My Self Summary

If you're looking for some generic profile that says "I'm this. I'm that. I enjoy this [and dislike that]. You should message me if you find me interesting," then look elsewhere. Such as down a bottle of rubbing alcohol, knowing your ability to distinguish worthwhile individuals will likely translate to ability to distinguish consumable liquids.

Simply put, there is little purpose in me presenting myself as part of society's lowest common denominator function, especially what with not being one myself. Unlike the vast majority of people who take residence in this tepid sanctum of society called "Columbus, OH", I do not exist as a piece of the mass societal puzzle. Rather, I exist as a fragment, and a rapidly growing one at that, threatening the decaying structure and reaching out for others of similarly dissimilar nature in an effort to cultivate a dynamic social wilderness which can grow and evolve while the remainder of democratic, mass media-driven America stagnates.

But worry not! For my restless resentment for the societal disaster known as modern Western society translates quite well to my joy over that which blossoms among it, and my humor and exuberance wakens much in the opportunities to interact with similarly positivist insurgencies.

What I'm Doing With My Life

Attempting education credentials at Columbus State Community College, as well as researching the outer limits of nihilist, humanist, romanticist, social, theological and sexual philosophy. I should probably finish my driver's education, too, but that's rather difficult without money. Which I need a job for. And it's rather difficult to get a car without a job. Which often requires eduction. Which often requires money. Which often requires a job. Which often requires a car. Which often requi

I'm Really Good At

Playing video games, which is an easy task in comparison to most people in my area since they generally, well, don't. I am also an expert philosopher in comparison to most in my area because, again, they generally don't do such. I'm also very, very good at knowing what women want. You probably think I don't, but I do. And I'll prove it! Rawr!

Oh yeah, and I'm also an improvisationally professional writer, in case you haven't already figured it out. And though it rarely ever happens, I also have the capacity to write vomit-inducingly cheesy romantic poetry as well.

The First Things People Usually Notice About Me

My hair, which is long, thus it being long hair. They also may or may not notice my overbite. And because I spend all my time constantly thinking about crazy shit, this results in a lack of attention paying and an abundance of automanual excitiment, due to the craziness of the shit being thought. My mom calls this Aspberger's Syndrome, apparently.

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without

My intellectual supremacy, the music that I personally enjoy listening to, methods of intoxication (most commonly involving alcohol), channels of communicative distribution allowing me to broadcast my establishment crushing ideologies, assurances of my ability to carry out aforementioned ideologies of post-modern revolution, and the female gender.

I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About

How I will gather the young generation to lead a complete and total collapse of the commerce-run, modern Western world and create a new one ushering in naturalistic romanticism and, in the meantime, displaying the sort of romanticism I plan for the world to usher in amongst a member of the opposite sex in as beauty-affirming ways as possible.

That and sex. And by sex I mean the concept of sex, because sex/gender theories, philosophies and romanticism is my primary field of study.

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit Here Is

I want to have sexual intercourse with women.

You Should Message Me If

You're an attractive woman who regularly speaks in sentences much unlike the mundane pejorative described in the opening paragraph. Also if you're a Something Awful goon affiliated with Something Awful goons because holy shit that would be some messed up crazy shit.

That, or you think I look like Scott Bakula.