Brothers in Collective Misery (+ AQUA MON HUNGER FORCE #2!)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdV8-QdLeNc
>I vaguely go back to those days as often as I can still count them, lingering the darkness with a sullen face and a stoic demeanor. Sometimes I knew not of where I was going, nor where I was to be, not even what I was doing. What mattered only to me was myself and what I was going to make out of it. I can still see it now. Their faces, and how I've let them down. And although I searched and searched the world for eons, hopes in mind that I would one day cross paths with them, I knew deep down inside, that they were gone, and that they were never coming back. I had but nothing to do, no where to go, no one to talk to, and no purpose for living.

>And I was alone, trapped in an edgy world, with words written out by my hand, much more intelligent than the dictions trapped in the crevices of my mind.
-anonymous

You are Nate, the ambiguously aged 13-15 year old boy from Aspertia City, however, things haven't been so good recently. Although you and Rosa have made it to Striaton City, some problems have been getting in the way.

Some "marital" problems..

A visit to Doctor Professor House's office in Striaton revealed that the reason for these fights and arguments may be because the relationship itself is growing stale after so many adventures you shared with her. It sounds plausible. Could it be that all of these adventures are only routine now?

Are you...getting bored of her? Sure, she isn't as bonkers are when you first met her, but that could just be residue from her having no need to go ba-joo-joo since you genuinely return what she feels for you.

Rosa sure doesn't think there's anything wrong, but House insists that he know's what he was doing. As all medical doctors are apparently also marriage counselors.

In order to stop the relationship from potentially crumbling, he suggests that the two of you share a temporary split-up to do your own things for a change. At the end of the day, you are to reunite with her and see if the ship still shows signs of its potential crumbliness, if it does, then House suggests that it's best if "Rosa be euthanized because she clearly does not understand the concept of a break-up."

You try to think about the bright side, a full day without Rosa, that can't be that bad, can it? You'll finally have time to do Nate-stuff, whatever that is..

You look in your hand, eyes focused at the item House gave you before you left his room.

>What is this mystical Chekhov's Gun that House has given you?

On one occasion many weeks ago, Doctor Professor House once mentioned an old hospital by the name of St. Elsewhere, a rather odd hospital that actually didn't exist at all. It was all in the head of a young autistic retard boy or something along the lines of that.

He then said that he had won the actual St. Elsewhere snow globe used in the final episode of the series at a con a few years after the show's finale, he won through a massive bid that left him in debt for decades to come. He's just now barely getting his ass back into gear.

To him, it was worth it though.

And now, the globe is yours to treasure and keep.

>GLOBE GET!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR8_bR96gq0

You and Rosa exit House's office, now in the beautiful Striaton City, home of everything dream-related and the like.

You and Rosa look down separate paths, then back a each other. As soon as your eyes meet her's, you both look away with a blush.

"S-So..um, I guess this is where we part for the um...day.." you stammer, hands in your pockets.

"Yeah... It'll be alright though, I mean, it's just a day!" Rosa points out, hands clutched to her purse.

"Yeah, that's right! We have nothing to worry about. We'll do our own thing, get a little bit of space and fresh air, come back, and everything will be back to normal, u-um...right?"

"Definitely.~"

"So...bye Rosa, f-for now I mean!"

"See ya Cuddlebuns.~"

After a few more moments of silence, the two of you depart separate ways as per the doctor's advice. You scratch your head, cursing yourself for such awkwardness. That was in no way Nate-approved attitude style. What overcame you back there?

You try to contemplate this, but you don't even manage to take five steps before you hear footsteps.

Rosa's arms wrap around your waist. She gives you a goodbye-hug from behind. It would be rude for you not to have similar sentiments, so you turn around and return the affection.

Mindless dope civilians watch in the distance, and they go "aww" and all that noise.

After fluffy whispers of more goodbyes and love proclamation in the form of stutters, Rosa leaves again, heading out of town. This time for good.

That bumping rump is the last thing you see of her...for now, that is.

You turn around to your direction, the city looks back at you with open arms.

"Hmm..."

>Our adventure begins at...
A) Fennel apparently moved her dream institution from her house to some office in Castelia. But doesn't she still live here?... You wonder if...maybe..
B) You're hungry. No adventure can start on empty stomachs. To the Striaton Restaurant!
C) There's a Trainer School here? Neat. Let's go romance the bishie teacher.

You go to Fennel's house, located just across the street from the Striaton Restaurant and Trainer's School. Maybe you'll check those out later.

A note is on her door, and you notice it as you approach the house.

>FENNEL DREAM MIST CO.
>(Operations have moved to Castelia!~)

You recall a brief encounter with Fennel back in Castelia City, she offered you an Eevee, but you turned her down because the Eevee used Sand-Attack in your eyes, that little shit...

Perhaps she still remembers you!

You open her door and walk in, "Hello? Anybody home? Fennel? It's me, Nate!"

A voice responds from just upstairs, "Huh? Oh! Nate! It's only you, sorry, I thought you were an intruder for a second, I'm up here!"

"It's alright!" you follow her instructions, going upstairs to find the woman eagerly working on a new dream-related device.

>What is this new machine Fennel is working on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiBcyQOBEFk

You walk up to her as her tinkers around on her contraption, "Hey Fennel! Um..If you don't mind me asking, what's this machine?"

"Hm? Oh? This old thing? Well, to be honest I don't really have a name for it yet, but I'm thinking of some potential ones for this prototype. Right now I only unofficially refer to it as "Mr. Lister the Sister Fister's Dream Revisiter"!"

You blink twice, did she just say what you think she just said?

"U-Um, oh my, what does it do?"

"Well, usually my Musharna's Dream Mist has the power to let someone see into their own dreams and look at their inner most desires, and with enough energy, they can even have their Pokemon visit the mystical Dream World. However, due to censoring limitations as a result of the ESRB, the Dream Mist is limited in what it can do. It's unable to record and replay those "saucy" kind of dreams.."

You look down at your shorts. Good thing you aren't pitching any tents at the moment, "Oh, I see...How's work going along?"

"Pretty good I should say! But I'm running out of Dream Mist, Musharna isn't able to produce as much as she used to, I kind of dried her out into her hibernation process...you wouldn't mind going to get someone for me, would you Nate?"

A) Help YOU help ME see my SEXY dreams? Definitely Ms. /ss/!
B) Nah, I'm in no mood for side-quests.

>SIDEQUEST GET!
>Hey kid, wanna /ss/?

It is a rare occasion to receive a face-plant in the boobs from someone with the amount of /ss/-potential that Fennel has. Your little boy mind has been coaxed into helping her out based on that alone.

Now that you have a sidequest, you -could- start on it...or you could pile up some more so that you have a respectable backlog that you can kill time with before you reunite with Rosa.

A magnificent plan for a magnificent motherfucker like you.

>Head to where next?
A) The Striaton Restaurant!
B) The Trainer's School

It's the afternoon. You're hungry. You need the munch-munchies. How else are you supposed to do anything unless you get sum'odat good food fill?

Your next destination is the Striaton Restaurant, hopefully they have some good grub there,
----------------------------------------------------
>MEANWHILE

Having walked out of Striaton in search of adventure, Rosa comes across a big building on Route 3. She remembers passing it earlier as she was coming into town, but didn't really pay much attention to it because Nate's ass distracted her.

"Retirement Home...? Well I do like kicking old pervy-dervs in their keisters...." Rosa heads up the stairs leading into the building.

A bunch of old fucks are inside, either playing chess, dying, eating mush to sooth their gums, watching Rapidash races, and dying even more. In order to keep suspicion away from her, Rosa decides to go full-disguise mode.

>Rosa dresses up as...
A) An old lady fuck.
B) An Audino.
C) A kawaii nurse.

Rosa decides to mix two of the ideas together, in the end, she disguises herself as an Audino that is in turn, dressed up as a nurse.

In order to keep up the playful charade, she even talks with a few of the old people, tending to their needs and whatnot. In return, the old men and women can only question how an Audino is talking to them.

"Hey Mark, I could have sworn that Chansey over there was just talkin' to me."

"It's alright Bob, I think we're just hammered! That Happiny was just a delusion! Or is it illusion?"

"Like the good 'ol days?"

"No sir, I do not like gays!"

Rosa continues this cute little routine of time-killing until she feels a tap on her shoulder. Confused, she turns around.

A Nurse Joy and a Blissey are standing next to her, "Hmm, that's weird. I don't remember seeing you here before, are you sure you work here, little Audino?"

>AWWW FUCK! What does Rosa do to get out of this suspicion?!

Before Nurse Joy can question Rosa any further on the matter, Rosa performs another one of her freaky, unexplained, bizarre tricks.

Nurse Joy sees the farce Audino open its mouth, revealing a smoke bomb. Rosa grabs it, and then throws it at the ground, spewing smoke all over the place.

>BOOM!

By the time the smoke clears, a coughing Nurse Joy and Blissey discover that Rosa has disappeared.

"Blissey bliss?" questions the Blissey.

"Yeah, where'd she go..?"
-----------------------------------------------
>BACK-WHILE
Fifteen minutes. You've been at your table for fifteen minutes, bad enough the line to the restaurant was long as fuck. Some of the girls wren't even here to eat, they were here to met the waiters! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

You haven't even gotten a menu yet!

Miffed off, you ring the complimentary bell at your table, awaiting assistance. But no one comes, and you believe that's because everyone here is an ignorant douche.

You decide to go get help yourself, you need some pancakes, dawg.

A) Go look for a waiter of the establishment and talk to him.
B) Go talk to the grifty-looking bartender with his Watchogs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAnPbpFan6Y

You walk up to the grifty bartender, who stands behind the counter, accompanied by two Watchogs.

Intrigued by his rather intimidating, yet calm, stoic demeanor, you sit down in a seat in front of him.

"What will you be having then?"

You sigh in relief, "Finally, some service! Uh, do you got any Moo Moo Milk?"

