Faggot Britbong's Health and Fit Advice

Okay, lets try this shit again. Apparently threads auto-delete if there's very little starting activity, so I'll have to spin this shit out over a dozen or so posts for it to stay in the catalog. I'll be going into a lot of depth based on what I've learned myself and through vigorous google-fu. Apologies if I miss anything or make typos.

 

Same rules as before:

 

>Dump your /fit/ and general health stuff and info-graphics in this thread.

>Point of this thread is to combat shit-posting of the same questions in new threads, which all 404 or sink to the back of the catalog then get asked again in another new thread.

>I'll try to cover a lot of the basics in varying levels of depth. Apologies if it gets boring in parts, but if you can't power through this shit then you're off to a bad start for sticking with healthiness.

>Feel free to ask any questions here, hopefully someone semi-qualified should get back to you if I can't.

>This is NOT gospel, do not treat it as such. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH.

>Expanding on the above: the stuff here is to put you on the right track and give general ideas, not replace/contradict qualified advice from professionals and trusted sources. Like all things on the internet (ESPECIALLY imageboards) don't trust advice outright just because it sounds authoritative.

>When in doubt, use your common sense. Yes, you can lose weight eating only doughnuts (more on that below) but you sure as fuck shouldn't if you don't want to poop once a week, don't want to feel terrible, and don't want to risk getting scurvy.

>Again, this is just stuff I've learned myself through research and practice. I'm not a dietician nor a physiotherapist nor a qualified professional in a relevant field. DO YOUR OWN FUCKING RESEARCH.

>Special thanks to Admin for clearing up why my thread 404'd last time and how to stop it.

 

Essential reading:

http://ss.fitness/ -- Simple Science Fitness. A vital read of stuff they should have taught you in greater depth in school, from the obvious biology to more complex stuff like nutrition and exercise. A lot of what I cover is better said there.

http://8ch.net/fit/ -- The /fit/ board is the perfect place to ask for advice, just make sure it's not incredibly basic or you'll rightly get shouted at. If google will tell you on the first page of results, then don't ask. READ THEIR FUCKING STICKY BEFORE POSTING.

http://8ch.net/fit/res/65583.html -- Said /fit/ sticky, contains more helpful stuff including links on proper exercise form and sleeping patterns.

 

Diet stuff:

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html -- Body Mass Index calculator, gives a general idea of how healthy you are though comparing your height and weight against averages. Only accurate if you're 20 or older.

http://nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/Calculator.aspx -- Body Mass Index calculator if you're 19 or younger. Requires more information than the adult one.

https://tdeecalculator.net/ -- Total Daily Energy Expenditure calculator. Tells you how many calories you should be getting to gain/lose weight.

http://www.who.int/ -- World Health Organization site has some helpful info on nutrition and balanced diets, though it's admittedly boring and sterile in writing sometimes. Recommended simply as the site comes in Arabic, Chinese, French, Russian and Spanish, which may help if English isn't your first language.

https://www.eatthismuch.com/ -- An "automatic nutritionist" which tells you what to make to hit calorie needs and gives recipes. Fits to certain diets (e.g. vegetarian) but is difficult if you're a fussy eater. Free version lets you plan for the day, paid version lets you plan weeks ahead and gives you tips and even a grocery list every week.

https://www.myfitnesspal.com/ -- An alternative calorie counter and meal planner. Can't vouch for it as I've not tried it, but people seem happy with it. Apparently awkward if you skip a meal or whatever, but you can allegedly fix it by making a dummy meal for the exact amount of calories to shut it up.

 

Other stuff:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated -- Saccharine-tier feel good stuff for when you're feeling down.

https://www.reddit.com/r/howtonotgiveafuck/ -- Personal stories and advice on how to stop worrying about shit that doesn't matter.

https://www.reddit.com/r/fatlogic/ -- Good for spotting unhealthy habits, justification, and doublethink. Admittedly mean spirited, so avoid if you're fat and don't have thick skin.

https://www.youtube.com/user/athrall7 -- Alan Thrall is a big, bearded man who is awesome at lifting heavy things. Watch his videos on proper form, they really help even if you're just doing bodyweight squats.

http://sirartwork.tumblr.com/ -- The guy who did the /fit/ comics, which are liquid gold.

http://www.realmendrinkwhiskey.com/ -- Useful even if you're fem and don't like whiskey, some good articles on things like keeping your shit together when things get bad.

 

RELEVANT INFOGRAPHICS IF YOU'RE READING THE PASTEBIN VERSION: http://imgur.com/a/8lBHr

 

Skip to the shit you want:

 

01 BASIC TERMINOLOGY:

02 CALORIES

03 DIET RULES AND TIPS

04 EXERCISE

05 GYM

06 HORMONES

07 FAQ & MISC

08 CONCLUSION

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

01 BASIC TERMINOLOGY:

 

I use certain terms quite a lot over this, though you'll probably hear others in gyms or see them imageboards. Just a brief overview for those totally new to this kind of thing.

 

>2pl8

(noun) Internet slang, as in "two plate." The largest weighted plates are 20kg (or 45lbs), so 2pl8 is two plates either side of the bar for 40kg (90lb) total.

ex. "Steve tried to dead 4pl8 on his first try and threw out his back. What a knob."

 

>Aerobic exercise

(noun) Exercise that involves getting your heart beating quickly, and tends to be lower intensity but longer in length. See: cardio.

