LaShaun Dobbie
Rudey
Creative Writing
5/20/16
Fun Play About Dogs: Scene 1
It’s a sunny day and Archimedes the dog is playing fetch with his owner Doug in Central Park. Upon Archimedes’ retrieval of the tennis ball, Doug appears to trip and fall into the street just as a speeding garbage truck zooms by. He is instantly plastered to the grill of the large vehicle. It is unclear why Doug fell, but several witnesses believe Archimedes is the cause of his owner’s demise. The police bring said witnesses in for questioning.

The first of which is Ms. Grunwich, an old widow who seems to spend most of her days on the park bench. She is ushered into the interrogation room. Officer Dilbert stands behind her as Officer Crumb holds guard near the door. Archimedes is leashed up outside the questioning room. He peers through the thick glass at the old woman.

Ms. G
Please Officer, move that hellhound somewhere else. I don’t like how he watches me.

Officer Crumb becomes enraged and makes his way to the old woman. He slams his hands on the metal table.

Officer C
Shut your goddamn mouth you old husbandless freak! You know why you’re here!

Ms. G
My Word!

Officer D
What the hell, Crumb! She’s a witness not a criminal!

Officer C
Right right, my bad.

He makes his way back to the door. Ms. G looks stunned and is now shaking.

Officer D
Alright, sorry about that Ms. G. Now if you could just explain to us everything you saw earlier today in full detail, you could be on your way and back to doing whatever the hell you do ever since your husband died.

Ms.G
Right… So I was sitting on the bench-


Officer D
Yes, as you usually do by yourself everyday.

Ms. G
Uh...So I was sitting on the bench feeding the pigeons as I typically do on Sunday afternoons. When all of the sudden, a tennis ball came flying and landed right on my lap!

Officer D
Go on.

Ms. G
Yes, so naturally I was confused and looked around to see where it might have came from and I see that young man Doug pointing and snapping towards me. I assumed he had thrown it. Then out of nowhere that godforsaken mutt jumped in my lap. He even left a huge bruise on my thigh!

Officer D
Then what?

Ms. G
Well, then the dog picked up the ball and ran back to Doug. However, he moved with much aggression and uh, abnormal speed. Then I see the dog charge at the man and bull ram him into traffic! It was unbelievable!

Officer D
How abnormal of a speed are we talking?

Ms. G
Well I’d say around 40 to 60 miles per hour.

Officer C
HAHA! You’re senile you old hag!

Officer C angrily makes his way back to the table and once again slams his hands on the hard metal, startling Ms. G.

Officer C
You think we’re idiots or something? What would your husband think of this? You disgusting... thing...

Archimedes places his paws on the glass and begins to wag his tail.

Officer D
Officer Crumb! Calm down and go back to the door!

Officer C glares at Ms. G and slowly heads back to the door.

Officer D
Anyways, Ms. G. You’re aware dogs don’t run that fast, are you stupid? Honestly it feels like you’re wasting my time right now.

Ms. G
No no! I am telling the truth! Just look at the bruise I was talking about earlier! This dog ain’t right!

Ms. G pulls down her pants to reveal a pulsating pentagram shaped bruise on her left thigh.

Officer D
What are you a pervert?! Put your pants back on before I arrest you for disorderly conduct, you freak!

Officer C vomits. Archimedes begins panting and clawing at the glass.

Ms. G
No! No! Look at the mark! That dog is possessed by the devil! I’m telling you!


Officer D
My god… I think we’ve seen enough. Slap her in cuffs Officer Crumb.

                                                               Officer C
Finally, my pleasure.

Ms. G
I didn’t do anything wrong though! I swear! It’s the dog, please don’t lock me in the same building as it! He will do to me what he did to Doug!

Officer C violently drags her out of the interrogation room and slams the door. Archimedes leaves the window. Officer D takes a sip of coffee.

The next morning Ms. G is found dead in her cell due to cardiac arrest. Archimedes is nowhere to be seen. However, his leash remains tied up outside the interrogation room. Blood from an unknown source is smeared on the nearby glass to spell out a message. It reads “woof lmao”.