The Last Son of Dublin [Archived from Pale's Pastebin]

Back before Pale nuked his Pastebin, there was a story on there I enjoyed thoroughly, entitled "The Last Son of Dublin". Luckily, 4Chan archives have allowed me to pick out the posts where he posted it in the thread, so now for archive's sake I've got this excellent story.

~Wuten


The Last Son of Dublin
Written by: PaleNarrator

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Chapter 1 - Posted July 16, 2012
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPaz0p2dpEk

>Pain shoots through your spine as you’re thrown into the wall of the barn.
>Yeah, that was gonna leave a mark.
>The scramble of hoofs scrapes your skin as a small group of colts lifts you up and tosses you back into the ring, rolling along the dusty ground.
>Big Macintosh snorts at you, pawing the ground, ready for a another strike.
>He’d been wiping the floor with you for the past five minutes now inside Sweet Apple Acres’ barn house.
>Five minutes of sitting through this asshole’s sub par fighting all because you smacked his sister’s ass.
>Applejack, of course.
>You were a jerk, not a Catholic.
>You can see steam flare out of Macintosh’s nostrils as her sneers at you confidently.
>”Nop0ny tries to get fresh with mah sister. Nop0ny.”
>Getting to your feet, you wipe the blood from your cut cheek onto your hand.
>You give a laugh as you brush your arms of dirt.
“Right, how could I forget. You’re her brother!... Hitting on her is YOUR job.”
>He glares angrily as he charges you yet again, as the crows around you that came to see the fight cheers him on.
>You are Anonymous.
>Stepping to the left, you bring your arm across Big Mac’s neck, delivering a more than likely painful haymaker his way.
>He’s lifted off the ground, and slams into the cold dirt as you bring another fist into his gut.
And you could go for a drink right about now.
“C’mon you fucking nancy, get up. You’ve tossed me around this shit hole for five minute, don’t tell me you’re done just like that.”
>Mac tries to say something back at you, but he’s far too busy trying to get his breath back.
>Chuckling to yourself and shaking your head, you turn to leave the barn.
>That’s when Mac bucks you right in the back.
>You’re off the ground, and you fly through the barn doors, flailing along the ground.
>When you get up, you’re more pissed off than in pain.
>You stretch one leg, bob up and down for a second, then sprint as fast as you can back into the barn.
>Mac is smiling at his friends, thinking he’s won.
>You promptly tackle him to the ground and begin punching the ever living shit out of his face.
>More hooves grasp you as his chums throw you off him, some of them ganging up on you.
“Oh FUCK you, he kicked me in the back, the coward!”
>Mac lies stunned on the floor of the barn, groaning in pain.
>You spit in his general direction, then clock the first colt to make a move at you.
>What started as one man fight, has now turned into an all out brawl.
>You smile.

One Hour Later

>You hated the smell of this place.
>Old books made your nose twitch and cringe. They smelled musty and moldy, and you kind of fucking hated that.
>A few bandages levitated up to your face by purple magic, as a cotton swab dabbed at your wounds.
“Ow! Watch it!”
>”Would you stop squirming? It wouldn’t hurt if you wouldn’t move so much.”
“What the fuck is in that swab? God damn acid?”
>”It’s peroxide, it’s going to help clean your cuts.”
>You roll your eyes as Twilight Sparkle keeps cleaning your face, placing the small white bandages on your cuts.
>This was a familiar routine.
>You’d find some reason to uppercut some fucking horse, they’d all gang up on you, and ten unconscious equines later you would shuffle your busted ass down to Twilight’s house for some medical assistance.
>It’d always been like this. She was the only pony in town that would be willing to take you in like this.
>Hell, she let you use her basement as a makeshift home, seeing as how she wasn’t using it for anything beforehand.
>”Anonymous, might I ask what you did to get yourself in this situation THIS time?”
“Ha, not much really. Turns out you can’t make a pass for any mares in the Apple Clan. Their brothers tend to get jealous and take you to their farm to knock the shit out of you.”
>You turn your head and spit up a bit of blood, wiping your mouth.
“I’m gonna be honest, I think I might have cracked a rib.”
>You give her a cheeky smile, but she sighs and shakes her head.
>”Why do you always do this?”
“Do what?”
>”Why do you get into fights with everyp0ny?”
“Why does everyp0ny want to fight me?”
>Twilight gives a sharp laugh.
>”Maybe it’s because of your impertinent attitude.”
“Don’t use big words with me, bitch.”
>She glares at you, you give a wink, and she sighs.
>”All done. Just… just TRY not to get more colts and stallions around here angry at you. I’d rather not have to come home and find a sight similar to when we first met.”
>You rub your face, smack it a bit to wake yourself up, and then take a cigarette out of your shirt pocket.
>Before you can light it, Twilight has snatched the lighter with her magic.
>”Out.”
“Fuck me, you’re still on about that?”
>”No smoking in my library.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?”
>”Well for starters, you could burn it down.”
“Wow that’d be just fucking tragic. Then all your shit fan-fiction would fry.”
>She groans and points to the door.
>Shrugging, you get up and walk out of her house, nabbing your lighter out of the air as you do so.
>”The cellar door is unlocked in the back for you, by the way.”
>The flame of the lighter sparks up and you take a slow drag on your cigarette.
“Thanks Tink.”
>She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at the nickname you gave her, and closes the door.
>Exhaling, you lean up against the trunk of the library.
>Twilight pokes her head out of the door.
>”I need you to come back here tomorrow at noon.”
“What? Why?”
>Twilight doesn’t say anything, darting her eyes back and forth.
>She’s silent because she knew you’d figure it out.
“No. No way, fuck you.”
>”Anon, please.”
“I’m not game for you to hook up all those fuckin’ wires to me and run your goddamn tests. Get another guinea pig.”
>”Anonymous there aren’t any other humans here, you know that!”
“Fuck off.”
>”If I could find out what you are, what makes you so special to this world, then Princess Celestia would be amazed at my findings!”
“Isn’t that great? Now I’ll repeat myself. Fuck off.”
>She glares at you.
>”If you want to come back here to an UNlocked cellar, then I think you might want to reconsider.”
>You look back to her, a cocky grin on her face.
“Clever mare. Fine, I’ll do your tests.”
>She claps her hooves together in delight, then darts back into her house.
“Fuckin’ horses…”
>You flick away the ashes from your cigarette and begin walking to the nearest bar.
>Before you can get in the bar in front of you, a familiar shrill voice chirps up behind you.
>”Hiya Annie!”
>Pinkie Pie.
>You turn around and nod, then keep walking for the bar.
>”Gee, what happened to your face?”
“Fight.”
>Please let this interaction be brief.
>”Gasp! A fight? Now why would you go and get into a fight, Mr. Party Pooper.”
>Mother Mary preserve you, punching a lady is uncalled for but you wanted to do it so badly.
“Pinkie, as thrilled as I am to be speaking with you, would you mind not talking at all in my general direction? I just want to go get a drink, I don’t need your voice to spoil the mood.”
>Pinkie pouts a bit, but when she realizes you don’t particularly care, she huff at you.
>”Looks like someone needs to smile, smile, smi-“
“If you start to sing, I swear on my grave I will kick you in the teeth.”
>She stops, her ears cast down in surprise, but they perk up immediately.
>”Okee-dokee! I’ll just hum then!”
>Jesus, Mary and Joseph…
>Pinkie bounces happily beside you as you walk into the bar, spotting a large crowd of ponies enjoying themselves.
>Okay Anon, remember what Twilight said.
>Try not to get into a fight.
>Just go in, have a beer, maybe four, then leave.
>Finishing your cigarette and flicking it out the door behind you, you walk over to the bar and sit down, ordering a glass of lager.
>Just have a drink, Anon. Have a drink then go back to Twilight’s and sleep all this off.
>Pinkie Pie bounces into the stool next to you and chimes up at the bartender.
>”Shirley Temple please!”
>…
“You’re ordering a Shirley Temple?”
>The bartender rolls his eyes and sends a glass of pink liquid down at Pinkie Pie, a small cherry floating among the ice of her glass.
>”Yup! I love these things.”
“Fuck me, you’re in a bar. Just order some liquor and be done with it.”
>You take a swig of your beer as Pinkie downs her entire glass of soda.
>”Nope! Beer just isn’t sweet enough for me, tee-hee.”
>Dear god you hope she wouldn’t “tee-hee” all night.
>"Well?"
"Uh.."
>"Come on, just spit it out. We need to get out there and start."
"She's just been acting a little weird around me lately. Nothing too serious. Don't worry about it."
>Last thing you need to do to your bro is make her help you again. You can handle this on your own.
>"Ok Anon, whatever you say. Just hurry up and eat, we're behind schedule already."
"Who are you, Twilight?"
>She stares at you.
>"Yah right, don't even try to give me that. I have to go to work today so I don't have a lot of time to goof around. Hurry up."
>Rainbow heads outside and you slam your toast and quickly follow.
>As you're near the end of your morning run in p0nyville, dash stops you for a second.
>"Hey Anon, we should race back to your house."
"Wings or no wings?"
>"You'll just have to find out." she says with a smirk.
"I'll get blown away either way, so why not."
>Her face lights up after hearing you accepting her challenge.
>"We'll race from that tree over there back to your house. Winner gets two bits."
>Two bits ain't shit, and to see your bro happy about doing something she loves, it's worth all your bits. Plus, she loves having motivation for putting in her all.
"Ok, deal."
>Both of you walk up to the tree.
>"Ready..."
>Your legs get a little tense.
>"Set..."
>Maybe with all the running you've been doing, you could beat her if she doesn't use her wings.
>The bar stool next to you scoots along the floor, and you spot the next pony to sit next to you.
>Well, you spot her mane, at least.
>Fluttershy.
>“Oh, hello Anonymous. It’s nice to see you here.”
“Piss off.”
>”I-I was just wondering if you would want to-“
“Piss. Off.”
>She mumbles to herself, wringing her hooves together in nervous worry.
>”It’s just… I kind of like you and-“
“The feeling is not mutual, Fluttershy. Now please, bugger off.”
>She hovers next to you, getting an inch from your ear.
>”But I can show you so many wonders…”
>You place a hand on her face and shove her away from you.
“Not interested.”
>She hangs her head dejectedly and flits over to your other side.
>”One of these days, Anonymous, you will be.”
“Not bloody likely, no.”
>Realizing she would be getting nowhere tonight, she lands to the ground and trots back to another group of ponies.
>Finally, some peace and-
>”Yo Anon, what’s up?”
“For FUCK sake why won’t you asses leave me alone?!”
>You whirl around and see…
>Oh.
>Rainbow Dash.
>That was alright then.
“Dash. Cheers.”
>You raise your mug to her, and she nods happily.
>When she sits in the seat that Fluttershy left, she winces when she spots your cut up face.
>”Sweet Celestia, the hell happened to you, man?”
“Bing Mac and his boys. Turns out you can’t hit on Applejack without someone getting rustled around here.”
>”You hit on AJ?”
>Taking another sip of beer, you nod.
“I may have complimented her eyes and smacked her on the ass.”
>”Yeah I can see Mac getting pissed at that sort of thing.”
“Yup. Still, they’re in worse shape than me right now.”
>”Where are they?”
“Knocked out and nursing wounds back on that farm of theirs.”
>”Nice.”
>She holds out a hoof to you, and you bump it with your fist.
>Rainbow was probably the only other pony in this town that would consider you a friend, other than Twilight. Then again, you never really hung out with Twi. You mostly just did her little experiments that she sent off to the Princess.
>”Hey, I just got some movies in from a friend of mine. Lot of cool action flicks and the like. Wanna watch them at my place?”
“Dash if you haven’t noticed I don’t have any wings. Kind of hard to walk on clouds without them.”
>”Darnit… well what about the library? You have a TV at Twi’s right?”
“Yeah I guess that works. I have one in the basement where she lets me crash.”
>Rainbow pumps a hoof in delight.
>”Awesome. Alright, I’ll be over there at noon.”
“Yeah, might want to reconsider that.”
>”Huh?”
“She’s runnin’ those tests on me tomorrow at that time. I’m not saying you shouldn’t come, fuck that. Just that I’ll be wired up when you get there, that’s all.”
>”Oh. Well yeah man, no problem. I don’t mind.”
>You hear a few colts holler over to Dash from across the bar.
>”Buzz off, creeps, I’m not interested.”
“Who the fuck are they?”
>”Ugh, just a few pegasi from my old flight school.”
“They need haircuts.”
>Dash giggles and punches you in the arm.
>”Don’t worry about them, they-“
>”Hey Dash, I didn’t know you were bucking the monkey! What, your standards reach an all time low now?”
>Dash cringes and blushes slightly, more out of annoyance than anything else.
>”I wish those guys would just shut up already.”
>…
>Sorry Twilight, things just happen.
>You finish your beer, and get up.
>”Where are you going?”
“To shut them up.”
>Calmly walking over to the trio of pegasi, you point at the one in the middle.
“You in charge of these cunts?”
>The pegasi with the mullet laughs at you, nodding.
“Nice to meet you.”
>You raise your mug.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzF0hHb7xMc