 

>Anaerobic exercise

(noun) Short but intense exercise that promotes strength and speed. See: weightlifting and HIIT.

 

>Atrophy

(noun) The process in which tissue wastes and gets smaller. Occurs if muscles are disused or not maintained. Opposite of hypertrophy.

 

>Bad form

(adjective) See form.

 

>Bar

(noun) A metal bar used for exercise, which metal weights can be rested on.

 

>Barbell

(noun) Two weights either side of a metal bar, for two handed use.

Typically refers to fixed weight bars, but can be used to refer to a normal bar that has been loaded with weight.

 

>Bodyweight

(adjective) When used to describe strengthening exercises, bodyweight means doing things with just the weight of your body.

This includes things like push-ups (your arms are only moving whatever you weigh) and exercising with just the bar (when squatting with no extra weight you're still moving your entire body with your legs).

ex. "It's good to warm-up with bodyweight squats before doing them weighted."

 

>BMI

(noun) Body Mass Index, a basic measure of health. Using your height and weight, it tells you if you're underweight, normal weight, overweight, or obese based on averages.

Critics (read: mostly people unhappy with their result) claim it's inaccurate, which is only true in unusual circumstances (e.g. being incredibly muscular affects your weight).

 

>Bulking

(verb) Deliberately increasing calorie intake to gain mass and get bigger and stronger. Opposite of cutting.

ex: "I need another meal, got to get those calories if I want to keep bulking."

 

>Carb/Carbohydrate

(noun) A type of calorie. See more below.

 

>Calorie

(noun) A unit of energy found in edible stuff. Primarily comes in the forms of Carbohydrates, Fat, and Protein. More details on all further down.

 

>Cardio

(noun) Umbrella term for active exercise that gets your heart pumping (running, rowing, cycling, etc.). Typically done to burn fat and get thinner. Falls under aerobic exercise.

ex: "This bulk is getting me fat, I need to do some cardio to burn it off."

 

>Clean bulk

(noun) Bulking through healthier means, such as eating bigger food portions and using high-calorie whey. Easier long-term because you develop good eating habits and you don't get too fat. Opposite of dirty bulk.

 

>Cutting

(verb) Deliberately decreasing calorie intake to lose mass and look more trim or get thinner. Opposite of bulking.

ex: "You're looking swole but chubby bro. Better start cutting to get rid of that gut."

 

>Deadlifting

(verb) The act of grabbing the bar with your hands and rising using only your legs, bringing it with you until you stand and it reaches your thighs. The bar is moved from a dead stop on the ground, hence the name.

Commonly abbreviated to "deads."

 

>Dirty bulk

(noun) Bulking through very unhealthy means, such as eating high amounts of fast food to get big and fat. Easier short-term because you get bigger in less time, but you risk becoming totally fat. Opposite of clean bulk.

 

>Dumbbell

(noun) A small, one hand weight.

 

>Fat

(noun) A type of calorie. See more below.

 

>Form

(noun) Technique when exercising. "Good form" is doing things the correct way to prevent injury and maximize effectiveness. "Bad form" is the opposite.

ex: "Dude, you shouldn't squat in Stiletto Heels. You're going to fuck up your form." "Don't lock out your back, that's bad form."

 

>Gaining

(verb) See bulking.

 

>Gains

(noun) Internet slang, a term for collective muscle or increase in strength (but can mean general fitness improvements).

ex. "'Mirin your gains, bro." "I can't handle all of these gains."

 

>Good form

(adjective) See form.

 

>HRT

(noun) Hormone Replacement Therapy. Involves artificially adjusting your hormone levels with drugs to make your body become closer to the other gender.

 

>Hypertrophy

(noun) The process in which muscle tissue gets stronger and larger. Occurs as a result of protein intake, exercise, and sufficient rest. Opposite of atrophy.

 

>HIIT

(noun) High Intensity Interval Training. Involves doing cardio at alternating paces for a set time. Though cardio exercises are performed, it falls under "anaerobic exercise".

 

>Lift(ing)

(verb) Internet slang, see: weightlifting.

ex. "Do you even lift, faggot?" "If you want stronger arms you should start lifting."

 

>Macros/Macronutrients

(noun) The balance of caloric intake for your body between Carbs, Protein, and Fat, which are divided by 100 to find a percentage. For example, a balance of 50/30/20 works for bulking as it means higher protein intake for building muscle but keeps low fat.

 

>Maintenance

(adjective) Done to maintain something specific. Doing "maintenance lifts", for example, is when you keep your strength when cutting by doing minor weightlifting, or doing minor cardio when bulking to stay thinner.

 

>'Mirin

(verb) Internet slang for "admiring," the act of staring at someone's figure or being amazed by their gains.

ex. "You 'mirin, faggot?"

 

>Protein

(noun) A type of calorie. See more below.

 

>Rack

(noun) A rest for the bar. Often slang for the squatting rack, the big metal frame used to rack up bar weights for squats and other exercises.

(verb) To rest the bar on something. It can be racked on a squatting rack, it can be racked on your chest if you do overhead press, etc.

 

>Reps

(noun) Repetitions. Doing one movement (e.g. squat) is one rep. Groups of reps are called "sets."

 

>Reset

(noun) The act of deliberately progressing backwards when you hit a wall so you can try pushing through later. Detailed more below.

