Friday 24 July 2015
[2]
♠♣♠: Im going to make this quick. Its not a discussion is not a topic its not up for debate this is my feelings on this whole matter and then once I get this out you will never contact me again unless you are ready to apologies . Until then I do not want to read another bit of explosive blue text.

First I would like to say that is wrong to go behind a persons back like you did . I had a lot of trust in you as a person that I will never have for you or anyone again . This isnt all your fault but you do play a major roll in it .And you still need to (no pun indented) get off your high horse and apologies Not only to me but to roger to seth to kk bee and most of all Em . You threated my relation ship . Winch I would have been just fine with if you had come to me about it. Instead you were willing to run off to em and spread your petty lies over what? You didn’t even know the full story nor were you going to listen to it .

what angers me the most is that I would NOT have ever done this to you . I would have never spread my lies or suspicions about you to other with out coming to you first to know that I had the right information . But you were willing to get involved in my life with my amazing girl friend whom I love with all my being who means the world to me and has all my trust because she earned it and she knows how much I care about her she knows that I cant lie to her because it hurt me to think that I may do something to her like her ex did to her .

I think im most offended that you think I would lie to her that I would hurt her as I did .Right now my goal in life is to get as healthy as possible and visit her to make her happy because seeing her happy makes me happy .So im plain offended that you would think I would do such things to hurt her like that.

I wish you and chibi well with your love and your life . I do wish to remind you that a relation ship is built on trust something neither of you hold . It is also built on communication if it is not evident enough neither of you do this well .Instead of coming to me you both played dirty nasty mind games .This message is not sent with bad intent . it is sent because I genially don’t wish bad on either of you . But my life is more important then your petty shit and me stressing over bull shit like this dose not help me .
Thursday 30 July 2015
[1]
♦♦: I'm sorry

Not for the accusations I slung around. I can't really apologize for believing something and have it be genuine. And genuine is what you want. The things I was accusing you of are not things I'm sorry for believing. In some ways, I'd rather believe that you were lying the whole time than believe you are dying, and maybe that's why I was so quick to accuse. Also, because I know what it feels like to lie, to make shit up about myself until shit gets so twisted up that I can't keep it straight. And maybe that's another reason I was so quick to see it in you as well. People have a tendancy to project their own faults on people.

But I am sorry for making accusations at all, to anyone but you. I didn't want them to turn you away, and I honestly doubted anything would come of it on that front. I intended to put evidence forth and let them decide, not just outright accuse, but the evidence I intended to give was one sided at best, and the way I presented it, no other conclusion could be drawn but the one I wanted. That isn't really letting them decide, that's making a decision for them. I wanted them to know what kind of person I thought you were, what I thought you were lying about, even as much as I wanted them to believe what I was saying, but I didn't think it would taint their love for you. I thought that they would believe me, assume I was right, and even with that still love you. That shows a presumptive, superior attitude that I didn't even really know I had, of both my own thoughts, and of how I assume people will act. Even if I believed it would change nothing, I still shouldn't have done it.

Somewhere in my head, I got the thought that it would improve everyone's life to know if you lied to them. That it would improve your life to not have to keep something like that a secret anymore. To know that they can know you for what I thought you were and still want to talk to you, to be around you, to care for you. I thought that I knew better than everyone, knew better than you, and that the truth should be out for no other reason than that I thought it would make everything better so obviously it would.

I'm sorry, as well, that I was intending on offering the ultimatum 'either you tell Em or I do.' Something like what I was accusing is something that should be known in a relationship IF IT'S TRUE. But... Not knowing and intending to say it anyway was very superor of me, and that sort of thing said falsely can ruin any relationship. Even the suspicion of cheating has been known to tear couples apart, even if it isn't the truth, even if there is no evidence. I was trying to look out for a friend where I didn't have the right, and in doing so I could have likely screwed everything up.

And even all of that still is not the whole truth of why I would have rather told everyone in chat, told Em, than come to you to ask the truth. I was afraid. I was afraid that someone who would lie about their whole life would have no qualms about telling the absolute truth, that I had come to you telling you that so much you said was said falsely, and then everyone would think I was more ridiculous, hate me than they even do now. And that, if I was wrong, you would hate me forever for even considering it. Which... I wouldn't even be able to blame you for.

