Her

Coming from a place that has absolutely no need for friends or love, you would naturally think that it would be a really small chance to find someone that could unlock it all, and sweep it away with one single strike? Yes, this is exactly the case. Good comes in many shapes and forms, many different mentalities and in all kinds of organisms. You can find incredible kindness and care in a dog, who’ll lie down with you when you’re crying or a cat who’ll sit next you when you’re in sorrow. People find good in all kind of things, but we ultimately want to find the one person, human being who’s the right for us. Pets can be good and nice, but they can’t express like us, they can’t speak like us and they can’t function like us. It isn’t the same to fall in love with a dog, than it is to find love in a person.
Growing up with that kind of past has taught me that I need to be on my guard when dealing with people, I can’t just enter a harmonic state and feel at place whenever I see a chance or hint of good. This instinct or conditional reflex has been good, because I’ve been able to distance myself from people I see as fakes. Dating, or trying out romance as a young person is not really a complicated thing. You don’t have to worry about income, future, worth, status, etc. All you have to worry about is, will he make me happy? That’s usually good enough for a young teenager.
Through my years, I’ve tried dating a few times and it hasn’t really been successful. Why? Well, there’s just no way I can associate or find myself in people who don’t even have the slightest clue what hardship is. Does this mean all girls who have faced hardship is good for me? Absolutely not, that’s far from the point. I just can’t be with simple minded people who think everything in the world is a happy place. Now let’s say I find someone who’s a logical thinker, philosophical and has the ability/experience to think the right options. How do I find myself or associate properly with her?
I actually don’t know, it’s just a feeling you have when you meet her. She’s special, she makes your blood boil, you’re intrigued, you’re happy, you’re scared and you feel like your world would be less purposeful if she left. We as the human kind have one simple quest to fulfill; which is that is to find the right partner. Sounds easy? Well, good luck pal.  I started dating when I was young, tried out my first date and it was awful, plain awful. She didn’t really do anything wrong, she was normal and did the right things, but she could never put a question mark in my head. Second time I dated…Well, let’s just say I’ll never date crazy again.
It took me a good 19 years to finally understand what I needed, but it wasn’t a conclusion I came to. It wasn’t something I found out by myself, she just came in from nowhere and it was too sudden. I’m talking about the absolute perfect you wish to be with, the very thing that make you want to achieve, not for your sake but for her. You want to be everything she is and you want to give her the whole world, because she just deserves that much. She makes me smile from the moment I wake up, to the moment I lie my head on the pillow and say good night. There’s not a single moment of my day where she doesn’t pop in, I’m always thinking of her, always thinking how she’s doing and how I can make her happy.
How did this happen? How does single person eradicate all my pain and suffering, all the prejudice I have and opinions I’ve made through out my hard years? How does someone simply just take it all away just by talking to you? I have no idea. We didn’t meet through conventional means, she just came out of nowhere, random, there was no plan, I just happened to be bored one day and I went on a website to help out others in need, and there she was, in need of help. Funny, because she didn’t really need help, she just found men annoying because they kept sending her pictures of their genital when she was just flirting with them. The conversation was definitely interesting, humoristic and a bit silly. We spoke for a good 5 hours and every second felt like a complete joy. I couldn’t let go of such a person, so I gave her my contact information and to my surprise she accepted. Later on that night we spoke for 4 hours more and it ended up becoming a total of 9 hours. Imagine that, 9 years in a day! Well, perhaps we were just in the mood to be a bit talk active, something you just are from time to time, but, no, it wasn’t like that. The following day came and we spoke for another 9 hours, then the next and next and next. This continued on for a good month. Who is this person? Why do I find her so interesting, why does her words fill me with so much joy and excitement?  I can’t tell you, I still have no idea. Our conversations were a bit silly, we would talk about practically anything that fell into our minds. One day the topic would be about her friends dating issues, and the next day it would be some deep philosophical thinking about us.
I felt really attracted to this person, she had this universal pull that would just drag you in and make you want more. She had a beautiful mind, sunshine for a heart and a divine appearance that would make you just fall for her over and over again. There’s not a single moment of my day where I don’t press my home button on the phone, just to take a look at her. Her astonishing beauty fuels my day with energy, that gives me the time and resources to study even more. She powers my day with her incredible care and mind. Her perception of the world is of the same background as me, the world is definitely not the bubbly and good place where everyone has a place in. She knows, she knows that pretty well.
When I converse with her, it’s like I can just sit for hours and speak. My mind is never empty and I always find something to share with her. I feel grief when I miss out a chance to be with her, I feel sorrow when I can’t be with her and I feel sadness when I am angry at her. I’ve come to realize that I am creating an existence where she is the main hero that will sweep me away and save the day, she’s my wonder woman and I would never give her up for anything. Give I all to me, give me the chance to eradicate my past and make it to my liking, no. I don’t want anything to do with that, because if I changed anything, just anything in my past. I wouldn’t be here today, writing about this beautiful lady that deserves the whole world.
One day, just one day I’ll be able to give her everything she deserves, needs and wants. I’ll make her the happiest girl on the planet, because that is exactly what she does to me. She makes me the happiest guy on the planet, she just has that power. We sometimes argue, we sometimes disagree and we sometimes have opinions. But I’ve never found a moment where I would prefer to be right, over than making her sad. I will swallow my pride and dignity just to feel her smile.
When we talk, I enter a harmonic and euphoric state. Her voices makes me smile, feel joy and gives me butterflies all at the same time. When I hear her laugh, my world stops and I am at ease. When I feel her happiness, my world stops and I am at peace. She swifts my mood, she makes me want to be the person I deserve to be. Truthfully, the epitome of perfection.