>It shatters when you slam it across his head, sending him to the floor.
>The other two fly at you, but you crack a fist across one knocking him back.
>Mullet boy gets up and bucks your chest, but you don’t budge.
>Pegasi.
>You had to LOVE how light they were.
>You grab him by the mane and slam him into his table, while the others tackle you badly with a flying start.
>Dash joins in the scrap, cracking a hoof against one of the other’s face, knocking him out.
>You take out a bit and send it to the bartender, who smiles and tosses you a bottle of lager.
“Cheers!”
>You spin around and swing the bottle into the face of the last pegasis, a dull “THUNK” ringing from the impact.
>A few minutes later, and you’ve got three more ponies to add to the roster for today.
>You walk over to their table, and finish off the drinks they were having, handing one to Rainbow.
>A glass of cider in hand, you crouch down to the groaning form of the pegasis with a mullet.
“Your mother should have beat some manners into you during your fuckin’ childhood, rather than just beat ya’.”
>You finish off the insult by pouring his drink onto his head.
>You go up to the bartender and nod to him, dropping some extra bits on the table to cover your drinks.
>Walking out of the bar, Rainbow Dash flies up next to you and laughs.
>”We have to do this more often, Anon.”
“You did good in there. Poor fuck never say you comin’.”
>”That’s because I’m the fastest thing alive.”
>She beams proudly and lands next to you to walk rather than fly.
“So, movies tomorrow then?”
>”Buck yes.”
>You bump her hoof again, and she flies off.
>Taking another cigarette out of your pocket, you begin singing to yourself as you walk back to Twilight’s library.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1W8KKPmlm4

“While in the merry month of May from me home I started,
Left the girls of Tuam so sad and broken hearted,
Saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother,
Drank a pint of beer, me grief and tears to smother,
Then off to reap the corn, leave where I was born,
Cut a stout black thorn to banish ghosts and goblins;
Bought a pair of brogues rattling o'er the bogs
And fright'ning all the dogs on the rocky road to Dublin.”

>You could care less what others thought of you in this town.
>You had time a friend or two.
>Good enough for you.

”One, two, three four, five,
Hunt the Hare and turn her down the rocky road
all the way to Dublin.”


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Chapter 2 - Posted July 16, 2012
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>You sat in a chair in the middle of the library, nursing a headache with the whiskey in your flask.
>Hair of the dog and all that.
>Twilight darts around the room, assembling a small machine and hooking wires into it as she does so.
“What’s all this then?”
>She spins around and smiles at you, eager to talk about her plans.
>”This is the experiment I’m going to run on you! It’s a lie detector!”
“A lie detector?”
>She nods, while feeding paper into the core of the machine.
>”Last week we went over memory retention and reflexes. In the latter you were gifted, in the former… not so much.”
>…
“Latter?”
>”You-… you don’t know what latter means?”
“Just fucking with you. So what, I’m supposed to try to lie to you now?”
>She shakes her head, darting over to a shelf on the other side of the room.
>”No, I want you to answer all my questions any way you want. I’m simply examining if you have the capacity to lie.”
“The capacity to- quit with the moonspeak and just get this thing over with will ya?”
>You take a swig of your flask, at which Twilight groans.
>”Anon I need you sober for this.”
“I am sober.”
>”You are drinking at noon, Anon.”
“…and?”
>She tugs the flask from you with magic, floating a few wires with patches on their ends onto your body, mostly around pressure points so as to measure heart rate.
>Grabbing a chair and sitting next to her machine, Twilight lifts a clipboard and quill and begins writing away.
>”Okay, let’s start with some questions to get your base heart rate monitored. Is your name Anonymous?”
“Yes.”
>”Alright, that looks normal. Do you live in my basement?”
“Aye.”
>”Good! Do you have a drinking problem that you need to fix?”
“Fuck no.”
>Twilight looks to the chart, annoyed that the chart has not changed.
>”Well that’s perfect.”
>You give a grin and lean forward.
>”Okay, let’s start the interview. I’ll have yes and no questions, and then some that will need elaboration on your part.”
“Fire away Tink. I’m finally getting comfortable in this here chair.”
>She turns a few dials in the detector, and places a pair of glasses on her eyes as she squints down at her clipboard.
>”Before coming to Equestria, you told me that you lived somewhere else. You called it Earth. Is this correct?”
”Ye-“
>”Ooh, I have an idea!”
>She scrambles out of the chair, and races upstairs to her loft, returning with a tripod and camera.

“The hell is this?”
>She’s all smiles at her sudden stroke of genius.
>”Well, I’ve been sending all my reports to Celestia and she’s been interested in you so far. I figure, if I video tape this interview, she could get a better grasp on the situation.”
>She flicks the camera on, a little red light blipping in the corner of it.
>”Just be natural, and this will work out wonderfully.”
“If you want me to be natural, then you’ll let me smoke and drink in this fucking tree.”
>”Anon can you not curse?”
“No.”
>Twilight rolls her eyes, but brushes it off.
>”Go ahead and tell me about yourself, Anon. As if I don’t know you.”
>…
“Uh… morning. I’m Anonymous. I’m a drunk and a brawler, and I don’t like royalty.”
>”Anon!”
“You want some fucking answers, I’m giving you some fucking answers.”
>She shakes her head in her hooves, and you continue.
”Been here since I was small. Maybe four or five years old if I can remember right.”
>”Where were you raised?”
>You take a cigarette out of your pants pocket and strike a match you kept tucked on top of your ear.
>Twi begins to object, but you’ve already lit it.
“There was an orphanage in Manehatten. Shit hole of a place it was. Not many of the other kids really took kindly to me. Used to pick on me, call me ‘monkey’… kids eh?”
>You breathe deep into the cigarette, the tip glowing orange as you do.
>As you exhale, you lean your head back and continue.
“The mares that ran that place… Jesus they were the biggest cunts you’d ever encounter. Most kids got a beating maybe once or twice a week. Me? Daily.”
>You flick the ashes of your cigarette onto your pants, making sure not to get any in Twi’s library.
>She notices this, and smiles, but speaks up.
>”Anon?”
“Hm?”
>”If you don’t mind me asking… what was Earth like?”
>You pause a bit.
“That’s not something I plan on telling you, lass.”
>”But-“
“Next question.”
>Sighing, Twilight scribbles onto the clipboard and nods to you.
>”What did you do while at the orphanage? Were you ever adopted?”
“Ha! Not at all.”
>Twilight raises and eyebrow.
>”Never?”
“Not a once, neigh.”
>”That’s… I’m sorry.”
“Save me your sympathy, I certainly don’t need it.”
>You take a drag, leaning forward once again.
“The kids that made fun of me I would fight. I would fight them every day of my life, I would. Once I was fourteen, I ran away. Got the fuck out of there and never looked back.”
>”Where did you go?”
“I stayed in Manehatten, but I just went a fair ways away from the orphanage. Stayed on the street for a time, then made good with a group of ponies. Ran with them for a while. Even had a griffon in there with us. That was a sight, let me tell you.”
>”I’m sorry, you ‘ran’ with them? What do you mean by, ran?”
“I ran with them. They were a gang. I was in a gang.”
>”You… you were in a gang?”
>You nod, finishing your cigarette and putting out the butt on your shoe.
>Looking up, you lock eyes with the lens of the camera.
“We broke the law, sure. That was a given. Robbed ponies, robbed stores, blackmail here and there. I only had one rule. No mares, no kids.”
>Twilight has stopped writing, instead leaning forward as well.
>She seems interested in your story.
>”What do you mean?”
“If we robbed someone, it couldn’t be a mare or a child. If I fought someone, it couldn’t be a mare or a child. I may be a right prick, but I’m a prick with convictions.”
>There’s a long pause, and Twilight presses a button on the camera, turning it off.
>”I… think we’re done.”
“Good.”
>You get up and walk over to where Twilight placed your flask, taking a deep drink from it.
>Twilight gathers up her readings, as well as her notes, and files them into a box before trotting up behind you.
>”Can I ask you something?”
“That depends. Are you going to send what I say off to the Princess to show what a good little girl you are?”
>She glares.
>”Why are you the way you are?”
>You turn around, sealing your flask and lean up on the wall.
“Elaborate for me.”
>”You’re a brute. You fight anything that moves and you don’t even care. You smoke and drink, sometimes at once, and have no general respect for authority.”
“And?”
>”On top of that, you tell me that you used to be a criminal and robbed people? I’m letting you STAY in my home. Why are you the way you are?”
>She was finally asking the good questions.
>You get to a knee, looking into her eyes.
>They were unflinching.
>Good.
>That gets her an honest answer.
”You wonder why I am the way I am? I’ll tell you.”
>You grab her chin lightly bringing her closer.
“Because I’d rather be who I really am than something someone wants me to be.”
>You hold her there, an inch from your face as the two of each other look at each other.
“So be honest Tink, would you rather me be someone else?”
>”…”
>Closer now.
“Well?”
>”…I…”
>You notice how bright those eyes are.
>Those were eyes of an honest soul.
>You’re nose to nose with her now, and you see that she’s blushing slightly at how close the two of you are.
>Releasing her and rising, you walk outside and lean against the trunk of the tree.
>She shakes her head a few times, and huffs at you while trotting off to her desk.
>Dash would be getting here sometime, and the two of you would settle down and watch some movies.
>Taking out another cigarette, you strike a match.
>It’s almost as if the gods frown upon you, for right when the match lights does a raindrop fall right onto it, extinguishing the flame.
>Raising your head to the sky, you notice that the sky is a dark grey and forboding storm clouds converge around Ponyville.
>A thunderstorm.
>That’s why Dash is running late. They must have just got this thing organized.
>That means Dash would be gone for the night.
>Great…
>You place the cigarette back into your shirt pocket, buttoning it up from having the wires stuck to you, and walk back inside.
>Twilight finishes writing a letter, and calls for Spike to come down and deliver it for her.
>”Spiiiike! Can you come send this scroll to Celestia please?”
>The small purple dragon scuttles down the stairs and takes the letter and tape from the interview, breathing green flames down upon it as it dissipates to ash and floats out the window.
>Spike looks to you and waves happily.
>”Hey Anon! Weren’t you supposed to hang out with Rainbow Dash today?”
“Storm’s a comin’. Think I might just head downstairs for a bit. Spike?”
>”Mmhmm?”
“Did you get me that paint I asked for?”
>”Oh! Yeah, I did. Here’s your change from the bits you let me borrow.”
“Keep it. I assume it’s down in my room?”
>”The paint? Yeah. You asked for a lot of pur-“
>You smack the back of his head as you walk back to the basement door, shutting him up.
>”Right. Secret. Forgot.”
>Twilight’s curiosity is now peaked, and she follows you.
>”Paint? Why would you need paint?”
“I paint sometimes.”
>She gives a laugh.
>”Right. You paint. Do you also write the occasional poem or two?”
“Well, well, look at you? Getting cheeky are we?”
>”I’ll leave you to your doodles then.”
>She trots over to a large pile of books and begins maddeningly flipping through them.
>You stare at her for a while, then head downstairs to your room.
>It was dark for the most part, the only light being that of a few oil lamps.
>You had electricity down here, but no lamp just yet.
>You tell yourself everyday that you’ll get one, but you don’t.
>Apathy takes a toll on a guy, you suppose.
>You walk over to an easel you hid in the corner, turning on another small oil lamp to illuminate it as you take off the sheet covering it.
>Sitting in a stool, you take a brush into your hand and break open a new bottle of lavender paint.
>And as you meet the brush to the paper, you hum to yourself an old song.
>A song your mother would sing to you when you were just a small, small boy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5djVrVsI7W4

“Come all you young rebels, and list while I sing,
The love of one’s country is a terrible thing.
It banishes fear with the speed of a flame,
And it makes you all part of the patriot’s game…”

>The face on the paper was finally beginning to take form, but you were far from finished.
>You don’t really know why you were painting this.
>You don’t know you were painting at all, really.
>Lucky for you, this was your source of income.
>One you kept secret, for the most part.
>”The badass drunk who paints to pay rent”
>Not the best title to have, for sure.
>Still… you hadn’t lost a step concerning your talent.
>As you paint on, you finish your song.

