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Savedish: see, the thing is, people always tell me you get used to patients dying, and they're right, i mean, it's a hospital, people die all the time and all that stuff people talk about

Savedish: but after i've gotten to know them, after i've had to spend time with them because i'm assigned to them and learned what they're like on a personal level, y'know, just from the proximity to them

Hearts: I can only imagine

Savedish: having to watch them go off to surgery for their whatevers and whichevers and hoping they come back in one piece is harder than it looks

Savedish: my life, the Scrubs episode

Hearts: that's exactly why I never wanted to be a doctor

Bonertron69: nobody wants to see anyone die

Savedish: there was this kid about my age who came through a few months ago, and she was pretty cool

Savedish: I spent a lot of time with her because you have a lot of downtime when your patients don't actively need anything

Savedish: and I work nights, so a lot of the time people are either ordering dinner or going to bed by the time i get there

Hearts: this sounds very feels story

Savedish: you're gonna feel awful by the end of it, don't worry

Savedish: i feel awful just thinking about it

Hearts: lay it on

Savedish: Her parents brought in some games and stuff for her to play while her injury-that-i'm-not-legally-allowed-to-disclose was healing and stuff, but they didn't come around very often

Bonertron69: it's not like you haven't already caused us endless tides of emotional agony

Savedish: I helped her hook it up to the TV and holy shit it was hard because they're flat screens positioned way up near the ceiling which is a pain in the ass

Savedish: but anyway, she asked me if i wanted to play some stuff with her because she thought i was cool and stuff

Savedish: and i should have done it

Savedish: i should have said "screw the rules I like this girl"

Bonertron69: uh oh

Savedish: but I mean

Savedish: you're not supposed to even touch stuff that patients bring in, because who knows what's on them, etc.

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: i asked the head nurse lady that roams around sometimes if it would be alright, and she said I couldn't do it on the job, unfortunately

Savedish: which I understand

Hearts: "can i play vidya while i'm on the clock boss?"

Hearts: lol

Hearts: yeah

Hearts: anywayz

Savedish: I mean, y'know, what if something happens to one of my patients and I"m off playing splitscreen borderlands on consoles when it happened?

Savedish: So I had to decline

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: And then I realized how lonely she was

Savedish: like i said, nobody ever came to visit her

Tank entered chat.

Savedish: she was only there for two weeks, granted, but she spent most of her time by herself, and i felt really bad

Tank: We have double capschat

Tank: Amazing

Savedish: so as soon as I was done and clocked out, I would come back up and just, y'know, hang out with her

Savedish: I couldn't be her nurse anymore after I'd clocked out, but that didn't mean I couldn't be her friend, right?

Bonertron69: yep

Tank: Ah

Tank: Fuck

Tank: I missed something didn't I

Savedish: doomish nurse feel story time

Savedish: i'm in mid story

Tank: Ah

Tank: Fucking

Savedish: well, the time finally came for her to go get her gnarly wounds all fixed up and she did, and she came back better than ever

Tank: Pastebin that shit for me later

Tank: Bro

thatmocaw left chat.

Savedish: as her nurse I had to help her get up and move around and all that, and i had to tell her parents that she'd be staying a few more weeks while she healed up and all that

Savedish: so she and i became even closer friends

Savedish: and uh

Hearts: go on

Savedish: this was before i met my girlfriend, so i was still an eligible bachelor when it happened, i mean i had MET her, but we were just friends at the time

Savedish: and after work I started to learn a little more about her while we shitstormed through borderlands over and over

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: and uh

Savedish: i

Bonertron69: here we go

Savedish: don't think i'm ever going to live this down, this is literally the feelsiest story i can ever share with anyone

Hearts comforts Savedish

Hearts: we're here for you bro

Savedish: the lights were dimmed, it was calm, quiet, all that, most of the people in the hospital were asleep, since i wasn't at work anymore i'd have to leave soon and all that

Savedish: she didn't want me to go and i didn't want to leave

Hearts: damn this is so Hospice

Savedish: as i had to help her get up and around when i was working, she asked me if i would help her into the bathroom because it still hurt to walk on her leg

