:56 <Teksura> then we make a skill bonus, where you have a bonus from skills
  8. Sep 16 23:52:04 <Teksura> and an enchantment bonus, gained from armors
  9. Sep 16 23:52:18 <Xirvi> That definitely levels the playing field a lot better
  10. Sep 16 23:52:25 <Teksura> the problem being that while this is super-easy to do in pen-and-paper
  11. Sep 16 23:52:36 <Xirvi> Tanks should really be the only characters capable of having insane soaks
  12. Sep 16 23:52:41 <Teksura> it's a little obnoxious to explain
  13. Sep 16 23:52:47 <Xirvi> Well, tanks and Advocates. I like Advocates just the way they are, but fix the goddamn blessings/healing aura
  14. Sep 16 23:52:54 <Xirvi> yeah
  15. Sep 16 23:53:11 <Xirvi> Honestly, though, it's a tried and true method
  16. Sep 16 23:53:22 <Xirvi> KOTOR used the d20 system and I loved it
  17. Sep 16 23:53:27 <Teksura> yeah, Bob wouldn't do anything to prevent Advocates from fucking up the blessings of other advocates
  18. Sep 16 23:53:42 <Teksura> even though there is no logical reason why it needs to
  19. Sep 16 23:54:26 <Teksura> the whole thing was designed *specifically* to make it good to have 2 advocates, 1 specializing in offense and 1 in defense
  20. Sep 16 23:54:41 <Teksura> spas not to make them redundant
  21. Sep 16 23:54:45 <Teksura> *so as
  22. Sep 16 23:55:06 <Teksura> but nope. bob makes them remove the blessings from other advocates because why the fuck not
  23. Sep 16 23:55:21 <Windrunner> Whats obnoxious about a D&D style soak system?
  24. Sep 16 23:55:22 <Xirvi> Aside from the fact that not having 1 more CP kinda fucked up my plans for grinding anything else
  25. Sep 16 23:55:32 <Xirvi> Sumi Lanezi is, imo, my best designed character
  26. Sep 16 23:55:42 <Xirvi> And remember, I sacrificed some CP for flavour purposes
  27. Sep 16 23:55:50 <Teksura> really the only obnoxious thing is it's a verbal nightmare to explain to someone not already familiar with it
  28. Sep 16 23:56:10 <Xirvi> I haven't played D&D or any d20 system game in about seven years
  29. Sep 16 23:56:19 <Xirvi> Not in a tabletop setting anyways
  30. Sep 16 23:56:37 >TekBot_V2< !join #clothed
  31. Sep 16 23:56:38 * TekBot_v2 (TekBot_V2@nw-D8951FD5.tukw.qwest.net) has joined #Clothed
  32. Sep 16 23:57:01 <Teksura> !roll stats
  33. Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled up a new character! Base stats are:
  34. Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 1st stat: (1 dropped) 4 3 1 - Total: 8
  35. Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 2nd stat: (1 dropped) 5 4 2 - Total: 11
  36. Sep 16 23:57:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 3rd stat: (3 dropped) 6 5 3 - Total: 14
  37. Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 4th stat: (1 dropped) 3 2 2 - Total: 7
  38. Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 5th stat: (1 dropped) 2 2 6 - Total: 10
  39. Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Teksura's 6th stat: (1 dropped) 2 4 2 - Total: 8
  40. Sep 16 23:57:04 <TekBot_v2> Average Stat: 9.666667
  41. Sep 16 23:57:13 <Xirvi> \o/
  42. Sep 16 23:57:23 <Xirvi> That is a cool feature
  43. Sep 16 23:58:50 <Teksura> Xirvi, you are in a village and some heroes just rode into town. according to your stats you are weak, dumb, and ugly. Obviously you are a simply peasant of marginally average nature. your one claim to fail is you're a pretty good juggler. WHAT DO YOU DO?
  44. Sep 16 23:59:08 <Teksura> *claim to fame
  45. Sep 16 23:59:10 <Xirvi> Press the Explosive Murder button
  46. Sep 17 00:00:04 <Teksura> You press the button marked Explosive murder. you're not sure where this thing came from or why nobody has tried pressing it before. You guess you sort of figured that nobody wanted to murder anyone. Well, balls to it. Lets see what happens.
  47. Sep 17 00:00:12 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  48. Sep 17 00:00:13 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
  49. Sep 17 00:00:15 <Xirvi> :C
  50. Sep 17 00:00:55 <Teksura> As the heroes i mentioned before ride past you, they explode in a violent fury of hatred and hellfire. you are caught in the blast and knocked to the ground. Take some damage
  51. Sep 17 00:01:01 <Teksura> !roll 1d10
  52. Sep 17 00:01:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d10! They rolled: 10 - Total 10
  53. Sep 17 00:01:12 <Teksura> you are very badly hurt.
  54. Sep 17 00:01:24 <Teksura> people are screaming now. what do you do?
  55. Sep 17 00:01:52 <Xirvi> Umm, I exploded but I'm not dead?
  56. Sep 17 00:01:58 <Teksura> no, someone else exploded.
  57. Sep 17 00:01:59 <Xirvi> Shit, I think I'll do some screaming too, that's scream-worthy stuff
  58. Sep 17 00:02:00 <Xirvi> Oh
  59. Sep 17 00:02:05 <Xirvi> Oh yeah
  60. Sep 17 00:02:07 <Xirvi> (sorry 3 AM)
  61. Sep 17 00:02:13 <Teksura> becauseyou rolled so badly on your roll to explode that you missed
  62. Sep 17 00:02:34 <Xirvi> Do they have any belongings left or are they just giblets and a smear?
  63. Sep 17 00:02:44 <Teksura> you check your pockets
  64. Sep 17 00:04:34 <Teksura> inside them you find a set of 2 JUGGLING BALLS, 1 of which is missing and you're not sure where it went to. you also find a FLASK OF QUESTIONABLE CONTENT. You're not entirely sure what's in there but it's possibly good to drink. you also find a HAIRPIN OF ABSOLUTELY NO IMPORTANCE WHATSOEVER and a few PIECES OF CANDY CORN
  65. Sep 17 00:05:04 <Teksura> you have 2 of the set of 3 JUGGLING BALLS
  66. Sep 17 00:06:14 <Xirvi> I... I'll drink the contents of the flask, this is a good time for boozing
  67. Sep 17 00:06:23 <Xirvi> Seeing as a dude just exploded
  68. Sep 17 00:06:28 <Xirvi> And I'm hurt
  69. Sep 17 00:06:30 <Teksura> It smells kind of funny, but down the hatch!
  70. Sep 17 00:06:33 <Teksura> uhhh
  71. Sep 17 00:06:35 <Teksura> ohhhh
  72. Sep 17 00:06:51 <Teksura> that may notch hash been a goodish idear
  73. Sep 17 00:06:59 <Teksura> you black out
  74. Sep 17 00:07:35 <Xirvi> oh shish
  75. Sep 17 00:07:53 <Teksura> when you awaken, you find yourself entirely naked, laying facedown on someones roof. a sure sign that whatever happened last night, it must have been a great time.
  76. Sep 17 00:08:06 <Xirvi> AWESOME
  77. Sep 17 00:08:08 <Xirvi> Am I still badly hurt?
  78. Sep 17 00:08:28 <Teksura> you're mildly sunburnt, but feel fine otherwise
  79. Sep 17 00:08:34 <Xirvi> Oh, that's normal
  80. Sep 17 00:08:39 <Xirvi> Is this a sturdy roof?
  81. Sep 17 00:09:36 <Teksura> you look around the roof for a bit. yeah. looks pretty sturdy. hey, your 2 JUGGLING BALLS are over there in the rain gutter. You pick them up and ass them to your INVENTORY because this is not the place to leave them.