“And now I am dying, my body all holes.
I think of those traitors, who bargained men’s souls.
And I’m sorry my rifle has not done the same,
To the traitors who sold out the patriot’s game…”

>You look back at your work of art, still not complete, but progressing nonetheless.
>”…what was that song about?”
>You jump from your stool, throwing the sheet over the canvas to hide it.
>Twilight.
>You turn around, eying Twilight who’s standing behind you at the bottom of the stairs.
“Who told you that you could come down here?”
>”This is my house.”
“True… what do you want?”
>”…that was a nice song.”
>You exhale, moving away from your painting and laying down on your bed.
>Taking out your whiskey, you hand it to Twilight.
>”I-“
“Shut up and drink it. Take a chance for once in your life.”
>She looks worriedly at the flask, but relents and takes a tiny sip, gagging on the liquid inside.
>”Augh, how do you drink this?”
“Very quickly.”
>She pouts, then takes another sip, this time darting the flask up and back down in a flash, swallowing it as best she can.
>”This… is gross.”
“You get used to it. Now what did you want?”
>Her horn glows and a book from behind her floats over to you.
>”I wanted to bring you this. It’s a book that I read a few years ago, and I really enjoyed it.”
“It’s not on the mating habits of dragons is it? Because I don’t particularly want to see that shit.”
>”Ugh, NO it’s an adventure novel. I just thought, you know, maybe you’d like it.”
“Terrific. I’ll read it right away.”
>She beams at you and claps her hooves together.
>”Yay! Go ahead, get started.”
>She eagerly waits for you to…
>Wait, really?
“You… you were planning on watching me read a book?”
>She nods.
“Yeah. No. Not doing that. I’ll read it on my own time, thank you.”
>”But you said-“
“Do you not know what sarcasm is? Is that a thing about you? That you can’t take a joke?”
>She rolls her eyes and groans, realizing she’s been duped, but still she asks questions.
>Specifically, she brings up the first subject after taking another sip of whiskey.
>”So *gag* oh that burns… So what was that song?”
“The Patriot Game.”
>”I’ve never heard it before. What’s it about?”
“My Ma would sing it to me when I was little. Before I came to Equestria.”
>”You mean when you were on Earth? What was it li-“
“Not talking about that. Just the song.”
>”But-… fine. Okay.”
>You take a deep breath and close your eyes.
“It’s a song about oppression. About how you’re not supposed to be pushed around by others, no matter who or what they are… it’s about banding together and fighting for a place to call home.”
>”That’sa good shong then.”
>You look up.
>Twi hiccups.
>Your whiskey is… gone, apparently.
>And Twi is drunk.
“What a fuckin’, lightwhieght.”
>”Ah’m just fine. You don’t know ME.”
>You pick her up and sling her over your shoulder as you take her back to her room.
>”He now put meh downs.”
“Crazy lass drank all my booze. You drank my WHOLE flask, Tink.”
>”That ish not mah name, Anoninin.”
“And that’s not mine, neither.”
>Making your way to her bed, you toss her down and tuck her in.
>”It’sh only two o’clock. Ah’m not tireds.”
“Yes you are.”
>”No I’m nooooot.”
“Yes. You are.”
>”No I’m-… Ah am?”
“Yup.”
>”Oh… okay then, time for some sleepies…”
>Before you can say anything else, she dozes off.
>If you were going to let her drink, you would have to monitor it. Last thing you needed was some drunken bitch running a muck in town.
>That was your job.
>A crack of lightning strikes outside the window, and Twilight wakes up.
>She looks up at you and smiles.
>”Hey, Anoninin.”
“Yeah Tink?”
>”Could you sing that shong fer me? The one from *hic* before?”
>…
>You sit down next to her, patting her head with a hand.
“…okay. Fine.”

“Come all you young rebels, and list while I sing…”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 3 - Posted July 17, 2012
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>The glass in your hand was just about empty, the lager in it turning to thin foam as you finished it off.
>Rainbow sat next to you, cradling a mug of cider.
>It’s pretty much the only thing she was willing to drink in this place, despite your protests.
>You had tried giving her some rum you got in from a friend in Fillydelphia, but the stuff only made her gag.
>Dash knocks back her mug, slamming it to the wood of the bar with a satisfied exhale.
>Wiping away the foam on her lips she looks to you and grins.
>”So you have to tell me, what was life in Manehatten like?”
“Oh it was nice for a time. If you use the word nice in the same capacity as the word shitty, that is.”
>”Oh please, there must have been fun to be had somewhere in that city.”
“Not really. My best nights were spent with a handful of mates down at a bar like this. Only thing missing here is a decent dart board. That and quality booze.”
>Dash raises her empty mug to the bartender, ordering another drink.
>”That’s why I stick to cider. I can’t get drunk as quickly on this stuff as opposed to whatever the heck it is you drink.”
“It’s beer.”
>”Yeah. And it’s nasty.”
“One of these days I’ll have you nursing a bottle of whiskey late into the evening, mark my words.”
>You slide the empty glass of lager down the bar, pulling out your flask from your coat and down the liquor within.
>"Is something wrong? Is something out of place? Do I have something on my face?"
>You shake your head, a smile on your face.
"No... It's nothing, Zecora. I'm just glad I finally got to meet you. Now, uh... I was told you had been taking care of Baloo for me?"
>She nods, motioning for the both of you to follow her.
>"Your 'friend' as you call him is quite the case... While he allowed me to doctor him, he seems to be the sort of bear that needed his space. I could only approach him with his blessings, and even then, it was only to change his dressings..."
"I'm sure he was just being careful, is all. The guy's normally very friendly, but he doesn't know his own strength. He probably didn't want to risk hurting you.
>"That might be... He certainly unique among his kind in Everfree... Not many Ursa Minor would consider befriending a creature so small... Then again, among his kind, he doesn't seem all that tall."
"Huh?"
>This time, Twilight spoke up.
>"Yeah... I've seen an Ursa Minor before, and your friend Baloo seemed to be about... three quarters, maybe two thirds the size of the one I saw."
"I see... So Baloo was a runt, then?"
>"Precisely. Most Ursa Major don't really care one way or the other if their cub is a runt or not, but for those that do... Well, I suppose we should be thankful that your friend's still alive."
>You nod, thankful for that very fact. Baloo was alive, and Zecora had been taking care of him for you.
>As your throat feels that old familiar burn, you pass the flask to Rainbow.
>”What do you want me to do with this?”
“I want you to kiss it and start a family. It’s a flask, Dash. The fuck do you think you’re supposed to do with it?”
>She rolls her eyes and takes it, sniffing the whiskey within.
“Don’t be a feckin’ baby. Drink it.”
>Dash sighs, and takes a sip.
>She cringes a bit at the taste, but perks her ears up all the same.
>”This… isn’t that bad, actually.”
“Told you. So, what do you want to know?”
>”Well you never told me what you did after getting out of the orphanage, so-“
“Not something I tell often, Dash. Sorry.”
>It’s true. Dash was your best friend out here, but not even she knew about the gang you ran with back in Manehatten.
>So far, Twilight was the only one to know about that.
>You nod as you reach for a cigarette in your shirt pocket, craving a smoke right about now.
>To your dismay, you find that the small carton is empty save one last cigarette.
“Well fuck me…”
>Dash takes another sip, this time larger than the last.
>”What’s the matter?”
“I’m out of cigarettes.”
>”So? Just go get some more.”
“Dash, there’s only one place in town that grows tobacco and sells cigarettes.”
>”Right.”
>You cock your head as you stare at her, waiting for it to sink in.
>”…oh.”
“Right.”
>Ponyville had only one distributor when it came to tobacco products.
>The Apple Family.
>And right now, the Apple Family wasn’t taking very kindly to you.
>Your hand reaches for your face, rubbing the space between your eyes.
“Guess I can head down there tomorrow, see if they’ll sell me a carton or two.”
>A voice from behind you chimes in on your predicament.
>”Or ya could just ask me considerin’ Ah’m right here.”
>Glancing over your shoulder, you spot Applejack sauntering over to the bar, sitting next to you and raising a hoof to the bartender.
“Evening lass. What brings you here tonight?”
>”Thought Ah’d get off the farm for a night. Might try to find a nice bed that doesn’t smell like hay t’sleep in.”
>She gives you a sly grin as she snatches the glass of cider that slides down to her.
“Sorry love, but whenever I think I might have at you, your family tends to use me as their own personal punching bag.”
>”Aw, and here Ah was thinkin’ you were the dangerous type.”
>She gives you a wink as she takes a drink from her glass.
>Dammit she wasn’t making it easy to resist tempting fate.
>Dash pulls you over to her, whispering into your ear.
>”Don’t.”
“Oh come on what’s the worst that could happen?”
>”You could wake up to a bunch of stallions with murder in their eyes. That’s one thing.”
“True, true… BUT, that would imply that I also wake up with that mare next to me in the morning.”
>Rainbow groans and shoves you over, drinking from your flask still.
>You turn to Applejack as she adjusts herself in on her barstool to get a better look at you.
>”So… are you th’dangerous type?”
“Maybe. You aren’t worried that your brother and his goons might try to kick my teeth in?”
>She grins, biting her lower lip softly as she brings a hoof to your chest.
>”Somethin’ tells me you’re even less concerned with that happenin’, sugarcube.”
>Time to weigh the options in your head it seems.
>On one hand, you could try to bed the mare next to you and have a right good time at it as well.
>On the other, her family would try to flay you alive if you actually had a roll in the proverbial hay with her.
>It was a tough decision, that was for sure.
>”Ah know a quiet little place near here, right behind the bar. Once you make up yer mind-“
>She hops off her stool, flicking her tail upwards and brushing your chin with it.
>”-just come back there and we can get better… acquainted.”
>She walks away from you and out the bar.
>Dash lets out a sigh of relief.
>”She’s gone. Good. Jeez man, I thought you were actually going to go and-“
>You snatch your flask out of her hooves and bring it to your lips, tilting your head back.
>”Whoa the hell are you doing?”
>You raise you hand, signaling her to wait while you down the entire container, slipping it into your coat once you finish.
“Excuse me Dash, but I have a country girl to go tame.”
>”You cannot be ser-“
“Cheers.”
>You hop out of your seat and walk out of the bar, leaving Dash to shake her head in her hooves.
>The prospect of having a night with AJ.
>Heavy risk.
>But the prize.
>Standing in front of the bar door, you take your last cigarette and light it, taking a deep breath for good luck.
>Turning the corner and walking down the alleyway, you spot Applejack standing underneath a neon sign for the store next door.
>You walk up to her, a sly smile on her face as she makes her way to you, her orange fur illuminated by the green neon light behind her.
“So lass, where shall we begin, aye?”
>You bring a hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently.
>She smiles at you.
>”Ah’m afraid Ah’ve got some bad news.”
>She cranes her head passed you and nods, as the sound of hooves walking up to you sounds off.
“Shite.”
>You whirl around and ball a fist, clocking a medium sized colt right in the jaw, sending him yelping to the ground.
>”The hell are you doin’?!”
>Applejack trots up to you and crouches down at the colt as he nurses his jaw.
“Here I thought you were interested, when you were really just tryin’ to get the jump on me.”
>”The jump- he’s here t’make a deal with you ya jittery son of a bitch!”
>The colt rubs his jaw as he gets up, smiling.
>”It’s alright Applejack. You were right, he’s one mean bastard. Meaner right hook, by the look of it.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
>The colt brushes some dust off his chest and nods his head, holding a hoof out to you.
>”Time Turner. It’s a pleasure, really.”
“Uh huh. Any reason you’re sneaking up on me while I’m trying to get lucky with our blonde friend over here?”
>Applejack blushes lightly as she stands next to Turner.
>”Applejack here came to me with a proposition. She tells me that her brother and some of his friends gave you quite the thrashing a few nights ago.”
“Did she also tell you the part about me being the only conscious one to walk out of that feckin’ barn? Or did she gloss over that bit?”
>Time Turner smiles and gives a short laugh.
>”Oh no, she most certainly mentioned that part. In fact, that was the part I took a bit of interest in.”
>You raise an eyebrow while rubbing your hand.
>Applejack speaks up.
>”We want you to fight.”
>…
“In the quiet words of the virgin Mary… come again?”
>”Turner here runs a small fightin’ circuit. Underground sorta thing. He wants you t’fight fer him.”
>You look from Applejack to Time Turner, then back to Applejack.
“If he wants me to fight then why the fuck are you comin’ to me in a bar and hitting me up?”
>”Because she has a personal stake in the next fight,” Turner responds.
>”Bic Mac is in the next fight,” Applejack chimes in. “We want you to go into that ring and win it.”
“We?”
>”Mac has been the most overbearing bastard to me fer the longest time. Ah’d like t’see him get taken down a peg.”
>You take a drag of your cigarette, mulling this over.
“Alright, let’s say I’m your fighter. What the fuck is in it for me?”
>”Other than your share of the winnings? You’d be making 40% of the total pool. And trust me, once I announce you as my fighter, the betting will go through the roof.”
>You look over to Applejack.
“I want cigarettes.”
>”Deal. How many?”
“Five cartons.”
>”Done.”
“Then you’ve got yourself a fuckin’ fighter.”
>You shake their hooves, Turner smiling ear to ear.
>”Perfect! The fight is in three days at the Apple family cellar. I’ll stay in touch.”
>He walks off and you turn back to Applejack.
“So Ms. Applejack, about you and I…”
>She giggles and shakes her head.
>”Sorry darlin’, no can do. Ah was just doin’ Turner a favor. However…”
>She pushes your back to the brick wall, her hooves on your shoulders.
>”..Ah don’t see why Ah can’t get to know you after ya win yer big fight…”
>Running a hand down her neck and using the other to take the cigarette out of your mouth, Applejack kisses you deeply.
>When she breaks away from you she exhales, your smoke trailing from her nostrils.
>”Some other time, lover boy.”
>She hops back down, smiling as she saunters off.
“Fuckin’ tease…”
>Putting your cigarette back into your mouth, you turn around and head back for the bar.
>If you were going home alone tonight, then the best you could do to make up for it was to get a bit drunker with Dash.
>Entering the bar, you’re greeted with a sight you didn’t need to see.
>The three colts from the other night are currently surrounding Rainbow, sneering at each other as they try to make a pass at her.
>You stride calmly up to the one in the middle, their leader, and tap him on the shoulder.
>”Yeah what the hell do you wa-“
>He freezes, his eyes widening in fear when turns around to see you.
>Taking drag of your cigarette, you glance at all three of them before locking eyes with the colt in the middle.
“Listen to me and listen close. You, my friend, are a dick.”
>”We’re not looking for trouble, man.”
“So, you are obviously the “big” dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. Now there are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.”
>You take the glass in his hands from him, drinking his beer.
“Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time.”
>You finish his beer and toss the glass in your hand up and down, not breaking eye contact with him.
“But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here… just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you.”
>The middle colt gulps down air, his ears turned downwards.
“Now… fuck off.”
>They start to back away, but the one in the middle puffs out his chest and glares at you, confident for some reason.
>”Joke’s on you, my cousin is here!”
“Why the fuck should I care about your god damn-“
>Pain flashes through your head as it’s slammed to the bar buy a rather… buff, pegasis.
>”NOBP0NY MESSES WITH ROY-D-RAGE OR HIS FAMILY.”
“Fuckin’ hell, why do I always piss off the burly fuckers?”
>You get up, rubbing your head as you do so when you come eye to eye with this guy.
“Creepy eyes you got there, mate.”
>”WERE YOU MESSIN WITH MY COUSIN?”
“Say I was. Are you going to kick the livin’ shite out of me for doing it?”
>”EEEYEEEAAAAH.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogzlmuH7nuY

