Discord won't let me send long messages.

Let's have a talk. Well, since I doubt you'll talk to me considering you took me off your lists, let me talk at you. Let me describe my week so far. Among losing my job, being told to leave the house, not being able to _find_ a new job, and even being rejected from my old job prior to the one I lost, the only ray of happiness and joy I had has also been put on hold _because_ I lost said job. I can no longer afford to have Lina visit, the one person whom I desperately want to see because she actually makes me feel like it's going to be okay, and it's on pause, probably indefinitely. Oh also, I was just told that I need to find a place to stay over the weekend, because my room's being given out to a guest. So huzzah, I get to sleep in my car. There're reasons why I stay quiet; there are reasons why I opt not to say anything. I can't keep up this happy facade all the time, I'm not a happy person. I don't have many friends, I don't have many acquaintances, I don't have much of anything. And I'm not blaming anyone other than myself, I know I'm a piece of shit and a terrible person, I just wish others didn't have to find out. I don't know if my friendship with you only meant someone to be perverted with or what, but it's not that I _didn't_ want to do it, but it's more I did it because your friendship meant more to me than just that, if it made you happy, then I felt needed and wanted and it's the closest to maybe being happy on a day to day basis I can get to. I mean, if it didn't mean more than that, then I'm terribly sorry for making that assumption, it hurts to be disliked for being yourself. Not once have I spoken to you as "Steff." Not once, you wouldn't like it, you'd run away screaming I'm sure. But your "friendship" and your ease of ending it cuts deep. Deeper than some shallow meaningless words that weren't meant to offend anyone in the first place. I don't know what I'm trying to say or what I expect to happen, if you don't want to talk to me or be my friend or whatever-the-fuck it is you want from me, then I'm definitely not going to make you, I don't want to inconvenience anyone with my presense anymore than I already do. If you want me to apologize then, sure, I'm sorry, I'm terribly terribly sorry. This isn't sarcastic, I mean it, but, I can't not be me, I can only wear a mask. And sometimes the mask falls off and damage is done. I don't know. Whatever, sorry for bothering you.