Title: Untitled
Characters: Author – An author.
One – An individual.
Two – Another individual.

Bare stage, a desk and chair.  An author is sitting trying to write a play.  An individual (One) enters.
One: What are you doing?
Author: I’m trying to write a play.
One: About what?
Author: That’s the question, isn’t it?  I want something…original ,entertaining, and memorable.
One: Hmm, what do you have so far?
Author: Ideas, none that I want to stick with though.
(Another individual (Two) enters)
Two: Still writing?  (To One) What are you doing here?
One: Watching him try to write a play.
(Lengthy Pause)
One: Anything yet?
Two: Why would he tell you?
One: At least I listen to the guy.
Author: Is this premise clear enough?
Two: Of course not, those people out there have no earthly clue what is going on.
Author: How do I fix that?  Adding exposition? Isn’t this supposed to be only ten minutes?
Two: You need a premise and just go with it, charge for the climax of that one idea you have and hope no one questions it.
One: But surely you can try to make something special? This is the tenth year after all.
Two: Who is going to remember a ten minute play some guy wrote in college?
One: Perhaps…how many students go here?  5,000?
Two: And maybe 200 will see this mess.
Author: This isn’t helping.
Two: Sure it is! We are filling the time with our dialogue.  Only a couple more minutes to go!
One: You know, we haven’t really moved at all.
Author: Blame the director.
Two: No, blame you.  You have nothing to work with here.  Is this mental ping pong game really going to grip the audience for even ten minutes?
One: Add an interpretive dance!  We can stop talking and captivate the audience with our art!
(They dance)  (Director’s note: This can be anything, have fun.)
Author: Okay so I have dialogue, a dance…and I guess a conclusion?
Two: Where’s the plot?  What is even going on?
One: What other plays in this line up are gonna have a dance?
Two: What other plays in this line up are going to have a coherent plot?  Oh yeah, all the other ones.
Author: Alright, let’s start from scratch.  I’ll use you two.  (Points to One) You go there.  (Points to Two) And you go over here.  (They do so.)
One: Isn’t this the director’s job?
Author: Please let me think.  I got it, you are two lovers.  One has to go move to a far off place and the other has to stay.
Two: That sounds like a role born for me. (Starts to exit)
(Author begins writing)
One: Wait!
Two: What is it?
One: Don’t go.  Why can’t you stay here?
Two: There’s nothing for me here.  I need to live my life and fulfill my dreams.
One: We can do that together!  Just give me time and we can go around the world together.
Two: I can’t wait for you…I’m sorry. (She kisses him on the cheek)  Good-bye.
(Beat)
(To author)  This is schlock you know that?
Author: Weren’t you the one looking forward to the end of this?  Just go with it.  We have what?  5 minutes left?
Two: No one cares about your personal problems.  That isn’t what this hour long block of shows are for.
One: Well he’s bound to know some people in this crowd, he has friends.
(They all turn and look at the audience)
Two: So skirting over the hearts of ten people in this audience is a success in your head?
One:  I guess not?  By the way, did that exchange actually happen?
Two: Oh! Was it raining?  Was there a violin quartet?  Were you about to drown?
Author: …No it did not happen like that exactly.  Although I’m pretty certain those things you referenced never actually happened either outside of the script.  If theatre is not supposed to work as a vehicle for my insecurities what is it for then?
Two: I would argue a long lost concept named entertainment.
Author: There’s catharsis in what I wrote.  It happens all the time.
Two: You’re right.  In fact, it happens so much that there are countless stories about it already.  What makes yours original in any way?
One: I think we are getting sidetracked.  Let me direct.
Author: …Sure okay let’s see what you can do.  (Author rises)
One: Hm…(Thinks for a moment, perhaps too long)
Author: Well?
One: Okay.  (To Two) You sit down in the chair. (To author) And you stand behind her with your hand on her shoulder.  She has a terminal disease and you can’t bear to watch her die…wait no that’s the same as before.  How about you two are otherworldly spirits that live through song! (Before they can object, One begins to conduct the orchestra as opposed to writing, this section should be sung.  You can determine how you want it sung.)
Author: Another day of being an immortal being!
Two: We are the cosmos and we are one.
Author: Life is beautiful.
(Flourish in dramatic music)
Author and Two: Beautiful!!
(They fall to the ground)
One: (Finishes conducting and bows to the audience) How’s that!  A little rough round the edges but we can make this into something that will wrench the heart of everyone in here!
Two: (Gets up) What is this existential muck? We are not going to enlighten people in ten minutes.   How about I give it a go.  Alright, you two go over there (Points, sits down and breaths deeply while meditating)
(The Author discovers their body in the most elegant and dramatic way possible.  Go for super pretentious art show stuff here.)
(One admires and is captivated, he is learning from the author and then follows in his steps)
(They embrace and melt to the ground)
(Two opens her eyes and rises, she is so proud of herself.)
 One: That was different.
Author: Have you even begun to consider our audience?
Two: Yes, and if they cannot appreciate my work they are not worthy of the theatre.  They can go back to their loud action movies and endless hours on the internet.
Author: But its college students and parents!  They don’t want to spend money to see that!
Two: And you think this meandering around topics is going to interest them?!
Author: Why are you so critical?!  You waltz in here and bash my “schlock” and you just give obtuse crap in return!  At least I want give these fools something relatable!
One: Hey guys…maybe we shouldn’t insult the audience’s intelligence like this. I mean if I were in their seats-
Author and Two: SHUT UP.  (To each other) YOU THINK YOU KNOW ART?
(Author and Two silently fight each other while One walks around the stage making nice with the audience)
One: Terribly sorry.  I guess this is the author’s mind or something?  I don’t know.  Maybe this is the art they wanted?  Give them a moment to let off their steam.  I tell ya, writing stuff is harder than it looks!  That author is going to be a ghost when this thing ends.  I mean, isn’t this embarrassing?  He doesn’t have ideas so he makes a play about having no ideas.  I try to be supportive.  I do.  I hope this gets a spot in the line up and I hope he gets the confidence that he can write when his sights are set to a specific target, and maybe you all will take something from this because I sure don’t.  But they are about done now so thanks for watching.
(Author and Two are worn out lying on the ground)
One: Hey guys, maybe we can try again later.  I think our time is up.
Author: (Gets up and checks watch) Okay, fine.  Let’s meet here again next year.
Two: Will you even remember to come back to this project?
Author: SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.  (Grabs stuff and grumbles off stage)
One: Now what?
Two: Wait for the guy up there to turn the lights off.
(BLACKOUT)