There are like, 40 different acceptable religions.

I am looking for a deity
I need one by tonight,
Any false prophets
Need not apply.

A timely end
Well within sight
A doctor's warning
before my final light.

I paw through the pamphlets
All promising eternal life
I cut through them all equally
My eyes are a knife.

I leave no lasting impression
I have done nothing with my life
I am ready to leave
I won't put up a fight.

At last I find my guide
It's title and words fading
I have found my savior
Hail Satan.