"Coming right up. Seek. Scout. Priority #02, go." he orders in his calm voice while cleaning a beer glass. The two Watchogs nod and head to do two different jobs.

One grabs a clean glass and the other takes said glass and fills it with fresh Moo Moo Milk, straight from the Miltanks at Moo Moo Farms.

You look up at him, "How much do I owe you, uh.." you look down to read his nametag.

"Sturgis." finishes the bartender for you.

>Hello, My Name Is: STURGIS

Yeah, his name is Sturgis alright. You take a sip of the Moo Moo Milk, elbows on the counter like a bad ass.

"Having troubles, friend? You seem beat."

"Kinda. I have to face a day without my girlfriend, and it's getting lonely without her. I figured this would be the best spot to chill and grab a bite, but the service here is crap, how come?"

"Eh...The three waiter boys working here are the only other employees aside from me, period. They do everything else, I only manage the bar. Because of that, they're constantly being pushed around. I frequently suggest them to hire some more people, but they insist on only hiring people in the family, no one in it is interested."

You nod, but then something hits you, "Wait..Then what's your relation to them?"

"I train Electric-type Pokemon. That's enough as I'll go regarding that subject. Now, if you want to hear a real story to ease those nerves, then I can do just that."

>Sturgis has some pretty cryptic tales, listen to which one?
A) The Abridged Tale of the Hero of Ideals and Hero of Truth
B) The Tale of the Corona Civilization
C) The Hunter's Final Days.
D) The Two Friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECyfX1OR_nk

Sturgis cleans his cup still, deciding to let you have this one "on the house".

You tell him you want to hear The Tale of the Corona Civilization, to which he nods. He shifts his eyes left and right, as do Seek and Scout, all three ensuring that no cheapskate is listening in on his paid story.

"This is the story of the Corona civilization...An ancient civilization that hides deep in the heart of the Desert Resort, lead by tribesmen over 1,000 years ago. Some say their names inspired Volcarona's name, some say it's the other way around. What was known was that they were trainers and hunters of these beasts, becoming one of the earliest known people to train Pokemon to human bidding. But that's when the troubles started.."

"See, their entire empire was built underground to accommodate to the bugs' nocturnal sleeping habits and to hide from enemies, but one day, some say the Volcaronas couldn't take it anymore. Not only that, but they also fed on Coro Flowers, mystical flowers with strange healing abilities, nowadays they're a rare sight. Anyhow, the tribsemen also fed on these flowers to keep healthy, but arguments arose after a Volcarona suspected the tribesmen were taking more than their fair share. They snapped, revolted, and killed their trainers, causing a big rock slide that killed both groups. The Corona empire was destroyed, a majority of it now covered in sand, somewhere at the Resort. It's not even known if they're any survivors. To this day, many archaeologists hunt after this civilization, but none so far have ever successfully found it."

"Whoa..." is all you can say.

You and Sturgis continue the conversation for a while longer, until at long last, a waiter finally appears!

>This waiter is...
A) Cilan
B) Chili
C) Cress

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWi67T9mNXM

Cilan of the Striaton trio is the one who finally appears, but oddly enough, he has not appeared tot take orders or even greet the patrons. In fact, he's chasing someone, but not just anyone.

A Pokemon!

"C-Come back here! Your owner is gone, he donated you for SCIENCE!" Cilan pardons himself through the crowd, almost tripping a few times. The Pokemon he chases refuses to listen, sticking his tongue out at him every which way.

It's Chespin.

"Oh fuck.." you sigh.

Cilan runs all over the place, losing his cool all over one grass hedgehog who refused to stay in his cage. Customers tried to help, some by even using their own Pokemon, but Chespin was too nimble, too quick to handle.

Cilan finally manages to corner him, but he quickly scatters out of the way just as the waiter tackles him, earning a bump on his head, "Ow! C-Come back here!"

That hedgehog just doesn't know when to quit, does he?

>How do you help Cilan out before he can make even more of a public fool out of himself?

You decide to calm down the hedgehog by tossing a bunch of rings and Chaos Emeralds at him. Where you got either object from, remains a mystery forever.

Surprisingly, Chespin falls to their power and begins lusting all over them as if he really were the fastest thing alive, which is an overstatement really, it's more like the second most fastest.

Following Chespin's defeat, the other waiters of the restaurant, Chili and Cress, come to greet you with bishie smiles.

Chili is seen with a certain Fennekin, while Cress has a familiar Froakie on his shoulder.

The trio of Pokemon are the only members of their unknown species to roam Unova, from that unknown region.

"Ah, finally! Some service! I'd like some pancakes, please-"

Chili waggles his arms, "PANCAKES?! There's no TIME for PANCAKES! We Striaton Bros have a job to do!"

"Job? Huh?"

Cress places a hand on his shoulder, "Chili, please. Anyways, I'm sorry youthful patron, but we currently have our hands tied in a bunch, we're unable to serve much anything to anyone today, we're terribly sorry."

Cilan dusts himself, "That's, um.. right! See, uh, a professor from an unknown region instructed us to take care of these three...ahem...special Pokemon, all he said was uh, that and nothing else, aside from their names. We um, are charged with uh, taking care of them until later today, where we are to ship them to the new region!"

You place your hands on your hips, "My my, well that sounds like a challenge.-"

Chili grabs his tousled hair, "YOU BET IT IS! I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP WITH THESE GOOBERS RUNNING AROUND! It's crazy it's BAZONKITY WIZZ WAZZ!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBpdgqnRMEc
Cress pinches the bridge of his nose, "Chili, we are not in the 90's, come on now. What he means is that these Pokemon are quite...rambunctious indeed. They seem to want to do their own thing, when they want to do it. Needless to say my brothers and I are quite un-suited for such a task and such Pokemon. We aren't sure we'll be able to pull it off."

"No need to get your panties in a fritz now, I'll help you guys! I won't be eating much anything today until I help anyways."

"R-Really? You will?!" Chili asks in disbelief.

"Definitely, now go get your Pokemon, I know just what to do-"

The three brothers nod, and they all turn to their Pokemon, only to make a horrific sight.

Chespin, the rings, and the Chaos Emeralds have disappeared.
Fennekin is not with Chili.
Froakie is no longer on Cress' shoulder.

And the front door to the restaurant is slowly closing.

Everyone collectively faints, "Aww fuck..." you mumble.

------------------------------------------
>MEANWHILE
Having successfully dodged the Nurse Joy and her Blissey, Rosa creeps down the hallway in the Retirement Home, looking for someone to bug, or at the very least someone worthy of holding a conversation.

But as far as plot bunnies can heave their cute little bottoms, no one is of interest until Rosa reaches the last wing of the home's rooms.

The name is more than enough to catch her attention, "Huh? Could it be...?"

>JEFFERSON, HOBO

"Ohmigosh! It's Mr. Nice Hobo Guy from that I met on the streets that one time!~....But um, what's he doing here?" she asks herself while still dressed in the Audino disguise.

Rosa rushes inside to greet the old man from some dozen few weeks ago, but she is saddened to find that he's asleep. It's the same guy and everything, guy's just tired from being a generic old man.

A) Un-plug him, he's too kind to be living in hell.
B) SLAM A FIST ON HIS CHEST.
C) Shout in his face to wake him.

Rosa discards her costume, wearing only the nurse clothes the costume had on now. She watches the old man, so helpless and fraggity.

He doesn't deserve to live here, in the middle of scenic no where, with no one to rely on or talk to, he doesn't deserve to live in this burning hell. Thinking about the bro-tier stuff he did in the past, Rosa thinks its best if he doesn't get pained any further.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x_EpOQddck

Though as soon as her hand makes way for the outlet, an old, fragile hand slaps it away, "W-What are you doing?!"

Rosa jumps, falling on her bottom, "AAII! Ohmigosh, I-I thought you were asleep!"

"Asleep? Why were you trying to kill me?! W-What's your deal, nurse?!" he says in a hoarse voice. As soon as he finishes his sentence, he begins hacking harshly.

Rosa grabs her heart, that shit was a sincere jump scare.

But...

"Wait...you don't remember me?" Rosa cranes her head in confusion, a frown on her face. First he has the nerve to slap her hand, albeit for killing him, and now he doesn't even bother to remember her. How rude!

A) Check the clipboard hanging from the front of his bed, what's the diagnosis?
B) Retort back angrily, how dare you not into remembering peppermint-stocking waifu!
C) Ask him why he can't remember her.

As the old former-hobo continues to scold her for her insolence, the young nurse-girl crawls up to a clipboard hanging at the foot of his bed.

Curious, she removes it from the its position and gives it a quick read.

>JEFFERSON, HOBO
>SERIOUS ALZHEIMERS
>CRITICAL CASE OF PROSTATE CANCER
>ALSO BRAIN TUMOR

But what freaks her the most is the final line in the clipboard's report.

>EXPECTED TO DIE WITHIN THE MONTH.

She looks up at the old, forgetful man, and for some reason, she feels inclined to help him out.

"Die within the month..?" she mumbles to herself.
---------------------------------------
[Picture of Archeops]
DARE DA!?!!!?!!

DAAAARE DAAAAA!!!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S TOUCAN SAM!

"Follow my nose!~ Wherever it goes!~"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEgrJWkX01g

>Toucan Sam
> Artificial Fruit type
>Smelling Fetish Pokemon
>They are intelligent and will cooperate to catch prey. From the ground, they use a running start to take flight. It runs better than it flies. It catches prey by running at speeds comparable to those of an automobile. It runs better than it flies. It takes off into the sky by running at a speed of 25 mph. They get tired easily, and are only at their strongest when using a combination of Acrobatics and a Flying Gem, otherwise, their weak points are what easily hammer them down.
-------------------------------------------------
>BACK-WHILE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvSf5HHhfH4
You, Cilan, Chili, and Cress all run after the starters, leaving the restaurant in the hands of Sturgis, Seek, and Scout for the time being.

