The Meaning of Balloons

There sat a pink mare, earth pony to be exact, with the curliest mane in all of Equestria.
"Another day, another pony to make smile" she thought to herself.
Today for some reason, it wasn't enough to get her up and out into the world.
She has had these feelings for quite some time but they were just starting to become clear to her conscience mind.
She has been more serious as of late.
Throwing smaller parties.
Talking to her friends about more serious topics and sometimes personal ones.
She simply wasn't the same bubbly go lucky pony that everyone in town knew her as.
Up until now Pinkie Pie's life had been carefree and full of excitement, which it still was, but she wanted more.
She wanted to do more for her friends.
After saving the world over and over with the elements of harmony, she had grown up a little on the inside.
She didn't want to be the same party pony that everyone knew her as for so long.
She needed to make a change.
As she sat gazing out her window at Celestia's setting sun she knew what she had to do.
"I need to make a decision." The pink pony exclaimed aloud to herself.
---
Pinkie laid in bed restless that night.
Tossing and turning she eventually decided to get up and walk over to her mirror.
The moonlight shown perfectly in her room to illuminate her tired face as she peered into it.
"Will anyone understand me?"
"I know if they could just understand me then everything will get better."
She gazed into a set of crystal blue eyes that looked almost foreign to the ones she once knew.
They were hardened by time after time of standing side by side with her friends, on some crazy adventure or another.
Sure she was the quirkiest pony in town, the craziest, and even the silliest.
But that didn't stop her from dreaming, of believing what she could someday become.
She never thought that she would be best friends with the most well known heroes in all of Equestria, let alone be one of them.
To be friends with a princess is the honor of a select few, not something that happens to a simple earth pony who grew up on a rock farm.
But here she was, all of that being reality for her.
She broke the gaze with the pony staring back at her in the mirror and trotted back over to her bed and rolled back into her sheets.
She'll deal with it all tomorrow she thought.
Not knowing if she was really ready to bring anything up to her friends.
Let alone the now alicorn princess of magic.
"They'll understand me, I just know it." Pinkie said softly to herself as she closed her eyes and sleep found her for the night.
---
It was a bright day with not a cloud in the sky.
The perfect weather in the perfect town.
The town she had come to know as home.
She got up and began to question herself a little more.
Pinkie Pie was never the best at expressing her true feelings in any sort of manner that made sense to anyone else.
One-on-one she could begin to correlate feelings into somewhat logical ideas and then sentences.
However in groups her Pinkienness, as one might call it, shown through above all else.
Not wanting to see anyone worried about her and for the smiles she worked so hard to put on every single pony's face to turn into frowns, she steeled her nerves and left her small apartment for the day to head to Twilight's new home.
Surely her smartest friend would be able to help her make sense of what was happening in her head.
---
Pinkie trotted up to Twilight's new castle.
Commissioned to her after their latest end of the world scenario that seemed like just another day in their new lives.
Pinkie just stood there and stared at the door, not knowing completely if she should do it and before she had the chance to back away and perhaps talk to another pony entirely the door flew open to reveal a smiling Twilight Sparkle.
"Spike told me he saw you through the window staring at the door, is everything alright Pinkie?" She said with the slightest hint of worry.
"Oh, uh of course it is!" Stammered the surprised pink mare. "I just wanted to talk to one of my favorite friends today is all! Hehe..."
"Well sure, of course Pinkie, and I was just putting a few things away so come right on in"
Twilight immediately noticed the change in demeanor from Pinkie's usual self and carefully examined her friend to see if anything external was off about her. Pinkie could be pretty stubborn when it came to explaining her feelings, so Twilight would have to take this conversation slow and steady.
After levitating two comfy pillows across from each other on the floor, Twilight was the first to speak up.
"Pinkie how long have we been friends?"
Again, surprised as ever the pink pony thought aloud at the question.
"Umm well Twi, at least since you got here and so that was about uh..."
"Exactly!" The Purple one almost shouted
"Ever since I got here we have been best friends, never have I thought of you as any less. Now if there's anything on your chest you need to talk about, I'm right here for you."
"Well you see Twilight..." Pinkie stopped and looked up into her friends smiling face, her purple eyes showing no signs of judgement and her smile showing genuine interest in her thoughts. This gave Pinkie the strength to say what needed to be said.
"I think I need to leave for a little bit."
"What?!" Said Twilight completely dumbfounded.
"You can't just...leave! Ponyville needs Pinkie Pie!" She continued.