 

>Sate/Satiate

(verb) Being filled and satisfied by food. Important in being healthier, as 300 calories can be found in a small portion of deep-fried fast food (i.e. not filling) or a big portion of diced chicken breast (i.e. very filling)

 

>Satiety

(noun) The state of feeling full (i.e. the opposite of hungry). See sate.

 

>Set

(noun) A group of reps. Doing five movements then resting is one set of five reps. Most weight programs operate on certain amounts: StrongLifts 5x5 is called that because all exercises are done as five sets of five reps.

 

>Skelly

(adjective) Internet slang for skeletal or skeleton-like, used to describe very thin people.

ex. "I wish I wasn't so skelly."

 

>Squat

(verb) The act of bending your knees and moving downwards until you're almost sitting, but standing on your feet. Think of how you'd sit to poop in a bush.

 

>Swole/Swoll

(adjective) Internet slang for swollen, used to describe people who are big and strong.

ex. "You're looking swole, bro."

 

>TDEE

(noun) Total Daily Energy Expenditure, the amount of calories you need to get through the day based on how active you are. TDEE calculators often tell you how much more/less you need to eat to change your weight too.

 

>Thermodynamics

(noun) A branch of physics relevant to energy, and is covered by four laws. The first law of thermodynamics is relevant to diet (as calories are a unit of energy) and is covered briefly below.

 

>Weighted

(adjective) Exercises made more intense through adding artificial weight to them.

ex. "Now I've warmed up, I'll put 20 kilos on the bar and do some weighted squats."

 

>Weightlifting

(noun) Short for weightlifting, the process of using weight to strengthen muscle. Falls under anaerobic exercise as it involves short but intense sets.

ex. "I need to start weightlifting if I want to stop being so thin."

 

>Whey

(noun) Short for whey powder. Whey is a dairy by-product that is high in protein, low in fat, and is commonly made into powder that can be mixed with water to make milkshake. Comes in high and low calorie variants, making it very helpful for bulking or cutting while weightlifting.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

02 CALORIES

 

>Calories

In a nutshell, energy that you get from eating things.

Things like gender, age, size and level of daily activity all affect how many calories you need to get you through the day.

Calories come in three forms: Carbohydrates, Protein, and Fat. Each of these have their own attributes.

Over-eating calories will make your body store them as fat reserves. Under-eating calories will make your body burn fat stores for energy.

Be suspicious of stuff that brags about low fat or calories: Diet Coke and Coke Zero brag about having zero calories, but that means your body gets NOTHING nutritional from it. [Source: Coca Cola site]

The exception for low calorie suspicion is water and black tea/coffee (read: no dairy, no added sugar). Since they're mostly water they're great for keeping you hydrated and making you feel less hungry.

Calories can't just disappear. Skimmed milk is lower in fat, but it compensates though quite a bit of added sugar (a carb subgroup). It's up to you to find a happy medium.

 

>Carbs

The primary source of energy that you get from food.

Typically the primary source of calories in a balanced diet, so should be the highest % of your macros.

Carbs can come in different forms. That's why "Dietary Fibre" and "Sugars" and "Fibre" are often listed underneath Carbs on the food label.

Carbs keep you feeling fuller for longer. This is especially true of Fibre.

Not all carbs are good. Refined carbs (which are found in potato snacks) can cause cravings which, combined with refined fats, are one of the principal causes in modern obesity.

The same goes for sugars. There's natural sugar and lots of fibre in orange fruit, but orange juice has almost non of the fibre and several teaspoons of refined sugar added to make it sweeter.

Carbs like Fibre are great for helping you poop regularly, which makes cleaning out before bottoming less of a chore.

 

>Protein

Vital to strengthening and repairing muscles.

In a balanced diet, it should preferably be second or joint-second on your macro-nutrient intake simply to keep fat intake lower.

Protein is the most satiating, but isn't a good source of energy.

Due to it's importance, lean whole-cuts of meat (like chicken breast) are recommended.

If you don't eat meat, it's highly recommended that you supplement protein through alternatives (like tofu or whey).

 

>Fats

Vital for absorbing certain nutrients and vitamins. Natural fats are good for you, and even aid in weight loss.

While found in most things and good for you in moderation, they are the primary cause of fatty stores and weight gain (especially if it's refined fat) so they should be the lowest of your macros.

Fats also come in different forms, notably saturated fats found in processed foods. Like everything else, saturated fats aren't bad for you as long as they're not consumed in excess.

Fat is the least satiating of the three main calories -- it's the protein in meat that stops you feeling hungry, which is why you should eat more lean meats than fatty meats.

 

RECAP:

>Calories give you energy, come as Carbs, Protein and Fat.

>Carbs are your main fuel source, and also includes Fibre (should be high) and Sugars (should be low). Should be your highest calorie intake.

>Protein is the most filling and makes you strong, but isn't a great energy source. Should be your second highest calorie intake.

>Fats are vital, but are the least filling and add to your fat stores. Should be your lowest calorie intake.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

03 DIET RULES AND TIPS

 

>The First Law of Thermodynamics

As you probably learned in school: ''energy cannot be created or destroyed, but it can be changed.'' Your body's energy has to come from somewhere, and that "somewhere" is calories from food.