The three waiter brothers all have their respective cages in their hands to trap the escaping starters in. It's kinda rough to make out, but you can slightly see what appears to be the starters dashing into some dark and spooky forest.

Which in hindsight, actually isn't just any old dark and spooky forest.

It's the Dreamyard.

"OH MAN GUYS, HE'S GOING INTO THE DREAMYARD, WHAT A BADASS!" says Chili.

"Uhh, he plays by his own rules!" says Cilan.

However, despite your quick feet, you're unable to catch up with the starters. You stand at the entrance of the Dreamyard, having completely lost sight of them.

But they can't be that far away, can they?

A) Search inside the abandoned building!
B) Search outside the building!

You decide to search outside of the building for the little guys. A hedgehog, fennec, and a frog. They all have specific likes and dislikes, so they couldn't have gone quite far, right?

You also have to search for some Dream Mist in order to get some nice /ss/ from Fennel. Searching inside might just be your best bet for locating a Musharna to harvest from.

BUT LIKE HELL IF YOU'RE GOING IN AN ABANDONED BUILDING THIS EARLY IN THE AFTERNOON.

You instead search outside, throwing you in a quick search routine where you pass by numerous Munnas and Hypnos, all in search of those damn starters who can't keep still for one fucking second.

"Looking for something...? Heheh..." says someone from above. You and the Striaton trio look up, spotting a rotting wall, with a ghost sitting on it.

He has a voice modulator around his neck.

>This devious ghost is a..
A) A cunning, charming Banette
B) A tricky, devious Haunter
C) A playful, trigger-happy Duskull

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWBvs9goxBY
A Banette sitting atop the wall is who the voice belongs to. His cheesy, constant grin is accompanied by a calm voice, provided by the voice modulator around his neck.

Someway, somehow, he is able to talk without the flaps of his zipped mouth moving. The only way one can tell that he's talking is when his zipper is twitching.

"A talking Banette...? What are you doing here?" you ask.

Banette stands up, "Charmed, I'm assured. As you assume, my name is Banette. But don't believe that all the things you hear are what they always have been."

The ghost hops down, "I'm a promising minion, a loyal follower, and a competent right-hand man. My only flaw is that I work for someone so incapable." the ghost snaps his fingers, causing three small, separate purple smoke explosions.

Chespin, Fennekin, and Froakie appear in three ghastly cages.

"H-Hey! Let them go, we're supposed to watch them!" says Cilan.

"You really have to try harder if you four intend to be babysitters. I'm sorry, my role as the distraction has already been played out. "

Chili hops up and down in a rage, "Role of distraction? FOR WHAT?!? I'll DISTRACT YOUR FACE!"

"The master intends on stealing the Soul Dew and some Dream Mist to assist him in his quest for ultimate power, something I don't necessarily approve of at this moment in time. Currently, my role is small, small like smithereens in the ashes. But one day, I assure thee, the dog shall bite back."

Banette floats upward, toiling the three cages along with a tether made out of ghostly blue fire.

"Well, are you at least going to have the modesty to let those three go?" asks Cress.

Banette merely scoffs, forming a Shadow Ball in his hands, "You four make me laugh, sincerely."

>What does Nate do next?!
"So are you gonna cut the 'Alice in Wonderland' bullshit or not?" you ask with a scowl.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. I find more enjoyment in doing stuff like this." he begins hurling Shadow Balls from both of his hands, swiping them at you like it's nobody business.

You attempt to retaliate with Flygon, but the Striaton trio beat you to the punch. Throwing their pokeballs in sync, Simisage, Simisear, and Simipour all pop out!

"SIMI!" says the three monkeys in sync.

Chili pumps his fists together, "DON'T WORRY BROSKI, WE'S GOT THIS!"

Cress merely sighs, a hand rubbing his poor, aching temples. As if it isn't bad enough his poor Simipour is the only female of the monkey power trio.

Cilan nods, "Y-Yeah, they're our responsibility Nate! I appreciate the effort, but um, we're, uh, more than capable here!

Bamboozled for once by the fact that your temporary company actually -isn't- relying on you for protection for once, you shrug, "Alrighty then! Less fighting form me!~"

Banette snaps his fingers, causing all three of the cages to grow giant, mechanical spider legs and big, 2spooky claws.

All the while Chespin continues to play with his rings.
------------------------------
>MEANWHILE
Rosa taps her chin with the pen in her hand, before going back to the clipboard in her other hand to write down some more information for her "report".

"Really? Your parents are dead and so is your younger brother? That's sad..."

"Well yeah, I guess it is. At least, I think they're dead. I can't remember....Who are you again?"

Rosa pauses for a moment.

"A nurse."

"Ohhhhh....That explains why you're here then! Say, would you mind doing me a favor?"

"Well sure! I'm a nurse after all.~ What can I do for you then, old guy?"

"Do you have a Chandelure?" he asks.

"Well I have a Lampent, but I haven't really gotten around to evolving it yet, it's kinda hard.."

The old man thinks about her response, a hand scratching his scruffy, Santa-tier white beard, "Eh...I think I can work with that. Can you take it out for me?"

Rosa nods, and prepares to do just as her "patient" has requested, until something pokes at her brain.

"Wait, what do you want with my Lampent then?

The old man takes a moment to think, "Oh...Well, do you know that dex information about Chandelure being able to steal the life force from people?"

"Yeah....?"

"Nurse, that is how I want to go out."

Rosa has a shocked expression on her face.

"A-Are you sure? Me, kill you, with one of my Pokemon?!"

The old hobo shakes his head, hand patting the girl's head, "No, no. Don't think of it as murder. Think of it as fulfilling my final wish. I'm not fond of dying due to my failure of a prostate, and my tumor isn't going to get any smaller. It's best to die calmly, then to die by a malignant growth."

Rosa stares at Lampent's pokeball, then back at the old guy.

He does seem rather miserable in here..

A) Fulfill his wishes; relieve the old man's soul.
B) NOPENOPENOPE THIS NIGGA'S CRAZY

------------------------------------------
>BACK-WHILE
With his purpose having been fulfilled, Banette calmly admits defeat.

Simisage, Simisear, and Simipour have all defeated the cages and have rescued the three starters under the commands of their trainers. The three Pokemon are returned while the three starters rejoin the three waiters.

That's a lot of threes.

"Hmph, you three are stronger than I initially presumed. I might just need some assistance for this one....Ahem, VOLLEYBALLS ON THE BRACKET!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cwEnCZP3E4 [Embed]

A teleportation takes place on the wall, snatching away the group's focus momentarily. Banette has just summoned the wanderer, as well as Sableye.

You obviously lose your shit, "W-Wha, you again!? You and the ghost are in cahoots?!"

The wanderer does not answer that question. Rather, he reveals the Soul Dew, as well as a jaw of Musharna mist in his hand, "Wander has what Wander came here for. Distracted boy, but distraction seems to have run out.."

"Hey!" you shake your fist at him, "I need that mist to give to Fennel!"

The wanderer shakes his head, "No. Wander needs mist. Mist and Soul Dew help Wander dream achieve. This too."

He sticks a hand into his cloak, taking out a small, feeble, defeated Pokemon. You can't even believe your eyes.

It is Azelf of the Lake trio!

"Willpower. Wander needs that. More than you." he explains.

Cress looks at you, "Nate, who is this ne'er-do-well and why on EARTH does he have that LEGENDARY Pokemon in his hands?!"

Cilan frowns, "W-What has he um, done to it!?"

"To be honest Cress, I could tell you but even then you still wouldn't be able to get it."

Chili jumps up to attack, but his hops are too short to reach the top of the wall. Banette however, simply just floats up to sit next to his master. Sableye taunts the red-haired brother as he continues to jump.

"Kekekeekekeh!"

"YOU DOOFUS! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SMACK YOU!"

The wanderer reveals his scepter in the meantime. As if it were some pieces of rubbish, he tosses Azelf up into the air, he then points his scepter at it.

Using Mesprit's emotional energy, the wanderer concocts a beam that converts the blue pixie into energy, energy that the scepter CONSUMES.

By the time the process is finished, Azelf has been reduced to but a small blue ball floating around in the scepter's glass container.

Banette shrugs with that smug grin, "I warned them not to get their hairy palms into a conundrum they couldn't get out of... Regardless, the feeling I get when a plan comes together....Marvelous. Is there none no greater?"

>What does Nate do next?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsNO-biURWw
Full table-flipping-shit-wrecking battle-mode has just been activated. You prepare for a fiery beatdown between you and your husbando waiters and the wanderer and his ghostly pals.

You summon Flygon from his pokeball to help you overcome these foes. He shines brightly with his green N diamonds, Banette claps his hands twice, "I really don't believe you gents will be able to survive this one. Tallyho then!"

"Kekekekekekekeh!"

The wanderer waves his scepter. Suddenly, he waves it in front of your body, creating a sort of water-like ripple in the air.

These distorted water particles immediately fall to the ground. But unlike normal shits and bits of water, they begin reconstructing themselves by sticking to each other.

This process continues until the image-in-progress becomes so bizarre that you become convinced that you're looking at a mirror at one point.

But you're not.

It is a mirror image of you, a clone, a copy, but not an evil twin. He has a fluid body, made out of your waifu, but otherwise his traits seem identical to yours.

As you and the Striaton trio become flabbergasted by this doppelganger, a subtitle appears under him.

>SHADOW NATE
>DOUCHEBAG DOPPELGANGER

"See? Wander has created copy. Copy of you that is you, but more powerful -than- you. Wander does this to ensure that your fate is quick and painless, because opposite boy is vessel most perfect for conquer. Wander says bye." the wanderer waves his scepter, creating a forcefield which traps him, Sableye, and Banette.

They disappear not even a second later.

"My word...That thing looks just like you!" says Cress.

"Gee, you THINK so?" Chili adds.

