Sex Games

from datetime import datetime
from sys import exit
import string
import os

now = datetime.now()
os.system('clear')
name = input("Whats's your name sir/madam? ")


def main():
    # this validates the player is above the age of 18
    def age_valid():
        # gets users name and capitalises the first letter

        fix_name = string.capwords(name)

        os.system('clear')

        print("Hello " + fix_name + ", please proceed!")

        # gets users birthday and converts it to an age
        age_yr = int(input("What year were you born? "))
        actual_age = int(now.year) - int(age_yr)
        age_diff = int(18) - actual_age

        # validates user is between 18-100 or else it returns invalid

        if age_yr != 0 and 0 < actual_age < 100 and actual_age >= 18:
            os.system('clear')
            return "Alright, " + fix_name + " let's do this.\n"

        elif age_yr == 0 or actual_age >= 100:
            os.system('clear')
            print("You say you're", actual_age,
                  "years old? That doesn't seem to be a real age. \nSorry fake person.") + exit()

        else:
            os.system('clear')
            print("Sorry kiddo, this is for adults only. \nYou have", age_diff,
                  "more years till you join this club.") + exit()

    print(age_valid())

    def main_game():
        animal = input(
            "What animal would you like to give you sexual advice? ")
        os.system('clear')

        animal_name = string.capwords(animal)
        # this takes the first letter of animal and turns it lowercase
        animal_letter = animal[0].lower()

        if 'a' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, You might be in to anal sex, you should try it out!" % animal_name
        elif 'b' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Buttsex is pretty fun, try it out" % animal_name
        elif 'c' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks cunts are fun. Fuck her in the Cunt!" % animal_name
        elif 'd' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks dicks are fun to play with!" % animal_name
        elif 'e' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should try Esophagus fucking, straight down her throat." % animal_name
        elif 'f' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks Finger fucks are always fun." % animal_name
        elif 'g' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Grind and hump a little." % animal_name
        elif 'h' in animal_letter:
            return "%s says enjoy Handjobs?" % animal_name
        elif 'i' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should invest in nice bed sheets." % animal_name
        elif 'j' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Jackoff by yourself." % animal_name
        elif 'k' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks is thinking about Kinky shit like food play." % animal_name
        elif 'l' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Lick each other till one person cums." % animal_name
        elif 'm' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Makeout with each others genitals." % animal_name
        elif 'n' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Nuts in the mouth. So nice." % animal_name
        elif 'o' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Open your blinds and let the neighbors watch." % animal_name
        elif 'p' in animal_letter:
            return "Penis!"
        elif 'q' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Queer sex with a queer friend." % animal_name
        elif 'r' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Rape? Just kidding, not funny at all." % animal_name
        elif 's' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Squirt on each other." % animal_name
        elif 't' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks Threesomes, share the love." % animal_name
        elif 'u' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should try Under the covers, nobody peeks." % animal_name
        elif 'v' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Vaginal intercourse, so kinky." % animal_name
        elif 'w' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks you should Wife-swap with your best friend." % animal_name
        elif 'x' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Xenophobic sex, fuck a nationality you're afraid of." % animal_name
        elif 'y' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Yelp review you sexual partner." % animal_name
        elif 'z' in animal_letter:
            return "The %s thinks, Z-Jobs, but he knows you can't afford it." % animal_name
        else:
            return "The %s thinks what you picked is not a real animal!" % animal_name

    print(main_game())

    def replay():

        reply_answer = input("\nWould you like more animal based sex advice? ")
        reply_answer_corrected = reply_answer.lower()

        if reply_answer_corrected in ['n', 'no']:
            return "Pleasure was all mine. Until next time."

        elif reply_answer_corrected in ['y', 'yes']:
            os.system('clear')
            return main_game()

    print(replay())

print(main())