If you don't eat enough calories, your body has to burn stored calories (i.e. fat) to keep moving and working. If you eat too many calories, your body has to store them as it can't make them "disappear."

If you definitely eat a deficit consistently, you WILL get smaller. If you eat too many calories, you WILL get bigger. Despite what some fatties argue, there's no magic or special rules for different people.

This legitimately needs emphasis, as some people seriously think that others are "just lucky" and "have a faster metabolism" so they eat whatever without getting fat, which is a crock of shit. If you're eating 100% healthy but not losing fast enough, then your portions are way too big.

A calorie is a calorie to your body. It doesn't matter if you ate 1000cals of vegetables or 1000cals of French Fries, if you don't work those thousand off you're going to stay fat because your body has to store it.

Yes you can lose weight eating only unhealthy snack food if it's carefully portioned. Is it recommended? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Done long enough you'll start to suffer from malnutrition and ailments like scurvy due to vitamin deficiency, with the added difficulty that junk food causes cravings and isn't very satiating.

 

>TDEE

The amount of calories you need depends highly on the exercise you're doing and what you're eating.

If you have an active job and go to the gym five times a week, you need a lot more calories than if you work a desk job and never exercise.

If you're seriously overweight or obese, you need to count calories. You got to that state by not watching what you eat, so you really need to look at what you're eating and what you're burning.

If you need help there are apps and sites for counting calories that offer recipes and meal plans. They can be a bitch if you don't grocery shop or live with your parents, but you can make it work if you really try and have some kind of budget.

If you're not massively overweight or just want to get healthier, you don't need to count calories but should still research what you eat. Knowing the difference between calories and what makes food unhealthy is an indispensable skill.

 

>Satiety

Another reason to eat healthier is satiety. Most healthy foods have tend to be more filling (so you don't have to eat as much), or have less calories than bad food (so you can eat bigger portions). Either way, it's often cheaper if you buy healthy stuff in bulk: you'll either eat less to feel full, or you'll spend less overall because stuffing your face with vegetables costs less than doing it with brand snacks.

A good example is rice, which has a reasonable amount of calories and is very filling. The same goes for most starchy foods that are higher in carbohydrates, like cereals (e.g. oats or wheat) -- they're really filling, so you're less likely to snack between meals.

Peasants have survived for centuries simply by farming satiating crops to excess and eating portions for most meals. There's a reason gruel was popular in Western history, it's often just oats boiled in milk (which is dirt cheap, nutritious, keeps you full for a while, and can be easily flavoured with fruit). There's another reason Oliver Twist shouldn't be asking for more: it's cause he's a greedy little cunt if whole oats aren't filling him.

An average chicken breast (~170 grams) is ~300 calories, but 1 medium serving (~120g) of McDonalds' French Fries is listed at ~380 calories. If you're curious which one makes you feel more full and satiated, it's not the one that comes with a burger. [Source: Google for chicken averages, McDonalds site for data on Fries]

 

>Fast Food and Treats

There's a reason treat days are recommended: you're less likely to quit outright if you let sometimes yourself have a treat. Healthiness isn't 24/7, you're allowed to let yourself go out for a meal or to get drunk as long as it's now and then.

There's a difference between having a doughnut and sharing a large pizza with multiple toppings; that shit is still going in, so be reasonable or expect disappointing results if you're eating a huge caloric excess one night a week.

Regardless of calorie targets, you should mostly be drinking water and black tea/coffee without sugar. A cup of black coffee (read: coffee and hot water) has two calories, there's no list of additives, and coffee stops you feeling hungry while giving you a caffeine boost.

People legitimately end up addicted to bad food. Basic stuff admittedly tastes bland and shitty at first when you're used to triple chocolate muffins, but learning to cook with spices and condiments helps combat this. Basic foods do start to taste better once you wean yourself off bad stuff and crave refine sugars and saturated fats less.

Alcohol has calories, which lies in the fact that it comes from fermented fruit and crops and grains. See the included info-graphics for specifics.

 

>"[Food X] is not that bad, is it?"

Reading food labels is vital simply because companies will talk total bullshit to pretend they're healthy. We're at a point where fruity candy brags about having "real fruit juice" inside but easily takes up most of your day's sugar requirements.

There's no easy way to get rid of calories. If there's zero fat, then there'll probably be lots of added sugar to compensate. If there's zero calories then it will be full of flavours and chemicals that encourage cravings.

A 12oz Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino with non-fat milk and no whipped cream has 0g of fat, so it must be good right? Nope, that doesn't change that there's still 180 calories in it from the 41g of sugar (~8 teaspoons!) heaped into it, which is a fucking joke for a small coffee. [Source: Starbucks site.]

As noted above, just because fruit juice is made from fruit doesn't mean it isn't bad for you. They add lots and lots of sugar which is noted on the label, but that doesn't stop them writing "REAL FRUIT JUICE!" and "FRUIT PULP INSIDE!" on the front to trick you.

Yes a lot of these points sound like anti-consumerist trash talking that should come with a tinfoil hat, but companies really don't give a fuck about you. Lots of products are refined and modified to be more addictive so you'll buy more, and advertised in a way to hide how unhealthy they really are. This is why obesity is a serious epidemic in some countries.

 

RECAP:

>Energy In > Energy Out = You get fatter.

>Energy In < Energy Out = You get thinner.

>Use a TDEE calculator to get an idea what you need to be eating.

