Shanghaid- Happy #3,000, /ksg/

Hanako's closeness takes me completely by surprise as she draws near to my face. I can see out of the corner of my eye people starting to notice us, shoppers on their errands, locals and even a couple students from school walking down the road. I would be worried about them spreading rumors, but I guess that's beyond helping now. Even so, I don't give it much of a thought considering that Hanako is so close I can smell her perfume and feel her tiny whispers of breath on my lips.

My eyes close instinctively as I feel her draw near, waiting for the inevitable contact of her soft lips on mine. I won't lie, I'm surprised by her move but I can already feel my heart thump away in eager anticipation.

I hold and wait for the moment of contact between us, but it's slow to come. I hesitate, expectation making me anxious, but nothing happens. I don't dare open my eyes, but I wonder what she is waiting for. I must look really stupid standing here with my face all puckered. Did she lose her nerve at the last second?

Just as I cant stand it any more, I let my eye open slightly, just one to see what is happening.

My eyes open in sudden alarm and surprise.

Hanako is gone, where I once felt her hands on my side there's nothing, not even the warmth left by her curling fingers gripping my sleeve. The smell of her hair and the sensation of her breath on my face have passed and I find myself standing all alone in the middle of the road.

Panic overtakes me as I look to the people to learn where she went. Did she run away from me again? Did she panic and leave me alone in the middle of the road? A sick, mean little voice in my head warns me that this was all a joke at my expense.

The beginning of my heartbreak stops dead in it's tracks when I see that the tiny gaggle of onlookers have also vanished, gone from the storefronts and sidewalk, leaving me utterly alone in the middle of town, empty storefronts staring back at me with dark windows.

The wind blows down the street and I hear nothing; no voices, no honks of cars, not the sound of footsteps on gravel anywhere. I suddenly find myself utterly alone without another soul in sight. Am I dreaming? Is this something to do with my medication?

Am I dead?

A tiny, nearly imperceptible click sounds to my ears like a horn blazing in the background. I spin around to see a small cafe with a black metal fence around it, a few scattered chairs and tables within, each with an umbrella to offer shade to the occupants. Only one person is seated in the space, though, a lone customer sipping at a cup of steaming tea that curls around his face before he sighs pleasantly at the taste and aroma before setting his cup back down.

The young man looks up at me, smiling enigmatically. “Time is fluid here,' he says calmly.

At first I'm stricken by the strangeness of the situation and it isn't until I've had a moment to process what's happening that I realize how familiar the boy is, sitting there, drinking his tea in an oddly comforting manner that reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on.

The person is me.

It's me, sitting at the table, drinking tea, wearing my favorite vest, wearing that grin that people tell me is goofy, with that strand of hair sticking up that I can't keep down no matter how hard I try.

I'm looking at myself smiling back at me.

I make some noises, panicked, strained groans at my alarm. My hand goes to my chest, my heart speeding up, my breath in panicked gasps. He, I, just keeps looking at me mildly, patiently giving me time to adjust.

“Don't worry,” he, I, says. “You're not having a heart attack. It's just a little panic, that's all. Breath slowly, you'll be all right in a second. Happens every time.“

True to his word, I start to calm down, but it doesn't do anything to help my confusion about the situation. Breathing becomes easier and panic is replaced by anger. “What... what the hell is going on?”

He tuts in a disapproving tone, again, his mannerisms being strangely familiar, like I've seen someone do the exact same thing before. “Calm down, there's no need to be angry. Why don't you join me while you collect yourself? You prefer coffee to tea still, right?“ He gestures to another cup across from him and I can see the steam rising from the black surface.

I'm hesitant at first, but I make my way over to him slowly, as if I was just playing a part laid out for me and my legs were made of lead. Sitting down cautiously, never taking my eyes off of the other me, I take the cup and sniff it for anything suspicious. He watches me with an amused look as I take a slow, tentative sip.

“Is it all right? It has the usual amount of creamer and sugar we like.“

I'm disturbed by his use of the collective term, but the coffee is precisely the way I enjoy it though I feel like I should disapprove of it's taste based solely on principle.

We sit in silence for a few minutes while he keeps drinking and I watch his every move. Looking for a flaw in his appearance. I still don't know what is happening or who this person is, if he really is me, but I keep thinking back to a few moments ago when everything was normal. Hanako was there, right in front of me and now she's gone. Never mind I was about to be kissed by her, that alone being reason enough for my frustration at the interruption. Now she's gone, replaced by this... person, who looks exactly like me. Where is she? What happened? Does this other me know where she went?

“Hanako is all right, you'll see her again soon.”

I'm caught off guard by his intrusion into my thoughts. Irrationally, I think back to Kenji's accusation that I was a psychic spy my first week at Yamaku, but I try and dismiss that out of mind. Then again, reading my mind wouldn't be all that odd considering his likeness to me. If he is me, does he know what I'm thinking? Can I know what he is thinking at the same time he is thinking it?
I abandon that train of thought before I start ranting like my hall mate.

I want to be angry at him, it would make sense if I was, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to feel hate. I know when I look at him something is wrong, but deep inside I don't feel any sort of fear or animosity towards the other me. Truth is, sitting here, drinking tea, I actually feel rather calm, far calmer than I think I should be. Again, I'm struck by how familiar this setting is, two people drinking together in a comfortable silence. I'm getting an intense feeling of deja-vu, like I've been here before.

“How did you know I was thinking about Hanako?” I ask hesitantly.

He grins over his teacup, not bothering to look at me, as if he already knew I was going to ask the question. “It's what we always think about first whenever we arrive here. 'Where is she'? It's the only appropriate thing for us to do, really. The instant we leave her, we want to know how to find her again. It's kind of sad, but in a comforting way.“

He puts his teacup down and looks at me seriously. “There's a few things I have to tell you first. Yes, Hanako is fine and you'll see her again, but how soon is entirely up to you. You'll go back to her when you're ready.“

“I'm ready now.”

“No, you're not,” he says, shaking his finger once at me. “Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. The time you spend here will be up to you. Think of it as a waiting room until you've processed everything that just happened. Once you've got your head straightened and your purpose here is done, you'll know it's your time to leave and return to her. So don't worry about it right now and just take it easy. Secondly, this may be hard to accept, but I really am you, just a different version of you. We're identical except for a few little changes in personality and choices we made along the way.“

“That's hard for me to accept.”