So... I guess, in short, I'm sorry for thinking I knew better than you, I'm sorry for breaking your trust, and I'm sorry for being a coward. For thinking you wouldn't even hesitate to go tell everyone I was being a jackass to you, when I hardly hesitated to do the same. For attempting to break a relationship apart with distrust that didn't belong.

I'm sorry for hurting you, in the end. You don't deserve it. Not that anyone ever does. And I don't even know that I deserve forgiveness for my misdeeds and my thoughts both. But... I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
[2]
♠♣♠: Thank you val i really aprehate this i hope we can be frineds again i hope we can put this in out past and move on were both big kids and i think its important that we act like it no more shit fligging if you have a problem with me bring it to me . thats all i ask
[2]
♠♣♠: i really do hope you msged em and apolgized . im lucky that wen i went to her with this she has alot of trust in me so dragons bones is not ending any time soon . i love her alot with all of my heart . and i hope that you can understand that and respect that i would love to stay frineds val i really would like that im not sure how i feel about letting you in my chat as off all the shit you caused for me and triigred is a no shit chat but pms are a gr8 function and we should use them to still stay in contact if you so wish .
[1]
♦♦: so
[1]
♦♦: hi
[2]
♠♣♠: ey
[1]
♦♦: uh
[1]
♦♦: *awkward wave*
[2]
♠♣♠: jfc val
[2]
♠♣♠: did u send em a msg?
[1]
♦♦: no, i wanna wait til i can do it live
[1]
♦♦: i dont like just leaving long ass messages tbh, i like talking back and forth
[2]
♠♣♠: mhmm yah i knda do and kinda dont i like being able to place all my thoughts in one thing
[2]
♠♣♠: plusss i make less spelling erros
[1]
♦♦: but you wanted an apology so i gave it and it was long winded af and ive been thinking on it for literal days trying to figure out how to word it without sounding like an asshole
[2]
♠♣♠: well you did good
[2]
♠♣♠: thanks
[1]
♦♦: came from the heart
[1]
♦♦: idk if ive ever told you about *le gasp* the double life i lead during sophomore year
[1]
♦♦: but it made me all gross and twisted inside
[2]
♠♣♠: no u did not tell me this
[2]
♠♣♠: ono
[1]
♦♦: and i dont trust the same anymore
[2]
♠♣♠: geezee....
[2]
♠♣♠: i just
[2]
♠♣♠: dont see the point in lying about my life
[2]
♠♣♠: i tried
[2]
♠♣♠: and that failed
[1]
♦♦: uh
[1]
♦♦: whoops
[2]
♠♣♠: yah
[1]
♦♦: *nervous laughter*
[2]
♠♣♠: i kinda just wanted the sympaty to end
[2]
♠♣♠: but w/e
[2]
♠♣♠: its fine
[2]
♠♣♠: im just not guna talk about being sick with anyone again
[1]
♦♦: *more nervous laughter*
[2]
♠♣♠: its fine man
[2]
♠♣♠: listen
[2]
♠♣♠: how about we do something that will like
[2]
♠♣♠: be less awk??
[2]
♠♣♠: we can like
[2]
♠♣♠: rp
[1]
♦♦: ... i kinda wanna .... talk.
[2]
♠♣♠: hmm k
[2]
♠♣♠: what about ?
[1]
♦♦: cuz i fukd up and ive been wanting to talk to you
[2]
♠♣♠: *inster come at me bro meme*
[1]
♦♦: *puts hand on ur face* no
[2]
♠♣♠: pardon you
[2]
♠♣♠: *puts hands on ur face*yes
[1]
♦♦: exqueeze you
[1]
♦♦: *licks hand*
[2]
♠♣♠: *licks ur hand*
[1]
♦♦: so... i didnt mean for that to happen the way it did
[2]
♠♣♠: well
[1]
♦♦: and... i was being an asshole
[2]
♠♣♠: when you go around behind my back to diffrent people
[2]
♠♣♠: then u should have expcted it
[2]
♠♣♠: espeschaly since you invloced seth
[1]
