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Dodging a rogue ink cartridge that ricocheted past my head, I dug into my bag for my lesson timetable to discover what delight would be saving me from Geography. I ripped the crumpled sheet of paper out my bag with the uncaring method of a professional, to realise it was in-fact Adams Art coursework, which he was supposed to have handed in an hour ago. Oops! Deciding I didn’t want to know, I dug further into my bag and after avoiding the some rather soggy sandwich meat and the shifting lumps of sticky baby-bell wax, I fished out what certainly appeared to be my timetable. “Bonza” I muttered and scanned along the rows of mislabelled lessons.

Today I would be enjoying: ‘SMOKIN GIVES YA STREET CRED, HITLER,TOWNZ,POTATOEZ and DOG.’ After a few moments deciphering this, I decided that my current lesson must be “TOWNY” due to the way the rest of the class was trying to kill me, logically meaning I had POTATOEZ next. After another few moments I recalled one could produce either electricity or a meal out of a potato, meaning I either had electronics or cooking. I was about to groan because both were pretty terrible, when Woody came flying across my table with a suprised yell and hit the wall on the other side, head first, where he collapsed and stopped moving. Miffed, I moved my pencil case back unto the table and stared distastefully after him.

‘Wot you lookin’ at greasy?’ inquired the deep tones of Jury behind me, a heavily built boy whose only apparent aspiration was to pummel my face into an intriguing new shape. I turned in my seat to address him.

‘Oh, why I was just admiring the simple geometric elegance of Woody’s -’

‘You fuckin’ WOT?’ Jury roared, mortally offended at my cheek in addressing him. His chair fell back with a crash as he shot up, probably planning to disembowel me with his compass right there and then. Luckily for me, at that exact moment the bell finally went and with one sweep of my arm all my belongings were back in my bag.

‘GTG,’ I yelled and cruised out the room at maximum warp, closely pursued by half the class.