“I know, but you'll eventually get used to it. I did. Again, it will take time, but you'll come to terms with it when you're ready.“

I eye him suspiciously, but again, I can't bring myself to hate him. Everything he says rings with an honesty I can't deny. Maybe it's because it's my own voice speaking to me, a strange and unsettling idea in itself, but I don't feel a natural knee jerk reaction to accuse him of lying like I expect I would, almost as if I want to trust him.

Or rather, I want to trust myself.

“So you really are me? This isn't some dream or something because of my heart?“
“That's right. I'm the you that took another path, made a different series of choices. To be honest though, you and I are pretty much identical except for one major difference.“
“What's that?“

He smiles. “You didn't go to town.”

I'm stuck for a while about what he means by that. “You mean with Hanako? After Lilly left for Scotland?“
“No, no, earlier than that. Remember? You were in class, wondering what to do, Hanako had just left and you wondered about if you should go to the library or head into town?“

I search my memory for what he's talking about, but I can't seem to remember exactly when that was.

“It was on Saturday, June 9th after classes were over for the day, our first week at Yamaku,“ he suggests helpfully. ”We've talked about this before, we've got it pretty nailed down when everything happens, though sometimes the memory is foggy and our dates don't match up.“
“You keep saying 'we'. Have we had this conversation before?“
He hides his laugh by finishing his cup and pouring himself another from a nearby pot. “In a manner of speaking, yes. Just trust me on this, you made a choice and that's when you and I became separate people. I made a different choice and I become someone that you are not.“
“Then who are you?”
“I'm you.”
I scowl enough that I hope he gets the hint. “You're not making any sense.”
He just grins back at me. “I know. I thought the same thing when this happened to me the first time.”

Him smiling all the while and this teasing is getting on my nerves, but again, it seems very familiar, like I've met him, or someone very much like him before. “Just please tell me what's going on here; where is Hanako? Who are you? Why am I here?“

“I already answered some of those earlier,” he sighs, setting his cup down. “The problem isn't me, it's you. Your kind always has a hard time listening and picking up on clues.“

“'My kind?' What's that supposed to mean?”

“We may be the same, but we are very different people. We are the sum of the choices we make and those choices tend to belong to certain types of personalities. The differences between you and I is more about our experiences and  how we react to them than who we are as people.“

I don't know why, but I think he's insulting me in a subtle way, or at least reprimanding me for something I did. “So what's so different about you and me, huh?”

“Well,” he says, setting his cup on it's saucer. “I know how to take a hint when a girl likes me.”

I can feel my cheeks turn red which makes him grin.

“Granted, I had to have it shoved in my face before I did anything about it, so we aren't that different to be honest. She beat me to the punch. I was also slow on picking up the signs. Still, I think my experience was slightly more pleasant that yours was.“

“What are you talking about?”

He gives me an apathetic look with an accusing glare. “Really? You practically threw yourself onto her. You couldn't have thought of something better than that? Try a present next time or at least being honest about your feelings for her.“

I stand up fast, nearly knocking my chair over. “That isn't what happened! You take that back!”

He puts his hands up in surrender. “Sorry. Sorry, that was uncalled for. I apologize. I shouldn't have said it that way.”

I give it a few more moments before he asks me to sit again, so I do, throwing myself in the chair. I feel surprisingly furious over his words, but I do feel guilty about them because I know in my heart that there is some truth to what he is saying. Coming from my other self, they're especially damning and hurtful. I didn't mean for what happened to take place, but I still know it's my fault that things went so far between me and Hanako in such a poor way. I keep thinking of ways to make it up to her, but I can't do that until I find her, so I have no choice but to stew in my self-disgust.

“I shouldn't have said that,” he apologizes again. “Sometimes I forget that not all of us had it as easy as I did. My path was pretty clear in front of me, you had things more... difficult. Not much time to it, either.“

I nod slowly, not meeting his eyes. “It's... fine. I regret that it happened the way it did. I should have been more careful. I spent so much time worrying about how Hanako and I felt about each other, when the moment came I... got ahead of myself.“

“From what I understand, she knew what she was doing and it isn't like it wasn't entirely unexpected from her perspective. Try not to think of her as totally innocent in the whole ordeal, that's just another way of looking down on her. She knew what she wanted, you both just went about it the wrong way. When you get back to her, you'll work things out and it'll be fine between the two of you, trust me. These things have a way of working themselves out if you just talk about it. Talking is important. So is being honest.“

I nod, taking his words to heart. I still feel guilty, but it's nice to hear someone, even myself, reassuring me about the situation. I have no doubts now about how I feel about Hanako and how she feels about me, now I just want the chance to make it up to her and do the things with her I should have been doing this whole time instead of doubting her and walking on eggshells around our feelings.

“Thank you,” I tell him, grateful for his advice.

He nods and drinks his tea. “It's all right. Still, I don't envy you. It's going to be an awkward conversation when Lilly gets back from Scotland and you tell her.“ He sighs, a little wistfully. ”Maybe if she had never left, none of it would have happened. Then again, if she hadn't gone, you and Hanako may not have ended up together at all.“

Sudden realization hits me and I know why so much about this situation seems familiar. “Wait a minute, that's it!” I say, hitting on a clue. “That's why you're so familiar. You remind me of Lilly!“

He looks up at me with a surprised look and I swear it's a mirror for how Lilly looks when she is surprised, except the subtle lack of emoting around the eyes, though. “Really? Do you think so?”
“You even talk like her and sitting here together, it's like I was talking to her. Why is that?“

He smiles again, drumming his fingers against the teacup in a nervous motion. “Well, I guess there's no reason to hide it since you figured it out yourself. That doesn't happen too often, to be honest. Do you remember when I said you and I were different in only a couple ways? How you didn't go to town? Well, I did go to town.“
“I don't understand.”
“What do you remember about that day? The Saturday before the festival?“

I again search my memory and it's only thanks to his reminders I can recall much at all. “I went to the library to read. I thought Hanako was there and I thought she might have wanted some company. I asked her about the festival but she didn't really want to talk about that, so we hung out and talked about books and stuff.“

“Well, I made a different choice. In one world you went to the library. You see, the night before, Lilly had said that she was going into town for an errand. I thought it would be nice to catch up with her and take a walk, that it would be good for my heart and to get used to the town, to know where everything was. So in my universe, I took a walk and stopped for a rest,“ at this he gestures to the nearby park where Hanako and I had been just a little while ago, “and then I found the Shanghai. Lilly was there with Akira and I joined them. I ended up spending the rest of the day with Lilly and walked back to Yamaku with her.“

“That never happened,” I say.
“In my universe it did.”