The pink mare stared at the floorboards unable to meet her friend's eyes once more, her curly mane hovering over her face.
"But I need something more Twilight."
"What do you mean Pinkie?" Twilight questioned, her interest genuinely peaked by now.
"Twilight have you ever had dreams of your own? Things that you've always wanted to do? Besides just what the world thinks you need to do day in and day out?"
Twilight could do nothing but gaze at her friend, mouth agape in shock and confusion.
"My cutie mark is meant to symbolize so much more than just partying and having a good time Twilight." Pinkie reaffirmed her gaze into Twilight's eyes as she sat up on her cushion.
"I want more than to just make everyone laugh and smile. I want to truly touch lives so that ponies won't have to feel sad or alone whether there is a Pinkie Pie there or not, and I can't do that as I am anymore."
"But you can Pinkie! Just tell me what is bothering you and I will try to help you through this!" Twilight said trying to refute her friend's claim but with little impact.
Pinkie wiped a hoof across her eyes, not that she was crying but what her friend asked of her was truly heart warming, something Pinkie had not felt in so long.
"You're too kind sometimes Twilight." In comparison to the element of kindness herself.
"But I need time to figure myself out. I'll be back though, I Pinkie promise!"
"No! You can't be serious! Please wait Pinkie, have you talked to anyone else about this?"
"Not exactly...I wanted to come to you first." Pinkie said still slightly hanging her head.
"Well will you at least wait for everyone to gather and we'll talk about this?"
"Yeah, I will always be there for my friends Twilight, but nothing is the same anymore."
"Pinkie nothing is ever meant to stay the same. I know a lot has changed in such a short amount of time but we'll figure this out together just as always." Twilight says with a hoof on her friend's shoulder.
"Of course we will Twilight, and thank you."
"Now just go home for a little bit and I'll gather everyone here and we'll talk this over okay?"
"Okay Twilight, I'll be back this evening after the cakes close up for the day."
And with that Pinkie trotted out of her friend's home and towards Sugarcube Corner. Finally plopping down into her bed, Pinkie exhaled the breath she was holding ever since Twilight answered the door, it was all she could do to keep herself calm and to have a serious conversation with her friend. With that she sank down into her plush bedding and quickly fell asleep.
---
Pinkie awoke to a tapping at her window. It was none other than her best friend Rainbow Dash. She quickly popped out of bed and opened her window so that the blue pegasus could come inside.
"What the heck is going on Pinkie? You tell Twilight you want to leave Ponyville and that you'll be back later to talk to us about it and you never showed!" The pegasus glared at her pink friend.
"Sorry Dashie, I was just so worked up earlier that I passed out as soon as I got home, I'm ready to go now though, is everyone at Twilight's?" She said while stretching her legs after a much needed nap.
"Yeah they're all there, come on, I'll walk with you Pinkie." Rainbow Dash said, her expression softening at her friend's honest mistake.
The two best friends trotted along as the sun set toward the horizon. The first of Luna's stars starting to show through the sky. They trotted along in awkward silence until Pinkie felt the need to break the silence.
"You know Dashie, you guys really are my best friends."
This only angered the blue pegasus, whose loyalty to her friend wouldn't allow her to take on whatever trials she was facing alone.
"Then how could you possibly think of leaving us?!"
"Dash its not that simple."
"Then what's gotten into you?" Rainbow Dash said taken back by her friend's serious attitude.
"Dash, its true I love to party and make others happy but I need more than to just put a smile on their faces. I really NEED to find a way to truly make a difference in everyone's life. A way that I can help the world we live in for the better. Not just for us or Ponyville, but for all of Equestria. You can understand that right Dash?"
The pegasus completely stopped in her tracks. Luckily the castle was within sight and she didn't want to keep the others waiting any longer but she had something to ask her friend.
"You know you don't have to leave us to do that, right Pinkie? Whatever it is we can figure it out together like always."
Pinkie Pie reached out and hugged her friend with all her strength, knowing words weren't enough to express the feelings she had in her heart.
"I know, and thank you Dashie."
And with a heart warming smile from Pinkie, Rainbow Dash was able to smile back at her friend and they proceeded into Twilight's, where four other mares were looking at Pinkie with varying degrees of confusion and hurt.
Rarity decided to get the question out there first but it came out a little harsher than intended.
"Why in Equestria would you want to just suddenly leave us?! Regardless of personal differences we are all best friends here! You should have said something sooner than just dumping all of this on us so suddenly!" Rarity shouted with both anger and hurt in her voice.
