vimeo.com/28466163 shy boys irl doc vimeo comments

70 Comments

Mattson Tomlin4 years ago
i love this so much.
Reply

Evan Feist3 years ago
So glad to have found this again, really great doc!
Reply

Mac Smullen3 years ago
When will someone give Sara Gardephe a television series?!
Reply

Three One3 years ago
this soundtrack is awesome
Reply

Arcadi3 years ago
Guys, what is the song playing at 12:05 ?

Ida Maria3 years ago
It's Adiemus composed by Karl Jenkins
Reply

Joseph Yates3 years ago
This was a very entertaining & informative way of techniques on how to present doc subjects in unflattering light.
Reply

Armando Saldanamora3 years ago
"4Chan, The Movie." Wait till they find this. You'll have 11,000,000 views every day.

Anonymous9 months ago
I think it's more like wizardchan: the movie
Reply

Gary Norbraten3 years ago
The PUA in the video looks like a fucking rat.
Reply

Sebastian Savic3 years ago
Great documentary, you really found a diverse selection of personalities that fit that role of almost "untouchables".
Reply

John Smith3 years ago
This is a good documentary, though the only interviewee I liked was the site's founder.
Reply

Frog Doctress3 years ago
"A round of applause for the woman who made this and showed just how fucking self-deluded and sexist these men are just because they’re not getting fucked. Amazing."--thechosenjuan

John F. Rammspieler3 years ago
Uh, I think that they want something more than just getting laid. At least Michael seems to be decent and less fucked up.
Reply

Frog Doctress3 years ago
Yeah... no sympathy for these dudes. None.

John Smith3 years ago
I didn't like Advanced and the PUA, but the site's founder wasn't too bad.

jckiely3 years ago
Do you hate them?

sam1131013 years ago
How can you have no sympathy for them? That's quite mean…

Sivart B.2 years ago
You don't? I guess it won't be far fetched to call you a horrible, callous person. Their hatred and misunderstanding of women is stupid, but instead of hating them LET'S FIX THEM. And not with PUA bullcrap. You haven't seen what they have seen and I'd rather help them and show them that women aren't bad instead of hating on them. Cycle of hatred.... you're only making it worse.
Reply

Ignacio Nova3 years ago
This is completely crazy.
Reply

juliannefightsdragons3 years ago
Can we get an update on these guys? Have they become better people by treating people of the opposite sex like actual people?
Reply

Pieter Deurloo3 years ago
Having been through what these guys have, I can kind of sympathize with them. I see a lot of myself from five or so years ago in Michael, and I'd almost resorted to the attitudes that Advanced and UrbanWhiteTrash use to cope. It took me my first actual relationship and breakup to realize that I don't really need to be with someone to be happy. To be honest, in the case of Advanced and UrbanWhiteTrash, I feel a mix of pity and disgust. These are people who never quite wrapped their heads around how to be social, and grew to hate themselves because of it. The lashing out at women is merely a symptom of that self-loathing.
Reply

jckiely3 years ago
I've been in their situation for many years. It's a very hard thing to get out of. You wouldn't be hostile to those guys for having cancer. If they did commit to helping themselves, many people would be insensitive and impatient with them and not know how to help them. If they refuse to help themselves, then it calls for tough love.
Reply

Paul Dolgov3 years ago
"Love-shy"? The proper and widely accepted term is Foreveralone.
Reply

Shannon Manamtam3 years ago
"I kinda wish people weren’t glaringly ignoring the clear and obvious sign of mental-health issues that all of those guys had. As a matter of fact, I’m kinda disappointed that the video ignored the mental-health aspect all together given that the website is pretty mucha gathering place for those with Social Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression.
When people say that men can be the victims of patriarchy, I believe that these men are the perfect examples of what that can mean.
These guys have been forced fed these arbitrary ideas of what manhood and masculinity are for their entire lives, and find themselves not living up to those standards set by other men. Your constantly being told (by other men) that if you don’t like x,y and z, that you’re not a man. That if you don’t follow behavior pattern alpha, beta and gamma, that you’re not a real man. " (thedarkchocolatedandy)
Reply