He laughs, his eyes looking like he was remembering a far off place. “She bought me a coffee to guilt me into sticking around. I think she just wanted the company and to have someone there for when she walked back up the hill. I didn't mind of course. Not at all.“

I catch that look in his eyes and it's unmistakable. I saw that look back at my old school when my friends talked about their latest crush and I bet it's the look I had whenever I looked at Iwanako from across the classroom.

He was in love.

“You... you're in love with Lilly?”
He looks at me, surprised. “Well, of course.”
“But... what about... how can you?”

He grins at me like an inside joke. “We're different people, remember. We are the sum of the choices we made. I ended up falling in love with Lilly, you fell in love with Hanako. That's who we are.“

“Yeah, but... Hanako and Lilly are friends. Best friends.“
“Sometimes a choice that changes our lives is razor thin.“

I have to sit back and collect this for a moment. I'm surprised, but not alarmingly so. I really like Lilly as well and I can see why this other me would feel about her the way he does, but it's still a little odd. It's like learning that you were supposed to be hit by a bus while crossing the street but you weren't, that you dodged a bullet. I don't think of a relationship with Lilly as a bad thing at all, but it makes me uncomfortable only because it would mean that I didn't fall in love with Hanako. If I ended up with Lilly, what would happen to her? Would she feel cast out of our friendship, like Lilly and I didn't want her around? Then again, if I ended up with Lilly, what happened between me and Hanako would never have taken place. In some ways, maybe that would have been better than what happened at all.

“Hey!” my other says, dragging me out of my thoughts. “I know that look. Don't you dare think that. Don't doubt that you and Hanako are lucky to have each other, okay? Things may not have been storybook romantic for you, but the two of you are better off together than apart. Hanako is a wonderful girl. If you think what happened between you two was wrong, then you can make up for that by being there for her and treating her properly from now on. You know she's a lot stronger now than you thought she was, so respect her like that from now on and you two will do fine.“

“You seem pretty adamant on making sure Hanako and I are together.“
“Well, what can I say? I care dearly for Hanako, just not in the way you do. I want to make sure she is happy. If you ended up hurting her, I'd have to hurt you.“

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I don't need a lecture, I get the point. So you ended up with Lilly. How did that happen, though?“

He hesitates and takes a long, stalling sip from his teacup.

“Well?”
“I... don't think that's a good idea to talk about.”
“That's not fair. You seem to know all about me and Hanako, why can't you tell me about you and Lilly?“
“A gentlemen never tells.”
I make a rude sound. “It can't possibly be worse than what happened to me. Come on, what was it? Was it after the festival? Was it before or after Hanako's birthday party?“
“No, no, it wasn't. The thing is, you and Hanako got together before Lilly and I did. My relationship with Lilly takes place in your future, so it's probably not a good idea for me to tell you how things happened between us. I'm not sure how everything works, but telling you about your possible future can't be a good thing. We might break a dimension of space and time if we did that.“

“Mutou would be furious at us.”

 He smirks. “I bet he'd have a few things to say about all of this. Really though, just knowing you could have ended up with Lilly will make it weird enough, imagine what it will be like if you'll be worried all the time that she has feelings for you while you're dating Hanako. Or imagine if you spend the next several months constantly watching her because you're trying to avoid all the things that attracted us to her in the first place?“

He sets his cup down suddenly as if remembering something and points an accusing finger at me. “By the way! Stop looking down Lilly's shirt!“

I gulp and feel my cheeks turn red. “It... was just that one time.”
“That's one time too many. What do you think she would say if she learned that?“
“She'd probably tease me over it and say she was flattered.”

The other me stops dead in his tracks. “Yeah, she would, wouldn't she? That's beside the point. It's still impolite and think of how it would make Hanako feel if she saw you doing it. You're not a bad guy, you're just so dense it makes you look like a jerk.“
“Thanks.”
“I'm here to help.”

“Yeah, well how do you know Lilly doesn't have feelings for me already, did you think of that?“

He shakes his head, setting his empty teacup aside again. “Not likely. Remember, Lilly had been trying pretty hard to get you and Hanako to spend more time together, even when the three of you and Akira went to the pool hall. She admitted that she had been manipulating you over the phone when you trusted her thoughts on Hanako more than your own. She wanted to fix you two up, I'm sure of that.“

“So when did it all change? When did Lilly start liking you? Us, I mean. Well, you, at least.“

He thinks for some time, again, looking off as if remember something long ago. “I guess... maybe the shopping trip or soon after. Right around Hanako's birthday, possibly. I was taken by surprise by her confession even though I had resolved to tell her how I was feeling about her.“

“Shopping trip? So you still went shopping together for Hanako's birthday?“
“Yes, but the events were different. I spent more time with Lilly. I also bought her a gift as well.“
“You bought a girl a present while shopping for another girl's birthday? That doesn't sound shallow to you?“
“I didn't buy it specifically for Lilly, it just attracted my attention and I bought it. Besides, it worked, didn't it? Don't judge my methods.“
“You judged mine.”
“Your methods could land us in jail.”
“Well, I bought Hanako a gift too.”
“Yeah, the chess board. That was really nice.”
“Yeah, for her birthday, but I also got her something else.“
“Oh?”
“Yeah, a little cell phone decoration. It was really cute.“
“Girls are into cute things, after all.”
“What did you buy Lilly?”
He sighs wistfully. “An antique music box.”
I whistle. “No wonder she ended up dating you. We're good at this.”

