Want more features on Pastebin? Sign Up, it's FREE!

Simpsons Chalkboard Gags

By: thenadz on Dec 28th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 11.69 KB  |  views: 4,426  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. I will not waste chalk
  2. I will not skateboard in the halls
  3. I will not burp in class
  4. I will not instigate revolution
  5. I will not draw naked ladies in class
  6. I did not see Elvis
  7. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
  8. Garlic gum is not funny
  9. They are laughing at me, not with me
  10. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
  11. Tar is not a plaything
  12. I will not Xerox my butt
  13. It's potato, not potatoe
  14. I will not trade pants with others
  15. I am not a 32 year old woman
  16. I will not do that thing with my tongue
  17. I will not drive the principal's car
  18. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
  19. I will not sell school property
  20. I will not cut corners
  21. I will not get very far with this attitude
  22. I will not make flatuent noises in class
  23. I will not belch the National Anthem
  24. I will not sell land in Florida
  25. I will not grease the monkey bars
  26. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
  27. I will not do anything bad ever again
  28. I will not show off
  29. I will not sleep through my education
  30. I am not a dentist
  31. Spitwads are not free speech
  32. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
  33. I will not squeak chalk
  34. I will finish what I sta
  35. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
  36. I will not fake rabies
  37. Underwear should be worn on the inside
  38. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
  39. I will not torment the emotionally frail
  40. I will not carve gods
  41. I will not spank others
  42. I will not aim for the head
  43. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
  44. I will not conduct my own fire drills
  45. Funny noises are not funny
  46. I will not spin the turtle
  47. I will not snap bras
  48. I will not fake seizures
  49. This punishment is not boring and pointless
  50. My name is not Dr. Death
  51. I will not defame New Orleans
  52. I will not prescribe medication
  53. I will not bury the new kid
  54. I will not teach others to fly
  55. I will not bring sheep to class
  56. A burp is not an answer
  57. Teacher is not a leper
  58. Coffee is not for kids
  59. I will not eat things for money
  60. I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
  61. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
  62. I will not call the principal "spud head"
  63. Goldfish don't bounce
  64. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
  65. No one is interested in my underpants
  66. I will not sell miracle cures
  67. I will return the seeing-eye dog
  68. I do not have diplomatic immunity
  69. I will not charge admission to the bathroom
  70. I will never win an Emmy
  71. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
  72. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
  73. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
  74. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
  75. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
  76. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
  77. I am not delightfully saucy
  78. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
  79. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
  80. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
  81. There are plenty of businesses like show business
  82. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
  83. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
  84. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
  85. I will not use abbrev.
  86. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
  87. I will not send lard through the mail
  88. I will not dissect things unless instructed
  89. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
  90. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
  91. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
  92. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
  93. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
  94. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
  95. I will not hang donuts on my person
  96. I will remember to take my medication
  97. I will not strut around like I own the place
  98. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
  99. I do not have power of attorney over first graders
  100. Nerve gas is not a toy
  101. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
  102. The First Amendment does not cover burping
  103. This is not a clue...or is it?
  104. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
  105. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
  106. No one wants to hear from my armpits
  107. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
  108. The boys room is not a water park
  109. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
  110. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
  111. I will only do this once a year
  112. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
  113. I am not certified to remove asbestos
  114. I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
  115. I am not my long-lost twin
  116. The truth is not out there
  117. I am not licensed to do anything
  118. I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
  119. I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
  120. A fire drill does not demand a fire
  121. I no longer want my MTV
  122. Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
  123. I did not invent Irish dancing
  124. I will not tease Fatty
  125. There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
  126. Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
  127. Shooting paintballs is not an art form
  128. Pain is not the cleanser
  129. Silly String is not a nasal spray
  130. I was not told to do this
  131. My butt does not deserve a website
  132. I will not demand what I'm worth
  133. I will not mess with the opening credits
  134. I am not the new Dalai Lama
  135. I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
  136. I will not file frivolous lawsuits
  137. The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
  138. "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
  139. No one cares what my definition of "is" is
  140. I will not scream for ice cream
  141. I am not a licensed hairstylist
  142. "The President did it" is not an excuse
  143. My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
  144. Sherri does not "got back"
  145. I will not do the Dirty Bird
  146. No one wants to hear about my sciatica
  147. Hillbillies are people too
  148. Grammar is not a time of waste
  149. It does not suck to be you
  150. I cannot absolve sins
  151. A trained ape could not teach gym
  152. Loose teeth don't need my help
  153. I have neither been there nor done that
  154. I'm so very tired
  155. Fridays are not "pants optional"
  156. Pork is not a verb
  157. I am not the last Don
  158. I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
  159. I won't not use no double negatives
  160. I can't see dead people
  161. I will not sell my kidney on eBay
