General Feedback
- Story is good; first and last act are solid. Middle act suffers from a lack of direction and feels like a hodgepodge of great but random and disconnected ideas
- Keep the return of Hell and the Wailing Mountains. The return of Hell is a payoff for players in terms of continuity and investment; the Wailing Mountains serve as a narrative dip after the rise in tensions from the escape of Hell. (forget about it being overrun though)
- Addendum: Any hub-like sanctuary can serve the place as the narrative dip, not necessarily the Wailing Mountain. Like the congenial and homely Sundered Moon bar.
- Heroes escaping from the pits of hell is a classic as old as myth, often used as proof to show the exceptional status as more than mortal, eg. Hercules, Orpheus, Gilgamesh, Hermes, Jesus, Odin, etc. . This is good and will help players connect to their avatars.
- Be careful with timelines. Was Stonehall still there when Maelrawn was created? Or even Dazzle for that matter?
- Be careful not to create too much conjecture. Too many assumptions will destroy the plot’s credibility. ie. Maelrawn’s origins, Dazzle’s pact to unleash hell.
- Balance and Essence gathering theory has a shaky foundation - the two Ancients are in constant strife and will never work together (see Lamprey’s Cosmology)
- Forget Maelrawn’s origins - it defeats his narrative purpose: to evoke cosmic horror in players
- I will work on flavour lore snippets like diary entries, short stories and newsletters
- I will try my hand at different drafts for discussions

Addendum: Items have a lot of history, maybe small quests about the inception of famous items like Eul and Guinsoo?