  82. Sep 17 00:09:49 <Xirvi> I ass them to my inventory? Well, I guess I have to if I'm naked
  83. Sep 17 00:09:52 <Xirvi> And want to store them
  84. Sep 17 00:10:10 <Teksura> good. one does not question the mysteries of the inventory
  85. Sep 17 00:10:15 <Xirvi> So with two juggling balls in my ass
  86. Sep 17 00:10:20 <Xirvi> I guess I'll try to climb down
  87. Sep 17 00:10:25 <Teksura> also that was a typo, you ADD them to your inventory
  88. Sep 17 00:10:37 <Teksura> lol
  89. Sep 17 00:10:43 <Xirvi> Considering the context I could not have asked for a better typo
  90. Sep 17 00:10:50 <Teksura> indeed
  91. Sep 17 00:11:06 <Windrunner> where does one have an inventory in the nude.... don't ask
  92. Sep 17 00:11:48 <Teksura> you climb down and find yourself standing in front of a wench. you probably should have looked around to find a safe place to get down first. she screams at your nakedness and runs
  93. Sep 17 00:12:00 <Xirvi> At least she screamed rather than laughed
  94. Sep 17 00:12:11 <Xirvi> I mean, that's an improvement
  95. Sep 17 00:12:15 <Xirvi> Can I chase her?
  96. Sep 17 00:12:34 <Teksura> you run after the wench through town, naked
  97. Sep 17 00:12:45 <Xirvi> Dong flopping around
  98. Sep 17 00:12:48 <Xirvi> I mean what
  99. Sep 17 00:13:16 <Teksura> a rather burly guard clotheslines you wrestling style.
  100. Sep 17 00:13:26 <Xirvi> Wrestling style and I'm naked? OH MY~
  101. Sep 17 00:13:33 <Xirvi> I lock lips with him immediately
  102. Sep 17 00:13:40 <Xirvi> Or try to
  103. Sep 17 00:13:45 <Xirvi> I try to lock lips with him
  104. Sep 17 00:13:50 <Xirvi> Dammit Xirvi, you're not in an ERP
  105. Sep 17 00:13:57 <Xirvi> This is reality
  106. Sep 17 00:14:16 <Teksura> you attempt to make smooches with the guard, but it's pretty hard to do from the ground while he is currently kicking you in your chest
  107. Sep 17 00:14:22 <Teksura> !roll 1d4
  108. Sep 17 00:14:23 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d4! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
  109. Sep 17 00:14:26 <Teksura> take 2 damage
  110. Sep 17 00:14:29 <Xirvi> Ouch
  111. Sep 17 00:14:54 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  112. Sep 17 00:14:55 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 16 - Total 16
  113. Sep 17 00:14:56 <Xirvi> "I yield, I yield, just give me some trousers, man"
  114. Sep 17 00:16:04 <Teksura> He stops kicking you and gives you an awkward glare. finally, he throws a SPARE PAIR OF PANTS at you.
  115. Sep 17 00:16:07 <Xirvi> You know, I like that until now I haven't questioned why I was chosen to be a mediocre carnie who ended up naked on a roof
  116. Sep 17 00:16:15 <Xirvi> I shall done SPARE PAIR OF PANTS
  117. Sep 17 00:16:16 <Xirvi> don
  118. Sep 17 00:16:28 <Teksura> amazingly, they fit perfectly
  119. Sep 17 00:16:33 <Xirvi> Also I suppose I'll un-ass those balls and put them in my pockets, if I have pockets
  120. Sep 17 00:17:01 <Xirvi> Poor guard
  121. Sep 17 00:17:09 <Teksura> you spend a minute playing with your balls in front of the guard. he doesn't seem half as amused about this as you currently are.
  122. Sep 17 00:17:46 * Xirvi has changed the topic to: http://tinyurl.com/nd77hsd | <Teksura>: never insult my maths | <Teksura>: we just need to get you sized for the shackles. | <Teksura>: my favorite story is grenades | <Teksura>: we need a divorce skill | <Teksura>: you spend a minute playing with your balls in front of the guard
  123. Sep 17 00:18:12 <Xirvi> "Right, what's in this town, mate"
  124. Sep 17 00:18:32 <Xirvi> "in other words, where can I find a drink, preferably a place that does not require a shirt"
  125. Sep 17 00:19:15 <Xirvi> (I mean, I might as well try to salvage this adventure by finding some adventurers to adventure with)
  126. Sep 17 00:19:37 <Teksura> "Why, you're in the town of drunken blackouts! nobody really knows why, but every time someone gets way more smashed than any human should ever be able to survive, they always end up here. always. no matter where they were in the world when they got drunk. it's a real mystery."
  127. Sep 17 00:19:58 <Teksura> "as a result we have more taverns per person than any other town in the world"
  128. Sep 17 00:20:14 <Xirvi> "What horrible crimes did you commit in the king's service to get posted in a town of drunken blackouts, sir?"
  129. Sep 17 00:20:22 <Teksura> "Pick any building and there is a decent chance that they serve drinks there."
  130. Sep 17 00:21:13 <Teksura> "Oh, Me? No, I lost a drinking contest against a dwarf and wound up here with permanently pink hair"
  131. Sep 17 00:21:33 <Xirvi> "oh, my sympathies, though the pink is quite fetching"
  132. Sep 17 00:21:37 <Teksura> "got a job as town guard! means i get to legally beat the snot out of people. it's great!"
  133. Sep 17 00:22:04 <Xirvi> "can you recommend a tailor in town? my nipples are hard as diamonds in this weather"
  134. Sep 17 00:22:57 <Xirvi> "you know, I don't want to show off my amazingly sculpted pecs to all the lovely ladies yet"
  135. Sep 17 00:23:44 <Teksura> "head down this street till you see a tavern called THE CROOKED CABER, turn left. Go on till you see a tavern called THE CAPTIVE CREEPER, turn right. go onward until you see a tavern called THE UNNAMED BAR, it'll be between that and another tavern called THE BETTER BAR.
  136. Sep 17 00:24:09 <Xirvi> "Quite right sire, ta" I'll say my goodbyes and follow his directions
  137. Sep 17 00:24:47 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -2
  138. Sep 17 00:24:49 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 14 :: -2 (modifier) - Total 12
  139. Sep 17 00:25:01 <Teksura> you are now standing inside THE TAILORS.
  140. Sep 17 00:25:07 <Xirvi> Ooo
  141. Sep 17 00:25:21 <Teksura> inside you see
  142. Sep 17 00:26:27 <Teksura> a SMALL DESK which has a SMALL BELL on top. a SEWING MACHINE, a TAPPED BARREL OF LIQUOR, and a POSTER
  143. Sep 17 00:26:46 <Xirvi> I'll take a gander at the poster
  144. Sep 17 00:27:28 <Teksura> it's some sort of recruiting poster for something called the DRUNKEN IDIOTS BRIGADE. You're not sure what they actually do though.
  145. Sep 17 00:27:44 <Xirvi> hmm, something to remember
  146. Sep 17 00:27:46 <Xirvi> I'll ring the bell
  147. Sep 17 00:27:50 <Xirvi> Repeatedly
  148. Sep 17 00:28:02 <Teksura> it dings several times
  149. Sep 17 00:28:05 <Xirvi> Until someone shows up or until my hand tires of it
  150. Sep 17 00:28:09 <Xirvi> dingdingdingdingdingding
  151. Sep 17 00:28:18 <Teksura> it continues to ding
  152. Sep 17 00:28:24 <Teksura> your hand is getting tired
  153. Sep 17 00:28:40 <Teksura> you find that kind of expressive
  154. Sep 17 00:28:53 <Teksura> it normally takes a lot more to tire out that hand
  155. Sep 17 00:29:08 * Xirvi snickers
  156. Sep 17 00:29:10 <Teksura> *impressive
  157. Sep 17 00:29:11 <Xirvi> Right, uhh
  158. Sep 17 00:29:13 <Xirvi> I guess I'll stop
  159. Sep 17 00:29:22 <Xirvi> Does the desk have a drawer?
  160. Sep 17 00:29:34 <Teksura> you begin rummaging through the things!
  161. Sep 17 00:30:00 <Xirvi> Things. THINGS!!!
  162. Sep 17 00:30:03 <Xirvi> They're mine, ALL MINE
  163. Sep 17 00:30:12 <Xirvi> I'll take ALL THE THINGS or as many can fit in my pockets
  164. Sep 17 00:30:21 <Teksura> you find some CLOTH, some THREAD, a PATTERN, a MEASURING TAPE, an APPLE, and..... and..... AND........