>What does Nate do next?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Pbq0Wx7Ss

The edgy Dark Shadow Opposite Evil Doppelganger Nate copies every action that you perform, whether it be moving, talking, or raping.

"Damn...This is going to be a challenge. I'd divide by zero but I seem to have misplaced my calculator... Stand back Striaton trio!" says you and Spooky Dark Nate at the same time.

"Good thing I hacked Ocarina of Time after being inspired by that kid who drowned...AHA!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjB1t0s-W0c [Embed]
>DA DA DA DA!

>You got a hacked copy of the Ocarina of Time!
>Have fun with your piracy!

However, because Dark Nate does everything you do, he ALSO pulls out a hacked Zelda game.

Except since he's also your opposite clone guy, he pulls out a hacked Majora's Mask instead of Ocarina of Time.

"Oh, you douche..." you mumble, as does he.

>Acquire which item from the hacked game?
A) HOW DID LINK WIN THE BASKETBALL GAME? With his HOOKSHOT
B) The actual fucking Ocarina
C) Master Sword
D) Din's Fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zW1TAojIeY

You pull out the ever-powerful Hookshot! A weapon that can like....throw a hook or something at enemies.

YEAH, THAT'S SOME STONE COLD SHIT RIGHT THERE.

You attempt to shoot the Hookshot at Dark Nate multiple times as the waiters watch in typical bishie animu awe, but everytime you shoot, Dark Nate dodges it each and every time with that same blank face.

Since you have pulled out an item, Dark Nate must pulls out another for a clone-counter, and that's just what he does.

BUT WAIT.

Out of ALL, like, ALL the items in Majora's Mask, you have to genuinely ASK what ITEM out of those THOUSANDS of ITEMS he's going to PULL out?

You have to ASK?

Dark Nate pulls out Majora's motherfucking Mask, as if there was any other option considering it's IN THE FUCKING TITLE.

You and the Striaton trio watch as Dark Nate puts on the mask, instantly the mask overcomes him, it causes his head to ramble violently, his voice to become high-pitched and littered with cackles, and his tone to become like that of a satanic prankster.

"HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Dark Nate begins to laugh repeatedly, and an unknown force stemming from it causes you to laugh in return.

But of course yours is not as powerful as his.

>Smooth moves, paisano. You got into this mess and you chose to use a Hookshot. So, what do you do next?

The Striaton trio retreat to their restaurant with the starters for their safety.

Convinced that all you need to do is play a little music to get rid of Dark Nate, you use the Hookshot to steal Dark Nate's copy of Majora's Mask. However, this results in him using his Hookshot to steal your Ocarina of Time copy.

It's a confusing process.

But now you have Majora's Mask, so you summon the Ocarina of Time, and you begin playing the Song of Healing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiCOBlwJ9GY
But you've never had any prior ocarina lessons so you just end up playing the song backwards, and all THAT does is summon a blank statue resembling you. Dark Nate plays the song correctly, as per opposite clone rules, he manages to heal himself completely of all prior damage.

Not that he had taken much to begin with.

Using the cartridge, you access the game's debug menu, and disable each song's time-traveling ability to null any potential plotholes, you then play the Oath to Order as a follow-up tactic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB_sZA2pJdc [Embed]

You play the song from the bottom of your heart, and surprisingly, you don't fuck up this time. Maybe fiddling around in debug mode suddenly made you better?

Opposite rules force Dark Nate to play the song shit-ily, and because of that, he does not benefit from its powers.

You expect four godly giants to appear so that they can wreck Dark Nate's shit, but instead four Golurks appear, crashing down from the sky.

You crane your head in confusion until it hits you, "Oh yeah! This is a Pokemon story...Kinda forgot for a minute there..."

One of the Golurks picks you up, pokes your body to determine whether or ticklish or not, and then offers a gift once he hears your sweet little boy giggles.

>He gives...
A) The Deku Mask
B) The KING KON- erm, Goron Mask.
C) The Zora Mask.
D) The Fierce Deity Mask
E) TINGLE

The Golurks offer you the mystical Fierce Deity mask, a mask only allowed to be wielded by the bishiest of the bishie.

But there is one downside however. In addition to only handsome boys being allowed to wear the mask, one must also trade the twenty non-transformation masks to the four Children of the Moon inside the Moon. Which usually takes about three days or so to do.

Of course, your little boy heart has no time to waste, you're in the middle of a heated battle!

Which in all honesty, your only real choice here is to don the mask and hope for the best.

As Dark Nate continues to dance like a maniacal fool, you put it on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGQas1eAXII

The Golurks and Dark Nate watch as your soul gets possessed by the spirit of the mask, which is essentially just Link, just like, the "good" Link.

Following the grotesque transformation, you stand in front of Dark Nate, each of you sports two of the most powerful masks known to man.

Sticking a hand in your pocket, you pull out a dildo Rosa got for you for your birthday! The one she signed in rose-scented ink.

EXCEPT IT'S NO LONGER A DILDO!

It's Fierce Deity Link's double-edged helix sword thingy!

Huh...so when it comes to you it's made out of a dildo, kinky..

Anyhow, here you are. You. You and Dark Nate, standing, the sides of righteous light against the sides of conflicted, miserable, misdirected evil.

Gee, unless you make a move, he won't.

This is kinda awkward..

>What does Nate do next?!

You look at your helix sword, which causes Dark Nate to look at his hand.

That's when it hits you.

"Wait a minute....YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SWORD! AHA! You can't copy my sword movements because YOU ARE HAVE NO ARE INTO SWORD!"

While Dark Nate repeats the same words and actions as you, he does not comprehend his dire fate until the last minute, which is finally sealed when a flurry of charged sword beams stab his abdomen with the force of a thousand suns.

"AAGGGH!!!"

Overloading with power, Dark Nate succumbs to these injuries and falls to the ground, his body deteriorating by the nanosecond, bits and pieces of his body breaking up into portions of water.

He breaks out of character for a second to curse you, "GAAAAGGGH! NOT COOL MAN! NOT COOL! YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO THE IMPORTANT SIDEQUESTS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IN ORDER TO EVEN CONTROL THAT MASK! YOU CHEATED I'M TELLING SHIGGY!"

"I don't think so."

You shove the helix sword into Dark Nate's skull, imploding his head, which in turn turns to water. But his body still remains, which must be disposed of accordingly.

"Eh, not like I have much to lose."

You STAB yourself with the helix sword, which causes the last of Dark Nate- his body, to implode into water. You fall to the ground in agony, "AAAAAAAAAGH FUCK THAT HURT LIKE A SWORD IN THE CHEST, JESUS CHRIST!"

You remove the sword with some slight cringing, a pool of blood forming at your feet.

>BOSS DEFEAT GET!

The Golurks all high five, the four giants each then perform a moonwalk which subsequently carries them into space, and beyond the stars.

"Coooooooool...."

For defeating your doppelganger in a battle, you are rewarded for your efforts, a shining object appears in front of you. Each with their own individual beneficial ability.

>This is a...
A) Power Star!
B) Chaos Emerald!
C) A Jiggy
D) A Treasure Chest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_1KWYMnsHQ

A Power Star appears out of the ground, now occupying the spot that Dark Nate once took up. With a gleeful smile, you run up to it.

As soon as you grab it, you perform the cutest little jig that no one has ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZquU5PJhdR4

>POWER STAR GET!
>Power Star has been added to your magical item inventory~

Seeing as how no other magical force is taking the Fierce Deity Mask away from you, you assume that it's now yours to keep, sweet.

>FIERCE DEITY MASK GET!
>Fierce Deity Mask has been added to your magical item inventory~

However, despite your victory over your self which acts as a metaphorical triumph against your inner darkness, something still pokes at you.

The wanderer and his goons, they got away again... No matter what you seem to do, they always manage to pull the slip on you, and you're left to get rid of their dirty work.

You ball your fists up, "What's that guy's problem!? He's just walking around the region, acting like he owns the damn place!"

Now he's captured Azelf, and it's going to join Mesprit in that scepter of his, most likely forever unless he can save them. Obviously Uxie isn't too far behind from being next.

All in all, you may have won the battle, but you may not have won the war..

Sighing, you place your hands in your pockets, heading back to the Striaton Restaurant to regroup and get a good meal.
-------------------------------
>MEANWHILE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zrn5TXjl_dM

"Aww, that sounds real bad..." Rosa says, continuing to sympathize with the old man.

"It is bad! I think...No wait, I know. It's not good when people you like perish. Except maybe my brother, he was kind of a douche."

"In what way?" asks Rosa.

"Ahhh, you know, the usual stubborn mule type of a guy, he was like....wait, I don't even remember what his occupation was! Oh, I apologize, who are you again?"

Rosa pouts, "I'm your nurse..." she repeats for the fifth time.

"Oooooh....See you seem familiar, but I can't quite put my tongue on it. ANYHOW! My brother used to be a fine fellow, yup, always got good on his academics, never bothered nobody, then he got married and things kinda fell apart from there, then he DIED-"

Rosa finishes his story for him, "Or at least you -think- he died, right?"

"No, I actually remember this one. His funeral was rather depressing.. So, now that I've told you my entire life story, at least from what I can recall of it, are you ready to free my spirit."

Rosa stammers, realizing that her distraction to buy time has just run out on her. It's not like she hasn't killed before, it's just that for the oddest reason, killing someone that's -willing- to die just makes her feel...uneasy.

Disturbed? Disturbed even more than herself?

She tries to make up another excuse.

"U-Uh, but I can't do it! Remember? You said you needed a Chandelure, I only have a Lampent!~"

The old guy cranes his head in confusion, "But didn't -I- tell you that I-"

>He finishes his sentence how...?
A) "that I could work with that?"
B) "that I could evolve it for you?"

Rosa releases her Lampent, which now sits on her head, nomming on her delicious flesh.

"Well, uh, you said you could work with that, but isn't this job kinda...too intense for a Lampent?"