Shannon Manamtam3 years ago
(Continued) "So what are you to do when you realize that who you are as a person doesn’t line up with what you’ve been taught your entire life determines your value as a person?
It is devastating.
And the problem is that you’re constantly reminded on a regular basis that in the eyes of society, you’re a lesser man because your not having sex, you’re not a normal person because you’re not having sex. You’re a not a normal person because the things that should seemingly come easy to you as a man; engaging potential partners, having sex with them, initiating romantic relationships etc, are things that you struggle to understand.
It slowly corrodes not only your self worth, but your world view, and mental health. And in the case of a lot of men and particularly some of the men in this video, you struggle to find a reason why so many things are going wrong and why so many romantic trials and tribulations are disasters, and end up blaming women.
Reply

Shannon Manamtam3 years ago
(Continued 2) "In a patriarchal society, part of male privilege is not understand what male privilege is or understanding that men have it as a “birthright”. When you don’t understand how society has been tilted in your favor, you never see it coming when the potential fallout of such stacked tips turns and bites you on the ass. And rarely do you ever suspect that the society that created you is mostly to blame for the situation you’re in.
So as opposed to placing blame on a society that left them out of the conversation in terms of what maleness is, they go after who they considere the gatekeepers of heterosexual sexuality and acceptance. Women.
I’m not trying to excuse these men’s behavior, especially not UWT or Advanced. Their attitudes are disturbingly misogynistic and inexcusable, and they are in desperate, DESPERATE need of several specific conversations, but I can’t lie and say that I don’t understand where they’re coming from because I do.
Reply

Shannon Manamtam3 years ago
(Continued 3) "I’ve grown up as a man who didn’t fit what society demands who a man should be. And it kicked and continues to kick my ass on a regular basis that I don’t fit that mold. On the regular I question what would it take for me to feel comfortable in my own skin as a man who doesn’t fit what society deems a man should typically be.
My self-esteem and self-worth are regularly at low levels because of this, but at the same time, I have been lucky enough to encounter people who have explained to me, and taught me that society doesn’t have the right to determine who I am as a man and as a person in general.
These guys haven’t been so lucky and are suffering because of it. I can’t hate them because I’ve been and every-once in a while, I am them.
Reply

Shannon Manamtam3 years ago
(Continued 4) "I just really, really hope these guys get help before they hurt themselves and others because without it, that’s what’s bound to happen.
(ps, I am by no means demanding that everyone should afford them sympathy, cause they don’t. They spoke of their own free will and should be prepared for the potential fallout of their words, I’m just stating my own peace on the matter. Feel free to do the same)."
(via thedarkchocolatedandy)
thedarkchocolatedandy.tumblr.com/post/51927055766/thedarkchocolatedandy-vampishly

martin brown2 years ago
I notice that youre one of the few people who rightfuly criticize this documentary.do you agree or disagree with any of the things mentioned in my other comment?

Shannon Manamtam2 years ago
Thanks, but I want to clarify that this is not my personal critique. They're from a thread on tumblr, and I had seen that someone else here had quoted another user from that thread in this comments section, and felt that this specific critique was very relevant to what was being discussed (or rather, not discussed) here.
But yes thank you! I'll look over your comment now.

Victor M Paz Jr2 years ago
Great quote and addition to this...
These guys are a bit brainwashed to say the least... I mean look at that one guy's belief about women's thoughts on sex... there is a severe amount of mental health, and their belief structures are out there....
They can't see the point in dressing better or that looks and attraction are a perception... That one guy thinking he was ugly and then seeing what he wanted to change his face to look like would have been a Michael Jackson face butchering...
Doesn't make much sense to me... they have such firm beliefs... it would take months of therapy just to get started... not even fix things just to wake them the hell up...
Fixing self-esteem is an ongoing process... and honestly with that combination of depression to say the least it would be near impossible because of the "what's the point" mentality.
Peace and Love,
Vic
Reply

Elyse Yang3 years ago
Wait, what? It's bullshit that women are people? Realizing that women are people means that you're brainwashed? I can't believe how disgusted I am.
Advance and UWT ended up hating women and deluding themselves about women's preferences and just women in general. "Women have it easy"? /That/ is bullshit. I can't count how many girls I know who think they'll never get a boyfriend. "Forever alone" isn't a label just for guys. And they need to realize that their problems lie not only in their "looks," like Advance keeps saying, but also in their unattractive personalities.

