Birdman Two: Electric Boogaloo

The setting is the trash-strewn courtyard of a crappy apartment complex. It's 2pm. Wilted plants surround a dirty pool. Our hero, I Hate Niggers Man, reclines in a lawn chair staring at nothing, unkempt and balding wearing dirty blue pajamas. His sandwich board is on the ground, we can see the words "I Hate Niggers" painted on it.



IHNM's old italian neighbor shakes his arm: You can't just sit there. Bad Man (still working on a name this is just a placeholder)  is destroying the city. I think? He blew up the post office. Couple of smart cars. He's off today though, I dunno what it is. His heart just isn't in it.

Wordlessly, IHNM gets up and leaves the courtyard. We cut to him riding his bike in a lazy S pattern down the street, his sandwich board lashed to his back with a couple of bungie cords. The citizens boo and hurl garbage as he passes. zoom in on the face of a homeless person as they shout, "We hate you I Hate Niggers Man! Even those on the bottom rung of society resent your existence!"

IHNM shows no reaction to any of this. We come upon Bad Man, he's wearing a hollowed out pumpkin on his head. We can clearly see his eyes. his voice is muffled by the pumpkin, he's  whipping CDs into an intersection. They explode on the windshields of passing cars.

IHNM: why did we leave Super Hero Town anyway? This place is hell. Everyone hates us.

Bad man: we wanted to be heroes. you should stop wearing that sandwich board.

Bad man: you know Letterman quit late night?

IHNM: no shit (quizzically). (IHNM glances at the smoldering husk of the post office) why the post office?

Bad Man: Some high-strung letter carrier was gonna do it eventually. Reaganomics destroyed their salaries. Why did we elect an actor?

IHNM: Not everything you read on infowars is true.

IHNM: I just don't care anymore man.

Bad Man: You should go home. Stare up at the sky. See a matinee.

Bad Man runs out of CDs and stops throwing them. They both just sit there for a few beats.

We cut to IHNM getting off a Greyhound bus in Super Hero Town. The elderly black baggage man hauls his sandwichboard out of the luggage compartment.

IHNM removes a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket with an address written on it, along with an old careworn photo of a young redhaired woman.

We cut to IHNM walking down the sidewalk of a darkened suburban street looking in on the houses, the glowing TVs and families sitting down to dinner. He stops at one and stares in the window. He sees Molly getting fucked doggy style through a small gap in the curtains. He knocks on the door. Molly answers, hair askew and breathing hard. They both ignore the fact he heard them fucking.

Molly: Holy shit. Wow. Come in

IHNM looks around their house at the usual domestic shit, furniture etc. IHNM introduces himself to her fiance.

They're sitting down at the kitchen table now. There's a large bowl of saltines and clear plastic glasses of orange soda. Molly's fiance is playing video games on the sofa. They bullshit about some random shit. This is the crux of their exchange:

Molly: So what did you do when you left?

IHNM: I traveled. Found a city that needed a hero.

There's a long pause.

Molly: Wanna know what I did?

IHNM: I can guess (slight edge to this)

Molly: Don't act like that. Don't act like that.

IHNM: What do you see in that guy? He's not even a super hero.

Molly: He has a career. He's in the army. He's not still trying to live out a childhood fantasy at the expense of everyone else in his life.

IHNM: The military? That's just being shunted around from one institution to another. At least I took a fucking risk.

Molly: What risk? You knew you'd fail. You knew you'd fuck it up and you could mourn your super hero dream for the rest of your life and blame it on bad luck or the economy or your fucking childhood. You wanted to fail.

IHNM: And why the hell would I want that?

Molly: It's easier than admitting you're not special.

IHNM: I am special. I'm a fucking hero. See the cape?

Molly: You're not special, you're a middle-aged failure just like me, so don't come in here and act like you're better than anybody.

IHNM: I don't. I don't wanna fight. Hey Dave, you shoot guns in the army?

Dave: Yeah

IHNM: Can you shoot me with a gun? You've done that before right?

Dave: Sure. (Dave grabs an M4 off the wall, cocks it, walks into the dining room and points it at IHNM)

Molly: (stands up and gently lowers the rifle) No dear. He wouldn't die anyway. Our guest was just leaving.

IHNM stands up and leaves. Molly follows him.