  165. Sep 17 00:30:28 <Xirvi> Oh dear
  166. Sep 17 00:30:33 <Teksura> your EMPTY FLASK
  167. Sep 17 00:30:37 <Xirvi> DUN DUN DUNNN
  168. Sep 17 00:30:50 <Teksura> your FLASK still stinks though
  169. Sep 17 00:30:54 <Xirvi> oh
  170. Sep 17 00:31:03 <Xirvi> Well, I guess I'll take ye flask and everything else
  171. Sep 17 00:31:16 <Xirvi> What is the pattern for, pray tell?
  172. Sep 17 00:31:34 <Teksura> you examine the PATTERN. it appears to be for a shirt
  173. Sep 17 00:31:38 <Xirvi> Excellent
  174. Sep 17 00:32:14 <Xirvi> I'll sit at the SEWING MACHINE, crack my knuckles and have a go at this sewing thing with the cloth and thread and tape, following the pattern as closely as my hungover mind can muster
  175. Sep 17 00:32:33 <Teksura> !roll
  176. Sep 17 00:32:34 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
  177. Sep 17 00:32:47 <Teksura> you craft 1 SURPRISINGLY DECENT SHIRT
  178. Sep 17 00:32:52 <Xirvi> \o/
  179. Sep 17 00:32:57 <Xirvi> I shall don the SURPRISINGLY DECENT SHIRT
  180. Sep 17 00:33:04 <Xirvi> Is there a mirror around here, by chance?
  181. Sep 17 00:33:27 <Teksura> you gain +1 to your APPEARANCE
  182. Sep 17 00:33:45 <Xirvi> yeaaah
  183. Sep 17 00:34:04 <Teksura> you look in the mirror. you look MARGINALLY BETTER than you thought you did.
  184. Sep 17 00:34:10 <Xirvi> But still shit, right?
  185. Sep 17 00:34:16 <Teksura> yes
  186. Sep 17 00:34:19 <Xirvi> good
  187. Sep 17 00:34:33 <Xirvi> I suppose I'll eat the apple since I'm not about to drink on an empty stomach
  188. Sep 17 00:35:12 <Xirvi> In fact that's probably how I ended up on that roof
  189. Sep 17 00:35:26 <Teksura> !roll
  190. Sep 17 00:35:27 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 19 on the d20!
  191. Sep 17 00:35:37 <Teksura> it is JUICY and MOIST.
  192. Sep 17 00:35:43 <Xirvi> ooh moist
  193. Sep 17 00:35:58 <Teksura> which may sound like the same thing, but it's really so crisp and good, it requires both words
  194. Sep 17 00:36:10 <Teksura> this is perhaps the best apple you have ever had
  195. Sep 17 00:36:19 <Xirvi> Excellent, well, I suppose I'll take my leave of this place then and head to THE BETTER BAR
  196. Sep 17 00:36:38 <Teksura> you enter THE BETTER BAR. wow. this place is a shithole.
  197. Sep 17 00:36:44 <Xirvi> Perfect
  198. Sep 17 00:36:53 <Teksura> as you look around, you see
  199. Sep 17 00:38:05 <Teksura> a few TABLES, at which you see AN ASSORTMENT OF RANDOM DRUNKS, a few ESTEEMED DIPLOMATS at the BAR, a PRETTY TAVERN WENCH, and a LITERALLY SHITHOLE in the corner, which likely passes for the bathroom around here.
  200. Sep 17 00:38:27 <Xirvi> I'll go sit at the bar
  201. Sep 17 00:38:41 <Teksura> !roll
  202. Sep 17 00:38:43 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled the d20! It fell off the table and went behind the desk. Good job, you just lost a perfectly good d20.
  203. Sep 17 00:38:56 * Xirvi cheers
  204. Sep 17 00:39:05 <Teksura> you sit at the bar and the stool breaks under your weight. you go crashing to the ground
  205. Sep 17 00:39:14 <Xirvi> Good god, I've really let myself go
  206. Sep 17 00:39:30 <Xirvi> I'll uhh, just stand at the bar, looking for the bartender
  207. Sep 17 00:39:34 <Teksura> this stool was made of cardboard. who makes stools out of cardboard?
  208. Sep 17 00:40:16 <Teksura> you stand at the bar and are eventually greeted by the PRETTY TAVERN WENCH.
  209. Sep 17 00:40:53 <Xirvi> "oi, wench, yeh know about the droonken ideeots breegade?"
  210. Sep 17 00:42:08 <Teksura> "Yeah, they're a well respected band of soldiers known for being sent on MISSIONS OF A SUICIDAL NATURE.
  211. Sep 17 00:43:00 <Xirvi> "I cannae afford a dreenk yeh see, but I figure if I can joinem, I can come bahck an' enjoy yer bev'rages - where might I find them?"
  212. Sep 17 00:44:04 <Teksura> "Head outside and turn left. go down past the WINKING SKEEVER and it'll be across from THE WET WILLY.
  213. Sep 17 00:44:48 <Xirvi> "Much obliged, madam" I shall bow and flourish like a proper gentleman and take my leave, following her directions
  214. Sep 17 00:44:58 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -2
  215. Sep 17 00:44:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 8 :: -2 (modifier) - Total 6
  216. Sep 17 00:46:21 <Teksura> Sadly, you do not have any points in your FOLLOW SIMPLE DIRECTIONS skill, and so you get lost and spend 2 hours finding the place.
  217. Sep 17 00:46:27 <Xirvi> oh :c
  218. Sep 17 00:46:33 <Xirvi> But I did find it, right?
  219. Sep 17 00:46:36 <Teksura> yes
  220. Sep 17 00:46:41 <Xirvi> Just like real life then
  221. Sep 17 00:46:49 <Xirvi> I'll go in
  222. Sep 17 00:48:07 <Teksura> you enter the DRUNKEN IDIOTS BRIGADE and find every single wall is lines with a KEG of some sort. Everyone here seems PASSED THE FUCK OUT from what must have been A REALLY AWESOME PARTY this morning.
  223. Sep 17 00:48:23 <Xirvi> *Everyone*?
  224. Sep 17 00:48:33 <Teksura> except you
  225. Sep 17 00:48:43 <Xirvi> oh, well
  226. Sep 17 00:48:54 <Xirvi> Do these brigadiers have uniforms?
  227. Sep 17 00:49:33 <Teksura> from what you can tell, their UNIFORMS consist of WHATEVER THEY HAPPENED TO BE WEARING AT THE TIME.
  228. Sep 17 00:49:39 <Xirvi> Excellent, excellent
  229. Sep 17 00:50:35 <Xirvi> Time to join them - I will pick a random keg and drink straight from the bung
  230. Sep 17 00:51:00 <Teksura> !roll
  231. Sep 17 00:51:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 on the d20!
  232. Sep 17 00:51:06 <Xirvi> oh fuck
  233. Sep 17 00:51:41 <Teksura> you drink your fill of wash some rhealy sting stuff ahn pass tha fuck out
  234. Sep 17 00:51:48 <Xirvi> hey why can't Windrunner be one of these drunken idiots, why am I alone in this adventure
  235. Sep 17 00:51:50 <Xirvi> halp
  236. Sep 17 00:53:13 <Teksura> You wake up the next morning in a CAMP surrounded by SEVERAL DRUNKEN IDIOTS who all appear to be ARMED with IMPROVISED WEAPONS.
  237. Sep 17 00:53:26 <Xirvi> ooh do I have a weapon
  238. Sep 17 00:54:16 <Teksura> you check your INVENTORY and find that while you were out of it, someone equipped a STICK OF POINTYNESS into your WEAPON SLOT.
  239. Sep 17 00:54:22 <Xirvi> \o/
  240. Sep 17 00:54:48 <Xirvi> I'll speak with one of the drunken idiots: "oi m8, what's the plan, what's going on"
  241. Sep 17 00:55:28 <Teksura> "WOAH! How do you talk with numbers like that? HEY GUYS! CHECK THIS DUDE OUT! HE CAN SPEAK WITH NUMBERS!"
  242. Sep 17 00:55:59 <Xirvi> I'm just going to punch this dude
  243. Sep 17 00:56:09 <Xirvi> For being a smartass
  244. Sep 17 00:56:20 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -1
  245. Sep 17 00:56:21 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 16 :: -1 (modifier) - Total 15
  246. Sep 17 00:56:30 <Teksura> You knock him the fuck out.
  247. Sep 17 00:56:55 <Teksura> Another drunken idiot looks really impressed.
  248. Sep 17 00:57:01 <Xirvi> And now I stand over his unconscious body, pound my chest with my fist and let out a guttural war cry
  249. Sep 17 00:57:16 <Xirvi> Or, I suppose, try to anyways, it's not something I've done until this point
  250. Sep 17 00:57:20 <Teksura> "You can talk with numbers AND you kicked Mickey's ass? We need to make you our new commander!"
  251. Sep 17 00:57:28 <Xirvi> oh. shit
  252. Sep 17 00:58:14 <Xirvi> Well
  253. Sep 17 00:58:38 <Xirvi> "Good men, as I have just come to, might I inquire as to our present whereabouts and mission?"