  162. I will not create art from dung
  163. I will stop phoning it in
  164. Class clown is not a paid position
  165. Substitute teachers are not scabs
  166. My suspension was not "mutual"
  167. A belch is not an oral report
  168. Dodgeball stops at the gym door
  169. "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
  170. I was not touched "there" by an angel
  171. I am not here on a fartball scholarship
  172. I will not dance on anyone's grave
  173. I cannot hire a substitute student
  174. I will not obey the voices in my head
  175. I will not plant sublimin<font color="green"><b>al</b></font> messa<font color="green"><b>gore</b></font>s
  176. I will not surprise the incontinent
  177. I am not the acting President
  178. I was not the sixth Beatle
  179. I will only provide a urine sample when asked
  180. The nurse is not dealing
  181. Science class should not end in tragedy
  182. Network TV is not dead
  183. I will not "let the dogs out"
  184. I will not hide the teacher's medication
  185. I will not publish the Principal's credit report
  186. The hamster did not have "a full life"
  187. I will not buy a Presidential pardon
  188. "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
  189. I will not scare the Vice President
  190. I will not flush evidence
  191. Fire is not the cleanser
  192. Genetics is not an excuse
  193. Today is not Mothra's day
  194. I should not be twenty-one by now
  195. Nobody reads these anymore
  196. A burp in a jar is not a science project
  197. Fun does not have a size
  198. I am not Charlie Brown on acid
  199. I do not have a cereal named after me
  200. I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
  201. The giving tree is not a chump
  202. Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
  203. Vampire is not a career choice
  204. I will never lie about being cancelled again
  205. Fish do not like coffee
  206. Milhouse did not test cootie positive
  207. This school does not need a "regime change"
  208. SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
  209. I will not *Bart slashes chalkboard with axe*
  210. My pen is not a booger launcher
  211. Sandwiches should not contain sand
  212. Over forty &amp; single is not funny
  213. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
  214. Poking a dead raccoon is not research
  215. Beer in a milk carton is not milk
  216. A booger is not a bookmark
  217. Does any kid still do this anymore?
  218. I am not smarter than the President
  219. Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
  220. I will not laminate dog doo
  221. I will not flip the classroom upside down
  222. I will not leak the plot of the movie
  223. Je ne parle pas Fran&#195;&#167;ais
  224. Have a great summer, everyone
  225. We are not all naked under our clothes
  226. Frankincense is not a monster
  227. Global warming did not eat my homework
  228. I will not look up what teacher makes
  229. Pearls are not oyster barf
  230. I will not illegally download this movie
  231. I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
  232. The Wall Street Journal is better than ever
  233. I am not an FDIC-insured bank
  234. There is no such thing as an iPoddy
  235. The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
  236. The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
  237. Teacher did not pay too much for her condo
  238. The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
  239. A person's a person no matter how Ralph
  240. This punishment is not medieval.
  241. Teacher's diet <u>is</u> working
  242. There's no such month as "Rocktober"
  243. I did not see teacher siphoning gas
  244. Prosperity is just around the corner
  245. Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas
  246. I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard
  247. HDTV is worth every cent
  248. "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school
  249. I will not have fun with educational toys
  250. Four-leaf clovers are not mutant freaks
  251. My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds
  252. I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone
  253. I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy
  254. It's "Facebook," not "Assbook"
  255. The class hamster isn't just sleeping
  256. Chalkboarding is not torture
  257. I am not allergic to long division
  258. I do not have the hots for my mom
  259. Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass
  260. Teachers' unions are not ruining the country
  261. The world may end in 2012 but this show won't
  262. World War II could not beat up World War I
  263. Hot dogs are not bookmarks
  264. This counts as gym and art class
  265. South Park - we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared
  266. Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
  267. Batman is not "nothing without his utility belt"
  268. End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us.
  269. When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio
  270. I did not see teacher applying for welfare
  271. I must not write all over the walls
  272. "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas"
  273. Candy canes are not elf bones
  274. January is not Bart History Month
  275. Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King
  276. I will not make fun of Cupid's dink
  277. I'm not here on a spitball scholarship
  278. "Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank
  279. I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket
  280. I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"
  281. It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall
  282. It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election
  283. It's November 6 -- how come we're not airing a Halloween show?
  284. "Caucus" is not a dirty word
  285. Cafeteria trays are not toboggans
  286. Tintin did not sucksuck
  287. We <u>do</u> need no education
  288. There's no proven link between raisins and boogers
  289. I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart
  290. Bart's earned a day off
  291. The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours
  292. Call your mother during the commercials
  293. I will not wear white after Labor Day
  294. I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission
  295. I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in
  296. 20 more shoplifting days till Christmas
  297. Teacher did not get fat over the holidays
  298. I will obey Oscar&reg; campaign rules from now on
  299. I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word"
  300. I'm sorry I broke the blackboard
  301. Jesus's last words were not "TGIF"
  302. This school is not falling apart
  303. 25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment
  304. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
  305. We'll really miss you, Mrs. K.
  306. My school schedule does not include a bye week
  307. Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember
  308. I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom
  309. I will not call my teacher "Prancer" and "Vixen."
  310. Judas Priest is not "Death Metal"
  311. My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's
  312. You can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th
clone this paste RAW Paste Data