The Talk

Slamming the car door behind her, Akira stumbles towards the house, her briefcase held loosely in her slack hand, suppressing a yawn with the other. After a long day at the office dealing with her jerk ass coworkers, all she wants to do is lie down and get some sleep. Her stomach and it's low rumbling reminds her that she has other duties and priorities to take care of before she enjoys the comfortable feather mattress waiting for her in her room.

I hope Lilly has dinner ready, she thinks with a sudden stab of guilt.

It isn't right that a fourteen year old girl with her condition has to be the one to make dinner and get things ready in the house for Akira. She's the older one, it should be her job to take care of her little sister, but it always seems to turn out ass backwards, with Lilly being the domestic caretaker while Akira is away at work for her job. A girl like Lilly shouldn't be forced to take care of her older sister like that. Sometimes Akira brings home something from a drive through or box meals to do her part, but Lilly dislikes fast food and Akira isn't very fond of what it does to her own midsection. She'd take the initiative and cook for both of them once in a while, but every time she has in the past it ends in a culinary disaster, to the point where it only makes more work for Lilly when they have to clean up and she ends up throwing something together for them to replace the food Akira ruined.

Cooking, cleaning, keeping the house up, it's all on Lilly.

It isn't fair.

Maybe she could convince Father to start sending more money, maybe enough to hire a maid or maybe some help to take the pressure off Lilly?

She dismisses the idea out of hand. Their father would never agree to the expense; he'd consider it a luxury that they didn't require. He's never once made a consideration for her or Lilly, whether it was Akira's schooling or Lilly's condition, so he has no reason to start now. The phone conversation would only end in an argument with him accusing her of being either lazy or not doing enough to take care of Lilly, that if she needed help to take care of her own little sister, then perhaps he couldn't trust her in the business for that matter. The shouting would only end up upsetting Lilly like it always does.

God, I hate him, she thinks.

She checks the front door, finding it locked like it should be. With three distinct knocks at an uneven tempo, she announces herself before unlocking the door and stepping in. “I'm home!”

Instantly a furry ball rushes into her sight and nearly knocks her off the feet, slobbering and drooling on her expensive shoes. She gives him a light kick to back the mongrel away. “Damn it, Niji, knock it off!”
The dog hops around Akira for a second before settling down, staring up at her with a wide grin.
“I didn't bring anything for you, mutt! What kind of trained dog jumps on people when they walk in through the door? I'm going to take you out on the highway and leave you there! Let some other poor family suffer with you!“

Niji cocks his head curiously.

Lilly is at the end of the hall, one hand on the wall for guidance and a tiny grin on her face before Akira finishes taking her shoes off. “Welcome home, Akira. Niji is just glad to see you. How was work?”

Akira rubs Niji on the head, his tongue waggling out the side of his mouth. “Crap.”
Lilly's smile turns downwards. “That bad?”
“Yeah.”
“Was it that same coworker you mentioned before?”

Akira sighs. “Yeah, it was him again.”
Lilly's lip twitches only slightly. “You really should tell your supervisor about him. His unwanted advances are not appropriate.“

“I would if I could, Lilly,” the older Satou replies, pushing Niji out of the way and stepping out of the shoe room, walking towards Lilly. She puts a kiss on her forehead when she arrives, Niji on her heels before settling down next to Lilly's leg.

“Why can't you? I thought that this sort of thing wasn't allowed at businesses,“ Lilly asks, putting a hand on Niji's head.
“You have to understand the office politics, Lilly. If I report him, he gets reprimanded and all of his buddies make my job even worse.“
“It's Father's business.”
“Even worse, then I get accused of throwing my name around. It's fine. In a couple months I'll be out from behind the desk and start working on real cases. Then I won't have to deal with that sort of stuff anymore.“ Akira lifts her nose, smelling at the air. ”Is that dinner? It smells delicious.“

Lilly smiles, a little grateful hint in the gesture. “Yes, it's just about done. Wash up and it will be on the table.“

Akira carefully places her briefcase in it's proper place, right on top of the cabinet next to the stairs. Her natural inclination would be to simply toss it wherever her fancy told her and she could easily get to it when she needed whatever was inside. Her messy habits had to be long ago curtailed with Lilly and her being the only ones in the house. A misplaced shoe or casually cast aside briefcase could lead to a stumble and fall for Lilly, not to mention that leaving things in random spots made it impossible for Lilly to find them for herself if the need arose. Akira even went so far as to paste tiny tags on shelves and counters to remind her where everything belonged so Lilly could adapt. Still, after a few years being on their own, Akira still has memory lapses and they make her feel terrible whenever they inconvenience Lilly.