Ragnhild Brosvik3 years ago
Exactly. "Advanced" struck me as completely delusional. He actually falls well within the gamut of what I find attractive on the physical level, and his voice sounds a lot like the speaking voice of one of my favorite singers. But it takes mere moments to determine he has a completely hostile attitude towards women and that's when the attraction drops to zero. He blames his failures on his looks, something mostly outside of his control, instead of the real problem, which is something he could change if he really wanted to. But it's easier to blame women.
And while it's probably true that it is much easier for women to "get sex", it is a lot harder to get sex that is safe and enjoyable. The only guy in this documentary I would feel safe around is the guy who runs the site. While his "woe is me" attitude isn't terribly attractive, he seems like a guy who wouldn't force himself on a woman. Can't say the same about a lot of the other guys.

jsmith282 years ago
I knew immediately upon looking at your name, Elyse Yang, that your comment would be far from the truth. Women's problem isn't that they can't get a boyfriend, but that they can't get the boyfriend being spoiled by society due to their gender has led them to believe they're entitled to: tall, dark, handsome alpha males.
I'm willing to presume that your combination of race and gender, giving you the biggest entitlement complex of all, is also what makes you oblivious to it.

Ernest Wilde2 years ago
Poor us! Women don't want to date short, pasty, ugly self-pitying men. I'm sure you'd be all over those qualities in a woman! I've never seen a man disregard a woman because she was over 115 lbs. Or because she was 'cute, but not hot.' Or because she was a 'butterface.'
These men's problems isn't that they can't get a girlfriend, but that they don't want any of the obese, unhygienic, unattractive, smelly, mean, psychotic, lazy, man hating, naggy, handicapped females that exist. I mean, I've seen these woman around. They want companionship too! Why are us men so cruel! Why do any of us have standards! God help us misbegotten people.
Reply

Ryan Allison3 years ago
Excellent music throughout this. Anyone know how I can find more of the original music by "Moon"?
Reply

ale castro2 years ago
Ummm... unpopular opinion right here. I'm 20 years old, I've never had a boyfriend before and to the extent of my ability, I don't consider myself "ugly". But I just watched this and I've got two words for you. Sexual selection. It happens. If there are people like me and those guys who aren't in a relationship it might be because you're just not apt for it. That's just nature's way of working. Besides, if you think about it, we're still entitled to deep biological instincts such as mating. The only reason in my opinion, why we look so desperately for a partner is to you know, procreate. And just as it is the world has +7 billion people, and counting. We don't need anymore. Suck it up and learn to love yourself or no one else will.

jckiely2 years ago
You are beautiful
Reply

jckiely2 years ago
Malcolm X didn't notice that there were many good white people in America until his attitude changed. Don't let the horrible women get you down. There are many good ones.
Reply

martin brown2 years ago
this documentary was full of misinformation.they need to consult qualified therapists,not people who think its all about how you look.i would not of been surprized to hear one of the non love shy lads say,"only good looking guys get good looking girls,and only ugly guys get ugly girls"sexual attraction is a very grey area.these people portrayed everything as black and white.saying the first thing a girl looks at are his shoes,and muscularity is important is laughable ignorance.alot of the things mentioned didn't even relate to love shyness."if your not good looking your doomed"is the impression some love shys will get from this video.changing their MINDS should be the goal,being better looking probably wont even scratch the surface of REAL love shyness.and isn't good looking a matter of opinion anyway?
Reply

Agouri2 years ago
Pathetic people. Pathetic little existences that don't do anything to better themselves. Maybe the reason you're ugly is that fucking haircut along with your lack of a proper male physique, you fucking manchild.
Bottom of the barrel, all of these people.

David Koval2 years ago
Annnnnnd the type of person that has created these monsters, everybody!!! Round of applause!
Reply

Katie Isabella Wildig2 years ago
They're ugly all right... On the inside. What a horrible bunch of people. The PUA is the worst.