  254. Sep 17 00:59:52 <Teksura> He shows you a map. It has a crude drawing of the camp, and a large castle. It says "You are here. Bad guys are there. Kill they ass."
  255. Sep 17 01:00:26 <Xirvi> "Right, men, we shall move out, gather your weapons and make preparations for battle"
  256. Sep 17 01:00:43 <Teksura> everyone begins making preparations for battle.
  257. Sep 17 01:00:51 <Xirvi> I assume much drinking occurs first
  258. Sep 17 01:00:53 <Teksura> there are now 4 KEGS OF VARIOUS CONTENTS set up
  259. Sep 17 01:01:24 <Xirvi> hmm
  260. Sep 17 01:01:29 <Xirvi> I will sample all four
  261. Sep 17 01:01:41 <Teksura> you sample the BOOZE. It's ok you guess.
  262. Sep 17 01:01:59 <Xirvi> "ok I guess" is good enough for booze in America, so good enough for me
  263. Sep 17 01:02:10 <Xirvi> I shall drink as much as I can muster
  264. Sep 17 01:02:11 <Teksura> you sample the BAD BOOZE. it's got some kick to it.
  265. Sep 17 01:02:30 <Xirvi> oh, I thought you meant all the booze
  266. Sep 17 01:02:31 <Xirvi> sorry >_>
  267. Sep 17 01:02:33 <Teksura> you sample the REALLY BAD BOOZE, it's got a lot more kick to it and you think you might be blind in one eye now
  268. Sep 17 01:03:10 <Teksura> you sample the POSSIBLY OGRE PISS, and spit it out.
  269. Sep 17 01:03:32 <Xirvi> Blind in one eye? Capital! "COMRADES, DO ANY OF YOUSH HAVE AN EYEPATCH FOR YOUR COMMANDER"
  270. Sep 17 01:03:42 <Xirvi> I'd best don an eyepatch before embarking on this endeavour
  271. Sep 17 01:03:58 <Teksura> someone presents you with a +1 EYEPATCH OF COMMAND
  272. Sep 17 01:04:03 <Xirvi> Eyepatch, trousers of dodgy quality, surprisingly decent shirt, I am a consummately dressed commander
  273. Sep 17 01:04:04 <Xirvi> \o/
  274. Sep 17 01:04:17 <Xirvi> I shall don the eyepatch
  275. Sep 17 01:04:23 <Xirvi> And then ask if the men are ready
  276. Sep 17 01:04:31 <Teksura> you gain +1 to your COMMAND skill while wearing this, +1 to your BADASS APPEARANCE skill
  277. Sep 17 01:04:57 <Teksura> the men report that they are pretty drunk right now
  278. Sep 17 01:05:01 <Xirvi> Perfect
  279. Sep 17 01:05:10 <Xirvi> Let's proceed to the castle we are meant to attack
  280. Sep 17 01:06:23 <Teksura> you head towards the CASTLE OF CERTAIN DEATH and find it surrounded by a CROCODILE FILLED MOAT. The DRAWBRIDGE is up
  281. Sep 17 01:06:35 <Xirvi> hmm
  282. Sep 17 01:06:54 <Xirvi> I'll inquire to the men if we have a goat
  283. Sep 17 01:07:08 <Teksura> 1 man produces SALLY from his inventory
  284. Sep 17 01:07:55 <Xirvi> "Men, you must trust my judgement on this one: we shall place the goat next to the moat and build a bridge using our well-built bodies. It is important, however, that we dress in naught more than our underclothes"
  285. Sep 17 01:08:51 <Xirvi> "Failing that, perhaps we can find a way to lower the drawbridge, I suppose"
  286. Sep 17 01:09:11 <Teksura> your men begin to strip to their underclothes
  287. Sep 17 01:09:15 <Xirvi> Right then
  288. Sep 17 01:09:43 <Teksura> "Do we hold onto the goat while making the bridge?"
  289. Sep 17 01:09:49 <Xirvi> The man who owns SALLY shall be the first to mount the goat
  290. Sep 17 01:10:11 <Xirvi> "Aye, the first man shall, the next man shall grasp that man wherever he pleases, and then the next man shall grasp that man, and so on, until we have a bridge across"
  291. Sep 17 01:10:17 <Xirvi> *hic*
  292. Sep 17 01:10:23 <Teksura> He attempts to grab the goat, and is promptly HEADBUTTED over the CASTLE WALL
  293. Sep 17 01:10:33 * Xirvi blinks
  294. Sep 17 01:10:34 <Xirvi> "GENIUS"
  295. Sep 17 01:10:40 <Xirvi> "AFTER ME LADS"
  296. Sep 17 01:10:43 <Xirvi> I will also grab the goat
  297. Sep 17 01:10:55 <Teksura> you are also HEADUTTED over the CASTLE WALL
  298. Sep 17 01:10:58 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  299. Sep 17 01:10:58 <Xirvi> \o/
  300. Sep 17 01:10:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
  301. Sep 17 01:11:07 <Teksura> you land on THE PREVIOUS GUY
  302. Sep 17 01:11:20 <Teksura> you land on THE PREVIOUS GUY
  303. Sep 17 01:11:23 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  304. Sep 17 01:11:24 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
  305. Sep 17 01:11:32 <Teksura> and then another guy lands on you
  306. Sep 17 01:11:37 <Xirvi> I will thank the previous guy profusely and promise him a promotion to my aide-de-camp
  307. Sep 17 01:11:39 <Xirvi> Ow
  308. Sep 17 01:11:57 <Teksura> !roll
  309. Sep 17 01:11:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 7 - Total 7
  310. Sep 17 01:12:04 <Xirvi> Hat trick!
  311. Sep 17 01:12:05 <Teksura> and then another guy lands on him
  312. Sep 17 01:12:34 <Xirvi> I suppose I should move but is the weight of ANOTHER GUY and ANOTHER GUY preventing me from doing so?
  313. Sep 17 01:13:01 <Teksura> !roll 1d20 -1
  314. Sep 17 01:13:02 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 10 :: -1 (modifier) - Total 9
  315. Sep 17 01:13:32 <Teksura> You squeeze your way out as a PILE OF BODIES comes flying your way
  316. Sep 17 01:13:45 <Xirvi> O_O
  317. Sep 17 01:13:54 <Teksura> *whoom*
  318. Sep 17 01:14:04 <Teksura> the rest of the troop made it over the wall you guess
  319. Sep 17 01:14:10 <Xirvi> Good good
  320. Sep 17 01:14:14 <Xirvi> Where did we end up?
  321. Sep 17 01:14:16 <Teksura> why can't they learn to take turns
  322. Sep 17 01:14:31 <Xirvi> Someone really should've brought the goat, I had a use for it but alas
  323. Sep 17 01:15:25 <Xirvi> I don't know how that would've worked, but so it goes
  324. Sep 17 01:16:37 <Teksura> you examine your surroundings. you appear to be in the COURTYARD OF PRETTY NICE THINGS. As you begin to ooh around you see a GOLDFISH IN A BOWL, A BOWL OF GOLDFISH CRACKERS, A NOBLE STEED, a FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE, and.... and.... OH MY GOD.
  325. Sep 17 01:16:44 <Teksura> your MISSING JUGGLING BALL!
  326. Sep 17 01:16:49 <Xirvi> O_O
  327. Sep 17 01:16:57 <Xirvi> MY JUGGLING BALL!
  328. Sep 17 01:16:59 <Xirvi> I MUST HAVE IT
  329. Sep 17 01:17:14 <Teksura> You have no idea how that thing got here, but you pick it up and add it to the rest.
  330. Sep 17 01:17:18 <Xirvi> good good
  331. Sep 17 01:17:20 <Xirvi> Right
  332. Sep 17 01:17:31 <Xirvi> >combine goldfish crackers with goldfish in bowl
  333. Sep 17 01:17:37 <Xirvi> I mean
  334. Sep 17 01:17:46 <Xirvi> I'll pour a few goldfish into the goldfish bowl
  335. Sep 17 01:17:47 <Teksura> You gain +1 to your IMPRESSIVENESS when using the JUGGLING BALLS, bringing your total bonus to +3
  336. Sep 17 01:17:56 <Xirvi> I mean
  337. Sep 17 01:17:59 <Xirvi> The goldfish crackers
  338. Sep 17 01:18:07 <Xirvi> Into the goldfish fish bowl
  339. Sep 17 01:18:09 <Xirvi> yes
  340. Sep 17 01:18:20 <Teksura> \ouadd crackers to the GOLDFISH BOWL. the GOLDFISH doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts to feed him.