Washing her hands, hanging her jacket and removing her tie, Akira eagerly sits at the low table, her food in front of her and Lilly across. Niji curls up next to Lilly, his head in her lap, eyes wide open as he stares at each plate of food hungrily. Akira doesn't feel sorry for the mutt, she knows Lilly has already fed him and he's trying to get something more out of pity. After sharing prayer and grace, a habit of their family, the two begin dinner, companionable silence between the pair of them for a short time.

“How was school?” Akira says to start the normal rounds of pleasant conversation. She speaks in English, something they often did when alone, just to keep practice and reinforce that this was their time together as a family.
Lilly stops, a clump of rice held halfway between bowl and mouth. “It was... fine.”

Fine?
That's not a Lilly word in any language. “Fine, huh? Everything go okay? You get home all right?“
“Yes.”
“Your English teacher drive you again?”
Lilly hesitates for a brief moment. “Yes, he did.”

Akira nods thankfully. “I really appreciate him doing that for us. Otherwise, you'd have to wait at school until I could pick you and and you'd be waiting for over an hour for me.“ Akira grins to herself. ”I was a little hesitant at first, but he's a good guy from the times he and I have chatted. You let him know tomorrow how thankful I am with him looking out for you at school, okay?“

Lilly nods, facing down towards the table, rubbing Niji's ear between her fingers. “Yes. I'll let him know how... grateful we are.”

Akira blinks.
What is up with her?

Akira had been worried ever since she stopped going to school with Lilly. Their ages may be wide apart, but they always attended the same Catholic academy that their mother and father had found for them. Akira hated it from the start, the religious atmosphere was intolerable for her. It had only been made worse when Lilly started attending. The brats there had been particularly cruel to her because of her blindness, playing pranks on her and teasing her about her sight. It had been a common occurrence for Akira to bash a few skulls when she overheard their teasing and she spent a lot of time in the Headmaster's office because of it and a meeting with her parents that never went well. Father may have been furious over her fighting and being 'unlady-like' but he never put too much effort into it when he learned it was in defense of Lilly. The fact that Akira was never grounded for fighting at school was silent consent that her father understood she only did it to defend Lilly and, while it wasn't outright approval, Akira never considered being punished by her father as a disincentive to slap someone upside their head for making fun of her little sister.

If anything, it was Lilly who was the one who became upset over it. It soon got around school that anyone who messed with Lilly would get a visit from Akira and her fists, so people started avoiding Lilly altogether, which only upset Lilly more than the teasing ever did. She always dealt with it stoically and never once did Akira ever see Lilly cry about it, though she was sure that her younger sister often wanted to. When Akira had left the school, at the protest of both their parents, she kept tabs on Lilly to make sure she would be okay. Akira had been surprised, and proud, to find that even without her presence, Lilly had a way of dealing with anyone who overstepped the line regarding her condition. Without Akira, Lilly became the focus of attention and got involved with class politics, quickly becoming both popular and the center of a wide network of friends. No one ever makes fun of the popular girls and soon everyone who teased her had left the school leaving behind only fellow and lower classmates who adored Lilly.

Akira was very proud of how Lilly handled the situation. Akira solved it with her fists, Lilly used her words and friends. It still worried her from time to time, but she had learned not to underestimate her little sister in these things. She could handle herself at school, just as she proved every day at home she could do the same by taking care of things here.

Still, Lilly would be leaving the relative safety of the Catholic school behind and be moving to Yamaku like their father had always intended. She knew it was a school that was specifically meant for people like Lilly, but Akira still worried about it. Would she fit in? How would she do in a new environment? Would she make friends?

Akira pushes the worries aside. Of course she would, that's what Lilly does. Still, Akira did not like the idea of sending her little sister to some school meant for people with disabilities. It just settled with her wrong, like it was meant to be a hiding place for her sister to be shoved off too. The Catholic school was more public, it felt like Yamaku would be a herding ground. Father had been pretty confident in the school, enough to be part of the Foundation that ran it and to donate a lot over the years to the place, but she still didn't like the whole idea of the thing, like it was a prison for people who were different, to keep them away and prevent them from embarrassing others.

Akira gets back to the matter at hand, taking another mouthful of steamy rice as she does. “Are you doing okay with your grades?”

Lilly shakes off her hesitation with the change of topic, eating her own plate of food very slowly. Still, every so often she drops a bit on the floor that Niji quickly and quietly laps up. Akira is certain it's no accident, though, Lilly was too careful for Niji to slip scraps from her. “Of course. The final exams are going to be over soon. I'm doing well in most topics with English being my best. I've been helping to tutor several of my fellow students who have been lagging behind.“

“Are you okay with transferring to Yamaku next year?“
Lilly seems to mull it over a bit, pushing a bit of green vegetable across her plate. “I won't say I'm not nervous, but that should be normal for anyone going to a new school, yes?“
“True, but you'll be leaving behind the Catholic prison to go to Yamaku. You won't know anyone there.“

Lilly pouts deeply, her lips pursed. “I wish you wouldn't call it that. I like it there even if you never did.“
“I know, I know, sorry. Still, it will be a big thing to adjust to. I know when I left to go to work it took some time to get my feet under me. I missed my friends and everything that went with it. I'm sure you'll do great, though, you've always adjusted to change better than me.“
“Well, I won't say it isn't difficult, but I will miss my friends.“
“Anyone in particular?”

