Open Your Eyes (Shizune)

Open Your Eyes


I lurch forward in my bed, heaving a gasp, and the warmth and light of another sunny day crystallizes around me. My dream retreats like a snake withdrawing after leaving a venomous bite, and I try to hold on to the fragments left in its wake, desperate to understand the difference between then and now.

That wasn't just any dream, no doubt about it. That was a nightmare. But it's gone now, I'm awake, I'm fine, I can hear the chirping of birds outside. A glance at my clock reveals that I still have hours before class starts, but I don't feel sleepy at all, and I'd rather not risk going for round two anyway. I drag myself out of bed, determined to prove that the events of my dream were nothing more than that, just figments of my imagination. I also want to check the labels on my medications, I hope that's not one of the various side effects somehow.

I half wander, half stumble through the school, which is almost always deserted at this hour. Graduation is just around the corner and everyone is either gleefully sharing their plans or trying their best not to think about it. The teachers don't really care that much if we come to class or not by this point, it's too late to fail any of us and they seem like they're just as ready for some time off as we are. I make my way past the early-risers in the hallways and head towards the student council room, a place that's still technically part of my domain, even though next year's council is already formed and has begun taking over the reigns. If the person I need to see isn't there already, she will be soon, I know it.

Even though the classwork has slowed to an almost nonexistent pace, there's an unspoken roar behind the scenes that's been slowly growing as graduation gets closer and closer. I can't help but feel like I'm being swept along on a wave, and the water is too deep to touch the bottom and try to stop. Whether I like it or not, in no time at all, all of this will be over. It's weird, disturbing even, but this must almost be what it feels like to be on death row, slated for execution.

My days here are numbered, and any time spent apart from Shizune seems like time wasted, now.

You never think about that, when you have plenty of time, and you can put almost anything off until tomorrow, or just say you'll do it later. And then, suddenly, there isn't a later. Tomorrow isn't more of the same, it's something new and unknown, and that's scary, but after spending so much time as part of the student council, the prospect also strikes me as exciting. It's a challenge, to be thrown into something different, into unexplored territory and survive. A challenge I'll rise to meet, I know. But hopefully I won't have to do that by myself.

I reach the student council room. The door is unlocked, and I quietly push it open, although for one reason or another, neither of my closest friends care very much about volume.

Sitting there, slumped over at the center desk, is Shizune. Her face is buried in her arms and surrounded by a stack of paperwork, as the morning sun's rays gently bathe her hair in a warm glow. Even though I know she can't hear it, I carefully and silently walk up to her. This is a rare sight, her glasses are held loosely in one hand. Did she stay here too late last night and pass out? Or did she get here too early this morning and crash? Either way, seeing her overdo it like this is kind of adorable, even though she would get flustered if I said anything of the sort. I wish there had been more time to see her like this over the school year, calm, peaceful, slumbering. The soft sounds of her breathing in the stillness of the morning air bear only the smallest contrast to her usual silence. But she makes up for her lack of sound with a fierce drive and energy, and she's always determined to spread her fire to everyone she can. Except now, that fire is just a tiny, flickering candle, one that I  hold gently in my hands. I lean forward onto the desk, content just to watch her for a while. Soon enough we'll be launched into the day's events, and then we'll be running towards graduation at breakneck speed again. But for now, I'm in no hurry.

After a time, Shizune begins to stir, and I find myself leaning closer. This is the part I want to see the most, I want to gaze into those dark, bright eyes, the ones that take on the whole world unflinching, the ones that roll with every punch life has thrown at her, those eyes that can say more than my mouth ever could. Shizune's eyelashes flicker a few times, here she is. The girl in front of me, the one I've come to care about so much over the course of the school year, is slowly coming back to life.

“Shizune.” I say to her, even though I know she won't hear. “Wake up.”

Almost as if my words had reached her--maybe she felt the vibrations of my voice--the girl in front of me slowly opens her eyes, blinking a few times. Noticing me in front of her, she begins to raise her glasses to her face, but I place my hand over hers, stopping her. Emotions play across her face for the briefest moment, a tiny flicker of irritation at my keeping her world out of focus, then a slight blush at the sensation of my hand on hers, followed by simple curiosity. She can't sign with properly with one hand tied up like this, so instead she stares back at me inquisitively.