♦♦: and seth had talked me into talking to you but then he did it himself
[1]
♦♦: and i was like yes good hell explain it so much better
[2]
♠♣♠: he comes to me and i go to him we have alot of trust
[1]
♦♦: and.... then that fukd up too
[2]
♠♣♠: well you were wrong to go to himand not me
[2]
♠♣♠: triigerd was my safe place
[1]
♦♦: ye i get that now
[2]
♠♣♠: was where i could realx were we all could relax
[2]
♠♣♠: but this inscdent fucked that up
[2]
♠♣♠: **incdent
[1]
♦♦: but... like... i wasn't trying to do triiggered. i was trying to do all our friends
[2]
♠♣♠: and where do all out frineds congergate?
[1]
♦♦: ... and then i found out that half the people dind't even like me anymore....
[2]
♠♣♠: well val
[1]
♦♦: so that... stung
[2]
♠♣♠: you see
[2]
♠♣♠: when you do fucked up shit like that
[1]
♦♦: not saying i dont deserve it
[2]
♠♣♠: and when we all leave that chat
[2]
♠♣♠: why do you think we all left
[1]
♦♦: i didn't realize it was me
[1]
♦♦: you said it was roger
[2]
♠♣♠: we all thought it was
[2]
♠♣♠: but hes in both chats
[1]
♦♦: you said over an dover and over it was roger
[2]
♠♣♠: and hes not causing shit
[2]
♠♣♠: we all thought it was
[2]
♠♣♠: but for some reason
[2]
♠♣♠: hes in the chast
[2]
♠♣♠: **chats
[1]
♦♦: and you never said it was me
[2]
♠♣♠: not causign shit
[2]
♠♣♠: i didnt think it was
[1]
♦♦: and....
[2]
♠♣♠: and im not saying it was you
[1]
♦♦: fuck do i even help him...
[1]
♦♦: just...
[2]
♠♣♠: no idea
[1]
♦♦: im not there and miraculously, he's good
[2]
♠♣♠: val thats between you 2
[1]
♦♦: how fuckin
[1]
♦♦: miraculous is that
[2]
♠♣♠: hes not perfect
[2]
♠♣♠: theres still arguments
[2]
♠♣♠: but there quick
[2]
♠♣♠: handdled
[2]
♠♣♠: and then were all good after it
[2]
♠♣♠: in chat idk if u noitced
[2]
♠♣♠: but he we have a strick set of rules
[1]
♦♦: i haven't
[1]
♦♦: cuz im
[1]
♦♦: uh
[1]
♦♦: banned
[2]
♠♣♠: and a set of punsihmnt for eveything
[1]
♦♦: and i was barely in there to begin with
[2]
♠♣♠: yah well u did that to ur self
[2]
♠♣♠: good point
[2]
♠♣♠: We have rules if u break them u get a punishemnt
[1]
♦♦: i know that i did shit wrong...
[2]
♠♣♠: caps spam and even a system for when people are uncfortable
[1]
♦♦: im sorry for that...
[2]
♠♣♠: point is we handle it quick when shit gose wrong
[2]
♠♣♠: i get your sorry val
[2]
♠♣♠: sorry didnt do it
[2]
♠♣♠: and sorry dosent fix it
[1]
♦♦: i know
[2]
♠♣♠: its a start for me and you to get this out and talking
[1]
♦♦: but... i dont know how else to help
[1]
♦♦: im talking... but... i know its...
[1]
♦♦: ugh i can't phrase this without sounding like an asshole
[2]
♠♣♠: honestly i dont blame you for all this
[2]
♠♣♠: i first blame chibi
[1]
♦♦: it feels like... you're accusing me with every sentence you say
[2]
♠♣♠: acuasing you?
[2]
♠♣♠: we both know you did it
[1]
♦♦: and im not saying i dont deserve it
[1]
♦♦: it just... feels like
[2]
♠♣♠: i dnt have to acuse you when you did it val
[2]
♠♣♠: your being attacked ?
[1]
♦♦: yes i know i deserve that too
[2]
♠♣♠: kinda like how i felt when i had to read every word yuo wrote to seth
[1]
♦♦: yes i know i deserve that too
[2]
♠♣♠: how i felt when i had to show roger my stomach
[2]
♠♣♠: my ribs
[2]
♠♣♠: my chest
[1]
♦♦: .... do you even want to be friends?
[2]
♠♣♠: yes i do
[1]
♦♦: you said you did
[1]
♦♦: but i think...
[2]
♠♣♠: but i want you to understand that this is a start
[1]
♦♦: ... will you be angry at me forever?
[2]
♠♣♠: and that u need ot understand what you put me tought