Savedish: so i sat on the edge of the bed and helped her up, and she kissed me

Savedish: and i did not know what to do

Savedish: i didn't

Savedish: i had no idea what to say or think or do or anything

Hearts: damn

Savedish: she knew i'd wanted to do it for a while

Savedish: we could feel it in the air

Savedish: the feeling of being alone was hitting both of us, and i knew that the moment i left, she'd be waiting until the next time she'd be able to see me again because her day nurse was totally a dick

Savedish: his name is Brandon, and to his day he is still a dick

Savedish: but regardless

Savedish: I asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she said "yes"

Savedish: i told her i'd be okay with that too

Savedish: i was treading on horrible, uncertain ground you guys

Savedish: i could get fired if anyone found out i had fallen for my patient

Hearts: believe me I know what you mean

Hearts: in that context

Hearts: that's risky shit

Hearts: I've been in that situation myself

Hearts: but go on

Bonertron69: go on

Savedish: and, uh

Savedish: eventually, um

Savedish: sorry, my hands are kinda shaky

Savedish: eventually, her last day came, and her parents arrived to pick her up

Savedish: she and i had gotten really, really close since that night, and i was almost sad to see her go

Savedish: she lived in town, she was my age, she wanted to hang out sometime so we could further what we started after lights out and I was okay with that

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: and i should have gone for her

Savedish: i really, really, really should have gone for her

Bonertron69: but.............

Savedish: don't worry, i did go for her, it's just

Hearts: but he didn't

Hearts: professionalism

Savedish: no no

Savedish: she wasn't my patient anymore

Savedish: i wasn't bound by the hospital's rules any longer

Savedish: so she and i did something akin to dating for a few months afterward

Savedish: and it all ended when she moved away

Bonertron69: oh

Savedish: i should have stayed in contact with her

Bonertron69: well

Bonertron69: shit

Savedish: no no no that's not the end

Bonertron69: why

Savedish: she shared horrible, sad things with me while we were together

Bonertron69: oh

Bonertron69: :|

Tank: Er

Tank: Uh

Tank: Hurm

Savedish: she told me that she didn't really have many friends, and the only reason she sustained her injury that i cannot disclose in the first place was because she was distracted by the few she did have and crashed her car into a tree

Bonertron69: oh dear

Savedish: i can disclose how it happened, sure, but i'm not really allowed to say what it WAS per se :V

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: but anyway, she moved away, and we fell out of contact

Savedish: and my friend became my girlfriend and we fell in love and are happy together now

Bonertron69: yep

Bonertron69: friends

Bonertron69: gross

Hearts: facebook?

Hearts: facebook ruins these forever endings

Savedish: i'm sure she had one

Savedish: i don't have one though

Hearts: ah.

Savedish: but i'm not done

Savedish: and you'll hear why this story is so heart rending

Hearts: so let's hear it

Bonertron69: fucking christ

Bonertron69: there's more?

Hearts: you're doing that thing where you take too long to get to the point ;)

Savedish: i know i'm sorry

Savedish: i noticed the number was still in my contacts a while back, and gave it a call

Savedish: and, uh, after she moved away from my town and we stopped talking

Savedish: she, uh, fell into a horrible depression

Tank: This ain't gonan end well is it

Savedish: and, uh

Savedish: she killed herself

Savedish: and

Savedish: um

Savedish: i

Tank: fuck

Bonertron69: oh

Bonertron69: shit

Savedish: i, uh

Savedish: i don't really, uh

Savedish: i can't think right now, sorry

Hearts: how'd you find out?

Savedish: well, her number was out of service, so i looked up her name in the phone book and called her parents, asked to talk to her

Savedish: god what an idiot i was

Hearts: that's not idiotic

Savedish: no

Savedish: you don't understand

Hearts: you think you could have saved her?

Hearts: come on man

Savedish: if i had just kept in contact with her even as friends

Hearts: some people are just like that

Hearts: I hate to say it

Bonertron69: yeah

Bonertron69: i agree

Savedish: i could have been the one to tell her everything was alright just like i did before she went into surgery

Hearts: but she wound up in the hospital because she was like that

Hearts: and you would have done that your whole life?