“Hisao?” her eyes ask. “What is it?”

I continue to look into the piecing blue gaze before me, relishing the opportunity to see her without her glasses, something that's only happened a few times before. I needed this. I needed to know that she would wake up, and everything would be just like before. I don't even care that I had had a heart attack in my dream, what haunted me all morning long was the look in Shizune's eyes as everything had begun to fade away. That mixture of despair, hurt, and self hatred, knowing that she couldn't save me.

I never, ever want to see her eyes like that. I stare intently at the girl in front of me, who gazes back. There isn't a single shred of pain in those deep, dark blue eyes. She's fine, she's safe. I am too, but I don't care about that as much as I maybe should.

I lift my hand, allowing her to return her glasses to her face, and she does so. Shizune peers at me in the morning light, still looking more questioning than annoyed.

[Are you okay?] She signs.

[Are you?] I half smirk, gesturing to the papers messily strewn around her. Shizune waves her hand dismissively.

[Just a few annoying forms that needed to get done before we hand things off to our 'replacements'.] She signs the last word with a strange emphasis, and I detect a note of sarcasm.

Whether she was up all night doing the paperwork or got here particularly early this morning, she's still been working very hard to make sure the transition of power is a smooth one. I almost wonder if she's even trying to hold on to the last of the busywork, if she thinks having nothing to do wouldn't be admitting defeat, nor would it be achieving victory it would mean that her time here is over. That our time together here, me, Shizune and Misha, is over.

I don't want that to be true yet either. [Are you worried?] I ask. Shizune stares at me curiously.

[About what?]

I shrug. [About the future.]

[Why would I worry?] She smiles, and I find myself leaning forward again. Her fire has fully reignited, and I'd like to catch some of her warmth.

[Next year's student council seem like they're up to the job. And even if they aren't, they'll be beyond my help by that point anyway.] She reaches up to adjust her glasses, a haughty expression on her face, and then looks at me again.

[Besides, something as little as graduation isn't enough to stop us. Not the three of us, and not...] She finishes the last sign slowly and then drops her hands. I'm not sure if she's hesitating because she's uncertain or embarrassed, or because this is my cue. I jump in either way.

[Not the two of us?] I sign. Shizune's bright, analytical gaze takes me in for a moment, and then her smile returns redoubled.

[That too.] She replies.

I push off the desk and stand up, glancing out the window before returning my attention to the--almost former--student council president. [Come on,] I say. [We still have some time before class starts. Let's get some breakfast.]

[Fine, just let me--] She has to halt her signing to begin shuffling the papers on her desk into some semblance of order, and when she looks back, she comes to a dead stop.

[What?] She stares at my outstretched hand for a moment, then looks up at me. But I just motion for her to take my hand in hers, smiling firmly.

[Why would I do that? How would we talk to anyone on the way?]

[Who cares?] She's beginning to blush a little, and it's too early in the morning for anything so cute. [It's almost graduation, do we really have anything left to say to them?]

Shizune frowns. [There are rules against public displays of affection, you know.]

[You're going to lecture me about things like that? In here?] I look around the student council room. Over there is the desk where, not too long ago, we were...

[Fine, fine.] Shizune stands up, I can tell she catches my meaning from the grin that spreads across her face.

[Let's go.] I extend my hand again, and this time, she closes the gap between us in two large steps and slips her hand into mine. She begins to pull me towards the door, but I speed up to fall into pace beside her. Shizune glances at me for a moment approvingly, before returning her attention to the task of navigating the two of us as a single, joined unit through the hallways. She seems willing to slow her usual long, determined strides. Maybe she's still waking up, or maybe she's trying to take the time to enjoy this moment we have together. I know which option I'm rooting for.

We continue holding hands even as we reach the cafeteria, ignoring any looks we might get. There really isn't anything left to say to any of the people watching, but the same isn't quite true for the two of us. That's okay though, for now, the sensation of her hand in mine says more than enough.





“Open Your Eyes” is a song by Snow Patrol.