>You lean up on the bar, grabbing Dash’s glass of cider.
>You raise it to Roy-D-Rage, and take a long gulp.
“Cheers, shit head.”
>His nostrils flare and one of his eyes begin to twitch, along with his little wings.
>Time to take him down a peg.
“I see you’ve got yourself some tiny wings. I take it that you’re as ripped as you are as a sort of compensation, aye?”
>”The BUCK did you say to me?”
“Ah nothin’, I was just insinuating that you’re not comfortable havin’ small appendages.”
>He begins heaving as he breathes harder and harder.
“What’s the matter? Strike a chord in that wee brain of yours? I’m guessing it’s about the size of your wings. Among other things.”
>That’s done it.
>He charges you, flying as fast as he can at you.
>You grin.
>Twi had better know how to get glass out of a hand.
>You side step him, bringing the thick glass mug right into his face, shattering it to pieces.
>He barrels into the bar while yelling about his face, when you grab him by the shoulders and pound him into the bar, sliding him down it’s length and throwing him to the ground.
>All of a sudden his cousin and his cunt friends rush you, tackling you to the ground.
“Dash, I could use a hoof over here!”
>She zips over and clocks the one with a mullet square in the jaw, while you toss the others off you.
>Grasping a colt, you pick him up and toss him to Rainbow Dash, who head butts him to the floor.
>Roy groans.
>You send a boot to his stomach, shutting him up.
“Dash, I think we’re done here. Pay the bartender like a good mare, will ya?”
>”It’s your turn to cover the tab though.”
“Aye, it is. I also got these cunts off your back earlier.”
>”Point taken.”
>She trots over to the bartender and tosses him your pay, and the two of you leave.
>As the two of you walk down the street you try your best to pick at the glass in your hand, whincing slightly as you do so.
“Fuck me, I had to go and break the glass over his face didn’t I?”
>”You have a habit of doing that.”
“True. Might as well buy the bartender a set for Hearths Warming Eve.”
>Dash giggles at your joke before asking you some more questions.
>”So, what happened with Applejack?”
>You roll your eyes and run your good hand through your hair.
“She wasn’t looking for anything intimate. Turns out she was buttering me up to join some sort of fight club bein’ run by a guy named “Time Turner.”
>”So what did you do?”
“I said yes. My first fight is in three days.”
>Rainbow pumps her hoof a few times in cheer.
>”Dude I cannot WAIT to watch that. Where’s it at?”
“Sweet Apple Acres. Their cellar, in fact.”
>”This is going to rock. Who are you fighting, do you know?”
>You give a smarmy grin.
“Macintosh.”
>”This. Will be. Awesome.”
>You agree with her. Getting a chance to go up against Big Mac one on one is sounding like a dream come true at the moment.
>Eventually Dash says her goodbyes and flies off to her house above Pnyville, while you stumble down to the library.
>Making it to the cellar door in the back, you decide not to bother Twilight about your hand until tomorrow morning.
>It was late after all.
>Throwing open the cellar door and making your way into the basement, you walk over to the desk where you placed the book Twi had given you.
>Adventure novel huh?
>You suppose a quick read wouldn’t hurt anybo-
>…
>You could see your painting in the corner of your room.
>The sheet was off the easal, hanging on the chair nearby.
>…
”Come out Tink, I know you’re in here.”
>…
“Twilight. Now.”
>…
>Reluctantly, Twilight Sparkle carefully trots out from behind a few cardboard boxes, hanging her head slightly.
>”…did you hurt your hand? It’s… well it’s bleeding.”
“Twi.”
>She trots up to you, trying to divert the subject.
>”Let me just-“
“Twi!”
>She cringes and gives a weak smile.
“Did you. Look at. My paintings.”
>”…”
“…”
>Twilight loses the fake smile, takes a deep breath, and gives a small, real smile.
>”They’re lovely, Anon. I… I guess I was just curious as to why you needed so much paint. I mean I figured you were painting, that was obvious, but… Anon some of these are breath taking.”
>Carefully, she floats over a painting of a landscape you had done.
>”Like this one. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something this vivid before! The green hills, the water on the shore… Anon this is just beautiful. I don’t remember seeing anything like this in Equestria, though.”
“It’s not from Equestria. It’s on Earth.”
>Her eyes widen.
>”These… these paintings are of Earth? Where? Did you-“
“No. You know what I’m concerned about.”
>She turns her head, looking at the canvas behind her.
>When she looks back at you, she blushes and nods.
“What did you think?”
>”Wha-… what?”
>You walk over to your painting, pick it up, and show it to her.

“What did you think?”
>She looks away from you, but you walk back up to her, kneeling.
>The painting you were hiding all this time was one of her.
>One of Twilight.
>You had wanted to make her it.
>Sort of a way to say “thank you,” for her taking you in.
“Well?”
>Your stern demeanor softens a bit now.
>Maybe it was the booze
>She looks back up at you, that small embarrassed smile on her face still.
>”I… think it’s wonderful, Anon.”
“Really?”
>”Yes. Really.”
“Good. You ruined a fine surprise you did.”
>”Anon… you’re strange.”
“Am I now?”
>You get back to your feet, placing the canvas on your bed.
>”You like to play a mean game. A tough guy act. But you know what? I think you have a soft spot.”
“Isn’t that nice? Now would you mind helpin’ me get all this feckin’ glass out of my hand?”
>You sit down in your chair, and Twilight sighs, walking over to you.
>As magic envelopes your hand and the shards within start to pop out, you look at Twilight.
>Despite everything, she let you stay here in her home.
>She was right. You were a brute and a drunk.
>Yet she let you stay.
>She patched you up.
>Why?
Maybe it was so she could run more of those tests on you.
>Maybe it was so she could suck up to that princess of hers.
>Maybe…
>But still, she let you stay here all the same.
>…
“Thank you.”
>Twilight looks up at you, her ears perked up and her eyebrows raised.
>”Did… did you just thank me?”
>You nod.
“Aye.”
>”I-… you’re welcome, Anon.”
>She smiles warmly at you, before going back to inspecting your hand.
>”I really do love the portrait.”
“I’m glad… so do I.”
>You can see her cheeks redden a tad before she releases your hand of her magic.
>”All done. Hope that helped.”
“It did. Can I ask you something?”
>”Oh uhm… okay. Go ahead.”
“Would you like to come watch beat the piss out of Big Macintosh?”
>”W-what? What?! Why would I-“
“It’s an actual fight, Twi. A real one. With a crowd and everything.”
>She puts a hoof to her face and groans.
>”Why do you always have to do this?”
“So is that a yes? Should I go ahead and reserve a seat for ya?”
>She closes her eyes in thought, then sighs.
>”It’s a maybe.”
>She flinches when you grab her chin and give her a light kiss on the lips, smiling at her.
“Thanks love. Could use the moral support.”
>”I-I-I- yes well that’s- that’s good. Yes.”
>Flustered and a bit confused, Twilight backs away towards the stairs.
>”I… am going to go to bed now. Yeah. Bed.”
“Evenin’.”
>”Yes. Good evening. Right.”
>She stares at you for a bit before eventually teleporting away in a snap, only to reappear one again.
>She trots over to your bed, grabs her portrait, blushes at you, and teleports away once more.
>You give a dry laugh, chuckling to yourself.
>Mares.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 4 - Posted July 21, 2012
-------------------------------------------------------------