>Eating healthier, more satiating foods means you'll be less hungry and won't be as chubby as a result.

>Occasional fast food, alcohol, and treats are encouraged, but never forget they still count and undo your hard work.

>If it's exploding with flavours and/or has a list of chemicals and ingredients, be suspicious. It's probably bad for you.

>If it brags that it's healthy or has low/zero of something, don't trust it. They're probably hiding that they've done that with equally bad alternatives.

>Check the ingredients. It's required by law that foods state what's inside them, and in most countries it has to say what % of your daily needs it takes.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

04 EXERCISE

 

>Types

For the most part, non-competitive exercise effectively comes in three flavours: cardio, HIIT and weightlifting.

Cardio, as the name implies, involves getting your heart beating fast to increase stamina and cardiovascular health. This is most competitive sports, and includes everything from running to cycling to rowing. Ideal for losing weight.

HIIT stands for High Intensity Interval Training, which (as it implies) is when you do very intense cardio exercises at alternating intervals.

Weightlifting, also named quite obviously, involves making certain movements to strengthen muscles and improve physique, often with added weights. This involves both isolation movements and compound movements, which doesn't necessarily require additional weight.

 

>Cardio

Again, things that involve getting your heart racing.

Recommended for those looking to lose weight or increase overall stamina. Harder if you're bulking: if you're trying to gain weight, cardio means taking in even more calories to compensate and hit your TDEE.

Pretty basic overall. Using cardio machines can help as it will give general figures as to how many calories you're burning per workout. That said, check attached for more on proper form.

If you're hating cardio but need to lose weight, variety is the spice of life. Try swapping out different types to keep it interesting and strengthen different muscles: cycling is less boring if you alternate with rowing.

Can't vouch for it, but "Couch to 5K" seems pretty popular so see attached. Since it involves starting basic then progressing to higher challenges (i.e. how you should be training anyway) it looks good to me.

 

>HIIT

Intense cardio done at alternating intervals, done similarly to sets of reps found in weightlifting (albeit without fully resting between). For example: walk for three minutes, sprint for one minute, then repeat a few times.

As the name implies, it's incredibly intense. It's the kind of exercise that you need to train up to (or at least start very basic with). There's a reason it's classed as anaerobic like weightlifting, cause it puts your body under great strain.

Mid-fifties BBC presenter Andrew Marr triggered a fucking stroke doing HIIT. It's down to the fact he ignored previous symptoms of mini-strokes, didn't mind his blood pressure despite getting old, and assumed that he could go hell-for-leather with his cardio because he jogged really often.

Despite that scare story, if you're in good health and don't go fucking mental with it when you're old and/or have health issues then you'll be fine. HIIT comes with risks in the same way you could have a heart attack doing the Tour de France if you overdid it and didn't train up properly.

Again for emphasis: don't go mental with it. It's one of those things like running a half-marathon -- it sounds easy enough when you just think about it, but even with training it's much much harder in actual practice.

Probably the best way to lose weight through cardio. Provided you can keep up with it, you're going to need to burn a massive amount of energy to keep up.

I really can't emphasise this enough. Don't overdo it. Get a coach or personal trainer who can guide you through this kind of thing and set you realistic targets.

 

>Weightlifting

As noted, involves strengthening exercises using weight. Typically involves moving artificial weights, but bodyweight exercises typically fall under this too.

Even if you're not lifting barbells, you'll need to read up on it anyway. Just because you're squatting only your body weight doesn't mean you don't have to read up on proper form.

As linked above, check out Alan Thrall's videos on proper form. They only run about ten minutes a video but cover everything you need to know.

Isolation movements involve only partial movements with muscle groups. These exercises typically involve machines (e.g. the leg press) and allow for specific training of certain muscles.

Compound movements involve entire movements with muscle groups. These exercises are often more rigorous but more effective (e.g. squats) and help work a wider range of muscles.

Unless you want to end up a spooky skeleton, you'll need to strengthen some muscles. Big butts are mostly strong muscle. Flabby Hank Hill butts are mostly fat.

START BASIC. Yes it sucks starting out doing barbell rows with two tiny 5kg weights, but you don't want to try pushing your limits until you have a very good idea about how your form should be.

GreySkull LP, StrongLifts 5x5, and Starting Strength are widely recommended as a starting point, then you can move on to whatever progression suits your aims. Recommend GreySkull simply because it encourages resets to minimize injury.

 

>Maintenance

When cutting, cardio typically becomes a primary form of exercise to lose fat. However, some people do maintenance lifting before or after cardio to prevent atrophy.

Alternatively, some people also do days of cardio between weightlifting sessions to maintain stamina and the other benefits of aerobic exercise.

It comes down to personal preference, as both sides offer their benefits. This section is merely a mention to explain it.

Odds are good that you'll have to compensate calories according to your actions (e.g. cardio still burns calories, so you'll need to eat even more if you're bulking).

 

>Resets

Resetting is the act of deliberately progressing ''backwards'' a certain amount when you hit a wall. Despite initial thoughts, a reset is great for progress.

Say you do squats with 30kg, and you hit your target of 5x5. But then when you try 35kg, you can't manage. Rather than try again, a reset to 30kg for 6 sets of 5 reps lets you challenge yourself at a weight you can manage.

While this may sound contradictory, doing something easier but at greater frequency, such as cycling at a lower resistance but aiming for a lower time instead, means you're still pushing yourself but just on a different scale.