  341. Sep 17 01:18:32 <Xirvi> Oh
  342. Sep 17 01:18:50 <Xirvi> I'll take the bowl of goldfish (the fish, not the crackers) and offer it to the FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE
  343. Sep 17 01:19:26 <Teksura> *gulp* he eats the BOWL WITH A FISH AND FISH CRACKERS
  344. Sep 17 01:19:37 <Xirvi> Even the bowl?
  345. Sep 17 01:19:45 <Teksura> yes
  346. Sep 17 01:19:49 <Xirvi> Good man
  347. Sep 17 01:19:51 <Teksura> you have tamed the FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE
  348. Sep 17 01:20:14 <Xirvi> I'll mount the frog of unreasonable size
  349. Sep 17 01:20:20 <Xirvi> This courtyard, I assume, has an exit
  350. Sep 17 01:20:34 <Teksura> RIDE 'EM, FROG BOY!
  351. Sep 17 01:20:56 * Windrunner was afk
  352. Sep 17 01:20:56 <Xirvi> I shall point my pointy stick toward the exit and say "MEN, LET US VANQUISH THE ENEMY FROM THIS CASTLE"
  353. Sep 17 01:21:01 <Teksura> you see an ENTRANCE to the MAIN CASTLE over there
  354. Sep 17 01:21:09 <Xirvi> God help you when you read the backlog
  355. Sep 17 01:21:10 <Xirvi> Ah
  356. Sep 17 01:21:11 <Xirvi> TO THE ENTRANCE!
  357. Sep 17 01:21:19 <Teksura> everyone looks at you as you point to the gates leading out
  358. Sep 17 01:21:41 <Xirvi> I'll point a little more wildly at the entrance
  359. Sep 17 01:21:47 <Teksura> an awkward moment passes
  360. Sep 17 01:21:56 <Teksura> and you turn to the ENTERANCE
  361. Sep 17 01:22:35 <Xirvi> "YES! YES! WE SHALL ENTER THE CASTLE AND LEAVE NONE ALIVE" (clearly I had to be really drunk to have this much bravado)
  362. Sep 17 01:22:51 <Teksura> they cheer wildly and together you storm into the ENTRANCE HALL OF ANNOYING SPLINTERS
  363. Sep 17 01:23:35 <Teksura> all of your men gain +1 REALLY ANNOYING SPLINTER in their feet as they walk across the floor
  364. Sep 17 01:23:45 <Xirvi> That we're all half-naked doesn't help much either
  365. Sep 17 01:23:47 <Teksura> as you are riding on your FROG OF UNREASONABLE SIZE, you are safe
  366. Sep 17 01:23:54 * Xirvi nods
  367. Sep 17 01:24:22 <Xirvi> Right, what's in this entrance hall other than splinters?
  368. Sep 17 01:24:25 <Teksura> several of your men are now hopping around on one foot trying to remove their splinters
  369. Sep 17 01:24:41 <Xirvi> "Help your comrades, lads! Use your mouth if you have to!"
  370. Sep 17 01:25:30 <Teksura> in here is a CHAIR OF MILD DISCOMFORT, a BANNER OF KINDA NICE YOU SUPPOSE, and a CAN OF WHUPASS
  371. Sep 17 01:25:55 <Xirvi> I will loot the banner and the can of whoop-ass, but I will take care not to open it
  372. Sep 17 01:26:07 <Xirvi> Is there a way into the rest of the castle?
  373. Sep 17 01:26:55 <Teksura> there are STAIRS OF SLIGHTLY THE WRONG SIZE SO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE AN AWKWARD TIME CLIMBING THEM WITHOUT TRIPPING leading up, and a PRETTY DARK HALLWAY over that way
  374. Sep 17 01:27:01 <Xirvi> bmm
  375. Sep 17 01:27:02 <Xirvi> hmm
  376. Sep 17 01:27:19 <Xirvi> Well, the frog and I should get up the stairs fine
  377. Sep 17 01:27:29 <Xirvi> "FOLLOW ME MEN," I say before proceeding up the stairs
  378. Sep 17 01:27:39 <Teksura> !roll 1d8
  379. Sep 17 01:27:40 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d8! They rolled: 1 - Total 1
  380. Sep 17 01:27:57 <Teksura> 1 of your men trips on the stairs and tumbles back down them
  381. Sep 17 01:28:16 <Teksura> he is now covered in REALLY ANNOYING SPLINTERS
  382. Sep 17 01:28:24 <Xirvi> We'll just leave him, he clearly wasn't meant to continue on this expedition
  383. Sep 17 01:28:47 <Teksura> 'it's obviously too late for the poor bastard, you leave him to whatever horrid fate awaits him
  384. Sep 17 01:28:58 <Xirvi> Aye, a proper memorial can happen later
  385. Sep 17 01:30:02 <Xirvi> So what is up these... stairs
  386. Sep 17 01:30:19 <Teksura> at the top of the stairs, you find yourself face to face with an ERRATIC SMOKE MACHINE. This is really surprising to you because you didn't think they had been invented yet in this campaign setting.
  387. Sep 17 01:30:29 <Teksura> It attacks you with a PUFF OF SMOKE for...
  388. Sep 17 01:30:32 <Teksura> !roll 1d4
  389. Sep 17 01:30:33 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d4! They rolled: 2 - Total 2
  390. Sep 17 01:30:38 <Teksura> 2 points of damage
  391. Sep 17 01:30:43 <Xirvi> "Pah! Foul magick sorcery!"
  392. Sep 17 01:31:03 <Xirvi> I will attempt to destroy it by charging headlong at it on the frog
  393. Sep 17 01:31:40 <Teksura> bah, who needs a STICK OF POINTYNESS when you have a FROG?
  394. Sep 17 01:31:46 <Xirvi> Exactly
  395. Sep 17 01:31:51 <Xirvi> IN FROG WE TRUST
  396. Sep 17 01:32:07 <Teksura> you charge the machine and the frog basically lands on it, crushing the foul device and sending SMOKE everywhere
  397. Sep 17 01:32:29 <Teksura> you gain 10 XP
  398. Sep 17 01:32:31 <Xirvi> \o/
  399. Sep 17 01:32:40 <Teksura> as a result of the smoke, you CAN'T SEE SHIT
  400. Sep 17 01:32:45 <Xirvi> I hope there is more than just an erratic smoke machine at the top of the stairs
  401. Sep 17 01:32:46 <Xirvi> oh
  402. Sep 17 01:33:11 <Xirvi> "Men, search around for an exit on this level"
  403. Sep 17 01:33:20 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  404. Sep 17 01:33:21 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 15 - Total 15
  405. Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found a window!"
  406. Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "II found a door"
  407. Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found something with boobies!"
  408. Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found Peaterson!"
  409. Sep 17 01:34:57 <Teksura> "I found a SHOE!"
  410. Sep 17 01:35:16 <Xirvi> I should add that I did *not* disrobe unlike my comrades
  411. Sep 17 01:35:17 <Xirvi> Oh, uh
  412. Sep 17 01:36:02 <Xirvi> "Man, you may keep the shoe." "Help Peaterson up, sir" "Man, you may keep the boobies" "THE REST OF YOU, THROUGH THE DOOR"
  413. Sep 17 01:37:17 <Teksura> you head through the door and find yourself face to face with a HORRIFYING UNSPEAKABLE ABOMINATION
  414. Sep 17 01:37:32 <Xirvi> O_O
  415. Sep 17 01:38:10 <Xirvi> I... tell me more about this abomination
  416. Sep 17 01:38:14 <Xirvi> Is it docile?
  417. Sep 17 01:38:35 <Teksura> I SAID it was unspeakable.
  418. Sep 17 01:38:42 <Xirvi> Pffff
  419. Sep 17 01:39:00 <Xirvi> Well
  420. Sep 17 01:39:20 <Xirvi> I will, again, charge recklessly and headlong at the abomination in an attempt to slay it, jousting style, with my pointy stick whilst riding the frog