>”Anon.”
“Fuck off, I’m sleeping.”
>Twilight knocked on your basement door once more, trying to jiggle the handle with her magic.
>She wouldn’t be getting in this time; you’ve locked the door and hidden the key.
>”Anon open up, I have to talk to you about something.”
“It can wait. Stop shouting so much, you’re hurting our ears.”
>”It’s important and I really need to-… ‘our’ ears?”
>”I wasn’t expecting her to be up this early on a weekend.”
“Neither was I, love.”
>You roll out of bed, slipping your boxers back on as you do, and walk towards the door.
>”I heard a voice in there. Do you-… do you have someone in your room with you?”
“Yup.”
>”Who could you possibly have over here at this time of day?”
“Rarity.”
>There’s a pause at the door as you unlatch it with the key you hid under one of the stairs.
>When you open up, Twilight is staring deadpan and wide eyed at you.
>”There is no way that Rarity is down there.”
>You step to the side and allow Twilight to pass, trotting down the stairs and into your basement.
>She freezes at the bottom of the stairs when she sees what’s laying in your bed.
>”…Rarity?”
>”Good morning Twilight. How are you today?”
>”I’m… good… what are you doing here.”
“She stayed the night.”
>”…oh Rarity you didn’t-“
>Rarity gives a polite laugh, pawing at her usually neat and tidy mane as she tried to straighten some of it out.
>”Afraid so. He’s quite the charmer, Twilight. He’s been blessed with a silver tongue.”
>Twilight groans.
>”I don’t think I need to hear about his tongue, thank you very much.”
>Rarity sways her mane back and hops out of your bed, sauntering over to you.
>”Anon, darling, I had a delightful time last night. Though I think you’re well aware.”
>Twi makes an audible groan, while you pour yourself a glass of whiskey.
>”Any chance we’ll be able to get better acquainted some other time?”
“Probably not, no. The cellar door is unlocked, by the way.”
>She looks at you for a couple of seconds, unsure of what you mean.
>You nod towards the cellar door.
“Off you go.”
>”Oh. Well, alright then. Maybe some other time?”
“Yeah, no.”
>You show her to the door and let her out of the library.
>”Call me?”
“Not happening.”
>Closing the door, you finally take a sip of your drink.
>Twilight clears her throat behind you, grabbing your attention.
“What?”
>”You and Rarity? That… that happened?”
“According to her, aye.”
>”What do you mean, ‘according to her’?”
“I may have been more pissed than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I can’t remember a thing about last night.”
>”But… Rarity?! How?”
”Believe me lass, if I could remember how I bagged a mare of that beauty in a bar like that, I’d have written a book about it. Besides, she’s not my type.”
>You down more of your whiskey, walking back to your bed and sitting on it while rubbing your eyes.
>Twilight sighs and shakes her head in frustration.
>”You’re a pig, you know that?”
“Thanks for the daily dose.”
>”I mean, how can you go around doing that?”
“Here we go.”
>”What?”
“You always do this. You always ask me, ‘Oh Anon! How can you be such a cunt all the time? Stop being such a cunt!’ It’s startin’ to get old, to tell you the truth.”
>”You are unbelievable.”
“I like to think of my un-believability as one of my better qualities.”
>Finishing off your glass, you reach over to your dresser, nabbing your lighter that sits atop it.
>”You-… YOU-… *sigh* Never mind. I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
>Lighting a cigarette, you listen in on whatever the hell it is that’s so important.
>Twilight looks directly at you, and takes a deep breath.
>”Princess Celestia wants to meet you.”
>Taking a drag you nod, still half asleep.
>”Did you hear me?”
“Aye.”
>”What did I say then?”
“Your princess wants to meet me.”
>”And… what, you’re okay with that?”
“Fuck no I’m not okay with that. I simply don’t care enough to dignify it with a proper response.”
>Twilight’s mouth hangs agape, shocked at your words.
>”Princess Celestia actually wants to meet you, and you’re telling me you don’t care?”
“Precisely. Couldn’t give a damn if I even tried.”
>”You are insufferable, do you know that?”
“More or less, yeah.”
>Twilight fumes a bit, pacing back and forth as she does so.
>”Anon, please. I’ve been testing and running experiments on you for months now. I’ve been sending all of the results to the princess for the sake of research and-“
“No, you’ve been sending them to her because you’re a teacher’s pet that cares more about sucking up to her betters than bettering yourself.”
>”I- what?! I am NOT a teacher’s pet!”
“Please, you would jump off the nearest cliff if your pretty pink princess told you she’d give you a gold star for it.”
>”She’s white, not pink, Anon.”
“Call her whatever color you want, doesn’t change the fact that you suck up to her at every chance you get.”
>”That’s besides the point.”
“Really? Let’s say Celestia didn’t care about your tests. Would I even still be here?”
>”Wha-“
“You would have kicked me to the curb long ago if you knew Celestia didn’t even care about the experiments you ran on me.”
>”No I wouldn’t have!”
>You give her a deadpan stare, tilting your head in a way of asking, “Really?”
>”Well I mean… um…”
>Twilight rubs her eyes with her hooves, frustrated.
>You stick your cigarette in your mouth as you get into a change of clothes, mulling over what Twi’s been asking you.
>You decide that, although you have a bit of a grip when it comes to royalty, you owed Twilight for her letting you stay with her, at least.
“Fine, you win. I’ll go meet your princess.”
>Twilight’s ears perk up, her eyes wide at your decision.
>”Wait, really? You’ll go?”
“Aye. When do we leave?”
>”Tomorrow. Oh my goodness, this is fantastic news! Celestia is going to be so pleased that you agreed to meet her, I-“
“I’m not doing this for Celestia, I’m doing this for you. Don’t mix the two up.”
>Twi calms down a bit and smiles at you, nodding.
>”You know, for a brute… you’re kind of nice sometimes.”
“Don’t be telling anyone. I have a reputation as a drunken ass to keep up, and words of kindness will surely diminish it.”
>Twilight lets out a small giggle, looking happier than usual now that you’ve agreed to go to her little meeting with royalty.
“You said it was tomorrow, right?”
>She nods, while lifting the book she let you borrow over to her, opening it and spotting the page you dog eared.
>”You’ve been reading my book?”
“Aye. It’s alright.”
>”There are only three hundred pages in this. You’ve marked page 243.”
“That I have. I have late nights.”
>She smiles inside the pages of the small book, and looks to you.
>”Speaking of nights, tonight is the big night, isn’t it?”
>You put out your cigarette on the wood of your desk, and make sure it’s out.
“The fight?”
>”Are you sure about this? Big Macintosh is… intimidating.”
“He’s a big red asshole is what he is. I can handle him in a straight fight, without his family gangin’ up on me.”
>You take your shirt off, rummaging through your dresser for a fresh one, when Twilight speaks up.
>”I’ve never seen that before.”
>You turn you head and see that Twi is looking at your back.
>”Is that a… tattoo?”
“Yeah. Got it when I was young.”
>”Back when you were in that gang?”
“Aye.”
>You slip a simple grey shirt onto your back, finally set and ready for the day.
>”What is it?”
“It’s a rune. Pretty simple thing, in any case.”
>”Does it mean anything?”
“Force. Trouble. Strife. Male sexual prowess.”
>You give her a smarmy grin on the last definition, to which she groans in annoyance.
“And it means ‘thorn.’ One of my gang mates gave me it when I was near fifteen. She used to call me “little thorn.” Mostly because I was a right pain in the ass, but it gave me more of an identity than I’ve ever really had.”
>As you pass Twilight and walk up the stairs, you can see her locking eyes with you.
>”There’s something about you, Anonymous. It’s… compelling. You’re a chauvinist, sure… but you’re a compelling one.”
>You snort out a quick laugh, turning back to the stairs.
“That might be the first positive compliment you’ve given me, lass.”
>”Where are you going?”
“I have a fight tonight, Tink. I’ve got to go prepare the only way I know how.”
>”By training?”
>You turn back to her and swing you head back, laughing.
“If you call getting drunk at ten in the morning ‘training’ then yes. I’m going to go train until the world is spinning all around me.”
>Twilight quickly trots up the stairs and cuts you off.
>”No.”
“…come again?”
>”You need a clear head if you plan on winning that fight tonight.”
“Are you concerned about my well being? When did this come up?”
>”Anon. It’s still morning. You can’t go down to a bar and drink when the sun only came up a few hours ago.”
“Then why does the bar open in the morning?”
>She stares you down, trying to be an intimidating as possible.
>It was funny to see her actually caring about you like this.
“Fine. I promise I won’t get drunk at the bar today.”
>Her stern expression turns into a smile and she caps a bit for herself.
>”Good! Now- wait where are you going?”
>You walk passed her and open the front door of the library, walking out into the sunlight.
“You told me not to go to the bar. I’m going to Dash’s place and getting liquored up there.”
>”But-“
“Cheers.”
>You close the door before she can scold you and spot Rainbow Dash flying through the air in the distance.
>Right on time as usual, it seemed.
>Dash spots you and you give a wave, reaching for your chest pocket for another cigarette.
>When your fingers meet only a shirt, you realize you left all your smokes back in the house, and you didn’t really want to go in there and deal with Twi’s reprimanding for another second.
>Looks like you weren’t smoking today.
>Dash lands next to you and greets you with a slap to the shoulder.
>”What’s up man? Ready to go to the bar?”
>You look back to the library and sigh.
“Actually Dash, I think I might need to pass you up on that. Twi made me promise not to get drunk there today.”
>Dash looks shocked.
>”But you’re fight’s tonight! How are you going to fight without even drinking a little bit?”
“All it means is that I won’t be stumbling as much as I normally would. C’mon, we can just go find somewhere else to get boozed up.”
>The two of you walk down the streets of Ponyville for a time, walking into various shops and the like while you try to find a suitable spot to sit down and enjoy a drink.
>Your lack of cigarettes was beginning to get to you, but you pushed past it as best you could.
>You eventually make your way over to a small park and sit down on a bench nearby, Dash curling up beside you.
>Pulling out your flask from your coat pocket, you unhinge the cap and throw back a swig, handing it to Dash after you do.
>She takes it gladly and takes a sip.
>”So, how bad are you going to thrash Mac tonight? I can’t wait to see that smug face of his as you wipe the floor with it.”
“Not all too sure. He’s a tough bastard, but I think I can handle it just fine. Have to make sure not to get too fucked up tonight, though. I have a very “important” meeting tomorrow night.”
>”What’s up?”
“You know how Twilight’s been runnin’ tests on me and such?”
>”Yeah.”
“Well she sends all of those results to the princess so she can win some brownie points for discoverin’ a new species. Celestia apparently would like to meet me in person.”
>”You’re getting to meet the princess? Aw, sweet man!”
“Sweet. Sure.”
>”What’s your deal? You don’t like the princess?”
“It’s not the princess I don’t like, it’s her superiority I seem to hate.”
>Dash rolls her eyes and takes another swig of your flask.
“Never was one to obey authority. I have atndency to spit in it’s face.”
>”Yeah I wouldn’t do that the princess, if I was you. She kind of banishes you to the moon for that.”
“See, now THERE’S a princess I’d like to meet. Luna.”
>”Luna? Why Luna?”
>You give a shrug and a smile.
“I like mares with a dark complexion and I always root for the underdog. That, and from what Twi tells me about her, she sounds like a looker.”
>Dash gives a short laugh.
>”If you managed to nab Princess friggin’ Luna, then I’ll eat my own tail.”
“Not saying I could woo the lass, but I could probably have a nice time with her all the same.”
>The two of you sit there for a few hours more, and Dash finally starts to get curious about you once more.
>”C’mon, you have to tell me more about Manehatten. What was it like once you got out of that orphanage?”
“Dash, you know I’m not one to brag about my exploits.”
>”That’s a load of crap and you know it,” she says with a grin on her face.
“Well… I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you a little bit.”
>She pumps her fist in victory, having finally gotten you to open up about your past.
“Let’s see… once I ran away from the orphanage, I lived on the street for maybe a year. I would pickpocket ponies, steal a few bits hear and there, and use that for food mostly. Started getting on the drink at age sixteen.”
>”So you were a little homeless outlaw?”
“For the most part, aye. I got found out by a few young ponies one day. Thought they’d kick my face in for stealing their cash. Instead, they brought me in with them.”
>Dash raises her eyebrows a bit.
>”Whoa… you were in a gang?”
“Yeah. We’d rob people, we even hit a bank one time. Still amazed the cops never found me, considering I’m the only human around, it seems.”
>”Oh, COOL. So, wait, if you were in a gang, did you have a cool nickname? Like ‘snake eyes’ or ‘dagger’?”
>You close your eyes and shake your head.
“No, no, nothing so cliché. I did have one nickname one gang mate gave me. She used to call me-“
>”Little Thorn.”
>You stop, the voice behind you catching you by surprise.
>There’s no way.
>You turn around, thinking it couldn’t be who you thought it was.
>But there she stood, in defiance of your thoughts.
“Fuck me, Gilda? Bloody hell, what are you doing here?”
>She grins wide at you and walks up to the two of you ruffling your hair as she does so.
>”A little birdie told me that there was gonna be a mighty big fight going down here in Ponyville. Said it was a Clydesdale versus a monkey. I couldn’t believe a word of it, so I came down to find out for myself. And here you are, chatting up an old friend of mine.”
“Christ, it’s good to see you, G. You’ve uh… you’ve grown up.”
>She eyes you, giving a small chuckle.
>”So have you, Anon. So have you.”
>Dash chimes in, confused.
>”Okay, time out. You two know each other?”
>Gilda smiles faintly at Dash, faking enthusiasm.
>”Good to see you too Dash. How have you been?”
>Rainbow glares at Gilda.
>”Good. What about you? Still being a jerk to your friends?”
>”Ah I knew coming to this town would be a good idea. So friendly, and all.”
“You two friends?”
>Gilda looks over to you.
>”We had a falling out.”
>”You bet we had a falling out. She was a jerk to Pinkie and Fluttershy and everyone in town.”
“Wouldn’t you say that’s what I do, though?”
>”Yeah but-… you’re different.”
“Uh huh.”
>Gilda perches herself on the bench next to you, ruffling the feathers in her wings.
>”So Thorn, what are you doing in this town? Besides getting into a fighting circuit, I mean.”
“Oh you know, lying low, making friends, bedding mares. The usual.”
>”God you haven’t changed a bit. Well, you’ve gotten taller, but other than that you haven’t changed a bit.”
“Well I don’t rob people anymore, that’s one thing I’ve changed.”
>”Shame. The gang could use a guy like you.
>You give an incredulous look her way.
“The gang? I thought we split up. You know, after that one bank job.”
>”We did. You called it quits after that job, and I don’t blame you. But things have changed. They could use you.”
>You shake your head, smiling.
“No… no Gilda, I can’t. I’m not the same guy I once was. I’ve gotten used to life here, and it isn’t that bad either. Sorry.”
>She raises her claws, shrugging and giving a sigh.
>”No need to apologize, I turned them down myself. Trying to help out with my clan back in the West, don’t need my history following me around like a bad habit.”
>She leaps down and flicks your chin with her tail.
>”Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight at your brawl. Stay safe, “Little Thorn.”
>You stand holding your arms out and give a smile.
>She rolls her eyes, but smiles nonetheless and stands on her hind legs, giving you a hug.
“And you too, G.”
>”Give ‘em hell, Anon. See you later.”
>She unfurls her wings and flies off towards the center of town, leaving you and Dash in the park.
>Dash trots up to you, a quizzical look on her face.
>”So… Gilda? How much history do you have with her?”
“Nothing intimate, I assure you. She’s… well she’s a good, good friend.”
>You find yourself smiling longer than you usually do as you watch the griffon fly off, and turn to Dash.
“You know what? Let’s go to the bar. I’ll just survive on pub snacks until tonight.”
>”Sweet!... wait, I can drink though, right?”
“Right.”
>”Sweet!”
>The two of you walk off, Rainbow flying next to you, as you walk back into town and towards the bar.
>A fight, a meeting with the princess, and an old friend showing up into town.
>This week was going to be an interesting one, to say the least.
>You sit outside the cellar doors of Sweet Apple Acres, a cigarette in your hands burning low in the light of the moon.
>Applejack sat next to you as the two of you waited for Time Turner to arrive.
>As you waited, pony after pony were filing down into the cellar to place their bets and find a good place to sit.
“Any word from your brother at all?”
>Applejack sighs.
>”Nope. He’s been out with his buddies all week, “preparing” for the fight. That usually involves a lot of cider.”
“Cunt can’t even drink real liquor. Remind me how he’s related to you again?”
>Applejack gives a laugh and shakes her head.
>You look down the lane and spot Twilight trotting to you, and you give a quick wave.
>”Anon! There you are, I’ve been looking for- *sniff* You’ve been drinking!”
“Absolutely I have.”
>”But- never mind. How are you feeling? Are you focused? You’re focused, right?”
“What’s with all the concern all of a sudden?”
>”I just don’t want to go see the princess tomorrow evening with you having a face composed of bruises and cuts.”
“I’ll be fine, Tink. Just go and find a seat down in the cellar. Fight’ll be on soon.”
>She looks form you to Applejack, nods, and heads to the basement, trying her best to get passed the large group of ponies.
>AJ gives your shoulder a shove and winks at you.
“What?”
>”She likes you.”
“Shut up, she does not. She thinks I’m the biggest pain in the ass. Granted, I am, but at least I’m content in that knowledge.”
>She shakes her head, smiling.
>”That may be, sugarcube, but that unicorn has a serious soft spot fer ya.”
“Uh huh. Sure.”
>Finishing off your cigarette, you get up and stretch your legs.
“Where’s Turner? He should have been here by now.”
>”Don’t rightly know myself. Don’t worry, he’ll be here soon en- well there ya go, Anon. There he is.”
>You turn to where Applejack motions and see Time Turner galloping down the lane to you.
“Turner! There you are. I thought you may have gotten cold hooves.”
>He smiles sheepishly at you, giving a nervous laugh.
>”Right. Listen, something’s come up with the fight.”
>Applejack hops off her hay bale and walks up to him and you join her, confusion on both your faces.
“What’d wrong?”
>”There’s been a slight… change.”
>”What kinda’ change?”
>”The kind of change that may… have us… lose the fight.”
“Pardon me?”
>Turner groans, bringing a hoof to his face.
>”Big Mac’s not fighting tonight.”
“And this is bad, how?”
>”It’s bad because now you have to fight someone else.”
“I still don’t see the problem.”
>You turn around and head for the cellar making your way to the ring that the Appel family has set up.
>”Anon, they have a new guy. I don’t know where they got him, but dammit he’s a tough one. He’s apparently some sort of world champion.”
“Then I’ll take his title away from him. What’s the harm, Turner? You want me to fight, so here I am.”
>You leap into the ring, and the crowd around you breaks out into a mix of cheers and jeers from all sides.
>You take off your shirt and toss it into the corner of the ring, and begin to tape up your fists.
>”Anon!”
>You raise your head and spot Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Gilda all sitting in one of the front rows.
>Twi sits in the seat between Dash and G, separating them.
>Good girl.
>You nod to them, then stand in your corner.
“So where’s this new fighter of yours? I heard Mac got too scared to fight me like a man!”
>You shout over to the team on the other side, but they all give a huge grin at you.
>What the hell were they smiling about?
>You glance over to the cellar stairs and-
>That… that’s not a pony.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph… they found a fuckin’ minotaur…”
>The lumbering bastard strides into the cellar, his gold septum flashing in the light of the basement.
>Jumping into the ring, he gives a quick pose and stares out into the audience.
>”Iron Will’s the name, kicking ass is my game!”
>The audience goes wild.
“Fuck me, he rhymes…”
>He looks to you, examining you for a second, and gives out a huge laugh.
>”I’m supposed to fight this? This?! Please, this is going to be over in under ten seconds!”
“Bring it on ya fucking heifer. I’ll have you sputtering for your mother by the end of this.”
>He sneers at you, and steam puffs out of his nostrils.
“So, when does the fucking fight star-“

