convictions - edge and veg

I’ve always been the type of guy who sticks to his convictions, not unlike a convict. I was actually a vegetarian for like 15 years, until one of my friends informed me that chewing on meat and spitting it out doesn’t actually count. I was also straight edge (you know; no drugs or alcohol) for 12, long, grueling years…until on my 12th birthday when I broke edge. I wrote a lot of killer jokes on the straight edge culture, and I was planning on using some of the jokes in my act tonight...but then I remembered how much I don't like getting stabbed by angsty male suburbanites.

I do admire (or whatever) straight edge people for what they do, though. Life is terrible even with the aid of alcohol and drugs, and these mother fuckers just face that shit head on. Bravo. I mean, it's not like they're doing a great job at life anyway, but fucking A for effort.