  421. Sep 17 01:39:45 <Teksura> !roll
  422. Sep 17 01:39:46 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 20 on the d20!
  423. Sep 17 01:40:36 <Teksura> turns out it's really fucking hard to joust on a frog, whatever that thing was, it's certainly dead now. crits solve everything
  424. Sep 17 01:40:48 <Xirvi> Exactly as I planned
  425. Sep 17 01:41:08 <Xirvi> I'll urge the rest of the men to come through the door
  426. Sep 17 01:41:24 <Xirvi> I mean, I'm kinda just running this show at the moment :c
  427. Sep 17 01:41:25 <Teksura> one of your men comes into the room dragging a LARGE STATUE OF A NAKED WOMAN
  428. Sep 17 01:41:56 <Xirvi> I will nod approvingly, "loot for us to take with us once we have conquered this castle - good man"
  429. Sep 17 01:41:58 <Teksura> another looks really disappointed with his shoe
  430. Sep 17 01:42:15 <Teksura> and a third is carrying Peaterson
  431. Sep 17 01:42:18 <Xirvi> "Cheer up lad, at least one of your feet is safe from the splinters"
  432. Sep 17 01:42:21 <Xirvi> "Is he dead?"
  433. Sep 17 01:42:23 <Teksura> no
  434. Sep 17 01:42:34 <Xirvi> Just... had too much to drink?
  435. Sep 17 01:42:38 <Teksura> no
  436. Sep 17 01:42:42 <Xirvi> Oh
  437. Sep 17 01:42:48 <Teksura> he's just being carried
  438. Sep 17 01:42:48 <Xirvi> Well, what happened to Peaterson? 0____0
  439. Sep 17 01:42:50 <Xirvi> oh
  440. Sep 17 01:42:59 <Xirvi> "What, why can't Peaterson stand on his own feet"
  441. Sep 17 01:43:22 <Teksura> "SIR! YOU ORDERED ME TO HELP PETERSON UP AND THIS IS AS FAR UP AS I CAN LIFT HIM. SIR!"
  442. Sep 17 01:43:44 <Xirvi> this guy gets The Stare
  443. Sep 17 01:43:59 <Teksura> he adds +1 stare to his inventory
  444. Sep 17 01:44:02 <Xirvi> "Fine, you may leave Peaterson be"
  445. Sep 17 01:44:05 <Xirvi> You son of a bitch
  446. Sep 17 01:44:17 <Teksura> he puts down Peaterson
  447. Sep 17 01:44:17 <Xirvi> "May I have my stare back?"
  448. Sep 17 01:44:30 <Teksura> your stare is returned to you
  449. Sep 17 01:44:35 <Xirvi> "It could be a stare way to heaven, you know"
  450. Sep 17 01:44:59 <Xirvi> So, what is this room we're in that contains the ex-abomination
  451. Sep 17 01:45:43 <Teksura> this room is CURIOUSLY EMPTY aside from a SHELF with 5 POTIONS OF UNKNOWN EFFECT
  452. Sep 17 01:45:57 <Xirvi> hmmmmm
  453. Sep 17 01:46:00 <Xirvi> How many men do we have with us?
  454. Sep 17 01:46:14 <Teksura> 7.
  455. Sep 17 01:46:25 <Teksura> Peaterson suddenly appears next to the shelf.
  456. Sep 17 01:46:30 <Xirvi> hmm
  457. Sep 17 01:46:40 <Teksura> so, 8 now
  458. Sep 17 01:46:47 <Teksura> including 2 Peatersons.
  459. Sep 17 01:46:52 <Xirvi> "Peaterson, sire, do these potions look identical to you?"
  460. Sep 17 01:46:59 <Xirvi> "The one next to the shelf, not the other one"
  461. Sep 17 01:47:38 <Teksura> the one next to the shelf says "you asked me that a while ago and the other me told you then that they all looked the same"
  462. Sep 17 01:48:10 <Xirvi> "... did I?"
  463. Sep 17 01:48:25 <Teksura> "you said that, too"
  464. Sep 17 01:48:55 <Xirvi> "Did I advise you to drink one to test the effects?"
  465. Sep 17 01:49:02 <Teksura> "Yes."
  466. Sep 17 01:49:13 <Xirvi> "And what were the effects?"
  467. Sep 17 01:49:18 <Teksura> "I don't know"
  468. Sep 17 01:49:29 * Xirvi stonefaces
  469. Sep 17 01:49:36 <Xirvi> Right, I'll dismount the frog and quaff one of the potions
  470. Sep 17 01:49:46 <Teksura> !roll 1d20
  471. Sep 17 01:49:47 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 d20! They rolled: 19 - Total 19
  472. Sep 17 01:50:59 <Teksura> You drink the POTION OF FABULOUS HAIR. suddenly, your hair bursts out from your scalp and grows into a flowing, golden mane
  473. Sep 17 01:51:08 <Xirvi> :D
  474. Sep 17 01:51:13 <Teksura> your charisma score doubles as your men ooo and ahhh
  475. Sep 17 01:51:21 <Xirvi> I'll strike a pose
  476. Sep 17 01:51:29 <Teksura> you look FANTASTIC
  477. Sep 17 01:51:38 <Xirvi> Right, Bob (the previous guy, the one I landed on, let's call him Bob)
  478. Sep 17 01:51:47 <Xirvi> "Bob, you drink one as well"
  479. Sep 17 01:51:56 <Teksura> Bob drinks a potion
  480. Sep 17 01:51:57 <Teksura> !roll
  481. Sep 17 01:51:59 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 10 on the d20!
  482. Sep 17 01:52:39 <Teksura> he gulps down the potion of REMEMBERING SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT FROM LAST WEEK.
  483. Sep 17 01:52:59 <Xirvi> I apologize to Bob that he did not receive fabulous hair
  484. Sep 17 01:53:16 <Teksura> and is now a little distraught that he forgot to relay a message someone asked him to give
  485. Sep 17 01:53:35 <Xirvi> "Well, after we've departed this castle, we shall relay the message, eh"
  486. Sep 17 01:53:43 <Teksura> the men cheer
  487. Sep 17 01:53:54 <Xirvi> He gets a slap on the shoulder for good measure
  488. Sep 17 01:53:57 <Xirvi> Right, back on the frog
  489. Sep 17 01:54:15 <Xirvi> "Peaterson next to the shelf, gather the other potions and keep them safe"
  490. Sep 17 01:54:53 <Xirvi> "... oh wait, you're half naked, aren't you? Umm... give them to me? I shall stash them, I suppose"
  491. Sep 17 01:55:12 <Teksura> he picks them up and attempts to add them to his inventory, but appears to no longer have access to it while there are 2 of him
  492. Sep 17 01:55:21 <Xirvi> Wait, what
  493. Sep 17 01:55:21 <Teksura> he hands you the potions
  494. Sep 17 01:55:46 <Xirvi> He cannot access his inventory while there are two of him? Why? Do his underpants not open?
  495. Sep 17 01:57:07 <Teksura> It appears to be a KNOWN BUG which was PREVIOUSLY UNADDRESSED because the circumstances which caused it were never supposed to be POSSIBLE without ADMIN.
  496. Sep 17 01:57:46 <Xirvi> What
  497. Sep 17 01:57:53 <Xirvi> The developers of this game are shit, get out of here
  498. Sep 17 01:58:05 <Xirvi> Well, is it obvious which one is Peaterson Prime?
  499. Sep 17 01:58:10 <Teksura> yes
  500. Sep 17 01:58:17 <Xirvi> Which one is it?
  501. Sep 17 01:58:21 <Teksura> that one
  502. Sep 17 01:58:26 <Xirvi> Oh. Where's the other one?
  503. Sep 17 01:58:31 <Teksura> over there
  504. Sep 17 01:58:35 <Xirvi> Oh
  505. Sep 17 01:58:38 <Xirvi> What's he been doing all this time?
  506. Sep 17 01:58:55 <Teksura> picking his nose
  507. Sep 17 01:59:14 <Xirvi> hmm
  508. Sep 17 01:59:19 <Xirvi> Bob, I must consult you
  509. Sep 17 01:59:30 <Xirvi> "Bob - do you suppose that both Peatersons are useful to our cause?"
  510. Sep 17 02:00:27 <Teksura> !roll
  511. Sep 17 02:00:28 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 14 on the d20!
  512. Sep 17 02:00:42 <Teksura> "What happens if we cause a pair of docks?"
  513. Sep 17 02:01:04 <Xirvi> "... a pair of docks?"
  514. Sep 17 02:01:20 <Teksura> "Like when time travel goes bad?"
  515. Sep 17 02:01:38 <Xirvi> "I'm not sure I follow. What would be the ill consequence of a pair of docks?"
  516. Sep 17 02:01:55 <Teksura> "I guess you'd not know which one to park your boar at"
  517. Sep 17 02:01:58 <Teksura> *boat
  518. Sep 17 02:02:12 <Xirvi> "This is a fair point, but we have no boat, sir, need I remind you"
  519. Sep 17 02:02:36 <Teksura> "You have a frog, which is almost a boat"
  520. Sep 17 02:03:18 <Xirvi> "That is true, but I do not even know if I would be able to park my frog at the dock in question anyways. What if I had two frogs? That would be quite nice, actually"
  521. Sep 17 02:03:26 <Xirvi> Right, does this room lead any further into the castle?
  522. Sep 17 02:03:35 <Teksura> "we should give a potion to the frog then!"
  523. Sep 17 02:03:56 <Xirvi> "Uh, sure Bob, good thinking, feed the frog" I'll hand him a potion
  524. Sep 17 02:04:33 <Teksura> the frog drinks the POTION OF GROW TO UNREASONABLE SIZE IN THE PAST. Huh. Guess that explains how the frog got this big.
