The Blackest Soul, But the Warmest Heart

Lying on her bed, Lucy stared intensely at a notepad. She needed to write a poem; a good one, one that would win her the poetry contest at school. Still, she couldn't pin one down, others were coming to mind but they weren't good enough. She needed one to really blow the competition out of the water. She needed one that encapsulated her dark emotions. She knew that her emotions could not be fully expressed while in her room, her sisters would distract her too much. She decided to go to vent to be alone and focus on winning the contest. She climbed up into the vents, crawled a bit and sat down, ready to write.

She spent hours agonizing over writing the poem, trying to think of the perfect one to show to the rest of the school. She started to get frustrated, finally throwing her pen against the vent, causing a ring to echo through them. Lincoln, who was walking down the hall at the time, heard the sound and figured it was Lucy. Figuring his sister needed some support; he climbed up into the vent and met her there.

"Lincoln? What are you doing in here?"

"I heard you were having trouble writing your poem."

"What? I never told anyone that I was having trouble."

"The sound of you hitting the vent told me. What's the problem?"

"Oh nothing, I'm just finding it difficult to put the cold darkness that dwells within my heart into words."

Lincoln scratched the back of his head, unsure as to how to support Lucy, mostly because he doesn't understand what she is saying half the time.

"Riiiigghhhtt... Well, you've written a lot of great poems already, I'm sure you can make another one that can win."

Lucy just huffed, her bangs flying upwards a bit.

"Please. No matter how many I've written, none of them have come close to unlocking my true nature. If I'm to win this contest, I must bare my entire soul. The problem is, I don't know how to condense such a powerful force into a poem."

"Well uh, how would you describe your soul?"

"Black and bleak, clawing for purpose in this cold world. Struggling to find a reason to exist. It gnaws at my mind, infecting it with its darkness. It cries out, longing for a kindred spirit to kindle a black flame between the two. But it knows that such a spirit does not exist, for it is alone in this harsh world. After it cries, it whimpers quietly with loneliness."

"That, is my soul."

Lincoln was a bit befuddled at her description, but realized that she had just written her perfect poem.

"Lucy that's it!"

"What's it?"

"What you just said! That's your poem!"

Lucy looked confused for a little bit, but her mind quickly made the connection. She tried to remember what she said and quickly jotted it down onto her paper. She looked at it and smiled, knowing that she had finally bared her soul onto this paper. This will surely win the contest.

"Thanks Lincoln, I guess I just needed someone there to tell it to."

"Hey what are brothers for?" Lincoln said as he opened his arms for a hug which Lucy reciprocated.

Later that night Lucy went to bed with a smile on her face knowing that she's going to take first prize at the contest tomorrow.


The next day...


Kids filled the auditorium, sitting down looking at the stage that had been set up in the middle. Multiple kids sat on the stage with a few teachers and the principle. Though she had faith in her poem, she still felt a bit nervous as she saw all the different kids reciting their poems. Some of them were very good, garnering applause; this shook her a bit. Still, she remained sure that her poem would be the best one of the day.

"What a great poem from Samantha, give her a hand! And now we have our next contestant, Lucy Loud!"

Applause followed as she stepped up to the podium with her paper. Now that all the students’ eyes were fixed on her, her voice had disappeared. She was panicking internally as she looked around the room, overwhelmed by the gazes. As she looked around though, she had noticed Lincoln, who merely gave her a smile and a thumbs up. Seeing her brother, she smiled and recited her poem, laying her soul bare for the whole school to see. As she finished, she felt content and satisfied with her performance. She expected to receive the same applause that Samantha did, but she got something very different.

"Well... That was an um, very unique poem from Lucy. Let’s give her a hand shall we?"

