The Pie Lord

 

Egypt- in the ancient times of whatever year.

 

> Ace: "Where is everyone?"

 

> 7: "Asleep, Ace. There's only a few hours to sleep when you're working on the pyramids, you know. So let's not wake them," said a Scottish short man.

 

>They walked to a pyramid.

 

Doctor: "This building will do."

 

Ace: Doesn't look special. Just a pyramid."

 

> Ace looked bored as the Doctor began making inscriptions in the sand. (Drawing noises here)

 

 She yawned.

 

>The Doctor. "I'm sorry if this bores you. But this is something I have to do."

 

>Ace folded her arms. 'You could at least explain why you're drawing crayon drawings in the sand, Professor."

 

>"It will become clear soon. You young people are never patient," he said. He drew one final circle, and then said, "Ah, that should do the trick."

 

>Soon, heat began emanating from the air above the inscription. Wind began swirling to the wall of the pyramid in front of them, and Ace had to cover her eyes. The Doctor appeared unaffected.

 

>Then Ace saw something remarkable".

 

 

>The Doctor: Whoohhghhhooo.

 

Doctor: "This is going to be a big one, Ace! I can feel it!"

 

>The tiny man grunted and bit his lip as his young companion lit up in delight. The inscriptions behind him glowing ever brighter.

 

>The Doctor: "HAHAHAGAGA".

 

 

>Ace: "What the hell, Doctor?" .

 

A loud crack goes through the air

 

>The Doctor: "Sorry. Temporary alternate timeline leakage. Perhaps I should have written better inscriptions."

 

>Then, a door emerged in the side of the pyramid.

 

Doctor: Time for us to meet...The Pie Lord.

 

 

 

>As the two approached the door, Ace was suddenly stricken with panic and fear.

 

 

>The Doctor motioned for Ace to come with him into the door.

 

Ace: "Doctor?

 

Doctor: Yes, Ace?

 

Ace: "In what alternate timeline are you without pants?"

 

 

>The Doctor stayed silent, having realized that quite a few alternate universe had a preoccupation with defecatory matters. After the universe righted itself, he said "You must only do what I say when while we're in here. Understand, Ace."

 

The Doctor: "Errrr?"

 

>The very next moment a man emerged from the shadows. He was rather large and has score white hair. Also naked.

 

Ace: Who the bloody hell are you?

>Tom Baker : "Hello, there!"

 

>" The Doctor said, puzzled: And just who might you be?"

 

>Tom Baker: "My name is Tom Baker and you've just entered my dream den. Please do follow me and mind the shit smeared on the walls." He let out a laugh and marched on.

 

>The Doctor and Ace followed.

 

 

>The Doctor and Ace walked down a long stone corridor. Ace could see light at the end.

 

>The Doctor said: "Oh, and just go along with whatever I say,". "Even if it seems wrong."

 

 

Doctor (pointing to Ace): This is the Doctor,"

 

Ace: No, I'm fuckin not--

Doctor: Yes, she is. And I'm her companion, Ace.

 

Tom: "Nice to meet you," said Tom, as

Tom starts licking the walls.(licking sound effect here)

 

Tom: "Come along. We've been waiting for you."

 

Doctor: "Don't worry, I think it's actually chocolate, and he's just crazy,"

 

Ace said "I've very sure he's crazy."

 

Tom: No. I mean, I am crazy, but it's actually shit.

 

"Remember, 'Doctor'. Play along," said the Doctor.

 

 

> Tom led them to a room with 2 other people in chairs. Inscriptions covered the walls, and dazzling murals covered the ceiling.

 

>Tom pointed to Ace, "This is the Doctor."

 

"Yes...I am," said Ace. She looked at the actual Doctor for a lifeline. He kept staring at the floor.

 

>Pie Lord: "This pie is so scrumptious...Hello, Doctor. Which regeneration are you in? Last time we met, you had on that big scarf?"

 

>Ace thought quickly "I lose track nowadays. Who the hell are you?"

 

The Pacifist: Ahh, that man is the Pie Lord. My name is the Pacifist, and I am an immigrant from Galli--"

 

Tom Baker: Shut The Fuck Up. No one cares. Now, Doctor, please sit down."

 

Ace sits down.

 

Ace: "This chair's rather comfy."

 

Doctor: "Where am I going to sit?"

 

Tom Baker: "I don'T know. The floor looks okay. Be careful, I think I peed somewhere on there."

 

Doctor: I think I'll stand.

 

 

Pie Lord: Enough words, now for business, Doctor. We are here to finalize the treaty that will keep us from invading Earth.

 

Ace: "Er, yes. Of course. We should do that."

 

Doctor: "Any objections?"

 

Tom Baker: "I want a million dollars. And a gold leapoard statue."

 

Pie Lord: "And I want a thousand pies shipped daily."

 

Ace; "A thousand pies? Seems bad for your waist."

 

Pie Lords: Did I ask for your diagnosis? I SAID I WANT MY DAMN PIES, GIMME THE PIE FOODSTUFFS OR I'LL TURN YOUR EARTH INTO A DIAGNOSIS !

 

Doctor: I'm sure we can arrange something. Right, Doctor?

 

Ace: Of course, Ace. What do the rest of you want?"

 

The Pacifist: I want no more wars--

 

Tom Baker: I said shut the fuck up!

 

(gnawing sounds)

 

Ace: What are you doing?

 

Tom Baker: Eating my chair. It's good for nutrition.

 

Ace: In that case, are we ready to sign the treaty?

 

Pie Lord: Wait, does Earth have pumpkin donuts?

 

Doctor (alarmed): No, it doesn't--

 

Ace: Yeah, it does. My American friends ate one at Dunkin Donuts.

 

Pie Lords: Oh, in that case, fuck treaties. I love pumpkin donuts. We're invading Earth as of NOW!

 

Ace suddenly shouts.

 

Ace: What the fuck? I can't leave my chair!

 

Pacifist: Magnetic clamps, my dear.

 

Tom Baker (pulls out knife): As for you, "Ace", stay right where you are.

 

Doctor: You're naked. Where did you get that knife--oh I don't even want to know.

 

Pie Lords: Get ready, boys. ALL THE PIES IN THE WORLD SHALL BE OURS!!!