-Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. I have tried to recreate events, locales and conversations from my memories of them. In order to maintain their anonymity in some instances I have changed the names of individuals and places, I may have changed some identifying characteristics and details such as physical properties, occupations and places of residence.-
Prologue: First of all, I hate when people say "there are no facts, just one big collaborative fan fiction," in regards to posts on this Sub. I hate to break it to you, but that's how freaking history  works, thats how investigations works. You do research, and make assumptions based on your evidence. You come to conclusions based on deductions steming from what is most probable.
Part 1: Now, Let's begin from where things seem to get muddled in this community--SBGQ 2014. I personally attended the event, and I'd bet you all the other 2/3rds of Sham's unfinished burrito you (and by you I mean like the 6 of you that actually use this Sub) didn't attend (just like Sam didnt beat Ocarina of Time). I figure I'dve remembered the stench, honestly. Anyways, I remember a lot of things--I have a fucking fantastic memory, to be frank. If anyone has any objections so far, I'd really prefer if you be quiet now and let me tell my side of the story.
The fun and games all started when Trollki caught Steaf's eye when he got up from couching a run. I know this because I was watching intently, and If you perverts insist on knowing why, it's because I am gay had been trying to catch Steaf's glance all damn day. So, I think I'd notice when his eye balls literally grew 2 sizes, as with his pecker, upon spotting Trollki. It did upset me that he wasn't interested in me, but in any case i'll try to stick to the point. Their eye's met, both exchanged the "oh hello there" look, as Steaf approached her. Suddenly, like a shit spurting out of a clogged toilet, the ghostly appearance of what could have easily been mistaken for an animatronic Dobby, innocently popped up from below. It was Sham, and he had been apparently crouching on Trollki's feet for the last couple hours. "Oh, hiiii Steaf!" Sham exclaimed. Steaf, cool as a cat, never missing a beat responds "sup Shamuel?"
The three continue conversing, eventually decide to walk over to McDolands accross the street to grab a bite. Of course I follow along, like a blue shell, orbiting with rock hard resolve towards Steaf, as I had been for hours. I could only overhear so much from the distance I sat, but let me tell you the priceless look on Trollki's face basically spelled out "Wow he can eat that much? I wonder how he can eat me!" in no uncertain terms, upon witnessing Steaf casually chomp down a 20 piece nuggy. In her mind's eye, she could see the unfinished boxes of chicken nuggets scattering about the room as they romped, unprotected, but definitely not unobserved, in his hot and sticky fantasy. My observations would soon be interrupted, by my having drank a large iced coffee. I wanted to just drain the snake, but my loose ass couldn't hold until I got back to the hotel. Thus, I found myself sitting in the McDoland's handicap stall; paper thin toilet tissue as rough as Sham's shaved head stubble scrubbing my admitteldly flawless bleached asshole. But, I digress. The point is, as I'm in the bathroom I notice the door swing open, and I shit you not (no pun intended) I see two pairs of legs, one of which must have belonged to Trollki. Now, this is speculatory and I'll leave it up to you to decide for yourselves, but I believe the man with her that day was none other than...let's just call him HaberdasherB. I peeked through the stall frame and noticed him carrying a hand-cam to apparently film her take a shit. I could hear the sound of his diaper creaking as he walked, as well as the trumpeting cresendo in the neighboring stall.  Sounded like she was shitting to the beat of "We Will Rock You." Now, at the time I didn't know who this mystery man was, but now I've put two-and-two together. What he was doing with Trollki is essentially unimportant, other than that it helps highlight her deviant nature, so don't be suprised when things start to get a little wild between her and Steaf in the next section.
Part 2: Now, I swear upon the box of condoms Cheatbi brought to SBGQ that the proceeding information is all eye-witness account by yours truly. Not a word is hearsay or speculation. Speaking of which, just because Cheatbi didn't claim to have used the condoms, doesn't mean he didn't have sex (unfortunately for the human gene pool.) Though, it was Steaf who in fact used half of the box, borrowed from his good pal. As a side note, if you think about it, Steaf really had a lot of good pals to set up his James Bond Bangarang. A lot of the crowd at SBGQ was virgin low life cockroaches masquerading as human beings, so Steaf juxtoposed against them oustandingly, as he was a freaking Greek God feigning as a humble Speed runner. Back to the matter at hand. So at this point you can read between the lines to figure out what happens next, but you needn't bother as I am going to flesh it out for you in excrutiating detail. See, by this point I had garnered enough couraged, sacked up and approached Steaf. We were "buddies" now, of course I had alterior motives. As one of his buddies, I took part in securing his room. Others did perimeter work to make sure Sham didn't come unannounced, and so on. My spot in the room gave me a clear view of Trollki and Sham as he ravaged her waxed vag. He didn't last long, but boy was he a trooper. There were more than enough condoms available, as Cheatbi wasn't the only nerd offering these slippery scabbards to their new hero Steaf. He must have came upwards of twelve times, assuming he changed out with each load. Trollki herself, harder to tell, perhaps she faked it, but I'd venture she came at least 5 times vaginally, twice anally. I might have been shocked by the big brown dick he pulled out of her ass if it weren't for my experience in the field myself (part of the reason I was given the inner sanctum duty was my desensitization to all matters anal). I know there are some of you out there into that Avatar role play shit, but please don't eat too much blue food coloring before you do you know what, if you aren't going to give yourself an enema that is beforehand. Anyhow, minutes turned into hours, hours into .. well 3 hours, as that was the full duration of their nick-nack-paddywhack. Give a dog a bone, except if that dog is Sham, as he wasn't thrown a bone at all at this point. I'm sure you're wondering where Sham is during all of this. Well, the bulldump about him getting pissed from Trollki drinking too much, it's all steamy shit-slinging nonsense. He fucking got tiered and went to bed. No it's not odd if you think about it, because he only had about 500 calories that day to fuel himself, so his body needed to hibernate efficiently. Could Sham have peaked through the hotel room window? Well the curtains were ajar. Could he have been fapping off furiously onto the window sill? Well, I did see *some humanoid* out there jacking it. It's all possible, I won't shoot down any cuck related theories at this time, but I also won't lie and say that I know anything more than I've said already.
Above all else, let's not forget what brough us all here today. That's our love for Mario Kart Marathons, our love for videogames, speed running, and charity events. Please be respectful when you comment and remember that everyone has feelings, there is no reason to degrade or chastise one another. Things are never black or white, there are two sides to every story. Peace, have a good day everyone! --Starfishlicker