Member Testimony #2

Baby Name: Zeke Zanzibar
Church Name: Dungmaster Valium B. Moody
Quote: "Parents don't let your children grow up to be spammers."

I thought I had it all. A high paying job, a gorgeous wife, three children and a house big
enough to choke a third world country. I rode the straight and narrow horse to worldly
success and believed every sequence of the cliched American Dream. To my friends and
society I appeared to be on top of the world, ahead of the game and stronger than a bull. I
was the worlds leading advertisement executive.

But goddamn as the years wore on I got more and more depressed. The world began to
appear like one endless commercial with only a station break every now and then to
remind me what my name was. I began to covet money and took great pleasure in
annoying everyone I could with an incessant pitch about my product and why they should
have it. I forced myself on everyone at every opportunity with no regards to issues of
privacy or taste. At the height of my insanity I acquired every mailing list I could get my
hands on and flooded every home and personal computer in the USA with junk mail and
spam. I bought up TV time and appeared on infomercials for hours and hours every day. I
had sold myself to everyone and one day woke up and realized nobody wanted me.

I became so depressed that I rented a suite in Atlantic City and did not come out for six
months and contemplated suicide 24 hours a day. Then one chilly winter night a man
knocked on my door and I felt compelled to answer. There before me stood a plain and
unassuming elderly man dressed in a zoot suit with a ponytail and penny loafers. He said
his name was CARL and that he could help me out of my morass of suicidal depression.
As he explained to me in a non-proselytizing demeanor the basics of Mooism my mood
began to elevate. I started shedding my old snake-like skin and felt renewed as he rubbed
some milk oil all over my body. As he departed he said to me, "a pain in the ass can't hurt
you when you are no longer an asshole." I sighed with relief and dedicated myself anew.
Life was worth living again.

Today, due to my conversion to MOOISM, I am a realistic individual. I no longer foister
my money making schemes on others or feel the need for attention and approval. The
divine milk of The Holy Church of Moo has washed me clean and purified my body and
soul. I look forward to the coming years and what is mine shall come to me and what is
yours shall come to you. There is no need to listen to the annoying bombardment of
messages that the advertising world throws at us 24 hours a day. I till the Earth now and
what a fertile life it is!
David R. Wyder/The Holy Church Of Moo