Savedish: no, she wound up in the hospital because she was laughing at something her friend said and hit a patch of ice in the road

Bonertron69: i don't think you can save anyone from that kind of depression

Bonertron69: they have to save themselves

Savedish: i

Savedish: okay hold on

Savedish: brb

Tank: Welp this conversation is going places I don't particularly enjoy

Tank: So uh

Tank: I think imma go

Bonertron69: bye tank

Hearts: well, see ya Tank

Tank: Yeah, bye

Tank: Let me know how this turns out later

Tank left chat.

Hearts: I thought Tank was into this stuff?

Hearts: w/e

Bonertron69: yeah

Bonertron69: that's different

Savedish: okay i'm back, i made myself cry and i needed to find something to dry my eyes on because it is really hot in my house and i'm not wearing a shirt

Savedish: um

Savedish: but i don't know

Savedish: she was so sweet, so nice

Hearts: it's tragic, don't get me wrong

Hearts: but you're not morally culpable for it in any way

Bonertron69: yeah

Hearts: really though, I can't talk, I've never been through something like that myself

Bonertron69: i guess us telling you that won't help much, if at all

Bonertron69: but hey

Bonertron69: who got anywhere from quitting

Savedish: the thing is

Hearts: I volunteer at a legal clinic and we get lots of people who are down and out and we're there for them, and my supervisor always gives me the cute girls and says, "don't fall in love"

Bonertron69: ha

Hearts: and I worry about shit like that happening when I'm with clients, because I'm in this position of authority and they look up to me and I help them

Hearts: and damn, some of them are cute

Hearts: and they're there because like, they are going through a divorce, or a breakup, or whatever

Hearts: family law shit

Bonertron69: yep

Hearts: but you just don't want to get involved in people who have those kinds of problems

Hearts: as harsh as that sounds

Bonertron69: nah i agree

Savedish: see, the most gut wrenching part of it is, there were so many things she never admitted to me throughout the time we spent together

Savedish: she loved me, i knew it, and she knew i knew it

Savedish: i was the person that was willing to give her the time of day because we were the same age and we liked the same things, and we got along

Savedish: not to mention i had to PHYSICALLY HELP HER MOVE for a week and a half whenever she wanted to get up or adjust herself

Savedish: she had this adoration for me that knew further bounds than even my girlfriend now knows

Savedish: i've never had to change my girlfriend's IV bags and laugh along with her at her grogginess thanks to the medication she's taking

Savedish: I don't know why I like pouring my heart out to random people on the internet

Hearts: I can see how that would be pretty special

Hearts: actually

Hearts: I asked for it ;)

Bonertron69: yep

Bonertron69: we were all in for the feels

Hearts: and I'm pretty sure everyone here has told their story at some point or another in the generals

Bonertron69: ;~;

Bonertron69: i haven't told my story

Bonertron69: to

Hearts: you're in good company

Bonertron69: ANYONE

Hearts: is it about thrash metal?

Bonertron69: lmao

Telvanni: My cat obviously woke me up at 3:30 so I could read this story. He never does anything like that. So... I have a question. Do you think if you stayed friends with her, you would still be with your current girlfriend?

Bonertron69: well i guess yes it is

Savedish: don't get me wrong

Savedish: I love my girlfriend

Hearts: different paths, different endings

Savedish: I love her with all of my heart and my soul

Bonertron69: yeah

Savedish: I would give up my life for her

Hearts: such is the VN of our lives

Savedish: but in all honesty, yes

Bonertron69: that's like asking if you would still be a Xbro if you went down the Ybro route

Savedish: er, no

Savedish: I think I would still be with this girl today

Hearts: well anyways bro I must thank you for the reprieve

Savedish: this girl that I cannot name because of HIPPA

Hearts: but I'm pulling an all nighter as it is for my exam which is in 6 hours

Bi-Polar Hernandez: >this guy attempting to gorespam the KSG

Hearts: and I still have a few chapters to review

Telvanni: I figured that's what you'd say.

Bi-Polar Hernandez: >my supply is exhausted and not offensive enough.