Additionally, the fact that it's an overall lesser strain (i.e. doing lighter movements at higher frequency is easier than heavier movements at lower frequency) means your body gets to rest a little, which encourages hypertrophy and strengthens your body further.

Provided you're not incredibly unhealthy, most of you will get reasonably far without needing to reset. It's definitely worth considering when you do eventually hit a wall.

 

RECAP:

>Cutting and cardio will make you thin.

>Bulking and lifting will make you strong.

>HIIT will burn a ton of calories but will take all of your will. Get a personal trainer for it.

>Overeating and nothing will make you fat.

>Maintenance exercise lets you keep the best of both worlds provided you compensate.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

05 GYM

 

>Basics

The gym is a great place to do cardio or lifting.

Memberships cost money, but it's easily justified if you go a few times a week and depends on the gym. Gyms also mean an environment and professional help not available at home.

The alternative is a home gym, which costs a lot more in the short term (equipment is pricey) but less in the short term as you only pay once.

Almost all gyms have changing facilities, or at the very least lockers to store your stuff. Bring change, most require coins to lock.

I suggest taking a refillable water bottle, it's important to stay hydrated.

Take your phone/music player and some sports earphones or wireless headphones. My gym plays chart music and it's mostly awful, so I listen to Spotify stuff or my own downloaded stuff.

Keep track of what you do. Noting your achievements and targets (such as how long it took you to cycle 4km or how much you squatted) helps remind you of progress and lets you set goals.

 

>Other people

Anxious people: don't worry about other people. You may catch glances of others, or even steal a few yourself. It's because when you're not actively exercising you don't know where to look. [spoiler]Either that or they're 'mirin.[/spoiler] Nobody really cares about your routine.

As a rule of thumb, it's 50/50 on whether or not to offer advice. If someone looks new and is fucking up badly and you definitely know what you're on about, go over and offer neutral advice. Be polite: "Excuse me, just a heads up, but you might find it easier to keep form squatting in flat shoes", not "Pfft, you squatting with running shoes, newfag? Nice form HUURRR."

If all the equipment is being used, ask if you can work between sets. This means that you do sets whenever they are resting, and most people are fine with it. If not, just ask how long they'll be and go and do something else or hang around nearby.

If you start moving or using equipment and someone comes over and says they're still using it, just apologize. Some of the nicest people I've spoken to are huge, intimidating muscleheads simply because politeness and courtesy go a long way.

Take advice as appropriate. If a personal trainer comes over and suggests something, try it. If a blatant newfag in jeans and sandals tells you to twist violently to the right when coming out of a squat, ignore the daft cunt.

If you're new, don't worry about it. EVERYONE started at the bottom, just keep at it and you'll get comfortable soon enough once it all becomes routine.

If you're seriously overweight or whatever, people might look. Ignore them, as you probably noticed people stare at you everywhere. As long as you're sincere and try your hardest, they're in the wrong so fuck them. DON'T FUCKING QUIT BECAUSE OF OTHER PEOPLE.

 

>Proper etiquette

I can't believe I have to type this, but there was seriously a thread on it. The gym is NOT a gay sauna or club or whatever. People go there to exercise or to change and shower. Don't masturbate in the showers, blow people in the toilets, or stand flirting and petting with your bf. It's fucking gross and people don't want to see it.

Buy gym clothes. That's a t-shirt, shorts or tracksuit bottoms, and appropriate shoes. Shoes should be either sponge based (i.e. running shoes) if you're running and doing cardio, or flat and solid based (Converse is a common brand) if you're doing weightlifting. Don't be the guy who wears fucking jeans or cargo pants.

When in doubt, ask. Gym staff are there to answer questions about form and equipment. Personal trainers can be booked to help you get started or hit targets. Other people aren't monsters, so just ask if they're using equipment or if they'd move up a little in the free-weights area.

Tidy the fuck up. Don't leave your weights and equipment out when you're not using them, someone could trip or hurt themselves and it's taking up space. Put them back in the correct place, don't be that prick who stacks the heavier weights at the top to show off, someone will probably get hurt trying to move it.

If you're a heavy sweater or doing cardio, take a towel to clean up your sweat. It's horrible when you touch someone else's leftover sweat.

Learn your terminology and mind your memes. I shouldn't have to mention this, but don't be weird: saying you're "bulking" will get you a nod of understanding, saying you're "getting swole" will rightly get you a weird look.

 

RECAP:

>Don't be a cunt. Be polite and sincere.

>Buy the right clothing and shoes.

>Take a water bottle and a towel, at least at first.

>Take a music player and headphones if you have them.

>Ask for help if you need it. That's why the staff are there.

>Don't be gross or a degenerate.

>Ignore other people. Help others as you see fit.

>Keep track of your progress.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

06 HORMONES

 

I'll briefly touch on this as it falls under health. I'll admit I know very little on this, but it seems I'm wiser than half of the fuckers on this board.

 

>Should I take hormones?

Are you a transsexual? If not, then NO.

 

>Why shouldn't I take hormones by myself?

As you probably realize, hormones affect your entire biological structure. The human body is amazing and resilient, but you can and will fuck up your body using them like magic candy.

You are not a doctor or medical professional. Even doctors don't diagnose and treat their own ailments beyond the flu because their personal bias could influence their diagnosis.