[2]
♠♣♠: before i can stop being angry
[1]
♦♦: or... for so long that it poisons our friendship?
[1]
♦♦: because i can't talk about you without feeling i have to defend myself righ tnow
[1]
♦♦: and i dont even feel i have the right
[1]
♦♦: so i just... have to...
[1]
♦♦: sit
[1]
♦♦: and endure it
[1]
♦♦: and try not to fight back
[1]
♦♦: and try to see the silver light at the end of hte tunnel
[2]
♠♣♠: this is why i like long post cus i can get it all out
[2]
♠♣♠: i want this to be good
[2]
♠♣♠: but i want you to understand what you put me thought
[1]
♦♦: i understand
[1]
♦♦: believe me, i do
[1]
♦♦: ... if you thought someone was lying about their whole lfe
[1]
♦♦: would you trust them to give it to you straight if you came up and asked tehm?
[2]
♠♣♠: no
[2]
♠♣♠: i would come to them still
[2]
♠♣♠: to get validation
[2]
♠♣♠: before i spread shit
[1]
♦♦: i admit i'm wrong... and im sorry
[1]
♦♦: but... there are two sides to every story
[2]
♠♣♠: yah
[2]
♠♣♠: the thing is u fucked up 2 bad
[2]
♠♣♠: and u went around
[2]
♠♣♠: so i heard your side
[2]
♠♣♠: i heard it feom everyone you went to
[2]
♠♣♠: from kk
[2]
♠♣♠: from roger
[2]
♠♣♠: from seth
[2]
♠♣♠: all of them
[1]
♦♦: i know
[2]
♠♣♠: so i trsut me when i say
[2]
♠♣♠: i know yor side
[1]
♦♦: ... maybe i should.. talk to you later...
[2]
♠♣♠: and i know where ur coming from
[2]
♠♣♠: Go ahead
[2]
♠♣♠: back out
[2]
♠♣♠: sure
[1]
♦♦: i...
[1]
♦♦: no
[1]
♦♦: i want
[1]
♦♦: i want to be your friend
[2]
♠♣♠: and i do to
[2]
♠♣♠: but if we keep talking about this
[2]
♠♣♠: if u keep trying to defend your sefl
[1]
♦♦: i want to talk like we used to
[2]
♠♣♠: im guna get angry
[2]
♠♣♠: cus u were wrong
[2]
♠♣♠: and i want that 2 val
[1]
♦♦: i was
[1]
♦♦: i said that
[2]
♠♣♠: i know you did
[1]
♦♦: i said that so many times
[1]
♦♦: i know it doesn tfix it and
[2]
♠♣♠: and i want to jsut stop talking about this
[2]
♠♣♠: no val i need time
[2]
♠♣♠: i *need* it
[1]
♦♦: ... i know
[2]
♠♣♠: so i can truel forgive you
[2]
♠♣♠: right now im willing to talk
[2]
♠♣♠: to try this again
[1]
♦♦: .... i wanted to talk about... as well... why you left
[2]
♠♣♠: how about it ?
[1]
♦♦: what the fuck my problem was
[2]
♠♣♠: why i left?
[1]
♦♦: i didnt' know everyone didnt want me there until seth told me so
[2]
♠♣♠: we dont mind you
[1]
♦♦: tutle flat out said she didnt like me anymore
[2]
♠♣♠: we mind hte toxicity that comes with you in a leader postion
[2]
♠♣♠: She dosent
[2]
♠♣♠: sunny never really did
[1]
♦♦: ... i dont know what i did
[1]
♦♦: i dont know what i did to make sunny not like me
[2]
♠♣♠: some people dont click
[2]
♠♣♠: some people just dont work
[1]
♦♦: that seems.... so strange to me. that it could just.. not work, through no fault of anyone
[1]
♦♦: someone fucked up somewhere
[1]
♦♦: and i thought... we were friends
[1]
♦♦: so... clearly i was delusional and i probably fucked up and i dont know how
[2]
♠♣♠: no val
[2]
♠♣♠: you know what
[2]
♠♣♠: What made them not like you was the way you handdled shit in chat. the way that if something went wrong you would panic but you were still left in change . what made people feel uncforatble aroudn you was the way that you could say and do what you wanted but the moment we said even the smallest of things you would be "trigred" and run off that we were constantly feeling guilty for saying something and you pankcing over it and we get what a genenuain triiger i and im sure it sounds fucke up and instsitve but val your trigred to easily and we all feelt shitt about that