He nods, "Exactly! That's what I meant when I said I could work with that, since you're going to help me, I'm going to help you."

"Help me? But you're going to die! How does that help me??"

"No see, you're not listening to me, I CAN help you. See, your little Lampent there doesn't quite have the strength I'm looking for to pull off this job. If you risk it and send him in anyway, you could possibly kill him."

"But he's a Ghost-type....."

"EXACTLY! I don't want to risk 'ol ghosty going through death a second time because of me going through it for the first, that just ain't right. See, I've learned a thing or eleven after seeing the misses and my brother, it's that seeing people die HURTS, so I wouldn't want you to go through the same process, here."

He gives her something that might just ensure Lampent's existence for the next few eons.

>DUSK STONE GET!

"Whoa! H-How...How did you get one of these?! I've been searching everywhere but those stupid shops never EVER sell them!"

"Lampent, lamp lamp!~"

He shrugs casually, "Bought it from a store in Scandinavia in 19-diggity-four."

"Ooooohhh...So you mean I can use this to evolve Lampent for realsies?"

"Lamp, lamp, lamp!~"

He cranes his head in confusion, "Well it's not like you can do anything ELSE with it, can you?" Yes, evolve him to give him the STRENGTH to handle my soul! Do it, girl!"

"You mean "Nurse Girl"."

"Right, that too."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4DgRBf3hiY
"Well then...Lampent, I hope this doesn't hurt you... Bottoms up!~" says Rosa. Lampent gives her one final hug as a Lampent, before consuming the stone.

Consuming as in, using his powers to suck up all of the darkness from the stone until it's nothing but a blank rock with no power in it.

Immediately, the effects of the stone changed Lampent, he grows bigger first and foremost, his teensy arms each split into two more arms, creating four in all. His small "hat" points upward until it becomes fluid in motion, like a burning inferno, his head becomes bigger, and he grows the most cutest smile she's ever seen, aside from your's.

Each arm grows their own separate flame, and they twist and they turn until they're pointing upward like a chandelier. Though in this case, it's more like a chande-FEAR.

"Chandelure! CHANDE!~" as soon as the transformation is complete, Chandelure appears in a flash of sparkles, his smile radiant with a ghastly glow.

What's the first thing he does?

He tackles Rosa and proceeds to nuzzle her, "Aaaaaaaaah! W-Why does this keep happening to me?!"

Rosa pushes her new Chandelure off of her, "Oof! Now come on, I've raised you from a Litwick to a Lampent to now, and even then you still can't seem to remember that fluffy-time is not allowed when we have work to do."

Chandelure frowns, arms falling flat with a depressed expression. Rosa tries to keep her cool, but she just can't stay mad at such a goofy face, "Aww~ Oh, alright, cm'here~" the two share a cute embrace as the girl squishes her face against the chandelier's face, the latter trying everything in his power not to accidentally suck up his master's soul.

Just the opportunity to "feel" her delicious, oh so supple flesh, so juicy life force, is good enough for him. Temptation is too much to risk here.

Rosa looks back at the old man, "O-Oh, um, we're ready now, I guess...Do you have..uh...any last words or something?"

The man crosses his arms, "Well....I think I have something to say, but I forgot it- WAIT WAIT! NO! I have it, I have it I didn't forget it! Alright, here it goes, get a tissue too, this might be 2copyspaghetti or sorta hit kinda close to home maybe I think. Either that or it could freak you out, scare you? I think. Probably:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Mfk89Txvnk

The girl takes out her notepad to write down the what man says, just out of respect to preserve his last wishes and whatnot.

"Ahem, when a trainer allows a Chandelure close to them, they feel the slightest little pleasurable tingle course through them. It's the gentle pull of the Chandelure tugging at their beloved human's soul, eager for the day the their time as a living creature comes to a peaceful, natural end, and they can spend eternity together as spirits in the world that lies beyond.

The faith and trust the trainer has that their Chandelure won't harm them and doom them to a life of torment by devouring their soul right then and there makes the friendship that much more thrilling. That is why I want to die by Chandelure, so I can have a peaceful death rather than die of a stupid prostate, I can instead soar in the skies with spirit buddies, reminiscing about when times were easy, slow-going, and forgivable. A time where excuses were not tolerated, and everyone was everyone's neighbor. And racism was the only fault in such a simple world, with everything else being easy as pie. When stalking wasn't treated as a crime, and borrowing sugar did not make you look like a douche."

"I lie here, and I remember of those easy times I once lived in. How I met my wife, my dear, sweet, wife whose name I can't remember, the children I THINK we had, or did we not have any at all? I can't remember the pleasure gotten from sex, nor do I think I want to in a world where things are so dirty, where any simple comment about dirty holes can be taken in the wrong direction. Where I can't even eat a hot dog without some unforgiving young boy taunting me for being a supposed homosexual."

"If someone were to ask me if I lived a perfect life, I would say it was passable. It wasn't bad, it actually started off pretty good, but as the world gets stupider, my life took a dip in quality, sometimes I just don't know what I should do, where should I go next, the things I'm thinking about, about how I may have had a beach house in Hoenn, probably aren't true. I'm getting so old I can't even remember why I'm here. The brother died, the misses kicked the bucket, what came after that? I lost money I think. In the casino? I don't think I gamble, do I? Why am I asking you that? I was out on the streets, begging for money, I remember a little girl, she looked a lot like you. She was nice, reminded me of the daughter that I don't think I had after all. I wish I had one. If I did I would have named her after that little girl, if I remembered her name."

"I remember leaving Castelia, going back to Striaton to see if I could break back into my old house to live in the cold emptiness of it, with the only other company being the faint outlines of the furniture, which was taken away by the people I was supposed to pay. Only to find my home, my first and only home aside from the one I had bought before, condemned. Condemned. The Herdier. The Herdier and that cop said I was trespassing on government property, told me to get lost. They didn't even bother to escort me out. After I refused, the Herdier bit my ear, which one? I can't recall. It must be the red one, the one with the marks on it. I went to court, they said I was crazy, am I really that bonkers? It's not that I'm crazy, I'm just mad, a mad old man who's kindness is swallowed by the ignorant faces of Unovan's sad state of people."

"They sent me to a Retirement Home that used to be a Day Care. That's this place isn't it? All the people here are just people waiting in line for Death to pick their souls out of the garden, I'm next, all the nurses here are crap, the food is crap, the everything is crap, the only thing worthwhile here is you, but that's solely because you're the only nice nurse I've seen here in all of my days being here. I think that's because you tried to kill me though, which in the end, is all I ever really want at this point. Release. Release from this cold world."

The old man takes one of Rosa's hands in his fragile, crinkly one, "Be my angel and set my soul free..."

Rosa shivers, the line alone gives her goosebumps. The ones that are all loosy, goosey...

She nods, turning to Chandelure, "I...um, are you ready, chandy-candy?"

"Chandel." he says with a nod.

"Right...Well, I hope you find what you're looking for when you're up with those spirits, Mr. Old Guy."

His eyes dart to the ceiling, "I hope so too. You know, you remind me a lot of that little girl I met in Castelia, what's her name again...?"

Having discovered the perfect opportunity to jog his memory back together one final time, Rosa juggles between her decisions here.

And in the end, does not say a word about it.

"Um...I...I don't know who you're talking about, mister, but she sounds like a real good person."

"Yeah, she was. Probably the sweetest person I've ever met in this whole crapfest, aside from you, you're pretty alright too. Anyhow, I'm ready when you are." he throws his arms in the air, "UNOVA! I AM HOBO JEFFERSON! AND I'M READY! I'M READY FOR WHATEVER YOU HAVE SET IN MY PATH!" he says in a hoarse voice. It's the loudest thing he's ever said, and it results in him hacking afterwards.

Rosa takes a deep sigh, twiddling her fingers. Without looking, she motions Chandelure towards the old man, "G-Go..."

"Chand. Chandelure."

The ghostly chandelier sits atop the old man's head, while he is strong enough to endure what would have been a fatal transaction should he have stayed a Lampent, he still has not had any experience with soul-stealing period ever since he was a mere Litwick, stealing Rosa's life force as per the orders of the malevolent Turkey Farfetch'd.

He closes his eyes, his flames growing smaller and smaller to emphasize his concentration.

Soon, the old man calms down, and his eyes close as well, signifying that Chandelure has made contact with him, and that the souls are now interlinked with each other.

Rosa watches her Pokemon suck the old man's soul, the chandelier's glass face allows her to actually -see- the man's soul. Like any other soul, it is a small blue flame, orb-shaped sans for a small flowing tip at the top. As Chandelure consumes more and more of the man's intelligence, identity, instinct, and etc, the soul grows bigger and bigger
.
That's when their eyes both snap open.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDEEEEEEEEELUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

The man and Chandelure both scream in agony, the process hurting them to kingdom come and then some. In a normal Chandelure-possession, this would normally be the only time the human has a chance of escaping, by breaking the bond connection in a simple game of tug-o-war.

The old hobo puts up no fight, causing the stalemate to end much quicker than usual.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!" with one final screaming wail of the most purest pain, the old man's body begins to twitching vividly, in ways that don't even seem possible. His neck spins around, cringes everywhere, it ultimately comes to a climax when he begins to levitate out of his bed.

His eyes roll behind his head, permanently, signifying that the transaction has been a success, and that Rosa's good friend is no more, that he has gone to better places.

His body slams back into the bed, lifeless.

"Goodbye..." says the girl, clicking her pen as she finishes his monologue.

Rosa looks at Chandelure, who restores the amount of HP he's lost by consuming the soul, the blue flame orb takes up about all of the space in his glass-head. As he consumes it, it grows smaller, and his flames grow bigger and brighter again, this time blue instead of purple.

By the time he has finished consuming, they temporarily flash red and orange, much like a shiny Chandelure, before at long last reverting back to purple.