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r810HVzKhtY

>A bell rings, and Iron Will is already on top of you, cracking a fist across your face.
>Well.
>Fuck.
>You roll on the floor, scrambling to your feet, and you brace yourself as Will charges you while smiling like a lunatic.
>You jump to the left, and his head slams into the pole of the corner of the ring.
>Grabbing his shoulder, you throw him back and charge at him, sending a right hook into his nose.
>He barely even flinches, and grabs your fist while sending a left hook into your gut.
>And air in your lungs is now immediately NOT in your lungs.
>This… was going to be a lot harder than you thought.
>You grab his septum and yank down, bringing his head down as you slam an elbow into the back of his skull.
>While he’s dazed you back off, trying your best to catch your breath, sucking on air as your abdomen catches up to you.
>Will looks up to you, rage in his eyes, and he rushes you.
>Oh fuck.
>He lowers his horns, charging you, but you grab them just in time, stopping him.
>Giving you a smirk, he whips his head back and flings you out of the god damn ring.
>”That the best you got, Monkey Boy?!”
>Sprinting up to the ring and sliding under the ropes, you roll and slam a fist into Iron Will’s abdomen.
>It was like punching a brick fucking wall.
>He grabs you by the face and picks you up, slamming your back into the ground a second later.
>Well you hoped he wouldn’t do THAT again.
>He does.
>Flinging you into your corner, he strikes a pose to the audience, raising his arms up in mock victory.
>You stand to your feet.
>Looking back at you, he sneers.
>”If I were you, monkey, I would stay down.”
“Not fucking likely.”
>Puffing more steam from his snout, he lumbers over to you.
>”I said, stay DOWN.”
>You give him a smile, making your soon to be black eye sting in pain.
“You’ll have to put me down, then.”
>He rears a fist back, and propels it right at your face.
>You move your head over, Will missing his punch my less than an inch, and you clench both of your hands together as you bring both of them as hard as you can under his chin.
>He steps back, dazed, and you take that to your advantage by jumping into the air and kicking him square in his chest.
>He flies back, but you land hard on the cellar floor, sending a shock through your back.
>You probably shouldn’t have done that.
>As you try to get up, Will makes it over to you and crouches over you.
“…I lost didn’t I?”
>”Yep.”
>And with that, he slams a fist into your face, the back of your head hits the floor, and you get knocked the fuck out.
>All in all, a pretty good fight.

