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- there is nothing worse than being a slave, and that doesn't even seem to be fitting
- a slave to my hormones
- when start to pms, my depression and anxiety gains so much new found strength for those few days it's scary and I scare myself.
- It is a time where the thoughts of "i'd be better off dead" "i'm just a burden/bother to everyone" rear their ugly heads and nearly consume me whole. Thoughts i used to have everyday back in the darkest times, and now only come 12 times a year.
- but even at school it is almost controllable, as long as I have enough distractions.
- but at home it is another demon altogether. it is one that in such a harsh and hostile environment, it is where it is strongest
- where all my mother's words become true, where i really am just a terrible child, and all the pain i've suffered has been a lie
- where my grandparents dont understand what depression is and just tell me to "stop being sad"
- where my mother's poor treatment, she sees as making me tough
- where even my bf says to "dont let it get to you" to what feels like everytime i'm upset
- i feel like no one has a grasp on just how much i really fear my mother. how afraid and terrified you have to feel to be so afraid of your mother you start to cry at the VERY IDEA of having to confront her, how much abuse one has endured and when i say that i need help and cant confront her on my own, people keep pressing that i can
- they mean well but it is not fair please listen to me i cannot, i can never get everything i want to say out, clearly, on my own
- i know people want to see my happy but it feels like a thing i just hear constantly to suck it up and it just
- kills me inside
- i'm trying my best i'm doing my best, i'm doing so much better than i was a months ago
- i know the pms is just talking but i'm so tired and idk what to do to make my friends happy
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