Despite surviving the ordeal, Chandelure falls to the ground, too weak to even levitate, "C-Chandel...ure..."

>What does Rosa do next?!

"Aww jeebers, come buddy, I got 'cha!~" Rosa heals Chandelure with a few potions, seems like that soul wasn't enough to get him back into shape.

Chandelure rejuvenates some power, but he's still feeling rather weak. In the end, Rosa resorts to carrying him because he can't levitate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At9ttd4RxXk

"I HEARD THE VOICE FROM OVER HERE! WE'S GOT INTRUDERS BROSEPH!" shouts one of the cancerous cops.

"INDUBITABLY!" says the other one.

Rosa sighs, "Aww donkey spittle..."

From behind her, the old hobo disintegrates into pyreflies, "Yeeesh, that's not good either, come on buddy!~"

The girl runs in her nurse outfit, something that is no easy task when one has high heels on. But Rosa is one that perseveres, she at least manages to put in decent effort.

"'AY! THERE SHE IS, TURN IN 'DAH IMPOST'AH NURSE!" shouts a short, dumb, ignorant, stubby British cop. He is then joined by his tall, lanky, arrogant, sarcastic partner.

"LET'S TURN 'ER IN, EH?" says the lanky guy.

A chase initiates throughout the home, with Rosa excusing herself through it all in heels no less, pushing through old people, pushing some so hard they fell to the ground, "S-Sorry! SO SORRY I'LL GET YOU BACK LATER!~"

"RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" yells the short one. Instantly, vicious Herdiers break in through the windows.

"RUFF RUFF 'N STUFF, I SAY!" they bark, wearing monocles and top hats to boot.

"HUFF HUFF!"

"JOLLY GOOD SHOW INDEED!"

This is one of those points in her life where Rosa momentarily loses her cool, "O-Oh crap, I'm running so I can't throw sharp things, WHY DOES FEMINISM HATE ME SO? FUCK YOU ANITA! CHANDY, USE FLAME BURST!"

"Chaaaaaandeluuuuuuuuuuure!~"

Chandelure adjusts his arms so that they're pointing at the Herdiers. He loads them as if they're cannons with only the hottest of his burning flames.

"CHANDELURE!!!!"

The spooky chandelier begins firing Flame Bursts at rapid rate, as if he were a machine gun. He hits all Herdiers dead center, right in the face with some even getting burned.

Rosa runs past the same two trippy old guys from earlier, flaming Herdiers in pursuit.

"Hey Mark, am I still tripping?"
-----------------------------------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPGcpIXeA-4

"WAIT, WAIT. Wait just a minute." says Dr. House.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_FNw83T8Cw

The good doctor presses his hand to his forehead, stopping Rosa right in the middle of her story, "So miss. What you're trying to tell here is: Ever since I set-up this little separation, your Chandelure stole the soul of an old guy you met in Castelia during Christmas who DOESN'T remember you and you stole it out of 'respect'?"

He then turns to you, "While YOU were out stopping a dark doppelganger of yourself because a mysterious wanderer summoned it because he was kidnapping legendaries while you were bro-ing it up with the Striaton trio?"

He gives you both blank stares.

Rosa shrugs, "Yeah? What's the deal there?I ran out the Retirement Home as fast as I could, accidentally bumped into Nate, he pitched a tent in his shorts because of my nurse outfit, and he told me what he did for the day."

You nod, but disregard the tent part due to you dignity, "U-Um, yeah! Most of that is true. I went back to the Striaton Restaurant, they even gave me raspberry pancakes, which I have right here!"

From under the table, you take out a take-out box with the pancakes in question, "It was their little thank-you for me helping them return the starters they were supposed to be taking care of. I left the restaurant, met up with Rosa, learned about Lampent evolving and the old guy or whatever, and then we had footsies behind the bushes to hide from the cops, WHAT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE ABOUT THAT?"

Doctor Professor House crosses his arms, then his legs, and he leans back in his wheel-chair, "See, kids. Out of all my patients, you two are the most obnoxious. Always coming in here, making up stories about sucking on toes or-or summoning demonic gods that get defeated by the power of love. How stupid do you think I am?"

You look at the raspberry pancakes, then at him, "BUT I'M HOLDING THE PANCAKES RIGHT HERE!"

"Please Mr. Nate, anyone can fake pancakes nowadays. Just like how anyone can survive a volcano, provided they fall in the right way. Everyone knows that. Even babies."

He turns to a Smoochum playing with blocks in the corner.

"I.....didn't know that." she admits in a deep, masculine tone..

Doctor Professor House sighs, "Look, if you don't want to take my advice, that's fine, just don't go around making stories, okay?"

A) Proclaim your innocence.
B) "Okay, yeah, sure we "made up a story"!"

Rosa huffs, "But it was true, it really did happen! We took your advice, did our own thing, and realized that we weren't growing stale, we just needed some time apart, so in a way, you did help, you're just not helping now by saying we're lying!"

Doctor Professor House sighs, rubbing his temples, "Yes, sure. Of course. I -DO- believe you, and HEY, while we're at it, let's all go to BUBBLEGUM ISLAND on the CANDY CONTINENT SO WE CAN ALL RACE IN SUGARY CARS THAT GO VROOM-FUCKING-VROOM WHILE WE'RE AT IT TOO!"

Rosa growls, as does he, "Hey! I said we're telling the truth and I'm stickin' to it!"

"WELL MAYBE IF YOU HAD PROOF-"

"WE HAVE PANCAKES!"

"THOSE PANCAKES ARE A FORGERY, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE, NOW!"

The two begin arguing over which one is right, you just sit there in silence, as your mind has been pre-occupied with higher priorities.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KlmCoar2I

That wanderer....

He got away again..

His image appears in your head, all scraggly and fragile, face concealed by his cloak with those two beady dot eyes. His two Pokemon stand next to him, Sableye and Banette.

He is currently in possession of a number of items that are supposed to help him achieve his dream of adjusting the wrold, and he keeps talking about a boy he used to stand next to a lot. Maybe some of that is nonsense he's rambling on and on about, maybe it's true, maybe it's not.

All you know is that he had went to the Dreamyard for two things, Dream Mist and the Soul Dew carried by Latios and Latias, and he got away with both. But for what?

There's that scepter, which currently holds Mesprit's powers of emotion and Azelf's willpower. Shadow Arceus was created when Mesprit's emotions called out to emotions of hype for a potential Orre sequel created a malevolent creature of pure terror, and Shadow Nate was created when Azelf's willpower gave life to a being who wished to bested you in a fight of wits.

There's the Dream Mist, which is the physical representation and composition of someone's dreams, and there's the Soul Dew, which is self-explanatory. A soul encased in a crystallic ball.

The legend of the Lake Guardians frequently mentions the perfect human being, and how it is composed of all three gifts Arceus gave the guardians.

No matter how many times you think it over, you cannot come to a conclusion, it just prods at your mind day and night, WHAT THE HELL IS HE UP TO!?!

Maybe a little footsies after this argument will help calm your nerves...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>MEANWHILE
Lenora types frivolously on the keyboard, having spent all day desperately trying to seek up any information possible on the wanderer, but coming up with nothing so far.

So far.

It is not until she comes up to his profile listing on the Unwell and Not-Goody Mental Institution's website does she notice something strikingly off about him.

It is something that makes her view this situation in an entirely new light, and in some ways, even scares her.

"W-What?...But...that can't be! T-THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

>ANDREW WARHOLA: ADMITTED IN 1969. - DECEASED.

TO BE CONTINUED.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"EXCELSIOR! Another chapter in the books, true believers! Only THREE remain now before the story comes to a close how TEEEEEEERRRIFIC! I can go bathe in PEACE now!"

Stout Lee is about to leave when he hears the whining complaint of the reader, "What? What's that you say? You say you want a bonus story? PREPOSTEROUS! After what happened last week, you sincerely want another one? Are you completely bonkers?"

The camera facing Stout Lee tilts up and down.

"You're all really weird people..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>SUPER SPECIAL BONUS SEGMENT: Aqua Mon Hunger Force #2 - "~Vanilluxe's Cool CYOA for Attractive People~"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDUxc6MLXoM

The story begins as the camera zooms in on a malevolent laboratory in the distance, it was one of those weird laboratories that you would usually see in old-timey cartoons, except this wasn't a cartoon.

It was text you're reading right now.

>P2 LABORATORY OF DR. COLRESS - SOUTH UNOVAN SHORE

"GENTLEMEN.....BEHOLD!"

"What, what? I don't see anything. You called me down here so I could see your latest and greatest invention, and now I finally get here, and you don't have anything here, like, what the hell?" Ghetsis points out,

"GENTLEMEN....-"

"I'm the only on here." Ghetsis interrupts.

Dr. Colress goes on anyway, "IT SHALL APPEAR WHEN I PRESS THIS BUTTON!" he pushes the button, and from behind him, a door opens.

>What diabolical invention has the great Dr. Colress invented?

"I BRING YOU, CORN!" announces Dr. Colress with the loudest tone he can muster. From behind him, a metal door opens to reveal three or four abnormally big pieces of corn. They're slightly moving.

Ghetsis makes a blank face, "You can't be serious? You're serious. Aren't you?"

"WHAT? DON'T YOU LIKE COOOOOORN? WATCH AS I PRAY TO THE SUN GODS, ACTIVATE THE SUN ROOF!"

"But it's raining."

"YOOOOOOOU'RE RAINING!"

Rolling his eyes, Ghetsis goes to activate the roof, and Dr. Colress immediately gets drenched in the storm.

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN! I PRAAAAAAAAAAISE THEEEEEEEE, CORN!!!!!!!! THY NAME IS COOOOOOOOLRESSSSS-"

Before he can praise anymore, a strike of lightning takes him by surprise, causing his body to implode and his blood to spew everywhere.

"Oh, wow. That's unfortuna-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!"