Sivart B.2 years ago
Would you rather help them and show them that women aren't all bad? Instead of hating on them, show them kindness and their attitudes will change. Force answers force. Hatred answers hatred.
Reply

Sivart B.2 years ago
Awesome documentary. I see all these comments damning these guys and it makes me sick to my stomach. Yes they're bitter towards women for many reasons. Have you ever spent time in their shoes? No you haven't you feminist assholes. Instead of damning them and calling them "misogynists" or something of the like, I would LOVE to prove to them how wrong they are about women. I'd love to show them the light and find that women aren't as evil as they make them out to be.
Stop the cycle of hatred. They hate, then you hate, then they hate some more. Let's put an end to it and help these guys. That's what I've done before, and it worked. Show them the light instead of hating on them. Answer their hatred with kindness, and they too will learn to be kind.

Ernest Wilde2 years ago
No. They are looking for an upbeat, positive, quirky, and attractive young woman to smash into their life and offer them absolution. They're looking to star in their own version of Dharma and Greg. And it seems you foster this idea as well.
Women will not simply make these men happy, they have other 'issues' they need to take care of. Michael wishes he did not exist, Advance seems to think women aren't people and has a distorted view of himself, and UWT is a grown man who acts like he's starring in a teen sex comedy like Porky's - the only time he even appears likable to me is when I think he's being himself and not putting on his shtick.
Reply

Sivart B.2 years ago
Also I shall note that PUA dude are -the- worst. Don't sell your soul for a date or sex. Be yourself and if the person you're trying to attract doesn't like it, then F them. As corny as it sounds, find someone that loves you for you and vice versa. Accept no compromises.
Reply

Jess2 years ago
I feel sorry for most of the guys here. Michael seems genuinely sweet and if he could bring himself to talk to girls I think he could find him. Advanced is actually reasonably attractive - but I think there are other issues he needs to work on. Maybe some sort of body dysmorphia? I wish some of them could find therapists so they could talk out these issues and get some help. They definitely say some asshole things but it seems to come from a place of deep hurt and unhappiness.

Sivart B.2 years ago
Thank you for understanding. Not many female commenters seem to. I've got friends like this....and I used to be like this in high school, but I am no longer. I know what it's like and it does hurt that there is no one there for you. only hate. that's all there is, is hate.

Ernest Wilde2 years ago
I bet if they were women more of these men would be appalled. A nice looking girl talking about how ugly she is, and how she's basically a loser, oh and she thinks men are just simpleminded neanderthals. Another one who is a complete Eeyore - I mean, I am too but I realize people don't like it, and a girl who is simply trying way too hard to fit in.
Reply

Cat2 years ago
Okay, this made me cry. I consider myself a radical feminist, and I consider these guys to be victims of the patriarchy, for pretty much all the reasons that Shannon Manantam listed. While some of the views Advanced and UrbanWhiteTrash displayed disgusted me, I can certainly see why they've ended up thinking that way.
I also think they all have serious self-esteem issues and some of them mental health issues. I genuinely hope they all find what they're looking for, and more than anything happiness. I really hope so much for Michael in particular. I wish I could speak to him and say that from this short documentary, he comes across as funny and good-hearted and intelligent and thoughtful and that so many women would feel lucky to find him. I just hope he can see that his life has worth outside of relationships and find the confidence to find what he wants.
Reply

Dog Lover2 years ago
The opinion of neo-nazis, creationists and feminists is meaningless. Hate-cults are fringe and don't have place here.
As for this video... those guys ("incels" as they call themselves) can't cure their views and condition. They putted women on pedestals, for them women are like some walking gods, supreme beings among insects. Women in their eyes are "the best thing in this Universe". Listen what the estrogen-bombarded chubby said
"I am willing to fight in the bloodiest war, to lose my limbs if after my return i get a fat ugly white chick".
This is... sad. I am sad for those young men in their 20s and 30s
Fuck the western gynocentric world and policies. It's a shame in what terrible times we are living and raising our boys.
Reply

tkyang992 years ago
Truth is 90% of the real problem of these "love-shy" dudes is having too high standards.
Reply

Meghan OretskySTAFF2 years ago
Wow, this is so interesting! Totally captivating throughout; I hope these guys find what they're looking for someday.
Reply

Drelinyth2 years ago
None of these guys is ugly, and one of them is quite beautiful, but the desperation fairly drips off them. They'd have far better luck if they just stopped trying so hard, and treated the women they meet as people rather than a goal to be surmounted. I feel terribly sorry for them all, even the PUA
Reply