We both have a little chuckle. I find myself beginning to enjoy the conversation with myself. It's been so long since I've spent any time with someone other than Hanako or Lilly, it reminds me of hanging out with friends at my old school, all the inside jokes, all the stories we used to tell. It's been so long since I got the chance to hang out with another guy, it's nice to have the chance to talk about girls in such a strangely normal way. Lord knows I never had a conversation like this with Kenji, the fact that it's with a different version of me doesn't seem to bother me in the slightest anymore.

The other me stands and stretches out. “Well, I'm out of tea, so it's time for us to go.”
I realize my coffee has been empty for some time now and I stand to join him. “Go? Go where?”

He grins at me knowingly. “I'll introduce you to the others.”

----------------------------------------

The other me leads me through town, walking down empty streets devoid of any sign of habitation. There's no one and nothing in the city so far except the two of us and it makes the little village around Yamaku feel like a ghost town. “Are we alone here?”

He shrugs, hands in his pockets as he walks at a casually slow pace. I find myself having to slow down for him at times since I have no idea where we are going and he is taking his time to get there. He walks at a much more relaxed and slow pace than I'm used to. “Technically, no, but I'll explain that better by showing you. Right now, you can be satisfied knowing that, other than us, no one is out on the street at the moment and you won't be seeing anyone else either. The whole town is empty, none of the people are here or up at Yamaku. I'll explain more, but again, it's simpler if you see it for yourself.“

I'm annoyed by his enigmatic speech, but I accept it. Again, I instinctively trust him on the subject and follow him dutifully.

Soon enough we find ourselves in front of a familiar store front, the Shanghai. The tiny building is a comforting sight in such unfamiliar territory and my double seems to be just as pleased to see it. The thing that alarms me, though, is that I can hear what sounds like a small crowd inside. The place must be packed, which it never was whenever I went there.  With the streets abandoned, it disturbs me to think who could be inside.

My double opens the door for me with a smile and I walk through.

The sight before me puts me into a full stop.

Inside the Shanghai there is a riot of activity, almost every booth and table filled to max occupancy. Chatter and conversation fills the air, banter and shouting making my ears ring, drowning out the tiny bell above the door which heralded my entrance. As I look out at the crowd, I see my face copied over a dozen or more times, the whole restaurant filled with other versions of me, all of them identical except for some who wear my old soccer uniform or are dressed in the school uniform, some slightly more built or scrawny than I am. They're sitting at tables, eating food, drinking tea, talking to one another or sharing laughs with utter abandon, like a party made for one person.

The other me steps up and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Welcome to the Shanghaiverse, Hisao.”

I'm left speechless. I have no reaction.

“You see,” my copy says to my silence, ”each one of us ended up with a different girl. Some of us ended up with the same girl and far as we can tell there's five or more groups of us that come here. Some of us have been around longer than others and each one seems to stick around for a period of time, but we're not sure how long that is. Whenever one of us leaves, a new one arrives at the exact same place and time just like you did. Some of us in the street with Hanako, some of us on a hillside near Yamaku or at the front gates. We keep to our little groups, but we're friendly enough with each other.“

I scan around the room, still amazed at the sight before me. At a nearby booth, a small group of me is huddled around a game board, every eye focused in concentration as they take in all the little pieces on a map of the world. At a table, a trio of my copies are all leaning back with pencils and drawing pads scattered on the surface, ignored by the others as they look out at the street and sky outside. At the same time, a dozen of me run past that same window in a gang, jogging at an easy pace in time with one another. Another table has a group sitting in quite conversation with cups of tea in front of them and nearby, a large collective is enjoying a huge stack of books that fills a booth to capacity. I feel absolutely out of my wits looking at the surreal scene before me and I'm left speechless and bewildered.

The other me, the one who greeted me when I first arrived in this crazy world, pats me on the back. “You'll get used to it. I promise.”

“How did... how did this happen?”

“We've talked it over a lot and the way we see it, the Shanghai exists as some sort of passageway between all of our worlds. When one of us reaches a certain point in our own timeline, we get deposited here for a while before being sent back to the point where we left. The reason why, we don't know. It might be some sort of accident or maybe we're meant to use it as a time out and reflect on what we just went through. Most of the time we just hang out together and share our experiences, though we do talk about other things and sometimes argue with each other. Still, it's pretty fun and a new person showing up, like you have, is always a reason to celebrate.“

Through the crowd, a figure pushes and shoves it's way through the riot, apologizing and begging forgiveness as it goes, balancing three plates on it's arms and a mug of coffee as well. If seeing so many versions of me feels strange, the only thing stranger than that would be to see someone who wasn't me in the middle of this mess.

“Yuuko?”

She pulls herself out of a bind between two of me and stands in front of us, gasping for air and looking terribly out of sorts, exhausted and frayed thin. “Sorry! Sorry! I heard the bell, but I couldn't get to you in time. Please, I'm sorry you were waiting for so long, it's my fault.“

“Yuuko, it's all right. We weren't bothered,” my other says to try and calm her down.

My mouth hangs open as I stare at Yuuko. She notices and gets flustered even more. “Um, I'm sorry? Is something wrong? Did I do something?“
“Yuuko, what are you doing here?”
She starts to visibly sweat. “I, uh, I work here?”

The copy me takes the dishes from her, assuring her it was all right even to her protests that she had to take care of them. “Yuuko, will you please bring our new guest to the head table? I'll bring these to the kitchen for you.“
“No, you shouldn't, it's all right. I can take care of them!“
“Nonsense. Go, please! It'll be all right.”

He vanishes into the crowd of me with all the plates stacked. Yuuko watches him go with a nervous sputtering before spinning back to me. “Sorry! I'm trying to keep everything straight and greeting new people is always so hard. I can't recognize anyone here, so I keep getting the orders mixed up and I forget who likes tea and who prefers coffee and the Hisao's around the game board keep asking for stuff we don't have on the menu and I'm really, really confused!“

“Yuuko, I, uh... what is going on? What are you doing here?“

She nervously fidgets for a while before answering. “Well, honestly, I don't know. I've always been here. I don't know how long ago it was, but you, I mean, one of you showed up and you sat down and ordered tea. Then the door rang and I went to see who it was and it was Hisao, so I thought he had left and come back inside. Then I saw there was two of you! I nearly passed out, but then more and more showed up and it's been this way for... oh, I don't even know anymore. I can't remember!“

“So... you're here? Is anyone else?”
“No, just me. And you. All of you.” She looks nervously around. “I think I see other people, but I can never remember. It's so confusing, I feel like I'm stuck here doing the same things over and over again.“ She shrugs and tries to grin at me, but it looks pained and distraught. “It's like my own personal Sisyphean task, I guess.” She suddenly shakes herself all over and then puts on a bright smile before bowing. “Welcome to the Shanghai. Please, follow me.”