One of the corn stalks reveals a giant tentacle which it uses to grab Ghetsis, it then consumes him in two swift bites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuMxWiRL7NM
Oh hey. That's nice. It's one of those things, what do you call them? A CYOA. Yeah. That's right. That's what this is.

Nice. Except, it's also like, a parody too. That's great. Cool. We can work with that.

So like. Here, this is the part where the main plot starts and you can like, do three different things and everyone will be like "I want to do that thing." or "I'd prefer this thing instead you festering cuntbag."

Oh yeah, one thing though, this CYOA is only for attractive people. If you're ugly, then please, just, just get out. You're not the target audience, and noise.

So, see, one day, Vanilluxe was sitting in his chair, ice creams can sit in chairs now, it's 2013, ain't that sweet? He was watching TV, it was cool.

Ice creams only watch cool shows, you know why?

'Cause they're also cool.

A) Finneon comes in the room.
B) Carnivine comes in the room.
C) Vanilluxe is hungry. Go get him food. Good food. The kind you eat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr9mLP6NwnU

Without any sort of warning at all, Carnivine busts into the room. Again, without any warning, he slams his hand on the TV dial, changing the channel.

One of those stupid educational "edutainment" shows comes on, it's the one about the creepy puppet that does nothing but sing the same song for thirty minutes straight.

>This is your left, that's your left.
>This is your left, that's your left!
>This is your right, that's your right.
>This is your right, that's your right!
>That's your left, and that's your right.

>This is your left, that's your left.
>This is your left, that's your left.
>This is your left, that's your left.

>That's your left!
>That's your left.
>That's your left.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! What the hell, Carnivine? I was watching TV!" says Vanilluxe angrily.

Carnivine turns around, giving his buddy a blank, goofy stare, "My shows are on. I wanna watch my shows. So I put my shows on so I could watch them."

"W-WHA, BUT THIS ISN'T EVEN A SHOW! It's just the same CRAP over and OVER again, THIS DOESN'T TEACH KIDS CRAP!"

"It teaches me my left and right." says Carnivine.

A) Slap Carnivine's shit.
B) Take Carnivine to Swanna's pool. Kids love pools.
C) Change the channel.

Vanilluxe is about to scream at Carnivine for his insolence, but then Finneon comes into the scene.

"HEY! What are you doing, Vanilluxe? Just let him watch his show!"

"WHAT?! HIS SHOW? This is MY TELEVISION. I PAID FOR THIS TELEVISION, NOT HIM. I PAY FOR EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE, HOW COME I CAN'T EVEN WATCH MY OWN TV?!!?"

Finneon shakes his head in disapproval, "That's wrong. First and foremost, I pay for the television and the cable, if anyone should be watching TV right now, it should be me."

"I promise to let you watch when I'm done." says Carnivine.

Vanilluxe rolls his eyes, "Alright, alright! I get what you're saying, you're saying that you want ME to let YOU sit in THIS recliner, that I DID NOT pay for, is that right?"

"Yes. Yes it is. But I don't really want to watch TV right now so just let Carnivine watch his shows, okay?"

Vanilluxe pouts, thinking of a bunch of different excuses he could say that would make Carnivine want to leave the TV."

"Hey Carnivine, want to go to Swanna's pool?"

Aww yeah, kids love pools.

"I don't know. What can I do at Swanna's pool that I can't do here besides swimming?"

A) You can have a pool party in Swanna's pool.
B) You can have a cook-out in Swanna's pool.
C) You can buy a magical cat and teach it how to swim in Swanna's pool.

Ten minutes later, the group is sitting in Swanna's pool, now Vanilluxe can watch his shows without Carnivine throwing a shit kid fit.

But one may ask how Vanilluxe can watch television if they're in Swanna's pool, well attractive reader, here's how.

Vanilluxe lazily watches TV as his body bobs up and down in the water, the TV atop a duck floaty connected to an extension cord all the way to Swanna's nearest outlet.

Finneon has taken the duty of doing parenting for Carnivine, despite his obvious massive size (in more ways than one) over the small fish. The fish reads the manual on how to create a magical cat for Carnivine to play with, and hopefully distract him from the behemoth that is television.

"Now it says here that you have to write about what qualities you want in a cat, stick the paper with those qualities into the "official" Magical Cat Friend Backwards Reverse Printer, and your new Magical Cat buddy will be printed out for your child to play with."

Finneon tosses the instructions and grabs a sheet of paper, "Alright, qualities of cats...Vanilluxe, do you know any?"

"I DO, I DO ACTUALLY! Cat's favorite home? IN A GRAVE! BAHAHAHAHAHA!" he says with a Snyder-tier laugh.

>What qualities do you want your Magical Cat buddy to have?

"Alright Vanilluxe, if you don't want to help, I'll talk to someone who will." Finneon swims over to Carnivine.

"Hey there Carnivine, what'cha doing?"

"Swimming."

"Swimming? Wow, sounds real great! Say, just out of curiosity, what would you like to see in a magical cat?"

Carnivine thinks for a moment before answering with a kiddy smile, "Well first SHE can breathe fire and can make freestyle like nobody's business and SHE has seven legs and tails instead of ears, it also glows in the dark and can spit acid. And, and, it has two heads, so like, I can pet one head, and while I'm petting that head, I can pet the other one, so I'd be petting two heads at the same time."

Finneon nods, writing down every single tidbit, "Alright, now before we start it up, I have to record a few negative qualities down, what are a few negative qualities about your Magical Cat that can balance him or her?"

"HER." Carnivine corrects.

"Yes, that."

>To keep your Magical Cat buddy from becoming a Mary Sue, what are some negative qualities it has?

After writing down Carnivine's suggestions that the Magical Cat is CARNIVorous and that it is also a paraplegic.

Finneon sticks all of the details into the Magical Cat Backwards Reverse Printer, which takes paper with shit on it -in- rather than spitting paper with shit on it -out-. After taking all of the information in, a scanner inside the printer visualizes Carnivine's ideal Magical Cat.

The printer begins to make loud noises, much like that of an engine, causing Swanna to come out as the process continues to unfold.

"AY AY AY! WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL IS GOING ON HERE, FINN-MAN? WHY YOU IN 'MAH GODDAMN POOL, HAH?"

Finneon shakes his head, "Actually, actually Swanna. We're here to create a perfect little Magical Cat buddy for Carnivine so that he can play with it instead of wasting his life away on TV, which I've deemed to be unhealthy for him."

"Well gee, THAT'S VERY FREAKIN' NICE TAKIN' CARE OF A GIGANTIC PLANT THAT ACTS LIKE IT'S FUCKING FIVE, BUT THIS IS MY POOL, I DO WHAT I WANT, AND I -WANT- YOU TO GET OUT OF MY POOL, RIGHT THE FREAK NOW!"

Carnivine mildly splashes a bit, "I kinda like it here. I'm just tee-teeing, so it feels nice, it's like multi-tasking. I like getting stuff done."

>How does the gang get Swanna off their ass?

"Alright then Swanna, if you really think this is your pool, then go on then. Come in." says Finneon with an inviting fin.

Which leads to Swanna busting a gut, "HAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU HONESTLY THINK, THAT I'MA GET IN 'DAT FRICKIN' POOL, WITH ALL THREE OF YOU GUYS? Hell no! Friggin' pansy town, you guys are."

In order to invite Swanna into the pool, the Aqua 'Mons each get out, leaving only their ducky floaty with the TV on top of it, "There you go, Swanna. Now you have no excuse."

Swanna flails his wings, "YEAH-HE-HAH! THAT'S HOW SWANNA LIKES IT NOW!" Swanna jumps into the pool, only to realize that the water is not entirely composed of well, water.

"HEY! WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSMITES TOOK A PISS IN MY FRIGGIN' POOL? HAH? HAH!?"

"Now!" Finneon shouts. Instantly Vanilluxe floats over to the TV, knocking it off of the rubber ducky floaty into the water.

"AAAAGGGGGGGH!" the TV in the water, still connected and turned on, acts much like a toaster in a freakin' bathtub, Swanna is promptly roasted and toasted, dying (for the episode, at least.) in his pool.

Finneon turns to the Backwards-Reverse Printer, "Heh! Whad'ya know, the machine worked!" surprised that one of the products he's paid for has actually worked, the fish goes to retrieve this "Magical Cat".

Only to discover that [spoiler]the cat is a giant foot with two heads sticking out of the foot, with seven legs and two tails.[/spoiler]

"MEOW." says the cat loudly.

>What happens next?

The first thing Footcat does is not at all magical.

It consumes what's left of Swanna, eating him, teeth chomping on his body, nomming him as the acid dripping from its fangs seeps into his body.

To it, it's delicious.

However, things go wrong as soon as Footcat finishes consuming Swanna, he turns to the Aqua Mons, "I know who you guys are." he says in a deep voice.

The group look at each other for a second, "I'm sorry. BUT DID THAT CAT JUST FREAKING TALK?"

Carnivine frowns, "I don't think I asked for a talking cat. How come I didn't ask for a cat that talked but I got it anyway?"

Vanilluxe charges up an Ice Beam, but it ends up falling flat because he hasn't battled in 84 years, "I guess you could call it, a CATastrophe!"

Seeing no progress being done, Finneon hovers over to Footcat, "I'm sorry, but how do you know us again?"

>Footcat reveals that..
A) It is a secret government spy sent to capture the Aqua Mons.
B) It is a alien from a distant planet sent to destroy the Aqua Mons.
C) It is a bounty hunter from hell sent to reap the Aqua Mons.

A fog machine turns on.

"I KNOW YOU BECAUSE I AM THE CYBERKINETIC ALIEN ROBOT GHOST OF THE FUTURE FROM THE PAST OF THE PLANET WHERE PEOPLE GET TO SWIM IN SWANNA'S POOL!"