Pinkie Pie just looked at the ground, trying to compose herself to tell her side of the story. Seeing her friends plight however, Rainbow Dash stepped forward to defend her.
"Look Rarity, I'm just as shocked as you are but that's no reason to take it out on her. She isn't doing any of this to hurt any of us, she's doing this because she needs to."
Applejack stepped forward next to try and get her own understanding of what was going on around her.
"So ah'm supposed to believe that Pinkie just wants to up and leave the rest of us because she needs to? Now that doesn't make a bit of sense to me."
"We're all here for you Pinkie, you know that, whatever it is that you need to do, we'll be right beside you but you have to explain this to us first." Applejack said somberly.
Pinkie gathers what strength she has to tell her friends what even she doesn't understand that has been toiling in her heart for some time now. With ears down and eyes gazing at the ground she almost shamefully tries to tell her friends the whole story.
"Well guys, something just hasn't been right for some time now."
"Twilight and Rainbow know only the basis of it so you all aren't completely out of the loop." With a deep breath Pinkie continued.
"We all know the meaning of each others cutie marks and what they mean as far as the elements of harmony are concerned but have any of you considered that there can be more to us, to the meaning of our lives?"
"I want to do more than just make others smile."
"I want to do more for this world so that it's better for all of us and I don't want to just be some clown anymore who no one can truly trust or confide in."
"Now stop right there!" Interjected Rainbow Dash.
"You of all ponies should know that each and everyone here trusts you completely Pinkie." Placing a hoof on her friends shoulder she continued.
"I know I trust you with my life if it came to that and I want you to know that you can trust me with yours too."
"Never think you are alone Pinkie."
A teary eyed Pinkie Pie placed her face the the fuzzy chest of her pegasus friend, unable to go on at the moment and unable to deal with the set of emotions her brain was attempting to register. Rainbow Dash simply brought her hoof around her and held her friend tighter.
"She's right you know Pinkie, we're all here for you no matter what." Twilight chimed in being as positive as she possibly can to alleviate her friends obvious distress.
"I... I know, thank you all so much for being my friends but I really need you to understand what I'm trying to say here. I can't just fix what I need to do with my life to find happiness."
"Then tell us what you want to do dear, and we will make it happen. I swear it." Exclaimed a tall and proud Rarity.
The problem lied in that so few ponies ever questioned the meaning of their cutie marks, that what to do when you did question that its meaning could be misinterpreted, was almost unheard of.
Pinkie quickly voiced the many thoughts that were running through her head to her friends as they came to her, almost as if a physical stream of "what if's" were flowing in her heading at that very moment.
By now everyone was sitting on all fours with Pinkie in the center, looking at the floor unable to decide who's eyes to meet. Until Twilight decided to speak up with her ever so logical view on situations.
"I really don't know what to say Pinkie, I've certainly never heard of this problem with anyone in anything I've ever read or anything Princess Celestia has ever told me."
Pinkie continued to gaze at the floor. Her mane covering most of her face as small droplets fell to the ground under her. Alarming every pony in the room to their friend's dismay.
"Is...is there something wrong with me...?" Pinkie whimpered just above a whisper to her best friends, not really expecting an answer, but an answer she would receive.
"Of course not!" Fluttershy shouted, at the surprise of everyone, including Pinkie herself. Fluttershy got up and sat side by side with Pinkie and held her close with both forehooves as Pinkie tried to stop the tears, as in her mind, they hurt her friends as much as they were hurting her.
"We all may have shared a special moment in which we all received our cutie marks but that doesn't mean anything is set in stone."
"You are special to each one of us Pinkie and if you believe that you haven't reached your full potential for what you can do in life then we will all help you find it." Fluttershy continued, her voice quickly returned to normal as she sat and consoled her pink friend.
The rest of her friends just smiled at her and almost at unison agreed "Of course we will!"
Pinkie's watery eyes gazed into each of her friend's eyes and all she could do was smile and thank her friends for simply being there for her.
"Well now I guess we just need to figure out what those balloons mean, huh?" Rainbow Dash said soothingly to her friend.
"Right!" Pinkie Pie said to her friends beaming, wiping away the last of her tears.
---
After all her friend's left her home, Twilight stayed up late that night.
Pacing could be heard back and forth in her personal study hall.
Thinking, pondering, questioning, is all the purple unicorn could do now.
"What if a pony could change the meaning of their cutie marks?"
This only confused Twilight Sparkle even more saying it aloud.