Yuuko leads me through the crowd and I have no choice but to follow. Most of the Hisao's move out of our way, but some need to be pushed aside and asked to move. One passes us with a big stack of books and asks Yuuko when she'll be at the library again since they've read all of the books they have here. She mumbles something noncommittal before making her escape, me in tow. Most of the Hisaos ignore me, but some look up from what they are doing and give me little nods or waves of greeting. Some even look up from their books and smile at me like they knew who I was, but it all feels very odd and discomforting to me.

Eventually Yuuko leads me to a table where three Hisao's are sitting. I can't explain why, but these three seem more... important than the others, I guess. They don't meld into the background for some reason. Maybe it's because they are sitting in a small group or maybe because they seem so different from one another. One of them is resting his face in his hand, looking bored and distracted while the other two seem to be in an animated discussion with each other, debating or possibly arguing.

“I've got my whole career ahead of me! I'm clearly in a better position than anyone else.“
“Career? Just because you decided one day to become a teacher doesn't mean anything. You need to prepare for that sort of stuff, get some experience into you! I was the only one in a science club, I'm definitely better off.“
“Please, I was in the student council! I'm already a leader, I have plenty of experience!“
“Experience at being the president's whipping boy, if you ask me.“
“I told you to stop calling me that!”
“What are you going to do? Fight me? You wouldn't last three minutes with your heart.“ He pauses for comedic effect. ”Oh, wait! You forgot all about that didn't you!?“

The other Hisao looks like he's going to continue, but he spots me and Yuuko and quickly silences the conversation. He stands and spreads his arms wide in greeting towards me, speaking in a dramatic, overblown tone. “Welcome, newcomer! To the Council of Hisaos!”

The version of me looking bored glares up at him, now looking annoyed. “Do you have to say that every time?”
“I'm the president of the council, it's my job to greet newcomers.“
The bored one looks surprised. “I didn't vote for you.”
“I was assigned by my predecessor.”
“Doesn't that just mean you assigned yourself? And who assigned him?“
“His predecessor did.”
“Hail to the chief, I guess.”

The one who had been arguing with the 'President', who is wearing my old soccer uniform, ignores them and walks up to me with open arms, surprising me with a strong hug which I notice is careful not to squeeze my chest too much. “Welcome! I love new guys.” He gives me a warm pat and seems genuinely glad to see me. It's a little weird from my perspective, I've never been much of a hugging type and to see myself being so open and boisterous is a little weird.

He gives me a look up and down. “Fresh off the boat, huh? That's all right, you'll get used to it. You're the new Hanasao, right? Lucky you, you showed up in the street. Me? I arrived in bed, butt-ass naked. Try explaining that one to the greeting party.“

I stammer a bit to try and reply but he's caught me totally off guard. I don't even know what a Hansao is!

He looks back at the table and the other two Hisaos, pointing his thumb at me. “These guys! They're always so shy at first, I love them!“ He turns to Yuuko who has been silently trying to avoid attention through the whole exchange. “Yuuko, can we get something to celebrate the new guy? Cake for everyone, it's an off day.“

Yuuko looks panicked before fishing out a small piece of crumpled paper and writing down on it with as pencil stub.

“Can I get a coffee?”
“Coffee for me, too,” the other Hisao says.
“Get a tea for the stick in the mud, too, he'll like that. I'll have some water.“

Yuuko concentrates hard enough to make her forehead wrinkle as she writes the rapid orders down.

“What time is it? Is it dinner? I'm hungry.”
“Yeah, we should order dinner right now, save us the time later. I want a turkey sandwich!“
Yuuko mumbles a bit.
“I'll just have cake,” the Hisao who brought up dinner says.
“You can't eat cake for dinner! That's unhealthy!”
The me at the table looking bored shrugs as if he doesn't care.
“I'd expect that attitude from a smoker,” Hisao with his arm on my shoulder says, giving me a grin. “What do you want?”

I stumble for a bit. “I'm not really hungry.”
“Suit yourself. Yuuko! Bring some ice cream with the cake too!“
“Coffee flavored.”
“Plain!”
“I want chocolate. Bring vanilla for the house mom.”

Yuuko groans before spinning around and darting away into the crowd of Hisao's bumping into one of them who apologizes profusely before joining us. “Hey, guys. I see the new guy got here safely.”

The soccer uniform Hisao, who still has an arm around me, greets him. “Hey, Mom!” he says jokingly. “We were just talking about you.”

He seems amused by the nickname. “Were you? I hope it was something good.” He gives me a warm nod. “How are you handling things so far?”

I stare back and forth between all these faces, all of them, mine, lost in a blur of confusion. “I'm sorry, I'm trying to catch up. I don't know... are you the guy... I mean, are you the one I met before? The one I had tea with?“

The new arrival laughs lightly. “That's all right, the new guys always take a while to get used to this. Yeah, it's me. Eventually you'll be able to tell the difference, but until then....“

He takes from his pocket a few sheets of paper and a pen and starts peeling off those little sticky name tags things people wear on their chests.

The Hisao, the apathetic one, makes a rude sound. “I hate the name tags.”
“It's for our guest's convenience, bear with it for a while.“
“They're stupid names.”
“We all voted on them!”

Everyone sticks a name on their chest and I finally start to see through the haze of confusion.

The Hisao I first met marks himself as Lisao, the one who acts like president is Shisao, the bored one is Risao and the friendly one in the soccer uniform is Emisao.

Wait a minute, those names....

Lisao sticks a name to my chest carefully. I read it and it says, 'Hansao'.

“Wait a minute, these names. Are you guys all...?”

Lisao smiles and seats me in a chair before joining the four of us. “Like I said, we all ended up with a different girl. Different universes.“

Each of them raise a hand like a roll call and say one of the girls name like it was their country of origin.