"I have been sent to this planet from under Swanna's pool in order to eliminate you Aqua Mons under order of my commander! For if I eliminate you, I get to have your turkey sandwiches, which my commander will then use to purify our world of the past from the future of the Super-Archeops and purify Swanna's pool of the future from the past which has been taken over by MECHA SANTA THE RED BEHEEYEM WHO COMMANDS A NOW MALEVOLENT SWANNA'S POOL FROM THE PAST OF THE FUTURE OF AUDINO BLOOD WHICH POLLUTES IT THANKS TO AN EVIL CURSE! YOUR TURKEY SANDWICH IS ARCHEN PRIME RIB, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU MUST BE PROPAIN'D."

Vanilluxe just turns to Carnivine, "I'm sorry, you little green piece of crap. But did ANYTIME today did you suggest this CRAP to RUIN my DAY of television?"

Carnivine begins to dance, "I like dancing."

"SO WHAT ARE YOUR LAST WORDS?" asks Footcat in a deep, robotic tone.

Finneon sighs, "Remember when this all started with Carnivine learning his left from his right?"

A) Convince Footcat to take you under the pool to his commander.
B) Push Footcat into the pool.
C) Tell Footcat the 80's wants their cat back.

Finneon rubs his fishy-forehead, "Look Footcat, we promise to do everything you say, ON ONE CONDITION."

"Huh? Hrrrm? What is this "CONDITION"?"

"You have to take us to your leader. No tricks. No games. No nothing. Just take us to your leader so we can have a nice old conversation."

Footcat makes a blank face, but eventually agrees, "FINE. LET US VISIT THE LEADER FROM THE PAST OF THE COMMANDER'S FUTURE. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTCAT LIFT!!!!!"

Using his special telepathic powers, Footcat raises Swanna's pool into the air, which reveals a secret tunnel underground which obviously leads to a secret chamber!"

Vanilluxe floats over to it, "WELL WHAD'YA KNOW! He's not crazy after all! AQUA MON HUNGER FORCE, ASSSSSSSEMBLE! Let's go take this COMMANDER, so that I may go back home, hungry for a sandwich!"

Vanilluxe and a dancing Carnivine hop into the hole, Finneon floats over to it, but then notices that Footcat is staying behind, "Footcat? You, uh, comin'?"

"FOOTCAT DOES NOT HAVE ANY IMPORTANCE IN THE STORY. IT WOULD BE A TRIVIAL WASTE GO ALONG WITH YOU IN THE PRESENT OF THE FUTURE FROM THE PAST."

"Right..."

Footcat turns inside out and promptly explodes, almost as if it were a balloon.

Finneon hops into the hole in the ground to catch up with the others.

The tunnel indeed, leads to a secret chamber, where a bunch of other footcats are, all accompanied by a giant Palkia sitting on a golden throne.

Palkia throws the most ultimate shit fit, "WHAT?! THE AQUA MONS!? But that's impossible! I had Footcat destroy all of you!"

"Yeah, well he exploded." says Vanilluxe.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Huh."

Finneon's eyes widen, "Wait a minute, I remember that voice!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmL800oTMYc

>"Finally tonight, I will have enough dicks to complete the Dickship and return to Dick Planet!"

"WONGBURGER!" yells Finneon, "What are you doing here?!"

"Finally tonight, I WILL HAVE ENOUGH POOLS TO COMPLETE THE POOL SHIP AND RETURN TO MY LUXURIOUS HOENNBABBY CONDO, ON POOL PLANET! AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!"

>What happens next?!

"So....you wanna play some poker?" suggests Vanilluxe.

"I DO NOT PLAY POKER WITH ICE CREAM CONES. MY PARENTS, THEY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "YOU'RE NOT AN IMPORTANT LEGENDARY IN GEN VI, YOU'RE JUST A BOX LEGENDARY! THAT'S NOT COOL ANYMORE!" AND I LOOKED AT THEM AND I SAID, "I'M A GIANT WALKING DINOSAUR-DICK! NOW YOU SHALL DIE!"

Dr. Wongburger raises his arms, where two streams of pool floaties suddenly trap both of Vanilluxe's cones together, "W-Whoa! What are ya doing there buddy? Because lemme tell ya right now, I do not RIDE SIDE-SADDLE COWBOY ON DINO-DICK! If there's ANY dicking I do, it's in DINO DINO JUNGLE- I can tell ya that right now."

"BUCKLE UP." orders Wongburger, before either Finneon or Carnivine can do anything to save their acquaintance, he is whisked away into space by Wongburger, the ice cream cone's last words being complaints directed at Finneon for not recording his shows on the house's Tivo.

Finneon turns to Carnivine, "Well. That happened. Wongburger escaped for the second time, so now what?"

Carnivine points to the abnormally-sized farting Bianca now guarding the chamber's exit, "Well. He kinda summoned that behind our backs before we left. And I've just been right here, tee-teeing on the floor 'cause they's not no toilet here."

"Hmm, my Finn-dar detects that that girl has consumed an obnoxious amount of burritos prior to being summoned."

Carnivine continues to tee-tee, "What does that mean?"

"It means she has to go full choo-choo train."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Let's go punch her or something."

A) Feed Bianca so much that her stomach bursts.
B) Dance. Everybody loves dancing.
C) Kick Bianca in the shin.
D) Tee-tee on Bianca.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackles Wongburger as he soars through the sky, Vanilluxe in possession.

"Wow! SPACE! It's so, SPACE-Y! Gee, TOTAL SHOCKER, I KNOW!" Vanilluxe says to himself. As the two soar through space, they pass by two Pokemon.

Green and purple Missingnonites both watch them from afar, "Oh my. Do you see that flying Palkia taking off into space? It's convenient because he controls space. Isn't it?"

"NIGGA! CONTROL SPACE? I CONTROL SPACE! AIN'T NOBODY GONNA CONTROL SPACE ON MY WATCH BUT ME!" the purple Missingnonite promptly flicks off Wongburger, which the Nidoranians from afar misinterpret as an action towards them.

>SPACECATRAZ.

"'Zoh 'mah god. DEED YOU JAWST SEE 'DAT? 'ZAH DAMN MISSINGNONITES, THEY'RE FLIPPING US OF AGAAAIN!" shouts the short and spiky Nidoranian M.

The tall and spiky Nidoranian M cranes his face in deep thought, "Uh, I dunno. It probably looks like they're looking at spac-"

"NO ONE FLICKS OFF SPACE FOR NO REASON! IT'S IS UNOOOOORTHODOX!"

In the end, both alien races obliterate each other while Wongburger continues to soar away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Say Carnivine, how good at you at regurgitating food and shoving it down fat girl's throats?"

Carnivine blinks, "On a scale of 1-100? Because I rate good on scales like those."

"Um. Yeah. Sure. Just do it."

"But I already did. Also I think I rate 47 now that you think about it." Carnivine reveals that in the interval it took Finneon to answer him, he's already done the job.

The stuffed Bianca falls to her side, threatening to rip one out at any moment.

"I'm all GASSY SASSSY!~" says the tank of noxious fumes.

Finneon sighs, floating over to her, "Never before did I think we would stoop this low just for a chuckle. Anywho, let's just do this thing."

The butterfly fish takes out a pin, stabbing Bianca's big stank-gut with it. Instantly, she bursts, exploding into a blood bath that covers Carnivine and him in blood.

Finneon claps his wings, "Well! That's that. Bianca's dead. Wongburger's floating around in space with Vanilluxe, and now you have time to play with Footcat rather than watch TV."

Carnivine shakes his head, "Actually Finneon. I learned something today, I learned that Footcat isn't everything, Magical Cats aren't everything either, it's like that dog we had that one time, it meows like a cat, it feels like a cat, but at the end of the day, it's just a giant glow-in-the-dark acid-spitting foot with seven legs, two tails, and two cat-heads for petting."

Finneon smiles, "Great then Carnivine! That's real grown-up of you, my only question now is, what are you going to do instead of watching that puppet show?"

Carnivine begins swinging his big hands everywhere with his goofy smile, "What do you think?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLipHX-EJhs

Schooly motherfucking D busts out of the ground, he slams his boom box on the ground and turns it on, "Looks like the Aqua Mons is back in the house, and Schooly D back on the mic BABY!"

>IT'S BEEN SO LONG, YOU THOUGHT I LEFT YOU,
>BUT I WAS IN JAIL WITH MY NEPHEW!~

Instantly, everyone from the story up to this point that isn't named "Swanna" suddenly appears to dance in Wongburger's underground chamber, because why not? Everyone loves dancing!

>I NEEDED THAT BAIL, SO I KEPT YOU,
>I BET YOU THOUGHT I LET YOU,
>TAKE MY NAME, MY GAME, AND MAKIN' THAT MONEY MY THANG!~

The chamber's light dims to reveal a disco-Chandelure hanging from the ceiling, the dark room now lit up by bitchin', rainbow colors.

>YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
>THAT FINNEON IS THE MAN!~

Finneon grows legs made out of seaweed just for this occasion.

>YES YES YA'LL, TO THE BEAT YA'LL,
>I GOT A CALL FROM VISHAL,
> I WAS STANDIN' IN MY KITCHEN SAID HE HAD A MISSION, SAID THEY NEEDED SOME NEW TRANSITIONS!~

"Is this supposed to make any sense?" Vanilluxe asks as he floats around rapidly to simulate "dancing".

>AQUA MON, HUNGER FORCE,
>SCHOOLY D I'M BACK OF COURSE!~

Carnivine shakes his head, "It's a party Vanilluxe, it don't gotta make sense. I'ma tee-tee all night on this floor!"

The party continues into the night.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"I don't get this nonsense at all, but I guess it works!" Stout Lee tosses the book aside, and begins dancing along to the music as well, "EXCELSIOR!"

"Well I guess that ends today's final bonus story! Due to the intensity of the following chapters, we -won't- be having bonus stories for them, sorry true believers! Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back to dancing!"

"THAT'S EXCELSIOR!"

Swanna's Pool is bliss.
THE END.