>When you finally come back to consciousness, you realize that you’re not in the cellar anymore.
>Instead, you’re back at the library with a pack of ice planted onto your forehead.
>Good thing too, your ears were still ringing.
>Seems like your friends must have dragged you back here and put you in... Twi’s bed,
>Nice.
>You pull yourself up, your whole body aching.
>You haven’t been this bruised since your time in the orphanage.
>Twilight makes her way up the stairs to where you are, a worried look on her face.
>”How are you feeling?”
”Like I fell down fifty flights of stairs, then got my ass kicked by a fucking minotaur. So yeah, pretty well.”
>You give a smile as best you can to her, and she shakes her head, smiling.
>”You were good out there. I mean, before you lost, I mean.”
“Thanks. What was your favorite part? When he knocked my lights out?”
>She giggles but shakes her head no.
>”You stood up to him. I liked that part. You knew he had to be better than you, but you stood up to him till the very end.”
>She adjusts the ice pack on your head and gives you a smile.
“How pissed was Time Turner that I lost?”
>”Pissed? He was happy.”
>What?
“Pardon?”
>”Apparently, when he learned you were going to fight Iron Will, he changed all his bets to be AGAINST you rather than ON you.”
“…Son of a bitch…”
>”He left you a heft amount of bits downstairs. Payment for ‘taking one for the team,’ he said.”
“… loveable son of a bitch.”
>You return your head to the pillow beneath you, breathing deep and relaxed.
“Thanks for takin’ me in, Tink.”
>She hops up onto the bed with you, levitating the book you’ve been reading up to her.
>”I thought that… well, with you being all hurt and stuff that… maybe I could read to you?”
>You give a short laugh.
“Sure. Why the fuck not?”
>You give her hair a ruffle, and she smiles as she flips through the pages of your book.
>”Ahem… Chapter 13: Wherein Our Hero Returns From Battle…”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 5 - Posted July 26, 2012
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDSud7vAH_0

>This was a lot earlier than you would prefer waking up, but your body seemed rested enough for the time being.
>Well, rested and beaten to shit, for the most part.
>Your whole torso ached from last night’s fight, and the bruise under your eye screamed at you every time you blinked.
>Not a good morning so far, then.
>You glance around, taking in the library around you.
>You were still in Twilight’s bed.
>And Twilight herself was still here with you, in fact.
>Seems she must have curled up for the night after she read to you.
>Her breathing is gentle and the tips of her bangs sway slightly with each exhale she gives.
>Cute.
>You carefully shift out of the bed, careful not to disturb her as she sleeps.
>You needed a drink to make the ringing in your ears fucking stop.
>As you groggily make your way down to the basement, you think about the day ahead of you.
>Twi was going to be dragging you to Canterlot for a meeting with the princess, and knowing Twilight she was going to be stressing over it the moment she wakes up.
>You didn’t like it, but what the hell were you going to do? Just skip out and not even show up?
>…
>No, you were an ass but you weren’t THAT much of an ass.
>Rubbing the pain in your shoulder as best you could, you finally make it back into your room, and you rummage around in one of your drawers for your nearest bottle of liquor.
>Holding the half empty bottle bourbon in your hands, you find yourself pausing.
>Your other hand rubs your cheeks, the scruff of a budding beard scratching at your fingers, and you stare at the bottle.
>The sun had hardly began to rise, and here you were about to empty this bottle to start your day.
>Normally you would have already opened it up and begun downing it.
>But this morning…
>This morning felt… different.
>Damn, Iron Will must have beat you harder than you thought.
>Telling yourself that you weren’t thirsty to begin with, you walk back upstairs and across the threshold of the library.
>A picture on the wall catches your attention, and you stop in your tracks for a second.
>Huh. She hung up the painting is seems.
>Nice frame, too.
>It’s kind of funny when you think about it.
>You gave her so much shit. Day in and day out, you just fucking harassed her.
>But still she put up with you. She dealt with your arrogance and your brutish behavior.
>Did she actually care about you?
>Or was she just dealing with your flaws in order to keep the royalty in the know?
>Either way, you owed her.
>Maybe it was the ringing in your ears and the aches in your spine, but you guessed you could give her one day of peace.
>After all, she would probably go utterly insane if you caused some sort of fit at Canterlot.
>Then again, the idea of Twilight throwing a fit in front of her beloved princess seemed intriguing.
>…
>Nah. Just go easy on her today.
>From below the balcony you stood under, you could hear Twilight stirring in her bed slightly as she finally began to wake up.
>Walking back upstairs and sitting on the bed, you gently stroke Twilight’s mane.
“Christ you have bad bed head.”
>”Mmhmmrr.”
>Yep, she was still dead tired it seems.
>You give a smirk and softly scratch behind one of her ears.
“We still have a trip to take today, Tink.”
>”Mmmr… just a few more minutes…”
“Funny, you seem to like to wake me up whenever you damn well please.”
>She shifts under the covers, a small smile on her face as she motions for you to move closer to her.
>You up and just lie next to her and she crawls over to you, still half asleep.
>She moves her face close to yours, sniffing you.
>She smiles.
>”You don’t smell like liquor…”
“Yeah well… I’m taking a break today. No drinks.”
>”Mmmh? Why’sat?”
“Well… you’ve got yourself enough to worry about today. I’m just doing this as a favor to you.”
>She rubs her eyes as she sits up in the bed and looks to you.
>”And the smoking?”
“Uh… well…”
>Twilight looks to you with hopeful eyes.
>Giving a defeated sigh and a rub of your eyes, you concede.
“Fine. No smokes. I’m clean for the day.”
>Twi gives a tired grin and nods, leaning her head onto your shoulder.
>”Thank you.”
>You wrap an arm around her and squeeze out a hug.
“Only for you, Tink. No promises when we actually get to Canterlot, though.”
>”But-“
“Twi, if we get there and the princess offers me smokes and booze, I will take her smokes and booze. That is the deal.”
>”Ugh… fine. She’s not going to do that, you know.”
“Never know.”
>She rolls her eyes and you ruffle her mane as you get yourself out of the bed.
>”Where are you headed?”
“I’m meeting your precious princess today, Tink. I need a suit. I’ll be back here soon, I just need to drop by Rarity’s for a bit.”
>You throw a quick wave her way and head out of the house, still in your boxers and tee shirt.
>Honestly you were so sore that you didn’t even care you were walking through town in your underwear.
>Your hand reaches up to where you would normally keep a pack of cigarettes in a shirt pocket, but you have to pull your hand away in frustration.
>Anon, you had no cigarettes on you today.
>You were not smoking today.
>…
>Fuck this was a horrible idea.
>You were going to go mad soon, and it was only morning.
>Do it for Twilight, Anon. Just do it for her, and then tomorrow you can smoke and drink yourself into a liquor and nicotine based coma.
>You finally make it to Carousel Boutique, pushing your way through the front doors as a bell rings to signal your entrance.
>Rarity dashes gracefully from her sewing room and greets you, a smile on her face.
>Then she recognizes you.
>”Oh! Anon! Well this is very pleasant surprise! What can I… do for you, today?”
>She bats her eyes at you, s sultry grin on her face.
“Save it. I’m not here for anything like that.”
>”Why whatever do you mean?”
“Listen lass, I’m just here for a suit. I got my money, you have the know-how.”
>She pouts a bit when you brush her off.
>”Just so you know, I’m not at all upset at our last little “encounter.” We were both very intoxicated that night, and for the most part you were a very charming gentleman, and I was an elegant and sophisticated lady.”
“Elegant and sophisticated?”
>”Indeed.”
“Do elegant and sophisticated mares leave bite marks on necks then?”
>Crossing your arms at her, you see that she glares at you while blushing.
>”What is it you needed again?”
“A suit.”
>”Yes. Well. I can do that.”
>With a wave of her horn, she levitates measuring tape, sewing needles, string, and other various sewing materials.
>She takes your measurements and exits to her sewing room and gets to work, but not after she hovers over a glass of wine your way.
>”It’s a vintage bottle, actually. I’ve had this one bottle of red wine for years now. Care for a drink?”
“Ah… no. No, I’m fine actually.”
>She looks back at you, an incredulous expression painted on her face.
>”You’re serious? You don’t want any?”
“Want? Trust me, I want some. Badly. But I won’t have any today. Thanks anyway.”
>Her mouth hangs open for a second, but she shakes her head to get a grip of herself, and trots away to make your suit.
>You sit down in a nice red chair by the door, tapping your foot on the ground occasionally in impatience.
>Your eyes kept darting over to the glass of red wine Rarity left for you up on the counter.
>You don’t need it.
>You don’t need it.
>You DEFINITELY don’t need it.
>…
>You spring to your feet but smack yourself in the face.
>NO.
>Fucking RESIST it, mate.
>You sit back down in the chair, rubbing your stinging cheek and give a sigh.
>This was going to be much, MUCH harder than you thought.
>Half an hour passes, and you eventually doze off in the chair you were sitting in when Rarity finishes.
>”Anon? It’s all finished!”
>You wake up, rubbing your black eye as you look to the suit that Rarity is floating in front of you.
>It’s a good looking set of clothes, that’s for sure.
>A simple set of black dress pants, a white dress shirt with matching black coat.
>She even made you a green tie.
“I thought you hated green, lass.”
>”I do, but you… well, it seems to suit you.”
>You rise and rifle through your pouch of bits, handing a handful to Rarity before taking the suit in your hands while Rarity levitates it into a bag.
“Thanks love. Take care of yourself.”
>”No drinks and now he’s being polite. Tell me, are you feeling alright?”
“Shut up, bitch.”
>”Ah. That’s more like it.”
>You give a wave and leave the boutique, heading back to the library to see if Twilight was ready to leave yet.