I roll my eyes. “That's a stupid thing to call yourselves.”
“You figure out how to differentiate between all of us then.”

I look around the table and try to notice the subtle differences between each of them, us, and see how they could have ended up that way spending time with the different people I've met since I first came to Yamaku.

I point to Lisao. “So you dated Lilly?”
He nods in confirmation.

“Okay, that I can understand.” I turn towards the others. “You guys? I have a harder time believing that.”

Shisao looks offended while Emisao finds it funny. Risao just shrugs again before saying, “I'm as surprised as you are, to be honest.”

“How could we have all ended up dating different people? Frankly, I'm still a little surprised things ended up the way they did with Hanako, but the rest of you? That just seems so....”

“Weird?”
“Unlikely?”
“Impossible?”
“Lucky?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

Emisaoo grins. “It's all in how you approach life, friend. None of us really set out for what we ended up with, it just turned out that way. We were lucky, is all.” He points a thumb at his chest and winks at me. “I started running in the morning with Emi, so what do you expect to happen?”

“So if I had paid more attention to my heart I wouldn't have ended up spending as much time with Hanako?”
“Obviously.”
I feel a little uncomfortable about that. Emi is a really fun person and the few times I was hanging out with her she seemed really nice. I won't lie and say she isn't cute, but the way I feel when I think of her is nothing like the way I feel about Hanako. It's an unsettling feeling, a near miss, like I could have missed out on something so important.

“Don't feel like you should be second guessing yourself,” the me that ended up with Shizune says, reading my expression. “We all took our choices and ended up in the place we were meant to. The kind of person we are determines what path in life we take. I wouldn't change anything about the way my life ended up. I joined the student council and I had some great times with Shizune and Misha.”

“Shizune, huh? That's a little odd. Shizune doesn't seem like the one to be interested in a relationship.”
“It was more like a slave/owner sort of deal.”
“I said shut up,” Shisao snaps. He shrugs at me after putting Emisao down. “I wouldn't call what we had a traditional relationship. Not all of us have cliche romances out of a storybook.”

Everyone looks at Lisao who seems surprised by the errant jab. “What? Don't hate me just because I'm the most well adjusted out of all of you.”
“Yeah, you're so well adjusted, that's why you had that second surgery.”
I'm a bit alarmed. “Second surgery?”
He waves my panic away. “Don't worry yourself over it. Just... when you gets back, remember to start taking your pills again.”

I make a strong mental note to do just that. I turn my attention back to Shizune me. “I'm still surprised about all of this. If I was going to date anyone in the council, it would have been Misha.”

Everyone around the table starts laughing at me. I can even hear a few Hisaos in the background join in who overhear our conversation.

I feel myself withdraw into my shell a little. “Wh... what's wrong?”

When they're finished, Shisao looks a little concerned. “It's nothing, it's just... well, you'll learn eventually. Let's just say that Shizune was the best choice for us.”

“You weren't allowed to have any other choice. Shizune wouldn't allow it,” Emisao quips. “She'd tie you down if you dated anyone else.”
“I told you to shut up about that! I never should have told you guys!”

Lisao grins over his teacup at the bickering between the two of them.

I turn towards the Rin version of me, still looking somewhat detached from the conversation and remaining silent. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Well, if I joined the Student Council or started running, it would make sense that I would spend more time with Shizune and Emi. I spent a lot of time with Lilly, so I understand that too. How did you end up with Rin?”

He shrugs. “Guess I just got stuck with her, is all.”
“You don't seem all that excited about it...."
“Don't get me wrong, I have really strong feelings for Rin. It's just... now I'm not so sure what those feelings are. I know I want to be there for her and I've come to some peace about the stuff she and I went through, but I'm a lot more comfortable with the way things are between the two of us. I don't really feel the need to be in any hurry to get back or see her again. She'll be there, I know. When we're together again, everything will be right.”

I'm a little put off by this version of me, but he seems so at ease with everything, I can't help but appreciate his zen-like quality. I guess the affect each girl had on me was a lot more than I thought. We're all so different, it's hard to imagine we're all the same person. Risao is kind of a sour looking guy and spends most of his time with his head on the table. At first I thought he looked bored, but after hearing him talk, the first real thing he's said to me, I get the feeling he isn't disinterested in everything, it's just that he's so relaxed that nothing really causes him to react or alarm his attention, sort of as if he was just watching everything around him through a lens that made life move at a slower pace than to the rest of us. He's also the most laid-back and doesn't seem to have much to say unless spoken too. It makes me almost forget that he's at the table, but when he has something to say, I feel like I should pay attention.

The others are no less different. When I ended up with Emi, I seem to be very open and kind of funny. I never imagined myself being so carefree, but I can' deny that out of all of us, he seems to be the most outgoing. I never imagine myself as being a popular kind of guy, but he seems to be the type who would make a lot of friends or do well socially in school. I can't ignore how much better he looks than any of us, either. It's obvious he's in better shape and has better posture than I do. It makes me somewhat envious and makes me wish I had done more for my heart when I got to Yamaku.

The President of the Council of Hisao's as he calls himself, clearly gets his bossiness from Shizune. He's kind of harsh too, giving orders and expecting them to be followed. Everyone seems to humor him though, letting him be in charge since it seems none of them want the job for themselves. Like Emisao, he's very confident and seems to be funny, but has a serious edge which make me feel a little intimidated. I already fee a little admiration and pride, though; he's got a commanding presence I'm a little envious of that I wish I could live up too. He seems to have his act together and strikes me as the most charismatic of us, another popular guy, though one who would have more enemies than Emisao.

No wonder Shizune ended up liking him.

Lastly, the Hisao I met when I first came here. I can clearly see the similarities between him and Lilly. I spent so much time with her, it would be impossible not to notice the things they have in common. Of all of us, he seems to be the most mature and in-command. Maybe I'm just more attached to him than the others, but he also makes me feel the least uncomfortable now that we're all around the table. He's just so relaxed, kind of like Risao, but not detached from things like him. There's something else about him that I can't put my finger on, like out of all of us, he's most defined by his chosen girl. They all have similarities, but he seems to have the most in common with her, like he purposefully was trying to be as much like Lilly as possible or act in a way she would approve of. Like I did when Lilly was around, I feel myself be more aware of my actions and words, trying to match both of their practiced formality. I unconsciously don't want to disappoint him.