You shouldn't treat them as a quick solution to how you look simply because things could work out differently. If you decide you don't want it any more in three years time, it's not as simple as just stopping and going back to being a dude.

Hormones are drugs too. A morbidly-obese elderly lady does not need the same prescription as a middle-aged anorexic man. You may not need the same dosages as recommended, and you don't know that because you're not a doctor. Height, weight, age, medical history, allergies, and a dozen other factors can determine what you actually need.

 

>How do I know if I'm trans?

Beats me, kid, I'm just a masculine faggot. There's a big difference between wanting to be fem and wanting to actually be a chick.

Wanting to be a girl with a dick is probably just a fetish thing, because (as far as I know) trans people have to want to fully transition and crave it 24/7.

Again, I'm not qualified. Speak to a doctor or medical professional someone you can trust if you're really worried about things.

 

>What are the risks of hormones?

Too many to list and there's lots of conflicting studies. The most commonly raised issue is that you're at higher risks of certain cancers depending on which way you're transitioning (but that's a risk that just comes with using hormones anyway).

Again, do your research and speak to a doctor or psychiatrist or other medical professional.

 

>Can't I just buy hormones off the internet?

No, that is unbelievably stupid. Steve off Etsy or "Shady Company From India" is under no legal obligations or regulations to provide drugs up to a standard.

This feels like a good time to remind you that shady drug dealers have a habit of cutting miscellaneous stuff in with their product to bulk it out. You could be buying a load of placebos or nasty stuff added to make it look like more so they can up the price.

 

>Are there alternatives to make me more feminine?

Yes, but you'll have to read up yourself.

Your hormones can naturally be adjusted through eating certain foods, as eating less meat but drinking more alcohol and green tea can aid this.

Hopefully someone else can provide more insight on this than me. I'm not very feminine so I'm the wrong guy to ask on diets to make it more pronounced.

 

>Will hormones affect my fitness routine?

Yes. All I know is that it will definitely have an impact simply because of physiological differences between genders.

Things like fat and muscle distribution differ between genders, and depending on when you start hormones and what exercise you do will no doubt impact that.

Again, ask a medical professional or, if you can't afford that, maybe ask a /fit/ trans person about their experiences.

 

TL;DR -- Speak to a fucking doctor. This is the kind of stuff that can fuck your body up and/or wreck things in your life irreparably. Even if it costs money to speak to a doctor, you're taking your life into your own hands otherwise.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

07 FAQ & MISC

 

Just a few things that I think I've missed but don't really fit anywhere.

 

>"Do I need to diet AND exercise?"

Yep. Calories in and calories out is fundamental. If you sit on your fat arse and eat less chances are you'll just stop getting fatter. If you exercise and eat less, you're burning even more calories so you'll lose more.

 

>"What happens if I hit my TDEE but never ever exercise?"

Then you'll turn spooky skeleton. Disused muscles atrophy and waste away, so even if you eat tiny portions of really healthy food, sitting around all day every day will mean you'll slowly start to look anorexic as your muscles get smaller and your body burns fat.

 

>"Why else should I diet and exercise?"

Ignoring getting fitter and more appealing, a healthier lifestyle it has a positive effect on mental health too and reduces risks of chronic ailments (type two diabetes and heart disease among them) and more serious complications (cancers associated with processed meats and smoking for example).

 

>"How important is warming up?"

Very. Running through the motions at a milder level gets your body ready and reduces your risk of pulling something. As a rule of thumb, do a minute or so slow pace for cardio, and do 10-15 reps at half weight or just with the bar (whatever your preference is) for weights.

 

>"How important is resting?"

Very. If you don't rest, then your muscles can't recover and hypertrophy. This isn't just talking about sleeping enough either, you need to take a rest day every few days (or at least weekends if you're in all week). Even fitness coaches take days of work.

 

>"I've injured myself! How long should I rest?"

As long as you need, even if that's a week. If it's hurting a lot or if it's really stiff, REST IT. Even if you've been training for a run and you'll miss it, overdoing it and damaging yourself further could do serious harm.

If you must go back and it's just a little bit stiff, do a reset: take weight off or do lighter cardio and build back up session-by-session until you're fully healed or back up to here you were.

 

>"Do I need [supplement]?"

Varies from person to person, so research your needs. If you don't eat much meat you should take multivitamins, as you can only get Vitamin B12 from meat.

B12 is one of the important ones as it helps prevent stuff like anaemia and is important for CNS function (apparently).

 

>"I don't want to get too big! What is the risk of that if I lift?"

It's not going to happen unless you make it. Yes you will build muscle from exercise, but unless you have a high caloric and protein intake and progressively increase the weights you lift you're not going to "accidentally" end up like Schwartzenegger.

Put it this way: if you start frying eggs every Sunday breakfast, would you worry about turning into Gordon Ramsey? No, you'd never get to that level without actively trying to.

If you want a nice bum, you need to do something like squats. If your bum isn't muscle, then it's either fat (saggy and gross) or flat (boring).

 

>"How long until I'm fit and stop?"

Sorry to break the news, but never. You should never go back to eating four doughnuts in a sitting, nor should you ever be chugging soda and iced Mocha coffees with whipped cream and sprinkles. Treats should be treats.