[2]
♠♣♠: we all felt shity and left out with the shit u and chibi would do
[2]
♠♣♠: fuck tuttle and sunny love chibi still
[2]
♠♣♠: thats there dammamon
[2]
♠♣♠: but val you made people unfocrtable
[2]
♠♣♠: alot of them
[2]
♠♣♠: and im sorry
[1]
♦♦: ... why are there quotes around triggered?
[2]
♠♣♠: beacuse mostly it was the idk what thwe word is but itsn ot triigerd its like
[2]
♠♣♠: somewhitng with a s
[1]
♦♦: squick?
[2]
♠♣♠: yah
[1]
♦♦: ... squicks dont make you panic
[2]
♠♣♠: no
[2]
♠♣♠: the thing is u panicked so much we all kinda jsut stoped belincgi t was happning i gusse ?
[2]
♠♣♠: **beliving
[2]
♠♣♠: w/e spelling
[1]
♦♦: ...
[1]
♦♦: i dont really
[2]
♠♣♠: im sorry
[1]
♦♦: know how i feel about that
[2]
♠♣♠: but at the same time
[2]
♠♣♠: im not
[2]
♠♣♠: beacse u did make alot of us feel uncofrtable
[1]
♦♦: i dont even know anymore
[2]
♠♣♠: me either
[2]
♠♣♠: val i just
[2]
♠♣♠: im sorry they dont like
[2]
♠♣♠: you
[1]
♦♦: ... i guess it doesn't matter realy
[2]
♠♣♠: but val they have ever reason to not
[2]
♠♣♠: and there allowed to not
[1]
♦♦: considering they dont come to 2henanigan2 and i cant come to triiggered
[1]
♦♦: so... i can just...
[1]
♦♦: .... be ignored. which sucks
[1]
♦♦: ... how have you been doing?
[2]
♠♣♠: im nut sure im up for teelling you anyfin aboat my healt
[1]
♦♦: no.... just
[1]
♦♦: in general
[1]
♦♦: as a person
[1]
♦♦: in life
[2]
♠♣♠: *shurgs* moved back in with my mom
[1]
♦♦: well
[1]
♦♦: i might be moving soon
[1]
♦♦: maybe
[1]
♦♦: eddie is... getting more and more fed up that i dont have a job
[1]
♦♦: and my sister moved in with some random fucker we've never met
[1]
♦♦: so we're worried about her
[1]
♦♦: and
[1]
♦♦: im sort of rambling right now you probably dont care
[1]
♦♦: sorry
[2]
♠♣♠: no sorry my wifif keeps cutting out
[1]
♦♦: im sorry i havent been to sleep yet so im a bit
[1]
♦♦: emotional
[1]
♦♦: i want chibi but i think they fell asleep
[1]
♦♦: and i want you but you're so... distant
[1]
♦♦: which is understandable
[1]
♦♦: and i really
[1]
♦♦: fuck i feel alone and i wanna cry and eddies mad at me cuz i didnt do laundry and cuz im the shittiest roommate
[1]
♦♦: and i fucked everything up with all my friends and ill probably continue to do so
[1]
♦♦: and
[1]
♦♦: ..... im being stupid
[1]
♦♦: i need sleep
[1]
♦♦: im sorry
[2]
♠♣♠: val i wish i could help i really do
[2]
♠♣♠: if i could just
[2]
♠♣♠: scoop everyone up and hug them till it was better
[2]
♠♣♠: i wold
[1]
♦♦: but i made shit choices and now you're not comfortable i get it im sorry im so sorry
[2]
♠♣♠: stop saying your sorry please
[1]
♦♦: fuck
[2]
♠♣♠: i know u know you fucked up val
[2]
♠♣♠: i know ur sorry
[1]
♦♦: sorry is also my default for whenevr im making an ass of myself
[1]
♦♦: which is often
[1]
♦♦: i think i should go to sleep
[1]
♦♦: fucking....
[1]
♦♦: depression bullshit
[1]
♦♦: this always happens when i stay up too late
[1]
♦♦: but i dont wanna be alone....
[2]
♠♣♠: val
[2]
♠♣♠: do you really think i want to help you
[1]
♦♦: usually i talk to chibi or someone til i pass out...
[2]
♠♣♠: not feel alone
[2]
♠♣♠: when u did all that shit to me
[1]
♦♦: i know i know i know i know im sorry you have to deal with my shit ill stop bothering you night
[1]
♦♦: ill talk when im sane again maybe
[2]
♠♣♠: yah sure
[1]
♦♦: night