I can't help but wonder what they think of me. I've already picked up that I started dating Hanako a lot sooner than any of them started dating, so I do feel a little unprepared and new compared to them. I see the girls reflected in them, but I wonder what they see of Hanako in me, if anything. Is it the good parts or do they just judge me like people must have judged Hanako? None of them with the exception of Lisao, would probably know much about her, explaining my leanings towards him. Maybe that's why he was sent to greet me when I arrived, since he has the most in common with me?

In fact, that makes me wonder; there are so many of us here in the Shanghai, there has got to be a few other versions of me that ended up with Hanako. If that was the case, why wasn't there one here at the table with the rest of them?

My thoughts are interrupted by Yuuko clambering through the crowd with our orders. Among our thanks and appreciation, she practically throws each plate in front of us, stammering her apologies and wiping up an imaginary spill on the table with a washcloth she keeps handy.

“Um, Yuuko?”
She spins around to face me, throwing in a bow that nearly plants her head into the table. “Y-yes? Is there something else you need?”

“No, no, I was just wondering. I'm trying to figure out why... well, why are you here with us? Did we end up dating?”

Yuuko's face turns bright red as she tries to stammer out a reply amid the others laughing and seeming to take a great deal of amusement out of my suggestion. Considering all the strangeness going on here, it doesn't seem all that impossible.

“No, no, we never dated Yuuko,” Lisao says. “None of us have really figured out why Yuuko is here with us. Closest we can tell is she's a part of the Shanghai. Can you really imagine this place working without her?”

I guess I have to admit that's true. It would be pretty difficult to think of the Shanghai without Yuuko running around it, bustling with dishes and trying to keep up on orders. "Are there any other of us or is there just the five groups of us here?"
Shisao gets a stern and somewhat angry look on his face. "We do not speak of them."
Lisao waves him off. "Don't be a jerk."
"We do not appreciate their kind here!"
Lisao continues to ignore him. "There are a couple of us who wander in and out. Some of them have incomplete memories it seems, but we know the girls; Suzu and Miki from our class, Saki and Rika from 3-2."
"Who?"
"Exactly. Not all of us know them."

I ponder for a second.

Miki?
I remember hanging out with Miki.

Lucky me.

I turn back to Yuuko with a smile. “I guess it's a good thing you're here, Yuuko. We'd probably all starve if you weren't around.”

She bobs her head a little, still embarrassed by my suggestion of dating and also by the compliment. “Well, no, I think you would all do fine without me. I just try and not screw anything up and make too big of a mess.”

All the Hisao's verbally and loudly protest and even some within earshot away from our table try to put her at ease.

“Yuuko, you're the best!”
“We couldn't get by without you!”
“You're an important part of things here!”
“Can I get some more cake?”

She turns bright red with all the attention, gives a frantic thanks and rushes off to fulfill her new orders.

I turn back to the group. “I don't think I'll ever get used to all of this. If you guys have been here for so long, what do you even do anymore?”

In unison, everyone in the building says, with long practice and repetition, “Thanks, Doc.”

“Listen,” Shisaoo goes on, “we got plenty to do here. The Emibros keep up on their running and motivate us,”
“Someone has to keep our hearts healthy.”
“The Lisaos keep up from killing each other and blabber about how perfect Lilly is.”
“She really is perfect, you know.”
“Yeah, for your mom. The Risaoss just kind of take up space but are pretty laid back.”
“We only talk when there's something important to say.”
“And we Shisaos keep everything running smoothly.”
“Too bad there's so few is you.”
“Shut up. We are Legion.”
“Is there twenty people in a legion?” Risao ponders.

“That's great. So what about me? What do, uh, my kind do here?”

“Hansao's talk about books and meld into the background pretty much. You're probably the most numerous of us.”
“So why is it there weren't any of us at the table when I showed up?”

Everyone gets quite all of a sudden, like I broached a touchy subject. “What's wrong?”

Everyone looks to someone else to say something, but it's Lisao who finally answers. “Those of us at the table have been here the longest out of all of us. We're unofficial representatives for each group. We weren't the firsts of our groups, but we've been here longer than anyone, the most veteran. There... used to be a Hansao here with us. Until you showed up.”

“What do you mean, 'I showed up?' You make it sound like I replaced him?”
“You basically did. Each of us spends time here after our experiences, to get our heads wrapped around what took place. Eventually though, we all have to leave.”

“Leave? Like banished?”
“No,” Emisao says, looking a little down for the first time since I showed up. “We all have lives to get back to and a girl waiting for us. At some point, all of us will feel something, like we need to leave. Some of us just wander away in the middle of the night and never come back. Others get a farewell party and lots of goodbyes. Eventually though we all leave.”
“Where do they go?”
“We don't know,” Shisao answers. “It's like an instinct. We go to where we saw her last and then... we just vanish.”
“Vanish?”
“Disappear. And in our place is a brand new one of us.”

I realize after a second why everyone's mood is so down.

When I showed up, that must mean one of the others went away.

This isn't just a welcome party, it's a wake.

“You mean I replaced some other Hanasao? He went away and I popped in?”
Lisao nods sadly. “He was one of the oldest among us, except for me. We were really good friends. That's why I was there in the street. To greet you and say goodbye to him.”

I feel awful all of a sudden. “So I took this guys spot? I'm the reason he left?”
“It doesn't work like that. It was his time, just like it'll be all of our times one day, same as you. All of us have to move on eventually, go back to our real lives.”

“What matters,” Risao says, head resting on his arms, “is that when we do leave, we remember what we learned here. How important this time was and the friends we made. When we go back, it's to a girl who needs us and we needs her. We can't keep them waiting forever.”

“Some of us stay longer than others,” Lisao muses sadly, ”some are just here for a little while, some of us have been here for forever. It's always sad when one of us has to leave, but we all know that they'll be happier for their time here. The important thing is they don't forget us and what we learned here and that we always remember that there's a wonderful girl waiting for us on the other side.”