Much to her disappointment, Lucy received only half-hearted claps from the audience, all of them seeming nervous and confused with a hint of pity. Lucy's spirit was dampened a bit, but she still held on to the hope that she might win the contest. After all, poetry was a big part of who she was. The next contestant rolled through and was met with the same applause that Samantha was bestowed with and by the end of the contest; it seemed that the only one whose poem was met with mixed reception was Lucy's. She could already feel her heart sinking; she needed this win. She needed something.

"And now we announce the winner of this year's poetry contest!"

This was it. The moment of truth. It all came down to this. In her mind she was begging for the win; something to redeem this day.

"And the winner is..."

She thought to herself, "Please be me, please be me, please be me."

"Amanda Tanner, for her beautiful haiku on rainbows!"

Lucy felt her heart shatter. Her poem wasn't good enough; she was a failure. Even though she was crying on the inside, she needed to maintain her apathetic look so her emotions wouldn't show. She held that look as she got off the stage and met up with the rest of her family.

"Oh I'm sorry you didn't win sweetie..." The Mom said.

"Did you guys like my poem?" Lucy said.

Her parents shifted their eyes back and forth nervously; they knew they had to support their daughter.

"Of course we liked your poem, you definitely should have won. Not that girl with that poem about rainbows."

Even though they were offering words of comfort, it didn't really feel all that comforting. As they got into the car, she quickly took one of the window seats so she could stare out of it, not wanting to look at anybody. The whole car was filled with an awkward silence; nobody wanted to say anything in fear of making things worse. Lucy didn't notice though, she was too busy staring out the window. As the car pulled up to the driveway and parked. The Mom asked what felt like insult to injury,

"Are you okay honey?"

"I'm fine."

They all exited the car and Lucy made her way to her room, making sure not to run and maintaining her calm appearance. As she entered her room, she quickly entered her vent. After crawling enough to make sure that no one could her hear cry, she softly broke down. Tears ran down her face; she wasn't good enough. She had given it her all and it the judges hated it. She contemplated giving up on poetry forever. As she wallowed in tears, she heard someone crawling through the vents. She panicked, she didn't want anyone to see her this way, but she didn't have anywhere to go. All she could do was hide her head between her legs and make sure that no one could see her crying.

"Lucy?" Lincoln said as he approached her.

"Go away; I just want to be alone."

Lincoln sat next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He knew that she needed comfort; he just had to find the right words.

"I'm sorry that you didn't win. I know you worked really hard on it."

Lucy just looked up at Lincoln, her face a teary mess.

"Was my poem really that bad?"

"No it was good! Your uh, soul was just too intense for them, that's all!"

"You're just saying that so I won't feel sad. You don't mean that, just like all the rest."

Lincoln sighed. She was right; he was giving a half-hearted pep talk. He needed to be real with her, but she just couldn't find the right thing to say. He realized though that pretending to understand her was just as insensitive as telling that she wasn't good enough, if not more.

"You're right. I am just saying that so you won't feel sad."

"Exactly, now just leave me alone."

"Lucy I won't pretend that I understand what your soul is like, I'm not you. But I do know that you have feelings, even if you pretend that you don't. It was wrong for me to pretend, but I want to be there for you, because you're my sister and I don't want you to be sad. And for what it's worth, even though I don't really understand it, I do like your poetry. It's really pretty, in a weird, dark way."

"You think my poetry is weird and dark?"

"Um, yes?"

A smile broke onto her face. Even if the judges didn't like it, even if her sisters didn't like it, at least someone did and she was happy that someone was her brother who has always been there for her. She wiped her tears away and gave Lincoln a hug, an embrace that she welcomed anytime, an embrace that added just a little bit of color to her black soul. She never wanted to lose that little bit of light.

"Thanks Lincoln, I needed that."

"Anytime sis, I'll always be here when you are in trouble. So does your soul want some ice cream?"

"I think it can go for some."

The two climbed out of the vent, went to the kitchen and grabbed some ice cream and happily ate it. That is until their Dad passed by the kitchen.

"Why are you two eating ice cream!? Dinner is in 20 minutes!"