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- PROFUNDITIES, WITTICISMS AND GENERAL WISDOM
- It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
- Addendum; a Smith and Wesson beats four aces. (Canada Bill Jones)
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- A pipe gives a wise man time to think
- And a fool something to put in his mouth.
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- Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
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- Whatever goes around, comes around.
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- There is only one right way for a machine to run. The number of
- ways it can go wrong is so infinite that every operating
- engineer lives in constant terror.
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- ON WAR
- Don't rejoice at the defeat, you men,
- Now that you have killed the bastard.
- The bitch that bore him is in heat again.
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- ON DYING - REMEMBRANCE
- Bring back my name
- On wings of flame.
- Winds of the plains,
- Dance once for me.
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- SOULS
- They will come back - come back - as long as the red earth rolls.
- He never wasted a leaf or a tree. Do you think he would
- squander souls?
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- COLDÄ IRON
- Gold is for the mistress - silver for the maid -
- Copper for the craftsman, cunning at his trade.
- But Iron - Cold Iron - is master of them all.
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- The number of people who agree or disagree with you has
- absolutely no bearing on whether you're *right*. The universe
- has a way of deciding that for itself.
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- The truth of any proposition has nothing to do with its
- credibility...and vice versa.
- ARISTOCRAT'S CODE
- The last thing you want is an educated, affluent and emancipated
- population. Power hinges on the restriction and control of
- wealth. Science and technology offer unlimited wealth.
- Therefore, science and technology have to be controlled.
- Knowledge and reason are enemies. Myth and unreason are the
- weapons you fight them with.
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- If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
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- Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as
- well.
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- It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is
- better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
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- Men rarely, if ever, manage to dream up a god superior to
- themselves. Most gods have the morals and manners of a spoiled
- child.
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- Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the
- dark.
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- An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.
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- Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are
- wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something.
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- Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than
- a million men. Let's play that over again too. Who decides?
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- Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
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- Money is the sincerest form of flattery.
- Women love to be flattered.
- So do men.
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- You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
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- Only a sadistic scoundrel - or a fool - tells the bald truth on
- social occasions.
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- Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax
- collectors - and miss.
- PRIESTS
- The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high
- status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty
- sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and
- immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how
- a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread
- tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in
- taking up a collection to pay his salary. It causes one to
- suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con
- man. But it's lovely work if you can stomach it.
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- Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
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- 'Go to hell!' or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy
- question rates.
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- A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds
- up his morale. After a while he realizes that she *is*
- beautiful - he just hadn't noticed at first.
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- Natural laws have no pity.
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- Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
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- Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat,
- populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are
- never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into
- those who want people to be controlled and those who have no
- such desire. The former are idealists acting from the highest
- motives of the greatest good for the greatest number. The
- latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in
- altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors then the
- other sort.
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- Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other
- 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful -
- just stupid.)
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- Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you
- don't bet, you can't win.
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- Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her
- children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam,
- keep her from drowning them at birth.
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- Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one.
- Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
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- You can have peace, or you can have freedom. Don't ever count
- on having both at once.
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- A woman is not property. Husbands who think otherwise are
- living in a dreamworld.
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- Stupidity is not a sin. The victim can't help being stupid.
- Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or
- by legislation. But stupidity is the only universal capital
- crime. The sentence is death; there is no appeal, and
- execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
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- The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts 'Of course
- it's none of my business but...' is to place a period after the
- word 'but'. Don't use excessive force in supplying such morons
- with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure
- and is bound to get you talked about.
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- Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important
- than it is between strangers.
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- Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet
- then your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
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- Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours.
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- You are never given a wish without also being given the power to
- make it come true. You may have to work for it though.
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- Here is a test to find out whether your mission on earth is
- finished; If you're alive, it isn't.
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- In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom.
- It is not always an easy sacrifice.
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- There is no limit to how gently you can apply a big hammer, but
- there definitely is to how hard you can hit with a small one.
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- Hey, shit happens!
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- Let he who doubts the existence of God observe the workings of
- our Government, then ponder the fact that mankind survives and
- prospers.
- ***
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