The reason that around 99% of diets fail is because people get their goal body and then go back to doing whatever they want. Anyone who has worked in an office: you know that one woman who diets to fit in her bikini every summer and constantly whines about it? That's because the dumb bitch goes back to eating pizza like it's a vegetable every Autumn.

You should be eating healthier full stop. This is how people get massive when they approach middle age -- it's because their eating habits stay the same past their 30s and it catches up with them because they slow down with age.

Like I said, the alternative is turning into one of those enormous people you see in scooters or being the whiny fatty in the office who can't understand why she suddenly balloons in winter months.

 

>"This is hard, any tips?"

Keep track of things. Take a body pic either in underwear or nude every week or two. Weigh yourself every week or two. Make notes of changes.

Progress is slow and steady, but the results are worth it and (as noted) this shit is meant to be for life.

Never forget that you're gonna make it.

 

>I have no confidence and hate myself. How do I fix that?

Get your shit together. If you have baggage or serious problems, talk to someone about it. Go to a therapist or psychiatrist if you can afford it. Talk to your parents or friends about your problems rather than bottling them up. Anonymous helplines exist for this reason, give one a call if you just want someone to talk to.

Start exercising and eat at least a little bit healthier. Not saying everyone needs to be a fanatic, but eating candy every day and take-out every other night WILL impact your mood. You can and will become addicted to bad food, and your body will crash and crave it if you eat it too often.

Hit the social threads and try making internet friends. IRL people can be complicated and snobby sometimes, so speaking with other chan lurkers can make you feel less alone. Try other boards if you have other interests.

Train yourself to stop worrying about the little things. Nobody really cares about if your hair looks too curly. If people are glancing at you and you haven't shit your pants, chances are they're either not looking at you or they are checking you out.

Most importantly: be sincere, do things with gusto, and don't fucking apologize for being yourself or making yourself happy. If you do that and don't look like you're trying too hard to do it, people will wonder how the fuck you're so ballsy -- they don't realize you have to learn confidence.

 

>"How do I make this relationship/friendship work?"

Honesty. If you need something, say so. If you feel a certain way and it's bothering you, talk about it. People aren't psychic and treating things like chess is for women. You're an adult, fucking communicate even if it means an uncomfortable talk.

Don't be a cunt. Again with communicating, talk about your shit rather than being passive-aggressive or letting it fester until you get mad enough to shout.

If you're really pissed off, try walking away and venting elsewhere. Go to the gym or for a run, go for a drink, go do your hobby, go for a drive. Get that shit out without saying things to their face or you may regret it. Be the adult and don't stoop to their level or make a scene if they try to hurt you.

With all that said, expect an argument, fight, or issue eventually. Relationships, intimate or otherwise, often have their bumps. Don't stress even if you do end up shouting at each other, you can work through it once you both calm down.

 

>"How do I look like Admin?"

Ask Admin. From a glance at his lewds, it helps to have a good amount of fat on your body without being overweight. Beyond that, I imagine it's down to selective exercises and genetic lottery.

 

>"Why have your wrote this here? Why write it at all when you keep saying you don't know shit? Who the fuck are you, anyway?" (and other non-specific, general critique)

Because there still is an ongoing influx of dumb questions being asked over and over on this board, simply because lots of people want a boyfriend, or to be more attractive and active.

Point being, it's to reduce shitposting in general and to save typing out responses over and over when this thread can just be referenced.

If you don't like it, then get the people around here to start fucking googling their questions or looking shit up.

And for the curious, I'm just an anon in my early twenties who thinks he's capable of dispensing advice simply because nobody else will.

 

>"Why don't you cite specific sources?"

Because I'm lazy, I don't want to paste hueg URLs everywhere, and cause you should be doing your own fucking research.

You have no fucking idea who I am beyond my flag and that I come here, so this could be peppered with lies.

I swear this is all to the best of my knowledge, but that is meaningless when I'm anonymous (as it should be).

The reason I emphasise research is because I'm not taking responsibility if shit doesn't work for you or if you get hurt.

 

>"Why all the Kyle Hyde pictues?"

I actually despise avatarfags who never drop it, but Hyde is prime husbando material and you occasionally need pics and gifs inside walls of text.

 

==========================================================================================================================================

 

08 CONCLUSION

 

There, you (probably didn't) read the whole thing. Please use the OP as reference when some tool starts asking questions. This shit shouldn't need archiving as the board is slow as fuck anyway, so even if it rots in the catalog with no responses it'll always be here to throw at others.

 

As a suggestion, add your own shit to this if you can think of anything. This is cuteboys, so lots of lifestyle stuff is applicable. A Few suggestions:

* Hair removal and maintenance.

* Guides and tips on douching.

* Useful supplements and their effects.

* Tips on lonliness and depression and relationships.

* General faggy stuff.

Regardless, consider throwing it in if you know your stuff, just be prepared to defend your posts if it's contradictory or inaccurate.

 

Just keep those dangerous, pseudo-scientific trap inforgraphics the fuck out of here. I have no clue what a "sissy squat" is, but it sure as fuck isn't as good or effective as a normal squat. I am not a doctor, but I can tell you that popping HRT like it's cod liver oil because you think it'll make you cute will fuck your shit up.

 

Don't forget:

You've got it in you to be cute and/or bara. Everyone attractive started at zero.

You'll find a husband (or wife, ick) some day if you try hard enough.

You're gonna make it.