It wasn't something that anyone should ever have to consider, after all your cutie mark was who you were right?
Or was it the pony who made the cutie mark?
The lines shouldn't be blurred here of all places.
So she sat up looking into books she normally wouldn't consider touching.
But alas, she couldn't find the answers she sought.
Books for the young on how to get their cutie marks and how to find meaning in their lives but nothing more.
Nothing for a full grown mare in a state of identity crisis, that was for sure.
Behind her she heard a door creek open and in walked her favorite assistant with a small candle to light his way.
"Twilight..." Spike said yawning. "What could possibly be keeping you up so late now?"
"Well, you see Spike that's just the thing!"
"It shouldn't be something to keep anyone up this late at night but it happened and I want answers for the sake of my best friend."
"What is it this time? Did Pinkie eat too much frosting again?"
"No Spike! Its much worse than any small belly ache from eating too much."
"She's having an identity crisis and I need to know why and how to help her!" Twilight almost scolded.
"An identity crisis?"
"I thought all ponies knew their true purpose in life once they got there cutie marks?"
"That's just it, she knows what her cutie mark stands for and what it means but she wants more from it!"
"Not just to 'make every pony smile' but to really make a difference in Equestria and she of all ponies deserves to find out how she can do just that."
"Well its nothing that's going to be solved overnight so how about you get some rest okay?" Spike suggested, concerned for his best friend.
"Sure thing Spike, I'm going to have a lot of studying to do because there's next to no information on such a topic."
And with that Princess Twilight Sparkle got some much needed rest, her mind still processing the situation. If she only knew her friends were in the same boat.
---
Applejack was clearly confused and above all scared for one of her best friends.
She personally has never once questioned her livelihood since receiving her cutie mark and to even think about it scared her.
The very notion that her world could so drastically change and her very purpose be redefined?
It was not something that she wanted to think about for very long.
The Apple family was known for their hard work and reliability. Not for pondering the meaning of life while there were still chores to be done and a farm to run.
---
Fluttershy, who had came out and spoken up when her friend perhaps needed it most was fairing possibly worse.
All she did was take care of her animals and did what she could to make a decent living.
Was she wasting her time, was everyone wasting their time and efforts in things that really didn't matter?
Then what did matter?
She laid in bed cuddled underneath her covers, hoping the thought would leave her alone.
---
Rarity sat in her boutique.
Just sat there.
She was of course sure her life was going in the right direction.
She had her purpose and it was a meaningful trade that both helped ponies and brought in a decent wage.
But her thoughts weren't of herself but of Pinkie Pie.
"What a fool!" She let herself think out loud.
"Pinkie Pie would be the poor mare that this unfortunate crisis would happen to."
"If only she stuck to baking or party planning altogether, not simply making others happy."
"She could be the pony who's most sure out of all of us about her life's goals if she'd just ground herself in some line of work."
She couldn't help but blame the victim in this case, which wasn't like the element of generosity.
But of an occurrence such as this who couldn't blame her for it?
She simply sat there and thought about her friend, her Pinkie Pie who was lost and alone and there didn't seem to be anything she could do about it.
---
Rainbow Dash had decided to walk her friend home and learn more about what was going on with her.
The weather wasn't due to change much for a few days and her friend needed her most of all.
As they walked Rainbow Dash couldn't help but notice Pinkie didn't look up from the ground even once.
Lost in thought perhaps? Might as well find out.
"So some night it is, huh Pink?"
"Oh, yeah! Its beautiful isn't it Dash?"
Both mares gazed up at the moon and stars as they made their way through Ponyville. Rainbow Dash making sure to keep her friend's mind unclouded from the doubt surrounding her situation.
"Don't get too lost in your head there Pinkie, this could all just be a phase you know?"
"Yeah that's what I told myself at first. I wouldn't have said anything otherwise."
"Seeing you guys sad for me, well it just makes me sad."
"That's just the problem Pink!" Dash stopped and Pinkie stopped along with her.
"You have to put the whole, I want to make my friends happy at all costs mentality away just this once okay?"
"Do it for me?"
"I don't know if it'll be that easy Dashie..."
"Ugh, well lets get home first and we'll see about that."
"Its awfully late Dash, shouldn't you be getting home yourself?"
"And leave one of my best friends to suffer all night without anyone around to make her happy? I don't think so."
Pinkie backed away at Dash's last statement. Giving it a moment to sink in.
"...Make me happy?"
"Yes Pinkie."