>A gust of wind next to you lets you know a certain cyan pegasus has shown up to see you.
“Rainbow. Morning.”
>”Hey Anon, how are you feeling? You kind of… well, you kind of got your ass handed to you last night.”
“Gee thanks Dash. I would never have remembered that, what with my body constantly reminding me every time I take a fucking step.”
>”Yeah, you don’t look so good.”
>She pokes your ribs and you let out a pained gasp.
>”Oh wow, sorry.”
“The fuck was that?!”
>”I- sorry I just wanted to see if you were hurt there.”
”Dash, I got into a fight with a fucking minotaur. I HURT FUCKIN’ EVERYWHERE.”
>She cringes at your snap and you rub your face.
“Do me a favor: DON’T poke my body right after I got pummeled by a mythical creature. Alright?”
>”You alright? You seem a lot angrier than usual.”
“Did you miss the whole, “got knocked the fuck out by a giant horned cunt” bit?”
>”It seems more that that.”
>Giving a sigh, you turn to her.
“Look, I have to meet the princess today. Twi wants be on my best behavior, and for her I will TRY to meet her expectations. Because of this, I’m not having a smoke or drink the whole day.”
>Dash cocks her head to the side, confused.
>”You’re not drinking or smoking today?”
“No.”
>”You’re… you’re serious?”
“Yes.”
>”And you’re doing that for Twilight’s sake?”
“Yes.”
>She stares at you for a bit, then smiles to herself.
>“Good luck man. My heart goes out to you. I’ll make sure to have a drink in your name.”
“Fuck you.”
>She cackles at your misery.
>”Hahaha, oh gosh this will NOT end well for you. Like I said, good luck.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
>With that she flies off and away from you.
>She was probably right. You were already getting agitated from the change in your daily routine.
>Would you really be able to get through an entire day without liquor or tobacco?
>Hell, you already wanted to hit something and it wasn’t even noon.
>You were a drunken ass who was refusing to drink, and you were about to go meet the ruler of the entire land.
>And you wanted to fight something.
>…
>Fuck.
>Shuffling your way into Twilight’s library, you can already spot her racing around the room while sorting all of her books, frantically tidying up the library.
>She spots you and smiles.
>”Oh, there you are! Was beginning to worry you wondered off down to the bar.”
”I’m a man of my word. What are you doing?”
>”Cleaning up the place. I can’t find Spike anywhere, so I’m guessing he spent the night somewhere else. Oh, is that the suit you’re going to wear?”
>She looks to your bag and you toss it over to her, Twilight catching it with her magic.
>She pulls it our and examines it closely, but seems pleased over all.
>”This will do perfectly!”
“What about you? You going to get all dolled up and fancy for the big meeting?”
>”Oh, it’s not JUST a meeting. It’s basically a gala.”
>She continues to examine your suit, while you look at her with serious, tired eyes.
“Come again?”
>”The meeting. It’s like a big dinner party.”
“Since when was it a fucking dinner party?”
>”Since I got the letter.”
“So you knew this was some sort of big, drawn out affair, and you didn’t tell me?”
>”Does it matter really? We go to Canterlot, we have dinner with Princess Celestia, stay the night, and come back in the morning.”
>You rub your temples while muttering under your breath, your exacerbation reaching new limits.
“Fucking hell, this is just perfect. Now I have to sit down at a table and be cordial with them?.. wait, please tell me it’s JUST dinner with the Princesses.”
>”I think it’s a royal gala for privileged guests.”
“So I have to mingle with rich bastards. Fuck me, Twilight, why didn’t you tell me about all this shit?”
>Twilight looks at you confusedly.
>”What’s the problem?”
“The problem is that you know I don’t like royalty, especially when said royalty is in HIGH fucking numbers and trying to get to know me. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one fucking bit, and now I’m not drinking or smoking to make you happy and that’s giving me the WORST headache and temper I’ve had in a real long time. That, Tink, is the fucking problem.”
>You trudge over to a large chair by the fireplace and slump into it, groaning to yourself.
>Twi trots up next to you, resting her hooves on one of the arms of the chair as she frowns at you, worriedly.
>”I’m sorry, but this dinner is important to me, Anon. You know that. I was just trying to make sure that… you know… that you’d go with me.”
>You raise an eyebrow to her, your puzzler puzzling.
“Tink… did Celestia request to see me?”
>”What? O-of course she did! That’s why we’re going to Canterlot!”
>Something was up.
>”Twilight.”
>She shifts her eyes from side to side, trying to avoid your gaze.
>Mother of god.
>Really?
>She didn’t…
>Oh bloody hell she did.
“There never was a meeting with the princess, was there?”
>”Uh-“
“Celestia just invited you to a banquet, and you didn’t have a date.”
>”UH.”
“Twi.”
>Twilight gives a loud groan and darts away from your chair.
>”Fine! Princess Celestia asked for me to come to a dinner gala, and I had no one to go with. She didn’t give me enough tickets like last time, so I had to choose someone, and I run enough experiments on you as it is so I thought that maybe you could go with me, but I got nervous when I thought about asking you out to a dinner party so I decided to tell a little white lie and let you think it was just some meeting with Celestia on a purely scientific basis, but in actuality I was just too nervous to ask you out because-“
“Stop.”
>You get out of your seat and walk over to Twilight, a nervous expression on her face.
“I don’t know why you had the fucking need to lie to me, but you did. That’s in the past now. Can we just focus on the present and just GO to the gala… dinner… banquet, thing?”
>”You… aren’t mad at me?”
“I don’t fucking CARE, Twi. You need a date for this dinner, so be it. I’ll be your company for the night.”
>She smiles wide at you, but then her expression grows serious.
>”We have to set some ground rules.”
“Fine. Just get this over with so I can get into my suit.”
>”No drinking or smoking.”
“Tink, I’m already not doing that.”
>”It’s a banquet, Anon. There’s going to be champagne and wine.”
“…I’m not allowed to have that?”
>”No.”
“…fuckin’ harpy.”
>She stares at you hard and you roll your eyes.
“Fine. What else?”
>”No fighting or bad mouthing the princesses.”
“Okay, NOW you’re asking for far too much.”
>”Anon.”
“What is someone starts being a cunt? How am I supposed to just sit there and let the cunt keep being…being… a cunt?!”
>”You will sit there and bare through it. Also, no swearing.”
“Oh FUCK you. I will swear all goddamn night, you fuckin’ ridiculous wench.”
>”Now you’re just trying to swear a lot.”
“Fuck you.”
>”Anon, please.”
>Giving yet another annoyed and frustrated groan, you run your hands through your hair and give a swift grunt.
“Fine.”
>Clapping to herself a bit, she smiles brightly at your and looks back to you hopefully.
>“Oh, one more thing.”
>She darts back up to her room, rummaging inside a small closet while various articles of clothing.
>A few minutes pass, and Twilight emerges wearing a bland, yellow dress.
“What’s that?”
>”It’s my dress. For the banquet. I wanted your opinion of it.”
“You’re wearing that for the banquet?”
>”…yes?”
“Huh. Alright then.”
>”Wait, is it bad?”
“No. Not bad at all. It’s… well it certainly IS a dress.”
>Twilight’s ears turn downward, and she furrows her brow in disappointment.
>Well shit.
“It looks nice on you.”
>”R-…really?”
“Aye.”
>She perks up at that.
“So… how are we getting to Canterlot? Are you going to do your nifty little teleportation thing and bam, we’re there?”
>Twi shakes her head from side to side, walking over to some of her books and filing through various pages.
>”Actually, we’re getting picked up by a small chariot in a few hours. Then we take a flight over there and enjoy our evening.”
“But you could still teleport us there… right?”
>”Yes?”
“Then why don’t we just do that?”
>”Because we’re being sent a chariot! It’s just polite to- You seem really agitated.”
“Oh, really? What gave it away? My charming demeanor?”
>She gives a deadpan stare as you walk over to the couch, lying down and covering your face with a book.
>”Are you taking a nap?”
“No. I’m just reading this book, and I want to read so, FUCKING, closely.”
>”…”
“…”
>”…really?”
“No Tink, I’m taking a nap. Wake me when it’s almost time to ship out.”
>Rolling her eyes and giving a small chuckle, Twilight trots over to her desk and pulls out a small piece of parchment.
>As you try to fall back to sleep, Twilight taps you lightly with her hoof.
“What?”
>”Well… remember that one song you sang? When you were painting?”
>You lift the book above your eyes to look at her, and she gives you a hopeful expression.
“…what about it?”
>”Well I was just… you said your mother would sing it to you.”
“That I did. Now I’ll repeat my last question. What about it?”
>She shifts a bit, unsure how to approach this topic.
>”Well… I wrote down the lyrics. I.. kind of memorized them.”
>You take the book off your face completely now, staring directly into her eyes.
>”It’s a beautiful song, Anon… but it’s also a sad song. It’s about death, and fighting, and betrayal.”
>You can see a twinge of sadness in her eyes now, as she dissects your song further.
>”It got me thinking. You don’t like to talk about where you come from. You say that it’s not really any of my business, and maybe you’re right… but I think I may know a little bit more about you than you think.”
>Sitting up on the couch and leaning forward on your knees, you look her dead center with an expressionless face.
“Alright then, what have you got?”
>Twilight swallows back a bit of air, but dons a look of determination before beginning.
>You admired that look.
>”My first thought was why a mother would sing a song of such… anger and beauty to her son. Then I got to thinking about your hatred for authority. How you don’t really care for anyp0ny who’s in charge of things.”
>She was starting to get it.
>God be damned… she was actually fucking getting it.
>”Anon… you never told me how you got to Equestria from Earth. You never talked about it. Did… did it have something to do with all the violence in this song?”
>You say nothing back to her, instead choosing to look back into her violet eyes.
>You hands reach out to her, taking her front hooves in them as you cradle them gently.
“Come all you young rebels, and list while I sing…”
>Nodding to her, Twilight blushes a tad, but you stare at her long enough for her to join you.

>”The love of one’s country is a terrible thing.”
“It banishes fear with the speed of a flame.”
>”And it makes you all part of the Patriot Game.”

“…My mother sang that to me as I died, Twilight.”
>”…what?”
>You find yourself staring at the floor, rather than her eyes now.
“I’m not a religious man. Mom and Dad were, but I was too young to really get it. They would sing me to sleep, and it was always songs about being true to yourself and fighting for what you believed in. Songs about standing up to tyranny and not giving a damn what others think about you.”
>You find yourself smiling now.
>Funny how that worked.
“When I was three, I got sick. I got very, very sick. My family… we were poor. We couldn’t afford a doctor. So my parents did the best they could… and one night, my mother sings me this song. She had never sung it before to me. Just… just that night. And then I just… slipped away. I slipped away like barley in the wind.”
>Raising your head, you lock eyes with Twilight once more.
“I slipped away, and then woke up in a rain covered alleyway in Manehatten. No lights. No choirs. Nothing. Just darkness, and then a city.”
>Twilight looks at you, bewilderment and wonder in her eyes mixed with fear.
“Like I said, I’m not a religious man. I don’t know if this is some sort of fucked up joke from the lord or if I’m living out my final days in some coma induced fever dream. All I know is, I’m here. I’m here and I don’t plan on going anywhere soon.”
>The two of you sit there in silence for a bit, when Twilight speaks up.
>”I think I get it.”
“It?”
>”You. I think I get you now. You are the way you are because that’s who you were always meant to be. You can’t be changed. You won’t be changed. You don’t want to change, because then you would be someone you’re not. That’s why you drink in the morning and smoke as soon as you wake up. That’s why you fight others and put yourself in harm’s way. You’re just… you’re just being…”
“Me.”
>”…yeah.”
>You give her a faint smile, and ruffle her mane.
“Is it bad? Being me?”
>Twilight thinks to herself, and laughs.
>”You can be pretty unbearable sometimes, Anonymous.”
>A hoof lightly touches your cheek and she smiles.
>”But… despite it all… I wouldn’t wish you to change.”
>Both of you are smiling now, and you find yourself holding Twilight’s face in your hands, softly caressing her cheek.
“Thanks Tink.”
>You bring her close and kiss her on the forehead.
“Now then. I think we have a banquet to get ready for.”
>You jump to your feet, grabbing the bag with your suit in it and heading for your room.
>”Anon.”
“Hm?”
>”Remember. No drinking, smoking, swearing or fighting. Promise?”
>A short laugh escapes your chest.
“I promise.”

Three Hours Later

>You were going fucking mad.
>You were going FUCKING mad.
>BLOODY
>FUCKING
>MAD
>This blonde motherfucker has been sitting at your table going on and on and fucking on about how god damn wonderful his life is.
>Twilight’s been keeping you away from the good liquor, Princess Luna’s been giving you bedroom eyes from across the table, Celestia won’t stop asking you about your thumbs, and god dammit this pompous son of a bitch named Blueblood would not shut the fuck up.
>Twilight glances over to you and mouths out a quick “sorry.”
>Seems she could see the pain written all over your face, along with the bruises and cuts from the actual, physical pain.
>Of course if Blueblood kept going on about how wonderful it was to have a butler that personally spoon fed him spaghetti, then you think your body would actually begin to feel real pain from his words alone.
>”Oh, and let me just tell you how dreadful it was last year at the Grande Galloping Gala! There were just these mares that absolutely ruined the evening!”
>Blueblood shudders as he begins to complain about yet another thing in his life he could do without.
>”Oh, Twilight! You were there, were you not?”
>Twilight hides her face in embarrassment, nodding at Blueblood.
>”Yes, yes, just dreadful. Utterly dreadful! Ugh, the common fold can be quite the nuisance.”
>Oh god you wanted to punch this fucker.
>Just a quick right hook, that’s all you asked for.
>But… you promised Twilight.
>”Oh, Twilight? I don’t mean to be rude, but in the future you might want to dress in something not so… well, ugly.”
>The entire table is staring at Blueblood as he continues to laugh his stupid laugh and eat his food.
>You look to Twi, your eyes pleading.
>She grimaces.
>Then nods.
>The grin on your face could silence angels with its happiness.
>You snatch a bottle of wine, popping it open and downing it at you rise form your seat and walk over to Blueblood.
>You tap his shoulder.
>”Yes?”
>You raise the bottle.
“Cheers.”
>And crack it across his face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcLpNP8jwRo