Lilly blushes and Akira grins mischievously. “One or... two people.”
“Anyone I should know about?”
“Not at all.”

Lilly is such a terrible liar.
“All right, fine don't tell me if you have a crush or not.“
“It's not like that at all,” she protests a little loudly making Niji stir in distress.
“It's okay, Lilly, I'm not going to pry. You know though, you'll be leaving school soon, so if there's something you want to tell someone, you really should think about doing it. You won't have much time left and you never know if you'll meet that person again.“

Lilly's face is bright red and she busies herself playing with her food. “It's... more complicated than just that.”
“It always is. Just take my advice; if you feel something about someone, it's important to let them know. You never know if you'll have a second chance.“

Lilly seems to think about Akira's words and nods just slightly in acknowledgement.

After dinner, the two of them clean up, with Akira helping even though Lilly insists she can do so herself. After working all day, Lilly says, it's only fair Akira gets to rest. Still, both sisters do their part with Niji clearing plates left on the floor on his eating mat out of the way where Lilly could slip on it.

Afterwards, Lilly and Akira unwind, Lilly with a book and Niji at her feet while Akira watches some television with a can of beer in her hand. The television doesn't get used much in the house, but Lilly does have a few shows she enjoys listening to even if she is more of a radio and book type of girl.

Later that night, as both of them are getting ready for sleep, work and school in the morning, Akira puts Lilly to bed while Niji curls up next to her. Lilly says her prayers like she does every night, to watch over Mother and Father away and thanks for all the things she has to be grateful for. With that done, Akira is just about to retire herself when Lilly asks her a question. “A-Akira?”
“Yeah, Lilly?”

Lilly hesitates, twisting her blanket in her fingers. “Can I ask you some questions?”
“Sure, Lilly, about what?”

Her little sister looks very put out and hesitant, an unsure expression on her face. “Well, I just wanted to ask a few things. You don't have to if you don't want to.“
“You can ask me anything, Lilly, you know that.”

“Well,” Lilly hesitates, her cheeks flushed. “The thing of it is, it pertains to what we talked about at dinner. They're questions... well, they're about,“ she stumbles, swallowing her words, ”about... boys.“

The bottom drops out of Akira's jaw. “Oh. I see.”
Lilly sits up in bed and seems to cower behind her blanket. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you that.”
“It's okay, it's fine. I just... wasn't expecting it.“ She rubs the back of her head nervously. ”Don't they... have, I don't know, classes for this sort of thing?“

Lilly nods slowly. “They did, it's just that... they weren't all that useful, if you understand what I mean.“

Akira runs her fingers through her hair. Right, of course they weren't. Lilly may have her own difficulties, but she doubts that sex education at a Catholic school was useful at all or unbiased in any way. “Well, all right. What is it you... want to know. You mean like... getting pregnant and stuff?“

Lilly blushes deeply. “I know about that already. I know how it works, I just... I don't....“ she dips her head a little, like she was ashamed of it. “I don't know... what boys look like....”

“Look like?”
Lilly nods.

She slowly points down.

'Down there.'

Akira tries to keep her panic mode from engaging. This was something inevitable, but something she would have preferred to avoid. Maybe she should call Mother, that might work better?
Oh, who was she kidding, mom wouldn't know what to do, she'd just hand the phone to Father and he'd say something like, 'Why in God's good name would you need to know something like that? You'll learn all about that when I marry you off to some nice boy! Now don't worry yourself and go to sleep, Lillian!“

God, this was horrible.

“Okay, just let me think....”

Akira pinches her nose in deep concentration. Lilly knows the basics, but doesn't really know the mechanical differences between boys and girls. Pictures are worthless and Akira knows she'll just stumble all over her words on this topic. She needed something that Lilly could understand, something that could teach her how things worked.

Akira did have something in her sock drawer, but that was obscene to think about.
Her eyes peek over at Niji sleeping peacefully and she can feel her gorge rise.
Akira had better think of something soon or Lilly's natural curiosity could have dire and grotesque consequences.

“Okay, I have it. Just, wait here, don't do anything, just... don't do anything at all.“

Akira flees the room, rushes to the kitchen and returns with an item. “Okay, Lilly, hold out your hand.”