"No one's really said that before, even after all we've been through I just assumed I'm the one who needs to keep everyone around me happy and out of their slumps."
"Well its about time someone returned the favor then!" Dash exclaimed as they continued their way toward Pinkie's small apartment.
Entering Pinkie's room Dash took a look around to make sure nothing was out of place before making herself comfortable on Pinkie's bed.
"Remember my Wonderbolts tryouts a while back Pinkie?"
"Of course! How could I forget?" Beamed Pinkie as she joined her blue friend on her very pink bed.
"You know how many letters I received when I got home from there?"
"Umm, I dunno but probably a lot." Pinkie said giggling a bit.
Dash turned over to her side and hugged her friend tighter than ever.
Pinkie accepted and let her nose nuzzle into the pegasus's chest. Calming her racing mind from the day now behind her.
"Well it sure was a lot and I read every single one of them, and I know you care about each of us more than you are able to say."
Pinkie just laid there in her friend's embrace. Not sure what to say or how to deal with emotions on such a personal level. Pinkie always wore her heart on her sleeve but many times she forgot  how to reel it back into her chest.
Noticing Pinkie's reaction Dash loosened her grip around her but Pinkie just clung to her tighter, as she couldn't speak what now was a tornado of emotions and thoughts in her head that refused to come out.
Dash decided to just hold her there, giving the pink mare a chance to find comfort in someone else which she most certainly deserved.
As Pinkie rested in Dash's arms, her mind cleared and her beating heart calmed from all the excitement of the day and let herself let go for the first time in a long time. It was her turn to let someone else take care of her. Even just for one night.
Rainbow Dash gazed at the earth pony laying in her arms, feeling her every breath as she cuddled against her chest. Dash couldn't help but feel her pain as she saw just how tired Pinkie looked from day in and day out of making everyone else happy and feel loved, when it was obvious she was so alone and confused herself on the inside.
Dash nuzzled Pinkie's mane underneath her chin and felt her eyelids go heavy as the two shared in each other's comfort. Moments before sleep would whisk her away, she heard Pinkie say something just above a whisper into her fur.
"Thank you Dashie."
---
Pinkie awoke to a knock on her door and sprang up to get it when she noticed Dash was already up and answered it for her. The whole crew was there.
Pinkie didn't remember falling asleep but was glad Dash stayed with her. She would keep that to herself for now as she didn't know what Dash would want her to say but her fears were quickly dismissed as Dash answered that right away.
"Hey everyone."
"Yeah I ended up just staying here for the night and making sure she was alright." Dash's loyalty shining brightly as ever.
"Well that's good to hear." Twilight said as she approached a Pinkie who was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"So we're all going to help you through this Pinkie and we're going to find out what exactly you need and before you ask again there is nothing wrong with you." Reassured Twilight.
"Well thanks everyone but what are you going to exactly do?"
"We're going on that trip with ya sugarcube." AJ proudly exclaimed.
"Wait, what?" Pinkie still half asleep trying to process what was going on around her.
"Well you see darling, we all need to fulfill the one thing that makes us all happy right?"
"So we're going to help you with yours." Rarity beamed.
"Whatever our Pinkie Pie needs, we'll be there for her." Fluttershy added.
"So are you going to start packing or what?" Rainbow Dash grinned.
Pinkie Pie practically jumped out of bed, holding all of her friends in a tight embrace.
"I'm so happy to have you guys! But where exactly are we going?"
"We're going everywhere and nowhere, benefits of being a princess now." Twilight said.
"Just remember its the journey here that matters most, not the destination."
"Good thing I have this then!" Just then Pinkie took out a suitcase from out of nowhere and flew it open.
Everyone looked inside to see everything from camping equipment to beach chairs.
"Darling how in Equestria did you get all of that to fit?" Asked Rarity.
"Its my super secret once in a lifetime road tripping suitcase!" Explained Pinkie nonchalantly.
"It all just had to fit!"
Everyone burst out laughing at once, happy their Pinkie Pie wasn't totally lost from them.
"Well looks like we're set to go...ugh where was the first stop again?" Asked Rainbow Dash unsure if she even wanted to know.
"Well after much consideration I have decided that we are going to just hop on a train and see where it takes us." Explained Twilight matter of fact.
"Yeehaw! Well let's get to 'er then!" AJ said excitedly.
And off they went, as much to help Pinkie Pie as to help themselves. Everyone was wondering if Pinkie Pie was just getting a little partied out or if she really was up to something with this whole idea she had. The only was to find out was to experience it for themselves.
----