Bi-Polar Hernandez: >posts a pic once every five minutes

Savedish: alright, well, if you're leaving, take it easy bro

Savedish: thanks for listening~

Hearts: sorry if I sounded a little judgmental in my response by the way

Bi-Polar Hernandez: >only posted like five pics

Bi-Polar Hernandez: MY FUCKING SIDES

Hearts: now that I think about it that was kind of assholish of me

Hearts: I was just pretty engaged in the whole thing

Savedish: it's okay

Bonertron69: same

Hearts: and, I'm full of caffeine

Hearts: and... reading judgements

Hearts: literally

Hearts: so -

Hearts: I have to get out of here for the time being

Hearts: thanks for sharing the story with me, bro.  much appreciated

Savedish: no problem

Hearts: I'll have ot buy you a beer sometime if I ever wind up in your neck of the woods

Hearts: and we can talk about miserable, horrible things

Hearts: later

Hearts left chat.

Bonertron69: well

Bonertron69: there you go

Savedish: see, and the thing is, i loved her just as much as she loved me and I made sure to tell her so when I ended up being her first time as well

Savedish: we shared SO MANY THINGS

Savedish: and she, like

Savedish: i

Savedish: i don't even know man

Savedish: i have to go to bed now or i'm going to start crying again

Savedish: goodnight bros

Bonertron69: wait

Bonertron69: http://myfacewhen.com/242/

Bonertron69: here you go

Savedish: please for the love of god take it easy, i don't want any more broken hearts on my record

Bonertron69: has no relevance to the story

Bonertron69: just

Bonertron69: have a good look

Telvanni: I want to be able to tell you that it's not your fault but, from what I've seen, I don't think you'd really believe me. People only tend to think something is their fault when they truly believe they could have helped the person. Saying things like 'You didn't know' don't really help either because you feel you do know. But you can't for sure. There's problems that everyone faces in life that you can't always be there for. Sometimes, you just have to know that It's Not Your Fault.

Bi-Polar Hernandez left chat.

Bonertron69: yep

Savedish: Don't worry, I've already accepted that it's not my fault

Telvanni: Don't mean to sound like a dick but... you sure?

Savedish: ...no :(

Telvanni: It's alright. Going to take more time than you want it to to come to grips with it.

Savedish: I just loved her more than words can describe, which is horrible because i'm about to make a life commitment to someone else who i love more than life itself

Savedish: i just feel so miserable because i want to know what would have happened if i had kept in contact with her

Savedish: i know it might not have prevented the inevitable

Savedish: and i know me letting her go wasn't the reason she offed herself

Savedish: but if i just had the chance to tell her i loved her

Savedish: just one more time

Savedish: i don't know what i would give for it

Telvanni: You would probably be hurting more than you are now.

Savedish: it makes me feel stupid and melodramatic but god damn it this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and i'll be damned if i don't share it with people

Savedish: keeping shit bottled up inside you doesn't help things, that's why i write in general

Savedish: i have a lot of really heavy weight on my shoulders and i'm trying as hard as i can to offload it but sometimes it just doesn't work out

Savedish: like, i shared this story with all you bros because i wanted to get it off my chest but then it ended up making me feel even worse than it did when i was pushing it out of my mind

Savedish: maybe now that i've told people about it i'll get over it, i don't know

Telvanni: Do me a favor and stop trying to push it away. Sounds to me like you've repressed it for so long that retelling it now renews the feelings you had all that time ago.

Telvanni: People don't get through depressing moments by pretending they don't exist. Just makes them hit them harder later on.

Savedish: right

Telvanni: Just going to be painful to remember, eh?

Savedish: I've got a horrible ache in my chest now if that's the kind of thing you mean

Savedish: oh, well

Telvanni: More or less.

Savedish: maybe i'll stay home from school tomorrow, get my bearings or something

Savedish: i need a day off from life

Telvanni: Look, mate. Go get some sleep. Sounds like you need it.

Savedish: i was already going to and then feels happened :V

Savedish: but okay

Savedish: goodnight bookburners

Savedish: dage id eajay

Savedish: et cetera