Lilly cringes. “Why?”
“I'm going to give you something to hold.”
“It's isn't something icky, is it?”
“No, no, not at all. Just, trust me, okay?”
“Well, all right.”

Lilly holds out her hand and Akira carefully sets the object in her palms.

Lilly is confused for a moment. “Is this a banana?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you give me a banana, Akira?”
“Because... it looks like that. Sort of like that. Boys do.“

Lilly's mouth drops open. “No, it doesn't,” she says in disbelief.
“Well, not exactly, but it's the right shape and size. Well, if you're both lucky it's the right size.“

Lilly is still in shock with her hands around the fruit. “You're joking, yes? They have something like this... between....“
“Yep. Sure do.”
“Doesn't that hurt?”
“Well, it's not that size all the time.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it... grows.”
“Grows?”
“Yeah. When they get... excited.”
“How does that happen?”
“Sometimes you have to help them, but I find that most of the time they're pretty good on their own.“

Lilly blushes. “That's disgusting!”
Akira shakes her head. “Lilly, it's not like... listen, I know it sounds gross, but it isn't okay? It's... listen, I know it sounds weird, but trust me, it's not something to be afraid of or grossed out by. It takes some getting used to, but it's just the way things are between guys and girls. Like, uh, how boys have flat chests.“
“Like you do?”
“No! I mean, no, not like that! Just, flatter. Boys don't have breasts like we do. They're more flat and smooth. It's nice. They're all muscle and hard.“

“Akira, how do you know it's nice?”
Akira blushes. “Well, I have had a boyfriend before.”
Lilly gasps. “Akira, you haven't... you haven't had....”
“Oh, come on, don't ask me that, Lilly!”

Lilly seems very disappointed. “But you're not married!”
“Oh, come on, don't buy into that, Lilly. Just because you're not married to someone doesn't mean you shouldn't... do that.“
“You should wait until you're married!”
“Let me ask you something, Lilly; would you rather your first time be with someone you're married to or someone you really love?“

Lilly seems confused by the question. “If you're married to someone, shouldn't you be in love with them already?“

Akira thinks of their Mother and Father and their relationship. “Yeah, you would think so. That's not always the case.“

Akira sits down next to Lilly on the bed, Niji stirring to drape himself over Lilly's lap to get a scratch on the head from Akira. He momentarily sniffs the banana and looks away disinterested. “Listen, Lilly,” Akira begins, “I know you get told a lot of stuff about this at the school, but just because they say it there doesn't mean it's true. If you meet a guy and he's the one for you, it's up to you to decide whether you're ready or not.“

Lilly blushes, her fingers nervously flexing. “But how do I know he will be the right one?”
Akira smiles and pats Lilly on the shoulder. “Believe me, sis, you'll know. When you meet that special guy, you'll know right away that he'll be the one for you. When that times comes it'll be up to you to decide if you're ready for the next step.“

Lilly fidgets in her bed. "Well, what does... I mean, what... is it like?"

Akira pulls at her shirt collar. "Well, okay, it's sort of like... see, the first time it might not feel too great, but it'll be better once you get used to it. Just be slow and you should be fine."

Lilly still looks off put. “But... what about... the teachers said if you do that you can get pregnant. What about that?“
“Well, there are things that can prevent that, like using protection.“
“I asked about that and the teacher said those things were bad.“

Akira scoffs. Typical Catholics. She doesn't like people trying to fill Lilly's head with ideas, even if they come from a teacher or her own parents. “Listen, Lilly, that sort of thing is something only you can decide for yourself. If you want to wait till you are married, then that's what you should do. If you decide that you don't want to, that's your decision as well. You shouldn't let other people decide how you live your life or how you prepare for it. Listen, just because you're prepared, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You're just ready, just in case. That way, like I said, if you meet that special guy, you'll be ready and responsible, that's what's important. Just because you're prepared for something doesn't mean you're going to do it. It's up to you to decide what is right for you and what you want. Do you understand?“

Lilly takes a moment before nodding. “Yes, I do.”
“Good. Now, anything else?”
She shakes her head, deep in thought.

Akira gets up, kisses Lilly on the head and begins to leave before she quietly calls her once more. “...Akira?”
“Yeah?”
“Was it special your first time?”

Akira hesitates. “Well, it was, yes. To be honest, I should have waited anyway. He wasn't the right one for me. That's okay; it's all right for me to make mistakes, that way you won't have to when your time comes.“ She grins. ”Besides, what do you need a boy for? You have me and Niji, we're all the family you need.“

Lilly smiles and hugs her dog, the mutt grinning stupidly. “Don't forget Mother and Father.”
“Yeah, right, can't forget them. How could I?” She opens the door and makes to leave. “Goodnight, Lilly.”
“Goodnight, Akira. I love you.”
“Love you too.”

There's a bark.

“Shut up, mutt. Love you too.”