  525. Sep 17 02:05:20 <Xirvi> "Let us discuss quantum mechanics and time travel another day, men. We have a castle to purify"
  526. Sep 17 02:05:41 <Teksura> the men cheer
  527. Sep 17 02:05:57 <Xirvi> Any obvious exits barring the way we came in?
  528. Sep 17 02:06:20 <Teksura> there is a LADDER LEADING UP, and a WINDOW OF SHEER DROPPAGE
  529. Sep 17 02:06:58 <Xirvi> Oh. I suppose I will dismount the frog again and head up "Follow me, men, and Peaterson II, mind the frog for us while we're away"
  530. Sep 17 02:08:00 <Teksura> you climb the LADDER and find yourself emerging from a TRAP DOOR in the floor of the next room. you are surrounded by 5 HARPIES
  531. Sep 17 02:08:18 <Xirvi> Oh dear
  532. Sep 17 02:08:34 <Teksura> you are pushed through the door by the next man who climbs up to join you
  533. Sep 17 02:08:49 <Xirvi> I'll climb in, step aside and back and draw my weapon
  534. Sep 17 02:09:01 <Teksura> he readies his weapon, a ROCK THAT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE A DAGGER
  535. Sep 17 02:09:15 <Xirvi> "Stand aside, foul harpies, or die, for we aim to cleanse this castle"
  536. Sep 17 02:09:17 <Teksura> you draw your STICK OF POINTYNESS
  537. Sep 17 02:09:33 <Teksura> !roll
  538. Sep 17 02:09:34 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 2 on the d20!
  539. Sep 17 02:09:40 * Xirvi turns on Star Trek fight music
  540. Sep 17 02:09:42 <Teksura> they are not impressed
  541. Sep 17 02:09:54 <Teksura> you turn on the star trek fight music
  542. Sep 17 02:10:01 <Xirvi> Fine. Still just me and one redshirt here?
  543. Sep 17 02:10:08 <Xirvi> Or have the others joined us?
  544. Sep 17 02:10:09 <Teksura> this series had a pretty bitching soundtrack
  545. Sep 17 02:10:21 <Teksura> he is not wearing a shirt
  546. Sep 17 02:10:26 <Xirvi> oh yeah, or much of anything
  547. Sep 17 02:10:42 <Xirvi> Well, is it just me and rock-that-looks-like-dagger-man?
  548. Sep 17 02:10:43 <Teksura> the rest of the group makes its way up
  549. Sep 17 02:11:04 <Teksura> they draw weapons and a fight begins. what do you do?
  550. Sep 17 02:11:10 <Xirvi> Right
  551. Sep 17 02:11:19 <Xirvi> I'll go for the facehole of the nearest harpy
  552. Sep 17 02:11:27 <Teksura> !roll
  553. Sep 17 02:11:28 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 9 on the d20!
  554. Sep 17 02:11:29 <Xirvi> (with the pointy stick, not my lips this time)
  555. Sep 17 02:11:42 <Teksura> your stick breaks off in her nose
  556. Sep 17 02:11:57 <Xirvi> Oh :c
  557. Sep 17 02:12:01 <Teksura> the good news is, she falls to the ground screaming in agony
  558. Sep 17 02:12:08 <Xirvi> But surely the stick is still pointy, albeit shorter
  559. Sep 17 02:12:17 <Xirvi> I'll try to step on her neck
  560. Sep 17 02:12:25 <Teksura> !roll
  561. Sep 17 02:12:26 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 2 on the d20!
  562. Sep 17 02:12:50 <Teksura> you miss and step in some Harpy poop
  563. Sep 17 02:12:54 <Xirvi> Eugh
  564. Sep 17 02:13:21 <Xirvi> I'll give her a kick with my poo-caked foot
  565. Sep 17 02:13:28 <Teksura> !roll
  566. Sep 17 02:13:29 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 16 on the d20!
  567. Sep 17 02:13:37 <Teksura> she spends the next round throwing up
  568. Sep 17 02:13:47 <Xirvi> Good good, how are the other men faring?
  569. Sep 17 02:14:47 <Teksura> you look to your men flailing amount towards the harpies 1 harpy is already dead, and bob has a huge gash across his face.
  570. Sep 17 02:15:02 <Teksura> *wham*
  571. Sep 17 02:15:14 <Teksura> your man who was carrying the statue slams it on top of a harpy
  572. Sep 17 02:15:19 <Xirvi> Good man
  573. Sep 17 02:15:45 <Xirvi> I'll rush to Bob's defence and help him fight off a harpy
  574. Sep 17 02:15:56 <Teksura> !roll
  575. Sep 17 02:15:57 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 4 on the d20!
  576. Sep 17 02:16:12 <Xirvi> (I'll need to give him a medal for getting that statue up the ladder in the first place, goddamn)
  577. Sep 17 02:16:45 <Teksura> you lunge at the harpy with the stick, but the poop on your foot causes you to slip. the stick goes flying from your hand and out the ONLY WINDOW IN THIS ROOM
  578. Sep 17 02:16:54 <Xirvi> Oh no
  579. Sep 17 02:17:15 <Xirvi> I'll put up my fists and go for the one-two punch or something
  580. Sep 17 02:17:22 <Teksura> !roll
  581. Sep 17 02:17:23 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
  582. Sep 17 02:17:54 <Teksura> you punch at the Harpy from the ground and knock her in the shins really good. nothing is worse than a sharp blow to the shin