Everyone around the table seems to take a moment of contemplation, as if fondly remembering those times past and in anticipation of what's the come when they'll see a certain special girl one more time.

Even I find myself lost in thought for a moment as my mind wanders to Hanako. I already miss her and want to see her again, but I guess if this is the way things have to be, I had better use it wisely.

“So,” Shisao says, breaking the silence with a hand clap. “Welcome to the Shanghai! We'll find you a place to bunk and introduce you to the other Hanasaos! This is going to fun!”

----------------------------------------


Me and Lisao are taking a walk through the empty town, having a chat as we head up towards Yamaku. It's been... I guess it's been a few weeks since I came here, though I've lost track of time. At first I was really uncomfortable around all the other Hisao's, but as time passed, I got more easy about their presence. Almost immediately, they saw me as a longtime friend but it took me some time to be as open. I stuck around Lisao most of the time, but it soon became apparent that was pretty much the norm. Everybody hangs out with their own group, but they pair off quite often as well. The Lisaos and Hanasaos get along together, though sometimes they get into fights about exactly when Hanako started having feelings for us.

I try not to think about it.

The Risaos and Emisaos pair off but rarely do anything else than talk in between runs. The Shisaos seem very happy to stick to their small group, though I never see more than a handful of them at any one time.

“How have you been adjusting?” Lisao asks me as we approach the gates of the school.

“I guess I've been doing okay,” I confess. “Seeing my face all the time is still a little creeping me out. And I don't think I'll ever get used to all the fighting. It seems weird that a group of people who have so much in common spend so much time disagreeing with each other. Not to mention we can be pretty downright mean to one another.”

He waves his hand, dismissing my concern gently. “It comes with the territory. It's all meant in good fun. Besides, it's mostly the Shisaos who act like that.”

I grin a little “They are jerks, aren't they?”

He smiles along with me conspiratorially. “Yeah, and they like worst girl.”
“It wasn't even a real relationship. I bet she breaks up with them.”
“Doesn't even say she loves him.”
“What a bitch.”

We both laugh at the Shisaos expense, not meaning a word of it.

Lisao and I have been spending a lot of time together. He was the first one of us I met, so I feel like he's the closest thing to a friend I have here. Everyone is nice when we're not arguing about one thing or another, but he and his fellow Lisaos are probably the nicest. I think I might be biased, though; most of the Hanabros like me seem to think that and our groups side together in most things.

Passing through the school grounds, I''m once again reminded of the loneliness of the town and Yamaku without the other Hisaos around. At the Shanghai it's a chaotic, but friendly, atmosphere. Here it's so silent and quite, it's disconcerting to hear your own breathing so loud.

Looking around, still unused to the idea that we're the only ones here, I spy a section of the school that oddly seems to have been blocked off, a few benches moved into the shape of a makeshift barricade around the foot of the tall building. “What's up with that?”

Lisao takes a glance at what I'm pointing towards, seemingly distracted this whole walk. He gives a little shake of his head. “It's nothing. We put that up when we first got here. Nothing to worry about.”

He takes my arm and somewhat forcefully ushers me away from the site.

Was that a bloodstain?

He starts up another conversation which quickly chases my thoughts away. We talk and we wander, we laugh and we argue a little. The trees rustle above me as we pass out of Yamaku and through the forest behind the school.

We stop on a hillside some distance out of town. My heart is beating pretty heavily and I take a minute to stoop and catch my breath.  “We're really far away from town. Why did we go all the way out here?”
“I don't know, I was just walking.”
“Well, I was only following you. You led me here.”

He smiles and laughs, but then takes a look around and the grin vanishes from his face.

Lisao looks a little lost and his confused eyes give me some concern.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Staring off towards the town, the wind picks up a little and brushes through his hair. “This is it.”

“What is?”

“This is the spot,” he says. “This is where I saw Lilly last.”

I take a look at our surroundings. A beautiful green hillside, a couple small hill in front of us, blocking the view of the distant water. A rolling landscape that hides a few country roads and tiny houses far from town.

I don't blame him for taking Lilly here, it's beautiful. Even if she couldn't enjoy the view, the atmosphere is so peaceful, it would suit her.

I turn to say so to Lisao, but he's staring straight ahead in the distance. “Hey, what's wrong?”

Collecting himself for a second, I see his eyes are a little wet as he takes a long, drawn out breath. “I think... I think it's my time.”

My heart drops in my chest. “You're... you're leaving?”

He smiles and chuckles a little. “I think so. I always wondered what it felt like to move on but... I didn't expect it to feel like this.”

“What... what does it feel like?”

It takes him a moment to answer, his mouth trying to form words that won't come together. “It's almost like... a sense of completion. Like I've done what I was sent here to do. Like I can't learn anything more and it's time for me to use what I know. As if... it's less important to spend time thinking about her and instead I have to go out there and make it happen.”

He struggles a bit and gives a sad laugh. “I get to see her again.”

I'm lost for words. I'm a little jealous that he's leaving to go to Lilly, but at the same time I don't want to say goodbye to my friend. “What am I supposed to do?”

He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a friendly shake. “You'll be okay. You've got a lot of time ahead of you to make friends and learn. One day you'll be ready, but there will be others of us who will need help from a guy like you. You'll need to be there for them like I helped you.”

“Do you think I'm ready?”

“We all have to decide that for ourselves. Me? I'm ready.” He sighs. “I want to go home.”

I duck my head a little, saying my farewell. “I'm going to miss you.”
“Even if I leave, I'll never really be gone. We're here forever, after all.”

We give each other a warm embrace before he pulls away, gives me a thankful nod and walks down the hill alone.

I don't know when or how it happens. There's no flash of light or fanfare to tell me he left. Honestly, he just faded away into the background like he was never there to begin with.

One minute he was standing next to me and the next he was gone, someone else standing in his spot, even his shoes matching where he trampled the grass.

He stops and stares for a moment down the hill, his arm held out at an odd angle, like he was waiting for someone to take it.

Spinning around, he calls out.

“Lilly?”

Spotting me, he stops in his tracks and stares for a moment.

“Wh... what...?”

I smile down at him, wiping my eyes.

“Time is fluid here,' I say with a grin.

-Thank you for all the memories, /ksg/- FluffandCrunch