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Before I get into the purposes of why I did this, let me first tell you that I am more distraught over the thought that I will never get to know what the fuck howland reed is doing. This might have been one of the few reasons I held on so long, I swear to god fiction is a good way to keep people alive. A few more things I am a little sadden by my new lack of opportunity to see include Pacific Rim 2, a good american godzilla, the end of deadly class(though my bets are on marcus killing himself), I never got to do DMT, I never got to go on a train ride with all my friends, I have never been to disney land, I never got to tell emma my feelings for her.

 

Now if you are wondering why I included that list here, please look at it again, look at what's missing. I am not sad that I am missing my own college graduation, I am not sad that I will never be married and I am not angry at the state the world is in as I leave it. The fact that I have never held a job worth more then 8 bucks an hour. The reason behind these things not bothering me is, I think, that I never really thought I would do any of them. You can't regret something you never thought would come to pass. In this way I feel vilified in knowing that I never had a spot of maturity, despite being an eagle scout I am still a lazy piece of shit.

 

I bet your wondering at this point “holy fuck why the fucking fuck did he kill himself why on earth would he do that” Well the answer is simple: Fuck you that's why.

 

Though I will say, it's funny when you think about it, my indecision was a trait I knew people found the most annoying(or maybe not who really gives a shit at this point none of my annoying traits matter) so the irony of me making a decision no amout of begging or anything else can ever change is quite an unusual step for me, but as I swing you should all know why I was indecisive. I was sarced, sarced some one would notice how much I was fucking shit up and sacred some one might catch on to what I was doing. In the last 2 years I think I was just working until I got enough courage or enough self loathing to make this loop out of extension cords and die.