  583. Sep 17 02:18:00 <Teksura> *wham*
  584. Sep 17 02:18:09 <Teksura> that's another harpy dead to a statue
  585. Sep 17 02:18:34 <Xirvi> Two dead, two on the ground but not dead yet?
  586. Sep 17 02:18:41 <Xirvi> Or has the vomiting one gotten up?
  587. Sep 17 02:19:04 <Teksura> 1 vombiting and sick and seriously hurt. 3 dead. 1 engaged with you and bob
  588. Sep 17 02:19:20 <Xirvi> Oh nice
  589. Sep 17 02:19:23 <Xirvi> In that case
  590. Sep 17 02:19:36 <Xirvi> I'll try to get up
  591. Sep 17 02:19:41 <Teksura> you stand up
  592. Sep 17 02:19:56 <Xirvi> ... and then punch the harpy Bob and I are fighting
  593. Sep 17 02:20:02 <Teksura> !roll
  594. Sep 17 02:20:03 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 1 on the d20!
  595. Sep 17 02:20:15 <Teksura> you miss and punch Bob right in the left nut
  596. Sep 17 02:20:22 <Xirvi> "Oh bollocks, sorry mate"
  597. Sep 17 02:20:53 <Xirvi> I'm sure he'll be fine
  598. Sep 17 02:21:14 <Teksura> bob falls to the ground, cringing. He drops his weapon, the FORK OF 5 PRONGS
  599. Sep 17 02:21:20 <Xirvi> Oooo
  600. Sep 17 02:21:25 <Xirvi> I'll nab that fork
  601. Sep 17 02:21:36 <Teksura> this is a really nice fork
  602. Sep 17 02:21:47 <Xirvi> I'm just borrowing it
  603. Sep 17 02:21:55 <Xirvi> I'll try to slash the harpy I failed to punch
  604. Sep 17 02:21:55 <Teksura> *screech*
  605. Sep 17 02:22:00 <Teksura> !roll
  606. Sep 17 02:22:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 18 on the d20!
  607. Sep 17 02:22:08 <Teksura> you get it right in the neck
  608. Sep 17 02:22:18 <Xirvi> yeaaaaah boi
  609. Sep 17 02:22:26 <Teksura> it kind of gurgles a bit and goes limp
  610. Sep 17 02:22:32 <Xirvi> Now, what of the vomiting one?
  611. Sep 17 02:22:52 <Teksura> oh, everyone else beat that one into a pulp while you were helping bob
  612. Sep 17 02:22:56 <Xirvi> oh cool
  613. Sep 17 02:23:02 <Xirvi> [Final Fantasy victory music]
  614. Sep 17 02:23:11 <Teksura> you gain 20 XP
  615. Sep 17 02:23:15 <Xirvi> I'll give Bob his fork back
  616. Sep 17 02:23:18 <Xirvi> Reluctantly
  617. Sep 17 02:23:24 <Teksura> and you have GAINED A LEVEL
  618. Sep 17 02:23:29 <Xirvi> \o/
  619. Sep 17 02:23:59 <Teksura> you also gained a new PERK POINT which you may use to become SLIGHTLY LESS SHIT with a specific task
  620. Sep 17 02:24:15 <Xirvi> A specific task
  621. Sep 17 02:24:51 <Xirvi> Tough decision
  622. Sep 17 02:25:15 <Xirvi> I suppose I should get better at that whole hand-to-hand combat thing
  623. Sep 17 02:25:26 <Teksura> min-max0ng fucker
  624. Sep 17 02:25:28 <Xirvi> Seeing as my fist mainly connected with one of Bob's bobs
  625. Sep 17 02:25:33 <Xirvi> Hey, it's logical
  626. Sep 17 02:26:08 <Xirvi> I don't have a pointy stick anymore and I'd like to be better with my fists, just in case
  627. Sep 17 02:26:15 <Teksura> you take the logical route and improve your HAND TO HAND COMBAT SKILL in spite of the fact that nothing else in this game has been logical
  628. Sep 17 02:26:21 <Xirvi> lol
  629. Sep 17 02:26:29 <Xirvi> Is there anything in this room worth looting?
  630. Sep 17 02:26:35 <Teksura> you are now better at fighting hands in bombat
  631. Sep 17 02:26:41 <Xirvi> In bombat
  632. Sep 17 02:26:42 <Teksura> *combat
  633. Sep 17 02:26:54 <Xirvi> Gand yo gand bombat
  634. Sep 17 02:27:00 <Teksura> 'you're still shit, but slightly less so
  635. Sep 17 02:27:10 <Xirvi> Of course I'm still shit, this is me we're talking about
  636. Sep 17 02:27:22 <Xirvi> And what of the men? Are we all alive?
  637. Sep 17 02:27:49 <Teksura> in this room you see a BUNCH OF HARPY CORPSES, several STEAMING PILES OF SHIT, and a WINDOW WHICH IS ACTUALLY TOO SMALL FOR THE HARPIES TO FIT THROUGH
  638. Sep 17 02:27:58 <Teksura> and also BIRD FEEDER
  639. Sep 17 02:28:09 <Teksura> sorry
  640. Sep 17 02:28:09 <Xirvi> I'll examine the bird feeder
  641. Sep 17 02:28:27 <Teksura> a this is a BIRD FEEDER OF ENORMOUS SIZE, likely here to feed the harpies
  642. Sep 17 02:28:57 <Xirvi> huh, is there food still in it?
  643. Sep 17 02:29:13 <Teksura> there is a lot of BIRD SEED
  644. Sep 17 02:29:22 <Xirvi> Excellent
  645. Sep 17 02:29:25 <Xirvi> "Oi lads, anyone hungry?"
  646. Sep 17 02:30:15 <Teksura> some of them are
  647. Sep 17 02:30:27 <Xirvi> But they're all alive, yes?
  648. Sep 17 02:31:15 <Teksura> Ted isn't
  649. Sep 17 02:31:22 <Xirvi> Oh :<
  650. Sep 17 02:31:44 <Xirvi> I'll stop at Ted's corpse and say a brief prayer to Lord Crabulon, the half-giant crab/half-robot god
  651. Sep 17 02:32:00 <Teksura> !roll
  652. Sep 17 02:32:01 <TekBot_v2> Teksura rolled 4 on the d20!
  653. Sep 17 02:32:21 <Xirvi> To guide his soul to the eternal afterlife where the humans are purg-- I mean where peace and warmth is in abundance
  654. Sep 17 02:33:21 <Teksura> We're sorry, but the deity you are attempting to pray to is unavailable at this time. Please try again later. If you require immediate divine intervention, please stay on the line and you will be connected with the next available representative.
  655. Sep 17 02:33:28 <Xirvi> "Son of a bitch"
  656. Sep 17 02:33:42 <Xirvi> Does Ted have any belongings?
  657. Sep 17 02:34:04 <Teksura> Ted is weaping a LOINCLOTH OF QUESTIONABLE STAINS AND ODER
  658. Sep 17 02:34:08 <Teksura> 8wearing
  659. Sep 17 02:34:11 <Xirvi> I... pass
  660. Sep 17 02:34:23 <Xirvi> Right, I'll advise anyone hungry to feast on the bird seed
  661. Sep 17 02:34:24 <Xirvi> Else
  662. Sep 17 02:34:27 <Xirvi> Exits
  663. Sep 17 02:34:28 <Teksura> and he currently has equipped a SWORD OF CARDBOARD.
  664. Sep 17 02:34:49 <Teksura> you wisely leave his undies where they are
  665. Sep 17 02:34:57 <Xirvi> Everything important in this land is made of cardboard
  666. Sep 17 02:35:03 <Xirvi> gee the DMs sure are about cost-cutting measures eh
  667. Sep 17 02:35:31 <Xirvi> Next they'll replace the chickens in the market with styrofoam copies
  668. Sep 17 02:35:56 <Teksura> fun as this is, i really need to sleep now
  669. Sep 17 02:36:04 <Xirvi> yeah, I need to go to the supermarket at 6
  670. Sep 17 02:36:08 <Xirvi> And then sleep
  671. Sep 17 02:36:18 <Xirvi> Well, that was an... entertaining adventure
  672. Sep 17 02:36:36 <Teksura> this was something all right
  673. Sep 17 02:36:37 <Xirvi> Good show, reminds me of olden days
  674. Sep 17 02:36:40 <Teksura> still not sure what it was
  675. Sep 17 02:36:46 <Xirvi> As in
  676. Sep 17 02:37:04 <Xirvi> Please, if you happen to have room in a proper tabletop game party
  677. Sep 17 02:37:23 <Xirvi> Invite me, senpai, I shan't be as cavalier/stupid about things as I was here, scout's honour
  678. Sep 17 02:37:58 <Teksura> Shadok and I are presently running an adventure each, but we're already overloaded with people and have 1 on a waiting list
  679. Sep 17 02:38:23 <Xirvi> Although frankly I enjoyed the odyssey of being nearly killed by an exploding man, waking up drunk on a roof, finding ye flask, my missing juggling ball and storming a castle by being headbutted into the courtyard and charging into the entrance on an oversized frog
  680. Sep 17 02:38:47 <Xirvi> And dealing with time paradoxes after beating an unspeakable abomination before fighting some harpies and slipping on harpy poo
  681. Sep 17 02:39:11 <Teksura> honestly, I'm ashamed i went through with the joke about adjusting your balls
  682. Sep 17 02:39:16 <Xirvi> Truly, my character was a modern day Ulysses
  683. Sep 17 02:39:21 <Xirvi> hahaha
  684. Sep 17 02:40:42 <Xirvi> Well, it's all good
  685. Sep 17 02:41:13 <Xirvi> rip in piss ted
  686. Sep 17 02:41:31 <Teksura> if you had gone through allk the potions though, the last was going to be a POTION OF ANTI-CLIMAX
  687. Sep 17 02:41:37 <Xirvi> oh dear
  688. Sep 17 02:41:54 <Xirvi> I had planned to save them in case I needed them in a pinch
  689. Sep 17 02:42:06 <Xirvi> I mean, it's not like I knew what they did
  690. Sep 17 02:42:29 <Teksura> well, 1 would send Peaterson back in time, except you never had him drink it
  691. Sep 17 02:42:57 <Xirvi> Since I never had him drink it, does that mean one disappears?
  692. Sep 17 02:43:18 <Teksura> no, but you do add +2 docks to your inventory
  693. Sep 17 02:43:31 <Xirvi> "YOU CHANGED THE FUTURE! YOU CREATED A TIME PARADOX!"
  694. Sep 17 02:43:35 <Xirvi> Oh good
  695. Sep 17 02:44:05 <Teksura> anyway, I'm going to sleep
  696. Sep 17 02:44:07 <Teksura> goodnight
  697. Sep 17 02:44:16 <Xirvi> Right, g'night
  698. Sep 17 05:03:24 * Xirvi has quit (Quit: конец)
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