Jupa Erian2 years ago
Damn, this guys worry too much... they need to stop thinking about this kind of things... if you dont get anyone, so be it, still make the best out of you.
Great doc!
Reply

Drelinyth2 years ago
I was saddened to see the longer version documentary Sara Gardephe wanted to make didn't get the funding it needed from Kickstarter. It's kind of sad that the manosphere stepped up and funded yet another (unnecessary) Pick Up Artist manual, but didn't get behind funding this movie, which might have actually helped people. It's two years since this short was made; I wonder how these guys are doing now, and if anything has changed for any of them.
Reply

Andrew Krasy2 years ago
A stupid, self-entitled, misandrist bitch trying to make money on the misfortune of others.
Nothing to see here.
Reply

WONDERPULP2 years ago
speech impediments...speech impediments everywhere.
Reply

Mleah2 years ago
That 'PUA' was a massive beta, and he will always be beta no matter how much he tries to act alpha, because he was born with beta genes. But now that he acts alpha, he won't have beta traits like being sensitive towards people's emotions, being more understanding etc. In the end if a beta tries to act alpha, they end any chance of being able to get into a lasting relationship without trying to 'prove' they're tough with no cares other than getting laid. Such a damn loser.
Reply

Tim Pierre2 years ago
The alleged "pick up artist" and his homo emo buddy are complete clowns.
Reply

Schmitler1 year ago
Blind leading the blind
Reply

Rory Campbell1 year ago
Jesus that guy in the blue check shirt really annoys me. Moaning about being rejected "3000 times". It probably has something to do with the fact that hes a pretentious, fat, ugly bellend. This is a great documentary though, really shows why these people are like this. Well done! :)
Reply

MlkjJ1 year ago
Okay, so, I haven't been on the Love Shy website since I've heard pretty negative things about it and its users around the 'web, but I'm sort of similar to these guys in the "I never approach women," sense. I guess I'm sort of similar to Micheal in terms of looks, behaviors, and views, minus the experience, except a lot younger and more awkward than he is.
I'm stating this because, even though this who I am, I came to comment to say that I don't understand why some people here dislike this documentary because they think it's biased or painting these guys in an unfair light. Just judging this short documentary from a pure film directing standpoint, the people working on this project seemed to mostly just present their findings as is. The directors didn't edit or alter any of the interviews; there wasn't a specific style of cinematography used to centralize a theme of "these are terrible people". (continued below)

MlkjJ1 year ago
Hell, if that were the case, the scenes with Micheal towards the end likely would have been omitted entirely. Instead the people working on this project just presented an unbiased view of the people they met up with. It just so happens that some of the people they interviewed and met up with happen to be pretty terrible people who hold disgusting viewpoints and ideas about the world. And, in my experience, that honestly isn't that uncommon amongst these types of "loveshy" people that you see on the internet, especially if you're heading into the PUA-related sections of the web.
Reply

Débora Gonçalves1 year ago
Only 2 guys in this documentary showed at least some desire to try harder to get into social situations. The others think that relationships happen very easily and are entitled to have girls...
Reply

Yuval Levental11 months ago
This is pretty interesting to watch. I hope they're doing better now.
Reply

revan10 months ago
wonder how many of these guys are actually repressed homosexuals
Reply

Lauren Bardallis6 months ago
The main guy, Michael, was absolutely adorable. I hope he finds what he's looking for. The other guys were so convinced it was their looks that they were unaware of their shitty personalities being the reason that they were virgins. The whole thing was cringey with them. I love the persistent believe that all us feeeee-males are some hive mind that all have the same view of attraction. Then we've got the guy who blatantly talks about "fat chicks", "bottom of the barrell" gee, it must be your looks that kept you a virgin, yeah, that's the reason. Mr "I'll wear my sunglasses inside" projecting his insecurities on everyone else the entire time and constantly spouting cringey sexist bullshit. I also love how "??? Profit" guy thinks that most women don't like sex.
Reply


Click here to add a new comment
More from Sara Gardephe
Autoplay on

Shy Boys IRL Kickstarter Video #1
from Sara Gardephe

Confetti Shake
from Sara Gardephe

Shy Boys: IRL